Eli Magen's Blog

MortgageTrust is expanding and hiring mortgage brokers

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 16:59:12 -0700

This is an invitation for Floridian licensed mortgage brokers to join our successful team.

If you are looking for a good company to work with, if you're looking for a change, this might be an opportunity to consider.

Self motivated mortgage brokers, New or Experienced, part time working from home or full time in our main office in Orlando, FL.

There are also full time Realtors out there with a mortgage broker license...here you have a room for your license, we can work together.

I will attend the FAMB show in the Orlando Convention Center this friday and saturday, July 13 & 14. Come visit me at my MortgageTrust Lending Group booth.

More details are provided at www.AbsoluteFloridaMortgage.com/HiringMortgageBrokers

Good Luck & All the best,

Eli Magen.

Noah's Ark Rules.

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Mon, 14 May 2007 22:21:09 -0700

The Woodpecker Might have to go!!!

Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark

One : Don't miss the boat.
Two : Remember that we are all in the same boat.
Three : Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
Four : Stay fit When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do
something really big.
Five : Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be
done.
Six : Build your future on high ground.
Seven : For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
Eight : Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the
cheetahs.
Nine : When you're stressed, float a while.
Ten : Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

Eleven : No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a
rainbow waiting...

Unknown email.

Star wars

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 10:53:15 -0700

Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant having a meal.

Obi-Wan is deftly manipulating his chopsticks with the ease you'd expect from a Jedi Master.

Anyway, poor old Luke is having a nightmare, using his chop-sticks in both hands, dropping his food all over the table and eventually himself.

Obi-Wan looks at Luke disapprovingly and says,

"Use the FORKS, Luke."

On the bus

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 10:42:04 -0700

A lady about eight months pregnant got on to a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the man's smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

He now seemed very amused.

She moved a fourth time and the man burst out laughing.

She complained of this to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man; about 20 years old, what he had to say for himself.

Very amusing.....

The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this. When the lady got on the bus I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sign that said "The Double Mint Twins are coming", and I grinned.

Then she moved again and sat under a sign that said "Slogan's liniment will reduce the Swelling", and I had to smile.

Then she moved and placed herself under a sign that said, "Wrigley's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.

But, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"...I just lost it!

Unknown email

Speechless - an Irish joke

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 10:32:21 -0700

Y'know" said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow there's a little bar called McTavish's. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy four drinks he will buy the fifth drink for you."

Well," said the Englishman, "at my local, The Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhhhh, that's nothing," said the Irishman. "Back home in Dublin there's Ryan's Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough drinks they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house."

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately scorn the Irishman's claims but he swears every word is true.

"Well," asked the Englishman, "did this actually happen to you?"

"Not me meself, personally, no," said the Irishman. "But it did happen to me sister..."

Speechless!!!

Unknown Irish friend

The Amish Elevator

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 08:54:30 -0700

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall in Ohio for the first time. They were amazed by
almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls
that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen
an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my
life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an obese older woman in a wheel chair moved up
to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady
rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and
his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up
sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then
the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son

"Go get your mother"!

Unknown email.

Tragedy or Accident?

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 16:01:25 -0700

George Bush was visiting a primary school in Florida and he visited one of
the classes.They were in the middle of a discussion related to words
and their meanings.

The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the
discussion on the word "tragedy". So the illustrious leader asked the class
for an example of a "tragedy".

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my
best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor
runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone
inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explained the president.
"That's what we would call a great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searched
the room "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room little Johnny raised his hand.
In a quiet voice he said: "If 'Air Force One' carrying you and
Mrs. Bush was struck by a "friendly fire" missile and blown to
smithereens, that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Bush. "That's right.

And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?" "Well," said the
boy, "It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great
loss, and it probably wouldn't be a fucking accident either.

Source: unknown email.

Heck of a Salesman

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 15:36:23 -0800

A young guy from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everythingunder one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota".

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job."You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?

The kid says "one". The boss says "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How muc h was the sale for?" The kid says "$121,237.65".

The boss says "$121,237.65? What the heck did you sell?" The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod.

Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Boston Whaler.

Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4 x >4 Expedition."

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"

The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, "Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing!

