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humor: Lock up your trash - 09/04/08 05:13 AM
I read this and found it entertaining, so I wanted to pass it along.
IN OUR small town in northwestern Ontario we decided, with the advent of recycling trash, that there would have to be tighter controls over the sorting of garbage. Therefore, a permanent employee was hired by the township to ensure that this happened. However, a number of people were upset because the dump was now locked after hours. "Isn't it ironic," the reeve reflected, "in our little town, people don't lock their cars, they don't lock their homes, and yet we lock our garbage dump!"
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humor: Raise your commision - humor - 09/03/08 10:31 AM
I read this joke and had to pass it on:
"I have to have a raise in my commission," the agent said to his manager. "There are three other companies after me.""Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?""The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company."
Maybe it is time to find another career, like so many agents are today.
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humor: Real Estate Humor, More One Liners... - 08/29/08 11:15 AM
A Happy Home is a place where each spouse entertains the possibility that the other may be right though neither believes it.By the time you pay for a home in the suburbs, it isn't.A Modern home is a place where a switch controls everything but the kids, and it has gadgets to do everything except make the payments.The house has a wall to wall carpet and back to wall payment.A typical home has a TV set that is adjusted better than the kids.House problem: The oven is self-cleaning, but the kids aren't.Our new house has one down payment and 240 darn … (6 comments)
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humor: Real Estate One Liners - Humorous - 08/27/08 04:51 AM
I read a few of these and found them entertaining:
The sellers told me their house was near the water. It was in the basement. The dream of the older generation was to pay off a mortgage. The dream of today's young families is to get one. There is no longer a need for the neutron bomb. We already have something that destroys people and leaves buildings intact. It's called a mortgage. If you think no one cares you're alive, miss a couple of house payments. My buyers went through debt consolidation. Now they have only one bill they won't pay. … (11 comments)
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humor: Big Shot Consequences - Humor - 08/25/08 11:22 AM
I wanted to pass this one along:
A young broker had just started his own real estate office. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the broker picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?" The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."
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humor: Afternoon Humor - Experienced Agent - 08/18/08 12:18 PM
A real-estate agent, had difficulty getting a listing from a customer whose theory was that "there is no substitute for experience." After he asked her a third time how many years she had been in the business, she told him: "Sir, there is a little-known historical fact that Moses brought three tablets down from the mountain-two were the Ten Commandments and the other was my real-estate license!" She got the listing.
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humor: Real Estate Monsters...Afternoon Humor - 08/15/08 02:52 PM
A FEW years ago we were desperately trying to sell our house, which was situated on a busy thorough fare. Our Real Estate agent decided to have open-house inspection nearly every day to promote the sale. We instructed the children not to talk to anyone about the house. One evening a man took our seven-year-old daughter aside and asked if our house had any secrets he should know. Her first reaction was to smile and ignore his question. But he became more persistent and, finally, she confessed there was one secret but she could not tell it to him. "Now we're … (4 comments)
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humor: The Truth can be Humorous! - 08/15/08 11:36 AM
WHEN we put our house up for sale, I stressed emphatically that my sons make their beds each morning. I left for work before they left for school, and I wanted to be sure that the house looked presentable when the agent showed it to prospective buyers. I was surprised and impressed that my 15-year-old son's bed was made perfectly each day. One night when I went into his room, I discovered his secret he was fast asleep on the floor in his sleeping bag.
This joke has truth to it, but I think most teenage boys would just sleep on … (2 comments)
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humor: Well Behaved Children .... Humorous - 08/12/08 12:25 PM
Thought this was humorous...so I decided to pass it along.
As PROPERTY manager of single-family residences, I was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions: "Professionally employed?" "We're a military family," the wife answered. "Children?" "Yes, nine and twelve," she told me proudly. "Animals?" "Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved."
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humor: Kiss Me...Humorous - 08/11/08 11:37 AM
Two women were walking through the woods when a frog called out to them and said: "Help me, ladies! I am a real estate broker who, through a curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I'll be returned to my former state!"One woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The other woman said, "Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into a real estate broker!"The second woman replied, "Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than a real estate broker!"
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humor: More Afternoon Real Estate Humor - 08/06/08 11:31 AM
The Devil tells a Real Estate Agent, "Look, I can make you richer, more famous, and more successful than any Real Estate Agentalive. In fact, I can make you the greatest agent that ever lived.""Well," says the Real Estate Agent, "what do I have to do in return?"The Devil smiles, "Well, of course you have to give me your soul," he says, "but you also have to give me the souls of your children, the souls of your children's children and, as a matter of fact, you have to give me the souls of all your descendants throughout eternity.""Wait a minute," … (3 comments)
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humor: Main Entrance...Humor - 08/06/08 04:44 AM
A broker was dismayed when a brand new real estate office much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST AGENTS.' He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'LOWEST COMMISSIONS.' The broker panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own real estate office. It read: 'MAIN ENTRANCE'
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humor: How is your business? - 08/05/08 03:24 PM
IN A crowded elevator, one man asked another, "How's business?" "Last year we sold 500,000 houses, 700,000 farms and 750,000 schools," came the reply. "This year we ought to do equally well and, in addition, sell 1,200,000 garages." As the elevator descended, there was heavy silence for a moment. Then someone spoke up indignantly. "Sir," he said, "I'm in real estate, and those figures are preposterous!" He didn't know that the man boasting about his business was the marketing director of a major toy company.
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humor: How is your business? - 08/05/08 03:22 PM
IN A crowded elevator, one man asked another, "How's business?" "Last year we sold 500,000 houses, 700,000 farms and 750,000 schools," came the reply. "This year we ought to do equally well and, in addition, sell 1,200,000 garages." As the elevator descended, there was heavy silence for a moment. Then someone spoke up indignantly. "Sir," he said, "I'm in real estate, and those figures are preposterous!" He didn't know that the man boasting about his business was the marketing director of a major toy company.
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Carol Swain, Realtor -www.swainsells.com- Bucks County, Pa
Langhorne,
PA
More about me…
Keller Williams Real Estate
Office Phone: (215) 757-7257
Cell Phone: (215) 431-8705
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