Just spent a bit of time reading a personal development book. It's called "One Door, Two Locks: The 7 Keys to Unlocking the Door to Success in All Areas of Your Life" by Dr. Jim Muncy. (It was a recent Recommended Book from Network21, and is a derivative work based on: A Few Keys To All Success.)
What I was reading was from the chapter titled, "Discernment: Judge the Seed by the Harvest". In that chapter he says, "Everything we have in life comes from what we do, and everything we do comes from how we think. Thus, the seeds of our life are our thoughts."
He goes on to tell the stories of a couple of women: Ms. Crabb and Gertrude.
Ms Crab is the name he gave to a coworker of one of his students. She "holds a master's degree and yet the best job she could get was one that anyone off the street could do. She felt overqualified, and underpaid. As a result, she had a real big chip on her shoulder."
One day, she "let loose" on Dr. Muncy's student, saying,
"They really have you fooled. You come in here and rush around all day long. For what? The measly wages these cheap people pay you? I don't understand why you think you have to solve the problems of every whining customer that comes in that door. I don't understand why you think you have to work so hard. You won't find me doing that, not for what they pay us."
The student asked Dr. Muncy how she should handle Ms. Crab. His reply? "That depends... on where you want to be in ten years."
He further explains that if she (the student) wanted to be in the same position as Ms. Crab, she should listen very carefully to what Ms. Crab had to say, and follow that advice carefully. But if not, she shouldn't pay any attention at all.
Then he told the story of Gertrude. ("Gertrude" was a name he'd solicited from his class before telling them the story. so as to keep the name fictitious.)
Dr. Muncy's wife, Lisa, called him at work one day, and told him that an acquaintance of hers didn't have anything to eat for Thanksgiving.
Initially, I thought that just meant that she did not have turkey and dressing. I was wrong. It literally meant that she did not have one thing for her family to eat in their whole house, and they had no way of getting any money for the next two weeks.
I didn't want to see Gertrude and her family starve, but I also believe that people should, if possible, earn their money. So I told Lisa to pick some things that she thought Gertrude could do from her "honey-do" list and tell her that, if she wanted to do them, I would pay her when I got home.
To make a not-too-long of a story a bit shorter: the arrangement worked out very well for everyone. And it lasted for a few months. In fact, he continued,
Gertrude spent so much time over at our house, we got a very good picture of what her life was like. It was a total mess. It wasn't just her finances where she had problems. The most common words heard out of her son's mouth were "I hate you, Mom." She wasn't 100% sure her husband was the boy's father. Her marriage was in shambles. We pleaded with her to go to the local battered women's home for protectino when she told us that her husband had threatened her with a chain saw. She cried all the time. She didn't feel like she had any friends. She was estranged from her parents and her brother. It was hard to find any aspect of her life that wasn't a total wreck.
Gertrude also got a good chance to see how we lived out lives from the inside. She was absolutely amazed that anyone lived as we do. Over and over, Gertrude told Lisa and me that we live in a "fairy-tale-world." Our kids love us. We have a great marriage. We don't have any financial stress or strain. Both Lisa and I love what we do. Our parents, brothers, and sisters all like us. We are in good health. Gertrude told us that everything she wanted in life, we have.
The strange thing was that Gertrude, while envying our product, constantly criticized our process. She envied our children but criticized our child raising. She envied our finances but criticized the way we handled our money. She envied the love Lisa and I had for each other but constantly criticized the dynamics of our relationship.
He goes on to tell of a ladies-only party his wife, Lisa, held one evening. It didn't end until after he was fast asleep, so he didn't get to talk with his wife about it until the next morning. She hadn't slept all night. When asked about it, she said the party was "90% great and 10% terrible." The "terrible" part was Gertrude. It seems, Gertrude had spent the whole night criticizing Lisa, telling everyone at the party how she thought everything Lisa did was wrong.
Dr. Muncy calmed his wife by assuring her that Gertrude's opinion should only bother Lisa if Lisa wanted what Gertrude had. He pressed her:
"So tell me, exactly what part of her life do you want? Do you want me to bring the kids in here and have them scream "I hate you"? Do you want me to clean out the bank accounts and empty the kitchen cabinets so that we can starve for a few days? What do you want me to do? Do you want me to go get the chain saw? Specifically, which part of Gertrude's life do you want?"
"I don't want any pert of her life!" Lisa responded emphatically.
"Then, I guess it doesn't matter that she criticized you. I guess it doesn't matter that you and she think differently. Be glad that you do."
Lisa replied:
"I wish I would have woken you up last night, and we would have had this conversation then. I wouldn't have spent the night tossing and turning, worrying about what Gertrude said."
Both Ms. Crab and Gertrude had missed the key that Dr. Muncy was talking about: We are where we are in life because of the way we think.
If we want to improve our lives, we can't just change the circumstances, but we can improve our thinking that influences our circumstances.
In marriage - we can't (or shouldn't) throw out our spouse - but we can improve our thinking about how we treat our spouse.