Source, unknown email.

Chewing gum

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Sat, 24 Feb 2007 21:07:12 -0800

During a commercial airline flight a Navy Pilot was seated next to a young
mother with a babe in arms.

When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began
nursing the infant as discreetly as possible. The pilot pretended not to
notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the
various baby-related impedimenta.

When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "Gosh,
that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!"

Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said
nursing would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears upon descent.

The Navy Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true fighter pilot fashion exclaimed,

"Damn! ..And all these years I've been chewing gum!"

The washcloth - Ladies be aware

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 08:38:32 -0800

A Canadian lady, have sent me this email...

Ladies this has to be read, laughed at and passed on.
There is not a woman alive today who won't crack up over this!

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in
the week.

Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office
to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30
am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was
already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so
I didn't have any time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene
when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be
able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my
pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and
gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least
presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some
clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in.
Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table,
looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I
was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.

I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have
made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went
home. The rest of the day was normal Some shopping, cleaning,
cooking.

After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out
from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?" I told her to
get another one from the cupboard.

She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink,
it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."

Never going back to that doctor ever.

First football game experience

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 13:47:46 -0800

A guy took his Blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and
all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing
each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, in the beginning they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for
the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was:

"Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!"

I'm like... Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!

Source: Unknown blonde girlfriend...

The secret for long marriage

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Sun, 11 Feb 2007 21:25:29 -0800

HOW TO STAY MARRIED!

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years . They had shared everything . They had talked about everything . They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about . For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover .

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside .

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box . When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000 .

He asked her about the contents . . "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue . She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll . "

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears . Only two precious dolls were in the box . She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving . He almost burst with happiness .

"but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls . "

Women will love this . .

A Prayer . . . . . . .

Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods; Because Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death . And I don't know how to crochet . Amen!

Unknown email.

7 degrees of Blondeness

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Sun, 11 Feb 2007 19:25:05 -0800

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The
wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said,
"How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband
said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to
know if the coast is clear."

SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and
says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let
me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in
the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys
a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door
she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome
with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells,
"No, honey, don't do it!!!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly
says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the
capital of Wisconsin ?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"

SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US
government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade
was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the
decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware ."

SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked
and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit,
patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached
the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch,
shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my
possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They
send me a BLIND policeman."

Source - Canadian Email

Picture on a night stand

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Sun, 11 Feb 2007 19:06:11 -0800

After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her nightstand by the bed.

He begins to worry."Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.

"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.

"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.

"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be
reassured.

"No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!" she answers.

"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.

* * *

* *

*

"That's me before the surgery."

Source: unknown email.

Bill Gates Vs. General Motors

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Sat, 10 Feb 2007 21:39:03 -0800

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way
computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
omputer industry with the auto industry and stated,

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would
all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press releasestating:
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars
with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash......
twice a day

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a
new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would
have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off he
car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some
reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your
car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to
reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable,
five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five
percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be
replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning
light.
I love the next one!!!

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and
refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle,
turned
the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how
to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the
same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Please share this with your friends who love - but sometimes hate - their computer!

The good, the bad and the police...

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 22:06:17 -0800

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE

George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife
told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see
from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were
people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said
"no". Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply
lock his door and an officer would be along when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my
shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot them
all." Then he hung up.

Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an
ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars
red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot
them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

(True Story) I LOVE IT

Source - unknown email from Tampa, Fl...(lol)

The good, the bad and the police...

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 21:47:54 -0800

Source: unknown email from Tampa, Fl...(lol)

The Test

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 06:43:07 -0800

A Mountie pulled a car over on the Trans Canada  about 2  miles west of Winnipeg.  When the Mountie asked the driver why he was speeding,the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was  on his way to Brandon to do a show that night at the Shrine Circus and  he didn't want to be late.

The Mountie told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if
the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give
him a ticket.
The driver told the Mountie that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.

The Mountie told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his
patrol car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated
that he could, so the Mountie got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car.  A drunk, good old boy, driving through from Alberta got out and watched the performance briefly.
He then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got
in.

The Mountie observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.The drunk replied, "You might as well take me to jail, cause there's no f---kin` way  I can pass that test."

