Hi Mom

Every time I call my mom she answers the telephone as if she doesn’t know it’s me calling.  I know she knows it’s me because she has caller ID. And now, she knows that I know that she knows it’s me calling. Are you still following me?

Even that doesn’t stop her from pretending that she doesn’t know who I am when I call. She does this with everyone.

When she picks up the telephone she’ll answers in a very pleasant voice and introduce herself. “Hi, this is Rose.”

Then, as soon as I identify myself by saying, “Hi mom, it’s your favorite son.” She’ll light up and kick her enthusiasm up a full notch or two.

“Hi honey, how are you?”

It makes me feel good to know that my mom enjoys hearing from me. She makes me feel special.

And mom if you’re reading this, it would make me feel even more special if you said, “Hi Bob, how are you?” Just so I know that you know I’m your favorite

What I find really interesting, is that when I visit my mom I notice that she does this with everyone who calls, even my sister Just kidding sis.

This Was A Big Mistake

Throughout my life as a customer service speaker, trainer and coach, I’ve taught people to answer the telephone with a big smile on their face. Looking back, I wish I had not done that, and here’s why.

If you always answer the telephone with a great big smile on your face and a song in your heart, that might leave a favorable first impression, but it’s not going to win friends.

The way to make each and every caller feel better about themselves, and better about you, is to perk-up and sound excited as soon as you identify who’s calling, not before.  And just for good measure, do it with everyone who calls. Bankers are people too! Aren’t they?

Thanks for the lesson on likeability mom. It’s served me well.

I love you,

Your favorite son, Bob

The Likeability Guy | Bob Sommers

"Everyone makes mistakes, but it's how you handle yourself after you've make the mistake that will give you the reputation for being a mouse or a  man."

The Likeability Guy | Bob Sommers

It Was A Busy Time

Years ago I was responsible for running the largest customer service training company in the country, Sommers Communication, Inc.  We were presenting thousands of workshops every year throughout the country and in order to keep up with demand, I had to quickly interview, hire and train dozens of professional speakers.

Our workshops were extremely successful, thanks to the quality of our speakers and our evaluation process. After each program, the audience filled out an evaluation, and the speaker was responsible for sending the evaluations back to our office in Atlanta using overnight mail.

4.92

With over two dozens professional speakers on staff, and 2,000 seminars evaluated, their scores averaged 4.92 on a scale of 1-5. If you know anything about the public speaking business, you know that these numbers are phenomenal.

We also paid each speaker a substantial bonus for every program where they received an evaluation score of 4.8 or better. This is where the trouble began.

After each program I made it a point to talk to the person responsible for hiring us to speak to their staff. Almost without exception they would go on and on about how funny and inspirational the speaker was, and how impressed they were with the quality of the material presented. The problem was it happened, “almost without exception.” Let me explain.

There’s Always One Exception

With one exception, the verbal feedback I received correlated perfectly with the audience evaluations. One of our speakers however, was sending us bonus worthy evaluations, but the meeting planners didn’t seem as praiseworthy when I spoke to them in person. There seemed to be a problem. Why didn’t this speaker’s evaluations match the feedback from the meeting planner? I had to find out.

Well, we caught him red handed doctoring the evaluations. When I confronted him with the illegal and immoral aspects of what he had done, (remember, we paid him thousands of dollars in bonuses he did not earn) he became defensive. So here’s what I did.

Now What?

I terminated the conversation and asked him to write a letter of apology to our staff in Atlanta. These were the people he had tricked into believing that he was an exceptional speaker, worthy of their strong recommendations. He made fools of us all.

I told him that if his apology was honest and sincere, that we would give him another chance and not demand he repay the bonus money or turn him over to the ethics committee at the National Speakers Association where he was a member.

I also told him and that everyone in our office had to agree that his apology was sincere before we took him back. If even one person had a problem with his letter of apology, I would terminate our agreement immediately. Here’s what happened.

Three Days Later

Three days later we received a letter from him. In it, he promised that he would never tamper with another evaluation, but his apology was neither honest nor sincere. He never apologized for what he had done nor did he acknowledge the harm he had caused our staff and our customers. The office unanimously rejected his apology and he was terminated on the spot.

I did not ask for the stolen money back and I did not share what happened with the ethics committee at the National Speakers Association. In retrospect, I probably should have done both, but I didn’t.

Here was a man who had an entire office of people who he lied to, tricked and stole from, all willing to give him a second chance, and he blew it. All he had to do was offer a sincere apology, but he refused to do so. His letter was composed of nothing more than excuses for why he had to do what he did, and it cost him his job and his reputation. What could he have done differently?