In child-rearing - we don't trade kids with the neighbors - but we can improve our thinking about parenting.
In finances - we don't steal from others (either illegally directly or legally through the government) - but we can think about thrift and/or improving income.
In health - we can't buy another body - but we can change the way we think about physical fitness.
We ALL believe we are right all of the time. If we didn't believe we were right, we wouldn't believe whatever it is that we believe. As soon as we discover we're wrong, we change what we believe, and get back to believing we're right - with the new belief(s) in place. So, checking to see if we believe we are right is a poor test of whether or not we actually ARE right.
So what's the real test?
The real test of our thinking is to look at where we are in life. Our thinking can't be all right if our life is all wrong. Our life is the harvest, our thinking is the seed. We must judge the seed by the harvest, not by staring at the seed.
The good life isn't reserved for the super-smart. (If it was, perhaps the only one here who would qualify for the good life would be Ted Baker. Maybe there's someone else here who's smarter, but I have yet to find them. And I'm not convinced I'm smart enough to know.)
So who IS it for? According to Muncy, it's for those who properly feed their minds.
He suggests there are four major influences that affect how we think:
They are the people we associate with, the books we read, the entertainment we watch and hear, and the dialog that goes on within our heads. We can greatly improve our lives by choosing these four influences wisely.
And that's where I intend to make a course correction. See, I'm not satisfied with all aspects of my life. I don't like the "harvest" I'm reaping.
I find my mind filled with too many negative influences. So, the thing for me to do is proactively cut out at least some of those negative influences. How and where to do that is going to be the challenge.
Part of the problem is that I REALLY like to stay "up" on current events. Yet most reported news is of the negative variety. (You know the old saying, "If it bleeds, it leads." I don't care which source you consider "fair and balanced", that maxim holds true pretty much across-the-board.) So, I need to figure out how to stay up on news without the negative. At this point, I don't know how I'm going to do that. (Have any of you, my readers, found a good solution for this? If so, I'd love to hear.)
Another part, is the people in my life.
Some familial relationship are with people who seem to take great pride in being in a bad mood and in hiding behind excuses for their sullenness. ("It's my meds" or "today was a bad day" ("today" just happens to be almost every single day for weeks on end) or "it's all my boss's fault" or "doctors suck" (when they won't prescribe the desired drugs for self-medication)) Yet they fill their minds with endless self-destructive messages - from entertainers who are on perpetual self-destruct mode, to friends and leaders who are perpetually declaring their victimhood, to "documentary" movies that are all about showing what's wrong with you-name-it.
Some friendships are with people who take great pride in being angry most of the time... angry at "injustice", angry at "oppression", angry at others for their achievement (claiming they're just lucky or cheating), and the list could go on.
I want to help these people overcome their challenges in life. But I'm realizing I can't. They have chosen what they're filling their minds with, and the harvest is anger, sullenness, and self-destruction. Yet, I can't just sever most of those relationships. Or maybe I'm just not willing to do that. (One of them I truly can't, because we live in the same house, without severing one or more other relationships that are far more important.) Perhaps my compassion is getting in the way of my own mental health. I'll have to work on that one.
The "outside" influence I CAN "fix" starting right now is the books I read.
A couple of days ago I picked up Orwell's 1984 as a bedtime story to read. It's a classic and I'd seen it recommended quite a few times... particularly recently. I'm sure it's a great book. But, at least the way it starts, it reinforces all kinds of negative imagery in my mind.
I found myself resonating with the sense of being all alone, politically, in a sea of people who would just as soon kill me as hear my views. I don't completely fit in with those on the Right, yet I'm FAR too conservative for those on the Left. I live in a part of the country that's KNOWN for its Liberal politics, and my Representatives don't in any way represent my views.
As I read, it seemed almost like Orwell was not-so-subtly describing the current adminstration in the White House. Instead of "FREEDOM IS SLAVERY" the current adminstration could easily be saying "SLAVERY IS FREEDOM." (Do as we say, when we say, exactly how we say, and then you'll know what it is to be free.) And they'd keep the phrase "IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH" intact. (Just look at their adulation for the Educational System that's churning out illiterates.
And the description of the crowd breaking into "a deep, slow, rhythmical chant of "B-B! ... B-B! ... B-B!" over and over again, very slowly..." reminded me so much of a video I saw, I think it was just prior to the election, in which a large choir was singing while the camera panned over huge crowds and vast expanses of nature's beauty. And the choir was repeating, in a deep, slow rhythmical chant, "O-Ba-Ma! ... O-Ba-Ma! ... O-Ba-Ma!" like they were in a trance.
It was just way too creepy!
So, to start my course correction, that book is getting dropped. I may pick up the Cliff Notes version of it. But, at least for now, I don't plan to finish reading it.
Instead, I'll be reading more books like "One Door, Two Locks" and watching movies that are truly moving, and listening to music that's uplifting, and spending more time with friends who are achieving great things and encouraging others to do the same.
Are you in need of a course correction? If so, what will be your first step(s)?
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