Source: email from my Canadian girl friend.

The differences between GUTS and BALLS

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 11:52:13 -0800

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know
the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
definition for each follows:

GUTS is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by
your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask, "Are you still
cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the
butt, and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically
speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately
result in death.

Author: unknown email.

Top Four ADULT Jokes...

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Sun, 28 Jan 2007 18:56:59 -0800

Top Four Adult Jokes

Fourth Place:

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast..

They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Third Place:

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.

The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

The husband, rejected, turns over.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Runner Up:

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.

"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"

"Oh, Bill, you didn't" she exclaimed.

"Yes, I did." he replied.
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."

"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"

"Oh...she got fired too."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Winner:

A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."

"I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago."

"Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times."

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."

"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps.

"One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."

_____________________

Source: Unknown email.

A Reminder: Home buyers seminar in Orlando 01-27-07

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Tue, 23 Jan 2007 20:13:19 -0800

Free Home Buying Seminars in Orlando

Come to our educational no obligation seminar! Learn about the advantages of using a realtor and all about the home buying process.

Why rent when you can own ?!

Our group of professionals from:

MortgageTrust Lending Group,

Orlando Real Estate Professionals

and

Fidelity National Title Company

speakers will conduct the upcoming seminars.

Our next 4 seminars will take place at:

Fidelity National Title

1603 South Hiawassee Road, #130, Orlando, FL. 32835

1. Saturday 01-27-2007 at 09:30AM

2. Saturday 01-27-2007 at 11:00AM

3. Saturday 02-10-2007 at 09:30AM

4. Saturday 02-10-2007 at 11:00AM

Enjoy a seminar in a nice atmosphere with refreshments and door prizes.

SPECIALS :

1. FREE HOME WARRANTY WITH PURCHASE - TO BE PAID AT CLOSING BY THE REALTOR, VALUE UP TO $360.- !!!*

2. FREE APPRAISAL WITH PURCHASE - TO BE PAID AT CLOSING BY THE MORTGAGE BROKER, VALUE UP TO $275.-!!!*

*Ask me for details*

Please RSVP date & time.

(Limited Seating: only 20 people per session).

"Call now to reserve your seat"

Eli (407) 697-1214

Email: emagen1@yahoo.com

Rent Vs. Mortgage

How much money goes to waste every month on rental payments?...while the property is not yours!

Dollars Amount: Rent rises each year...Fixed rate mortgages do not...

Payments: You are PAYING your landlords mortgage payments!!! - Why not pay for your own home?

Equity: Who benefits from the equity of the property?...The landlord does. You keep on paying HIS mortgage payments...

Tax: Major benefit to the homeowner is that the interest portion on the mortgage is tax deductible, naturally it will reduce your tax liability every year! - Renters do not enjoy this tax benefit!!

If you've had enough of renting, and losing money...make the move...take a mortgage loan for your own home...Isn't it an American dream?!

WE CAN HELP

Some Priests issues

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Tue, 23 Jan 2007 18:08:02 -0800

The new Priest at his first Mass in one of those beautiful churches in Orlando was so nervous he could hardly speak. He asked the old Priest what he should do.

The old Priest said he should put a little gin or vodka in his water glass before the Mass and this would relax him.

The next Sunday the new Priest filled his water glass with gin and talked up a storm. After the Mass he asked the old Priest how he did.

The old Priest said you were relaxed enough, but there are a few things that must be straightened out.

1) There are TEN Commandments, NOT TWELVE.

2) There are TWELVE Apostles, not TEN.

3) David SLEW Goliath, he did not BEAT THE SHIT out of him.

4) We do not refer to Jesus as the LATE J.C..

5) Next Sunday there is a TAFFY PULLING contest at St. Peter's NOT a PETER PULLING contest at St. Taffy's.

6) We DO NOT Refer to the Father, Son & Holy Ghost as Big Daddy, Junior and The Spook.

Please, don't get insulted...it's Just a joke.