Five Step Apology Process

1. I’m sorry
2. Here’s my understanding of how I hurt you
3. I will never do this again
4. I want to make this right by …
5. Please forgive me

The Most Important Thing

The most important thing I want you to notice in the five step apology process is that there is no place to offer an excuse or provide an explanation! The moment you make an excuse (of course no one calls it that) or give your "reason" why you did what you did or said what you said, you make your entire apology null and void.

The key to an effective apology is really quite simple.

"Apologize unto others as you would have them apologize unto you."

Don’t you think the use of the word “unto” makes this look much more official?

BONUS Lesson

So, does apologizing make people like you more? The answer is “yes,” as long as you provide a sincere and honest apology. What you have to understand is that people are going to like you more or less based on how you make them feel. That's not to say that you should go out of your way to intentionally hurt someone so you can aplogize later. That would be stupid, with a capital STUPID.

If you make excuses or try to justify why you did what you did, you’re projecting the message that whatever your reason, it was more important than the person you hurt. In doing so, they’re going to like you less and trust you less. Why? Because they know that under the same circumstance you would do the same thing.

If you apologize using the five step process listed above, you’re letting the person you hurt know that you made a mistake.  They can walk away knowing that under the same circumstances you would respond very differently and put their feelings first.

Conclusion

The next time you hurt someone, apologize. Apologize with sincerity, apologize immediately and apologize from your heart. Make things right and let them know that you were wrong and you will never do it again, and mean it. You will be shocked at the results.

If you have a personal story to share about either giving an apology or accepting one, please share it with the Active Rain Community in the comment section below.

The Likeability Guy | Bob Sommers

I tend to follow marketing people on Facebook as well as ActiveRain, and for the most part they do a great job promoting themselves as experts in their field. Every once in a while however, someone uploads a post that does more harm to their reputation than good. Let me give you an example.

Talk Trash

Recently, one of the marketing people I follow uploaded a post trashing a competitor. She didn’t name the competitor, but she made a big deal as to how unqualified this individual was with respect to teaching a certain subject. It was clear that her intent was to promote her credibility as the expert while trashing the expertise of her competition. Bad idea. In doing so, she lowered herself in the eyes of many of her followers.

This Was My Intent … Really

I’m certain that if you asked her what her intent was with the post, she would tell you that she wanted to warn people not to fall pray to unqualified service providers. Problem was, that’s not how the post came across to me or to most of her readers. It read as though she had an axe to grind with this individual and this was her way of trashing them while promoting herself as the guru.

Now, if you were to read the comments her followers made concerning her post, you would think that she is a goddess who can do no wrong. Unfortunately, the only people who commented on her post where her acolytes who gave here a false sense that what she did was OK. It wasn’t, and here’s why.

Reason 1:

When you’re the recognized expert in your field, people hold you to a higher standard. They don’t expect you to verbally hammer the little guy, even if you don’t call them by name. They will see you as a bully with a big stick. It’s the equivalent of the President of the United States getting on national television and telling the American people that the union or the management of a specific company is evil and greedy. Name calling at that level is just not done.

And they believe that if you’re capable of bullying someone else, you’re certainly capable of bullying them. There’s a reason people cheer for the underdog when the person in power is abusing it.

Reason 2:

When you talk about or write about how bad someone is, you’re associating yourself with that story. I, for example, will always associate this marketing person with this specific Facebook post. If her intent was to tear apart her competitor and built her reputation at the same time, she could have asked one of her acolytes to post the message for her. Had she done that, she would have successfully stabbed her competition in the back while looking totally innocent. P.S. I don’t suggest you do this.

Reason 3:

No one likes a complainer. Complaining about someone else is a sign of weakness and vulnerability. It is not what you expect from someone who is at the top of their game. It does not instill confidence in your capabilities. People will always wonder why you are more concerned about your competition than you are with your own capabilities.

What’s The Solution?

If my marketing friend was really concerned about her customers getting screwed, she could have conveyed that message while building her reputation as a likable problem solver at the same time. Rather than slam her competitor, she could have posted a warning in the form of a tip. For example.

To my Active Rain friends.

Here are a few tips to help insure that you’re getting the very best value for your money when you hire someone to (fill in the blank.)

1. Check their credentials
2. Check their references
3. Check their reputation
4. Check bla bla bla

In doing these four things, you will not only protect yourself against fraud, but you will find a service provider that you can trust. If a service provider is reluctant to provide this information, run!

Conclusion

Now, that’s a much better way to provide a warning without complaining and without bullying the underdog. Just as importantly, you shouldn’t be talking trash about your competition even if you are the new guy on the block. It doesn’t wear well on anyone.

We like people who we associate with good feelings and we don’t like people who we associate with bad feelings. Make sure that every conversation you have and every post you upload to the Internet encourages people to associate you with good feelings. It will not only improve your likeability, but it will build your reputation as the expert in your field.

