While working on a relocation package for my area I decided to add a little humor with a section called "How to talk Yankee" However, after reviewing it my business partner insisted it be removed.  It lowered the integrity of the piece and had to go, he said.  I reluctantly agreed, but I couldn't just delete it so here it is.  What do you think should I have left it in? 

 How to talk like an up north "Yankee"

Despite the fact that you are about to move to northern New England, the truth is unless your family has lived here for generations you'll never really be a true "Native".   When I go to Florida on vacation I'm almost always asked if I'm from Massachusetts because I "talk like a Kennedy".  I used to be offended by such ignorance but I quickly learned that these were the smart ones.  It's amazing how many Americans think New England is a state or a foreign country.  For fun one time I surveyed 10 or so seemingly inelegant people, wearing mouse ears, what the capital of New England was, 6 said Boston, 3 said where's New England and one said get away from me.

However, in an effort to help you fit in we've listed a few rules on how to speak Yankee like a true New Hampsharite or Vamonta.  Don't be confused; way down south in Massachusetts they speak a totally different dialect of Yankee.  They might say things like, cah for car or fah for far or my favorite "New England clam chowdah".  

#1 pronouncing the letters "R, ER or IRE" are optional or maybe replaced with the letter "a" as in New Hampsha, Vamont and Lobsta (Lobster)

#2 we also have a few words or gestures not normally found anywhere else, such as "Ayuh" which means yes.   When two gentlemen pass each other on the street only a quick nod is exchanged, this simple gesture means "Good morning, how are you, fine thanks, have a good day, nice talking with you, goodbye".  Women on the other hand are allowed to have long drawn out conversations about seemingly nothing at all.

#3 Terms of endearment: If you're from Maine, New Hampshire or Vermont anyone from Massachusetts, Connecticut or Rhode Island affectionately known as "Flat-Landers" because it's flat down there, conversely they tend to call us "Woodchucks" I ain't got know idea why?

#4 Special phrases only heard in "Northern New England" like "wicked good beha" which means this beer is really, really awesome!  "All used up" means, we are out of beer! And "Wicked bad" means, oh my God we're out of beer!

#5 don't actually try to speak like this; everyone up here will think you've gone a little squirley!