I was not an official member of the "certified" relo team in my company.  My branch manager was on vacation.  "Joan," an office-mate agent was given the responsibility as serving as substitute Mama while our manager was on vacation.

Joan called to give me a relo that happened to be close to my home.  I visited the couple (over 82) who were both survivors of the holocaust.  Sadly enough, they had voluntarily encased their home property (an enchanted ½ acre) in barbed wire.

They were delightful.  He had lost 75% use of his right arm/hand from experiments in Auschwitz, but had become an awesome artist...oils, wire sculptures...you name it.  Some of his artwork (donations) are in the Holocaust Museum in DC and he spends his time as a volunteer lecturer at the local schools and universities.  The only apparent means of survival is social security.  Their family was located in Colorado, all financially challenged.

After 4 delightful hours with them, it became evident that they did not really want to relocate.  They were in a place where they were giving to the community and felt comfortable and, most importantly, safe.

I reported back to the referring Realtor, who turned out to be their great grandson, that these people did not really want to move.  The grandson was delighted that a perfect stranger had the same observation that he had for years...they did not want to move.

The entire relocation was put to rest.

About eight months later, I received a call from the elderly couple telling me they were ready to sell.  I got the feeling that he was not in good health and wanted to be laid to rest where his family could visit him.

Okay, let's get this baby on the MLS.  No...they told me; they were too uncomfortable with people coming into their home (they were scared).   They said "We know you will find us someone to do a cash deal without putting us on the website."  I felt this was an improbable expectation, but being an incurable optimist, I racked my brain to find a solution for them.  I had none.

Now, you have to understand something; I hardly ever did open houses.  The rate of return on the time that was involved in doing open houses, was shameful. 

Coincidentally, I had another house on the market within blocks of this one; it was on Juanita Drive.

I received a call from the owners of Juanita who told me someone from their place of business was interested in the house and would be there Sunday sometime between noon and 4 pm. 

"Are you nuts?"  That is what I should have been thinking.  Sitting for four hours waiting for a maybe from their office?  Normally I would have said, give me their number and I will make an appointment with them...but I didn't.  I didn't even think about it.  I decided if I was going to be there for 4 hours, I would put up signs and have an open house (definitely not me!).

Who was the first person to walk into the open house; An attorney from one of my commercial deals.

"Mara, what are you doing here?"  I asked.  "Well," said Mara..."I woke up this morning and decided the money I have in the bank for my daughter's college fund is not doing anything and I decided today is the day that I put that money to better use in an investment property."

I closed up the open house, took Mara to the enchanted property, made my introductions...and left!

They made a cash deal to transfer the property and everyone was happy.

A few days later I received a call from the daughter of the elderly couple who lived in Colorado; she could not thank me enough.  She said she was sending me a check for $5,000 for what I had done.  I told her I would not accept it and she should put it towards her parents' move.  She was crying uncontrollably and kept telling me that I was their angel.

As a result of what I had done, the next door neighbor called me to list their home (even though their niece was a Realtor in my company)...and their next door neighbor heard about it and asked me to list their home.  The neighbor across the street saw all my signs and asked me to list her house.

The bottom line here is that a series of occurrences that normally would never have happened...all occurred.  Heaven sent?  I like to think so.

Where does this go?  I would like to see Realtors accept a certain percentage of pro bono (sp?) cases each year...I would like this approved by NAR and the Departments of State in each state.

You never lose when giving.  If no other business had come from what I did, I felt like a million for doing it.  But no good deed goes unrewarded, whether it be in your heart or in your business.  This made an ordinary day into a Holiday I will remember forever.

 LESSON 1: 

 A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. 
        
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. 
       
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. 
      
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' 
        

 After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

 The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.   When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'     'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
       
Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
       

MORAL OF THE STORY:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.  
      

LESSON 2:   

A priest offered a Nun a lift.
       
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
       
The priest nearly had an accident.
       
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
       
 The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
       
 The priest removed his hand. But, in changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.  The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'    The priest apologized.  Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
       
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
       
 On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

       
        MORAL OF THE STORY:

        If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
       
       
        LESSON 3:

        A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
        They rub it and a Genie comes out.
        The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

        'Me first!  Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'

        Puff! She's gone.
       
        'Me next!  Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'

        Puff! He's gone.
       
        'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
        The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.' 
        