If you would like to read more about how to be immediatley more likeable, please join the Likeability Guy at http://www.BobSommers.com

News Flash!

If you've ever asked someone if they've been avoiding you, they have!" Most people won't tell you that of course because they're trying to be polite. They'll tell you that they've been busy or that they didn't receive your message or some other white lie, but they won't tell you the truth. And the truth is, "Yes," they have been avoiding you and here's why.

Avoidance Mode

We go into avoidance mode when we anticipate an unpleasant experience. We put off seeing the dentist in anticipation of physical pain. We avoid firing an unproductive employee because we don't want to deal with the emotional issues and guilt. We ignore telephone calls from certain people because we don't enjoy talking to them. We're a community of people who would rather avoid and lie when we get caught, than have to deal with an unpleasant experience. We like people who make us feel good about ourselves and we don't like people who make us feel bad. When you ask someone if they've been avoiding you, they're going to lie. It's easier for them to make a lame excuse and spare your feelings, than it is for them to confront you with the truth. Unfortunately, in doing so, they will feel bad about themselves for lying, and like you less in the process.

Help Me Feel Good About Myself

If you want people to like you, you must help them feel good about themselves and you can't do that by putting them in a no-win position of either having to lie to you or hurt your feelings. Here's the solution. Start with the understanding that the person you've been trying to contact has not gotten back to you for one of three reasons.

1. They never received the message that you were trying to contact them.
2. They're too busy to get back to you.
3. They don't want to talk to you.

The most important thing to understand, no matter what the reason, is that no one is going to call you back if they're anticipating a negative experience. Why do you think people avoid talking to creditors, stalkers and relatives who are always asking for favors?

They Aren't Returning My Calls

If you've tried to contact someone two or more times without hearing back from them, here's what I suggest you to do.

1. Try to contact them using another medium. If for example you've left two telephone messages, try sending them an email or a letter through the mail. There is a chance that they don't know you're trying to get a hold of them.
2. If you write an email or leave a message on the telephone, let them know what you want to talk about and ask them to get back to you by a certain time. If they don't respond, they've either been kidnapped by Somalian pirates or they're avoiding you.
3. If you get the feeling that someone is avoiding you, here are your choices.

• • Make it easy for them to get back to you. Don't force a one-on-one conversation. Write a letter, send an email or ask someone else to convey your message for you.
  • Give them a pleasant reason for getting back to you. I'm much more likely to contact a creditor if he or she tells me that they can help me keep my car rather than telling me they're going to send the repo man if they don't hear from me by Friday.
  • Ask yourself this question. If roles were reversed, what would I want the person who is trying to contact me to do? Then do it. If you're truthful, you may not like the answer, but you'll have a much better understanding of how you're making the other person feel.
  • And finally, drop it and move on with your life. If you continue to try to make contact with someone who doesn't want to talk to you, they'll see you as a stalker. Get over the fact that not everyone is going to like you or want to talk to you. Like Yogi Berra said, "If the fans don't come out to the ball park, you can't stop them.

Final Thoughts

• If you've ever asked someone if they're avoiding you, they are.
• Don't put anyone in the position of having to lie to you in order to spare your feelings.
• Make people look forward to talking to you.
• Not everyone is going to like you or want to talk to you and that's OK.
• You don't have to know why someone is avoiding you to live a happy, productive life.

If you would like to learn more about how the role likeability plays in your life and in your sales, join me, Bob Sommers, the Likeability Guy at www.BobSommers.com

I fully intended to sit down this morning and write an article on likeability when my day was interrupted by the mailman. Up until that time, everything was perfect. The article was titled and mind mapped (which is a right brained way to do an outline) and anxiously awaiting to be organized into an entertaining piece of classical literature. But as I mentioned above, the mailman interrupted my day.

Among the bills, marketing postcards and fan mail was a note addressed to me from Darbee Fisher. Darbee is a real estate agent for Keller Williams here on Maui. I met her for the first time ten days ago when my son Josh and I went to their office to teach the agents how to generate leads using advanced blogging techniques. Knowing that Josh was a full time Internet marketer and computer repair technician, Darbee hired him to repair her computer.

Here’s the note I received which was addressed to Bob and Susan Sommers

April 9, 2009

Dear Bob and Susan,

I just spent a good part of the day with Joshua, and what proud parents you deserve to be! Not only is he smart and good looking, but he is also one of the most respectful people I have ever met and he has absolutely the best manners of anyone I have ever met! It was pure joy to work with Josh and you can bet that he will be the first person I call when I need help and I will recommend him as often as I can!

With Aloha,

Darbee & Dr. Bob

I don’t know how long it took Darbee to hand write this note, but I do know that Susan and I and Josh will remember it and cherish it for a long, long time to come.

