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comedy: Noah's Ark Rules. - 05/14/07 10:21 PM
The Woodpecker Might have to go!!!Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark
One : Don't miss the boat. Two : Remember that we are all in the same boat. Three : Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark. Four : Stay fit When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big. Five : Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done. Six : Build your future on high ground. Seven : For safety's sake, travel in pairs. Eight : Speed isn't … (2 comments)
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comedy: Star wars - 04/11/07 10:53 AM
Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant having a meal. Obi-Wan is deftly manipulating his chopsticks with the ease you'd expect from a Jedi Master. Anyway, poor old Luke is having a nightmare, using his chop-sticks in both hands, dropping his food all over the table and eventually himself. Obi-Wan looks at Luke disapprovingly and says, "Use the FORKS, Luke." … (6 comments)
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comedy: On the bus - 04/11/07 10:42 AM
… (3 comments)
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comedy: Speechless - an Irish joke - 04/11/07 10:32 AM
Y'know" said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow there's a little bar called McTavish's. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy four drinks he will buy the fifth drink for you." Well," said the Englishman, "at my local, The Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two." "Ahhhhh, that's nothing," said the Irishman. "Back home in Dublin there's Ryan's Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, … (0 comments)
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comedy: The Amish Elevator - 03/26/07 08:54 AM
An Amish boy and his father were in a mall in Ohio for the first time. They were amazed byalmost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver wallsthat could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seenan elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in mylife, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an obese older woman in a wheel chair moved upto the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the ladyrolled … (10 comments)
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comedy: The washcloth - Ladies be aware - 02/14/07 08:38 AM
A Canadian lady, have sent me this email...
Ladies this has to be read, laughed at and passed on. There is not a woman alive today who won't crack up over this!
I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later inthe week.
Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's officeto tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.
As most women do, I like to take a … (0 comments)
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comedy: 7 degrees of Blondeness - 02/11/07 07:25 PM
FIRST DEGREE A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear." SECOND DEGREE Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The … (28 comments)
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comedy: Picture on a night stand - 02/11/07 07:06 PM
After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her nightstand by the bed.He begins to worry."Is this your husband?" he nervously asks."No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him."Your boyfriend, then?" he continues."No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear."Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured."No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!" she answers."Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.
* * *
* *
*"That's me before the surgery."
Source: unknown email.
… (1 comments)
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comedy: Adam & Eve and what in between (clean joke) - 12/25/06 12:17 PM
God was just about done creating humans, but he had two parts left over... He couldn't decide how to split them between Adam & Eve so he thought he might just as well ask them.
He told them one of the things he had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee while standing up. It's a very handy thing, God told them, and I wondering if either one of you had a preference for it...
Well Adam jumped up and down and begged, 'oh please give that to me, I'd love to be able to do that! It seems … (3 comments)
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comedy: Little bit of Politics - 12/25/06 09:06 AM
One Day at the UNAt the emergency meeting of the UN regarding another conflict in theMiddle East, the floor has been given to the Israeli Consul (IC).IC: Ladies and gentlemen before I commence with my speech, I wanted torelay an old story to all of you... When Moses was leading the Jews outof Egypt he had to go through deserts, and prairies, and even moredeserts...
The people became thirsty and needed water. So Moses struck the side ofmountain with his cane and at the sight of that mountain a pond appeared with crystal clean, cool water.
And the people rejoiced and drank … (2 comments)
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Eli Magen
Orlando,
FL
More about me…
New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)
Address: 6220 S. Orange Blossom Trail, Suite 200, Orlando, FL, 32809
Office Phone: (407) 240-2869
Cell Phone: (407) 697-1214
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