       

MORAL OF THE STORY:

        Always let your boss have the first say.

    lESSON 4

        An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
       
        A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'

        The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
       
        So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

       
        MORAL OF THE STORY:

        To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
       
        LESSON 5

        A turkey was chatting with a bull.
       
        'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
        'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
       
        The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

       
        The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
       
        Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
       
        He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
       
        MORAL OF THE STORY:

        Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
       
        LESSON 6

        A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

       
        While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
       
        As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
       
        The dung was actually thawing him out!
       
        He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.  A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

       
        Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

       
        MORAL OF THE STORY:

 
        (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
       
        (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
        friend.
       
        (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
        your mouth shut!
       
       
        THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Life can be sweet, especially when you can grab a train and be in NYC in 35 minutes!  There is a direct non-stop express train moments from this Exquisite Victorian Townhouse that begins on the 2nd floor.

Private Entry, Original Hardwood Floors, Kitchen and Baths totally updated...crown molding, ceramic tile, new appliances, tons of storage, ALL UTILITIES INCLUDED even 1 DVR, All Gold Package Movies AND HiSpeed Internet!

Do you love this Granny Porch?

You even get GARAGE Parking!

Add all the above with a fantastic school District, Rockville Centre, on the corner of a Cul-de-Sac.  Rent of $2950 includes Gas, Electric, Heat, Water, Garbage Removal, Sewer...What a deal!

Contact:

Gail Gladstone, Coldwell Banker   631-425-6150 for more information.

"Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.  

•·        If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.  

•·        If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.  

•·        If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.  

•·        If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.  

•·        She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.

So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit."

Shared by a gentleman who teaches AP Government at Santa Fe High School.
 
They were discussing the qualifications to be President of the United States .
 
They are pretty simple: 

The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years of age.
 
One girl in the class immediately started complaining about how unfair the requirement to be a natural born citizen was. 

'What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by c-section?'


Some Belles just ring louder!

Gail Gladstone

True   Friendship  --  None of that Sissy Crap

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good,

But never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

You will see no cute little smiley faces on this card --  Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship. 

1. When you are sad --  I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in. 

4. When you are scared -- I will rag you about it every chance I get until you're NOT.

5.. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will try to use only little words.

7. When you are sick --  Stay the hell away from me until you are well again.  I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will laugh at your clumsy arse, but I'll help you up.

9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask;

because you are my friend.

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

Gail Gladstone

Long Island Business Brokerage

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, That chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road. And by the way, I'd like to tell you a little story about the chicken, many years ago that chicken was a prisoner of war...

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experie nce ma kes me uniquely qualified to ensure - right from Day One! - that every chicken in this country
gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

SARAH PALIN: I could see the chicken crossing the road from my house.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your  definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's' intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.  

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens. Then the chicken walks onto stage and starts jumping up and down on the couch.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks!!!

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one? 

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. 

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. 

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." 



"No problem, just let me in," says the senator. 



"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity." 



"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator. 


"I'm sorry, but we have our rules." 



And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. 



Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. 



They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. 



Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he 
realizes it, it is time to go. 



Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises  .



The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. 



"Now it's time to visit heaven." 



So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. 



"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity." 



The senator reflects for a minute, then answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell." 



So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. 



Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. 



He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above... 



The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?" 



The devil looks at him, smiles and says....... 



"Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted

Now...here's the real kick, you can replace politicians with Realtors and the ending is:  Yesterday you were a prospect...today you are a client!!!!   Have fun with this.

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, l et me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the

Government..

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you

the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the

Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to

check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely

soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door

locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the

nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, 'Dad, I think I

understand the concept of politics now.'

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think

politics is all about.'

The little boy replies,

'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is

sound asleep.

The People are being ignored and the

Future is in deep shit.

Wishing you all a very Happy, Healthy, and prosporous year ahead!  Lashana Tova!

On the morning of Rosh Hashana as the congregation was filing into the sanctuary, Rabbi Feldman noticed little Max standing in the foyer of the synagogue staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names, with small American flags mounted on either side of it. The six-year
old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the Rabbi walked up,
stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Boker tov, Max. '

'Boker tov, Rabbi Feldman,' he replied, still focused on the plaque. 
'Rabbi Feldman, what is this?' he said, pointing to the plaque.

The good Rabbi tenderly put his arm around Max's shoulder and said,
'Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in
The service."

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Finally, little Max, in a voice barely audible and trembling with fear asked, 'Which service, Rosh Hashana or Yom Kippur?'