This has become a hot topic of debate in the office lately.  Ed is demanding them in the men's room and Linda on the other hand could care less. I ask you, do we really need to slaughter another small forrest, just so Ed can sit on a doiley?? Please, here are just a few examples:

 This is the "Prince Edward Special," it's gold plated and pleated

here is one for Linda    some for Suzi

as you can see there is no shortage of people with nothing but time on their hands to make up these silly things.  However, I did see one model, that I thought might be a good idea, and here it is ~

it's the handy dandy toilet seat re-cover-er. and it's sanitary, not that that matters in our men's room, geez how about flushing once in awhile guys ? !! I also say it's time to put back in the pay toilets, they can help defer the costs of adding the re-cover-er's.  So now is the time to let your voice be heard, vote yes or no by leaving your comment and let us know how you feel.

That is all - Dwight

Teen Finds Cocaine in Skittles Box at CVS, apparently at this drugstore, you don't need a prescription !!

MIDDLEBURG, FL -- The Clay County Sheriff's Office says there isn't enough evidence to continue investigating a bag of cocaine that was found in a Skittles box at a local CVS.

The CVS manager says that although security cameras were in use at the time of the incident, due to the angle of the camera, they were unable to see who dropped off the 1.2 gram bag of cocaine.

A CVS spokesperson, Mike DeAngelis, says "there's no evidence of somebody placing a foreign object near the candy."

Police say Bonnie Cowart and her 14-year-old son went into the CVS on CR 218 and SR 21 around 5:45 p.m. Wednesday. Her son, Corby Cowart, says he found a bag of cocaine next to the bag of Skittles inside the candy box.

OMG, how dumb can these hic sheriff's be? This was obviously "a drop", and the intended perp didn't make it to the candy aisle quick enough.  If only I could clone myself and be all places at all times, I'd put an end to yet another stupid crackhead, dope dealer on the loose.

   remember people, "Crack Kills"

I've told you people time and time again, just because we are a real estate company that uses forms and alot of paper,  does not mean we have paper to waste. On the contrary, every paper wasted is a piece of a tree just thrown into the tree chipper.  Not to mention the money you're costing the company. I see how you misuse paper with crappy drawings (Vu),  by printing up celebrity horoscopes (Edward),   or by tearing it into strips to roll cigarettes (Jonh and Bill)  (go buy some real ones will ya). I've been keeping notes (on the back of old discarded pieces of paper, thank you very much) of all the paper you're wasting, and I sent those notes to Suzi. When Ron calls you to ask why you wasted three sheets of paper to blot your lips last week (Tina , you'll be sorry you didn't listen to me earlier. Also the office printer is not to be used for printing your personal emails and junk mail. It's bad enough you waste paper printing up excessive MLS listings you don't even use for clients.  Remember people paper costs the company and the environment, use it wisely!!

This is such a cool idea how come no one thought of it before ? This should be a totally awesome event I plan on going.  Check it out !

Hollywood's most marvelous creatures and scariest monsters are on display at MUZEO. Get a look at these technical creations inside and out through interactive displays of the animatronic insides that bring them to life. See the Abominable Snowman, Gorilla from George of the Jungle, Peter Pan's Crocodile and many of the gizmos from Inspector Gadget 2.

            

 

Muzeo (Anaheim, CA)
Wednesday, Jun. 3 @ 10:00am - 5:00pm
Thursday, Jun. 4 @ 10:00am - 5:00pm
and 57 more dates.

 An office worker cleaning a fridge full of rotten food created a smell so noxious that it sent seven co-workers to the hospital and made many others ill. 

Firefighters had to evacuate the AT&T building in downtown San Jose on Tuesday after the fumes led someone to call 911. A hazmat team was called in. 
  
What crews found was an unplugged refrigerator crammed with moldy food.  

         
 
Authorities say an enterprising office worker had decided to clean it out,(sounds like Suzi) placing the food in a conference room while using two cleaning chemicals to scrub down the mess.

The mixture of old lunches and disinfectant caused 28 people to need treatment for vomiting and nausea.

Authorities say the worker who cleaned the fridge didn't need treatment _ she can't smell because of allergies.        yah, right, I say she just had a clothespin on her nose!!  This is for real and could happen in any office, even ours!!! Why I've seen food that Herb and Oakley have left in there for days on end !! Geez people, throw your uneaten garbage away for once will ya! 

All of this talk about pigs and swine flu put me in mind of a favorite funny tv character of mine:

 

This gal is quite the authority as you can well see. Mimi is a secretary. She works at Winfred-Louder Department Store for the store manager, Mr. Bell [later Nigel Wicks]. Mimi wears too much make-up and has a vindictive nature. One of Mimi’s bold fashion statements inspired the comment “Only dogs can hear those colors.“ Mimi’s nemesis is Drew Carey, the Assistant Director of Personnel whom she calls “Pig!”

What are the symptoms of swine flu ?