To read the entire post, please go to the Likeability Guy

The Internet Marketing Association of Hawaii officially launched on Sunday, February 1, 2009. The association is made up of local business owners and their marketing staff, Internet marketing experts, web designers, students, entrepreneurs and others interested in learning how to market their products and services from Hawaii on the Internet.

The purpose of the IMA of Hawaii is to give local business owners on each island the resources they need to acquire customers over the Internet. Some people join to learn how to use local search to generate foot traffic to their retail store, while others learn how to target a worldwide market. Some of our members are do-it-yourselfers, while others joined to access local resources who can help them implement their Internet marketing plan.

Membership is free and offers something for everyone.

    * Weekly Internet Marketing tips, tricks and techniques.
    * Local Hawaii and worldwide search techniques.
    * Access to local technicians and professional Internet marketers
    * Access to local web developers and designers
    * How-to Internet Marketing videos, podcasts and articles
    * Seminars, workshops, webinars and more.

If you have a real estate business in Hawaii, you'll want to join the Internet Marketing Association of Hawaii.

A special shout out and thank you goes to Sydney Smith and Cynthia Conrad at Coloriginals who designed the Internet Marketing Association of Hawaii header.

The Likeability Guy | Bob Sommers

Over the course of the past few years I've spent a lot of time talking to and working with real estate agents here on Maui ... or is it in Maui? Well, if you're a local you would say, "on Maui" if you're from the mainland you would say, "in Maui" So what's the big deal?

The big deal is this, if you're trying to attract home buyers from the mainland and you're building web pages and blog posts using the term, on Maui, your customers are going to have a very hard time finding you in the search engines. If you use the term, in Maui, you're going to sound like an outsider to your local real estate friends, but you're going to attract all the mainland visitors to your website.

It pays to pay attention to the words and phrases your customers and potential customers are using to find you. This is not the time or a place to correct them. Drop your local pride and attract the 99% of the home buyers from out of town or off island who don't know the local protocol.

There are some wonderful keyword tools available to do this research. You can find my list of favorite keyword tools on Recognized Expert

The Likeability Guy | Bob Sommers

If you've ever wondered how the top real estate websites get to the top of the search engines and generate thousands of visitors every month, wonder no more.  The Likeability Guy | Bob Sommers

Recognized Expert just created a step-by-step video program that shows you how to do just that through article marketing ... and it's free.

If you do nothing else, watch the first video. You'll be hooked.

Article Marketing Video Guide

Over the past year I've been producting a workshop on the Top 10 Ways To Get Customers To Your Website. One of the newest and most effective way to do that is through Video Marketing. It will throw your website and blog to the top of the Search Engines Results Pages.  Better yet, it has the ability to promote you and your service unlike any other tool.

A mortgage lender friend of mine just sent me a video produced by an Active Rain member. It's one of the best marketing videos I've seen to date. If you want to see how video marketing is done correctly, check it out at Recognized Expert

My son Josh and I just completed a set of 110 Google Blogger Videos demonstrating how to use every tool available in Blogger's arsenal. It is the most comprehensive Blogger video program created to date. But why Blogger and not Wordpress?

Blogger is quite simply the easiest blogging platform on the planet. You can have your own blog up on the Internet in less than four minutes without the help of a technician. It's that easy.

Blogger is spam free. I have over 20 blogs with Google ranging from Likability Marketing to Farming a Community with Blogger. To date I've not received a single piece of spam. Not one.

Blogger is completely free. There are no monthly fees and no set-up fees. Sure there is a "free" version of Wordpress but you pay for "free" by allowing Wordpress.com to place Google Adsense ads on your site. That's not necessarily a bad idea except for the fact that you don't earn the revenue. It goes to Wordpress.com. With Blogger you have a choice. If you want ads on your site you can certainly add them and earn the revenue.

Blogger has some really cool templates. And if you don't like the templates offered by Google you can get some additional cool free templates from sites like FinalSense. I must admit, there are some great templates for Wordpress as well, but not on their free site.

Blogger has a very good help community. If you want even more help you can go to our new Blogger forum and get your Blogger questions answered even quicker. There are very qualified people ready and willing to help at Google and TakeOnTheNet.

Blogger vs. Wordpress
I like them both. We started with Blogger for the above reasons. In the near future we will put together a series of videos on Wordpress and I will write an article entitled, "Why Wordpress and Not Blogger?" Both blog platforms are great. You can't go wrong with either of them.

One of the great features of Wordpress is how easy they make if for you to convert your Blogger blog to a Wordpress blog. It takes about six-seconds. I use Wordpress to back-up the content on my Blogger blog. If you know how to create a blog on Blogger, working with Wordpress is a snap. Thank you Wordpress. 

Learn to blog

TakeOnTheNet.com