Fortune & wisdom

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Tue, 23 Jan 2007 17:52:06 -0800

When Dan found out that he was going to inherit a fortune when his
>father died, he decided that he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So, one
>
>
> evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful
>woman that he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
>
>
>
>"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her,
>"But in just a week or two, my father will die, and I will inherit
>
>20 million dollars."
>
>
>
>Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days
>later, she became his stepmother.

oops, that hurts...

Women are so much smarter than men!

Sometimes.

The Tomato Company

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 19:39:03 -0800

An unemployed man from Orlando, Florida is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.

The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that we can get you in the loop. Our system will automatically e-mail you all the forms and advise you when to start and where to report on your first day."

Taken back, the man protests that he is poor and has neither a computer nor an e-mail address.

To this the manager replies, "You must understand that to a company like ours that means that you virtually do not exist. Without an e-mail address you can hardly expect to be employed by a high-tech firm. Good day."

Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having $10 in his wallet, he walks past a farmers' market and sees a stand selling 25 lb. crates of beautiful red tomatoes. He buys a crate, carries it to a busy corner and displays the tomatoes. In less than 2 hours he sells all the tomatoes and makes 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 and arrives home that night with several bags of groceries for his family.

During the night he decides to repeat the tomato business the next day. By the end of the week he is getting up early every day and working into the night. He multiplies his profits quickly.

Early in the second week he acquires a cart to transport several boxes of tomatoes at a time, but before a month is up he sells the cart to buy a broken-down pickup truck.

At the end of a year he owns three old trucks. His two sons have left their neighborhood gangs to help him with the tomato business, his wife is buying the tomatoes, and his daughter is taking night courses at the community college so she can keep books for him.

By the end of the second year he has a dozen very nice used trucks and employs fifteen previously unemployed people, all selling tomatoes. He continues to work hard.

Time passes and at the end of the fifth year he owns a fleet of nice trucks and a warehouse that his wife supervises, plus two tomato farms that the boys manage. The tomato company's payroll has put hundreds of homeless and jobless people to work. His daughter reports that the business grossed over one million dollars.

Planning for the future, he decides to buy some life insurance.

Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. Then the adviser asks him for his e-mail.

When the man replies that he doesn't have time to mess with a computer and has no e-mail address, the insurance man is stunned, "What, you don't have e-mail? No computer? No Internet? Just think where you would be today if you'd had all of that five years ago!"

"Ha!" snorts the man. "If I'd had e-mail five years ago I would be sweeping floors at Microsoft and making $5.35 an hour."

Which brings us to the moral of the story:

Since you got this story by e-mail, you're probably closer to being a janitor than a millionaire.

Sadly, I received it also

Tourists prefers Vacation homes (short term rentals) over hotels

Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 21:16:04 -0800

Thousands of Single Family Residence, townhomes and condos clustered in newly built sub divisions around Walt Disney World, Orlando & Kissimme, are in fact vacation homes, holiday condos for short term rentals.

They cater to economy minded group travelers that are able to save hundreds of dollars in hotel bills by renting the entire home, includes a pool and privacy, instead of a single room in the hotel, that cost more.

There are about 700 (seven hundred...) property management companies, that will handle in average, about 100 houses each. Although the renters pay resort taxes, there is no research yet of the effect that they are having on the hotels in Central Florida.

Individuals/families own most of the short term rental units near Disney, many of them are UK residents, that traditionally loves the theme parks, loves our all around the year beautiful weather, and find out that not only they can enjoy their own vacation home in Orlando, but also rent it out the rest of the year, and actually make nice returns on their money.

I know it well first hand, since I'm specializing (my main source) with UK investors, I am a friend with some of my buyers and I'm pleased to learn from them about how many weeks per year they are able to rent their property. Rule of thumb is, you rent 2/3 of the year and other vacationeers paying your mortgage, not to mention they have their own place to use every time they come back for a visit, not to forget the equity gained on their property, and the renters themselves are saving money to compare it with an average hotel...this is a win win situation.

For any one interested with 2nd homes, Holiday Villas, zoaned for short term rental, this is what I'm doing for living, I am providing the real estate and the financing, and I can refer few reliable management companies to work with. Email me with any questions, I'll be happy to be for assistance.

More information on my sites: www.OrlandoHolidayCondos.com and www.AbsoluteFloridaMortgage.com .