The symptoms of swine flu in people are expected to be similar to the symptoms of regular human seasonal influenza and include fever, lethargy, snorting, cravings for slop and coughing. Some people with swine flu also have reported runny snout, sore throat, curly tails, achy hooves .       strange cravings for corn on the cob. 

 

 

Can people catch swine flu from eating pork?

 

Yes. Swine influenza viruses can be transmitted by food. You can get swine influenza from eating pork, pork chops, barbeque pork, bacon, ham, sausage and pork rinds.   Eating properly handled and cooked beef and chicken products are your best bet. Cooking pork to an internal temperature of  995°F kills the swine flu virus as it does other bacteria and viruses and pretty much anything else. 

How does swine flu spread?

 

Influenza viruses can be directly transmitted from pigs to people and from people to pigs and from pigs to pigs and from pig stye to people. Human infection with flu viruses from pigs are most likely to occur when people are in close proximity to infected pigs, such as in pig barns, pig pens     and livestock exhibits housing pigs at fairs. Human-to-human transmission of swine flu can also occur. This is thought to occur in the same way as seasonal flu occurs in people, which is mainly person-to-person transmission through coughing or sneezing of people infected with the influenza virus. People may become infected by touching something with flu viruses on it and then touching their mouth or snout 

There have also been unsubstantiated reports that watching old Porky Pig cartoons and or Charlottes' Web can help ease the symptoms of swine flu.

                         

When choosing which foods to consume, I generally seek the most nutrient-rich provisions. My rations serve as fuel, which I use to power my complex, highly efficient, ass-kicking machine.   I especially enjoy protein-rich foodstuffs full of real down-home flavors: be they salty, gamey, or grizzlish. I've even been known to enjoy goat milk iced cream, which manages to be both salty and gamey! What I don't like and what I will not tolerate, is Ed's recent infatuation with this God-awful frozen yogurt craze.   

My nephew, Bastian, returned from his Rumspringa and turned Ed onto the white stuff. Now, I consider myself an open-minded person. I'm willing to tolerate the concept of yogurt, if only because of the obvious health benefits of eating live bacteria cultures and absorbing their life force. But frozen yogurt, at least the variety Ed and Bastian fancy, is made from a powder and contains no live bacteria, no nutrients, and not even a trace of flu virus that could exercise the immune system. In spite of its frivolousness, I might be willing to indulge Ed's misguided addiction now and again, if the frozen yogurt wasn't so girly.  Ed has a hard enough time being respected by fellow males without a public obsession with spa food. Plus it tastes disgusting!

Of course the frozen yogurt store does its best to cover up the horrible taste with a variety of toppings, both sweet and fruity. Although, when I asked for beets on mine, they looked at me like I was requesting ketchup. Oh yeah, like a delicious Pennsylvania vegetable is a weirder dessert topping than some exotic fruit that doesn't even grow in the contiguous United States--what kind of idiot uses coconut for anything other than fighting off predators or dissenters on a desert island?  And regardless, the very notion that you can mask the too-tart taste, is kind of like putting a suit on a lion: no matter how you dress it up, if it comes into contact with your body, it will wreak havoc on your intestines. It gives Ed horrible gas. So do yourself a favor, avoid frozen yogurt at all costs. If you have a friend or family member who eats the stuff, help them beat the habit the Schrute way: mercilessly ridicule them until they lose their appetite altogether.

The time of the year where everyone whines about getting sick is finally coming to a close. Some refer to it as "flu season," I call it "scheming industry out of a free day away from work season." Although I know my name for it is not as catchy, it is much more accurate. I find it disgraceful when people take sick days on the company dime due to their illnesses. Corporate America will be relieved to know that I have a plan to tackle this abomination.

I propose that companies provide a quarantine and medical unit to treat sick employees (I got the idea when I watched 28 Weeks Later and an episode of M.A.S.H. back to back last weekend)

 Instead of calling in sick, wasting time, and lowering productivity, employees will have no excuse but to come in and work in a controlled environment where they can receive medical attention. In my office, I think they should quarantine the cubicles. As it is now, the office runts work in there, so there's no real loss if they get infected. Of course, should this proposal ever be carried out, these units will need leaders, people with experience in the medical realm; a post I'd be honored and adequately qualified to fill. 

I am an authority on dealing with the sick. I spent my youth as an apprentice under Abelard Schrute, my Großonkel and the farm doctor. Since his death (he died of a broken arm), I've taken over his role. I've tended to snake bites, treated whooping cough, and once even removed a bullett from a friend's foot (Eric shall remain nameless), so I feel confident that I can take care of an agents flu, a large real estate salesman's diabetes (Ed, you really need to watch the sweets). Plus I have a huge supply of homemade penicillin, so not only am I qualified to handle the sick, I am also prepared.  

Corporate America, this is your opportunity to end the era of companies being exploited by sick employees. Adopt what I am proposing and form a quarantine/medical unit in your offices STAT. You'll save money and increase productivity. ... and you'll have me to thank. You're welcome.