humor: When the World gets me down...
- 02/10/14 01:50 AM
I learned i can't change the world, but I can change my own world.. As I transition out of ownership and into the working world, I find it therapeutic to watch other people laugh. I may be the ultimate narcissist, I use other peoples laughter to make me feel better. Let me know if my 6 minute set helped. Glenn
humor: Luv's Huggies Pamper's and Depends!
- 02/03/14 11:53 PM
I know you have been laying awake at night wondering why baby diapers have brand names such as "Luvs", "Huggies," and "Pampers', while undergarments for old people are called "Depends". Well here is the low down on the whole thing. When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em, Hug'em and Pamper em. When old people have an accident in their pants, it "Depends" on who's in the will! Have a great safe, warm day from Glenn Freezman! ================================================================= … (6 comments)
humor: Turning around NO!!!
- 12/30/13 01:02 AM
The difficult task is to turn around a no. Not, "no, I've thought about it, but I'm not interested," but, "no, I feel like saying 'no', whatever you're offering, the answer is no." If the fractious child or the skeptical prospect or the frightened boss is coming from a place of no, your proposal just isn't going to work. Shaking that rattle or waving that spreadsheet isn't going to work, because it's not going to be judged on the merits. The facts are irrelevant... if your partner (and yes, the person you're with right now is your partner, engaged in … (2 comments)
humor: Christmas Carols For The Dysfunctional (Humor)
- 12/17/13 04:12 AM
SCHIZOPHRENIA: Do you Hear What I Hear? MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: We Three Kings Disoriented Are DEMENTIA: I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas NARCISSISTIC: Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me MANIC: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and.. PARANOID: Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me. PERSONALITY DISORDER: You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell you Why. DEPRESSION: Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely. … (3 comments)
humor: BREAKING News!! ..... from the North Pole...
- 12/17/13 12:48 AM
It has been reported that due to the negative impact the Great Recession has had on economies all over the world, this Christmas, Santa Claus will have only two “Ho’s”, not three as is the custom. Additionally, it was reported, that if the recession deepens further or the recovery continues at its current slow rate, in 2014 Santa might have to do with only one “HO” Happy Holidays from Glenn Freezman ============================================ … (0 comments)
humor: The "Unattended Bag" in the Airport! (Humor)
- 12/09/13 12:13 AM
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself, 'I'm going to take that.'
Have a great day from Glenn Freezman ================================================================= … (0 comments)
humor: Snow in the forecast? (Humor)
- 12/05/13 11:54 PM
I was watching the news last night because there is Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance', with a face like that! I hope you all have an amzing day! ================================================================ … (12 comments)
humor: Who Says Men Don't Remember? (JOKE)
- 12/05/13 12:54 AM
A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed , and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was. In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewellers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and … (7 comments)
humor: Brand New Breakfast Cereals from General Mills
- 12/02/13 01:54 AM
This is just funny, not Political, but I can GUARANTEE that it will not make the "Blog Roll" For anyone that is going to bash me, don't bother, I am an equal opportunity offender and I PROMISE whatever gets in next time, I will not change my way of looking at the world. I love my country it's the Government that frightens me.
… (6 comments)
humor: I have a confession to make...
- 11/20/13 11:08 PM
I sat, as did millions of other Americans, and watched as the government underwent a peaceful transition of power a few short years ago.. At first, I felt a swell of pride and patriotism while Barack Obama took his Oath of Office. However, all that pride quickly vanished as I later watched 21 Marines, in full dress uniform with rifles,fire a 21-gun salute to the President. It was then that I realized how far America's military had deteriorated. Every one of them missed! Make it a great day from Glenn Freezman ========================================================================= … (8 comments)
humor: Today on the bus.... You won't believe what happened!!!
- 11/19/13 01:59 AM
This morning I got on a bus with both of my front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at me and my bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, I said, "It's golf balls."
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at me for a very long time, deeply thinking about what I had said. After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
Have a great day from Glenn Freezman ========================================================================= … (9 comments)
humor: Urgent Employee Notice
- 11/13/13 05:46 AM
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate. Persons who … (24 comments)
humor: The Affordable Boat Act Passes Into Law!!
- 11/12/13 04:21 AM
The U.S. government has just passed a new law entitled "The Affordable Boat Act" declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new boat by April, 2014. These 'affordable' boats will cost an average of $54,000-$155,000 each. This does not include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration fees, fuel, docking and storage fees, maintenance, or repair costs. This law has been passed because, until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This new law ensures that every American can now have an 'affordable' boat of their own, because everyone is 'entitled' to a new boat. … (5 comments)
humor: Is Title Insurance Like a Kardashian... A No Brainer :)
- 11/12/13 01:23 AM
I have been in the Title Insurance Business for 28 years... Cabo, my pup, has been here 3 years. People don’t understand title insurance, they think it’s like a Kardashian: A no brainer! Title insurance protects, the buyer, against something like the previous owner failing to pay property taxes. And you know what happens to people who don’t pay taxes? They serve two years ... in Congress. Title insurance is like the gallbladder. Everyone has it, but nobody is sure of what it is or exactly what it’s good for. At one settlement, The Prudential agent brought the 2 … (5 comments)
humor: An Elderly Couple Goes to Heaven
- 11/05/13 11:17 PM
This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they “Oohed and aahed” the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost. “It’s free,” St. Peter replied, “this is Heaven.” Next they went out back to survey the championship golf … (4 comments)
humor: Update on Kathy's Surgery
- 10/17/13 05:31 AM
Dear Family and Friends, Most of you know our friend Kathy went in for a surgical procedure for a Butt Lift, using the Obama Care Medical Plan through your new state run insurance exchange. She didn't have the most pleasant experience. She should've left well enough alone. We wanted to show you how it turned out. We hope this makes you aware of the quality of care you will receive from the Affordable Healthcare Act (Obama Care) Please, PLEASE, PLEASE . . Don't get a Butt Lift using the Obama Care Medical Plan. The "Obama care qualified Doctor" was a 3rd … (2 comments)
humor: HILLARY'S FIRST NIGHTS AS PRESIDENT
- 10/07/13 02:09 AM
Hillary Clinton was sworn in today as President. She has disposed of Bill and is spending her first night alone in the White House. She has waited several years for this!! FIRST NIGHT Suddenly! The ghost of George Washington appears to her, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Washington says, "Never tell a lie."
"Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don't know about that." SECOND NIGHT The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears...? Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Jefferson says, "Listen to the people." "Ohhh! I really really don't want to … (10 comments)
From my family at Family Abstract to yours, all our very best! ======================================================================== … (4 comments)
humor: My Wife Has Been Mising For A Week
- 10/01/13 05:55 AM
My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
I hope you all have a great day from me and my family at Family Abstract, Inc. ========================================================================= … (6 comments)
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I learned i can't change the world, but I can change my own world.. As I transition out of ownership and into the working world, I find it therapeutic to watch other people laugh. I may be the ultimate narcissist, I use other peoples laughter to make me feel better. Let me know if my 6 minute set helped.
;)
;)
