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long island realtor humor: US QUALIFICATIONS FOR PRESIDENCY - BLONDE HUMOR - 11/01/08 08:05 AM
Shared by a gentleman who teaches AP Government at Santa Fe High School. They were discussing the qualifications to be President of the United States . They are pretty simple:
The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years of age. One girl in the class immediately started complaining about how unfair the requirement to be a natural born citizen was.
In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president. The teacher and the class were just taking it in and letting her rant, but everyone's jaw hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating … (10 comments)
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long island realtor humor: What else? POLITICS!!!! & HUMOR - 10/17/08 07:56 PM
While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says the senator. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose … (7 comments)
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long island realtor humor: A HUMOROUS START TO THE NEW YEAR - 10/02/08 04:14 AM
Wishing you all a very Happy, Healthy, and prosporous year ahead! Lashana Tova!
On the morning of Rosh Hashana as the congregation was filing into the sanctuary, Rabbi Feldman noticed little Max standing in the foyer of the synagogue staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names, with small American flags mounted on either side of it. The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the Rabbi walked up,stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Boker tov, Max. ''Boker tov, Rabbi Feldman,' he replied, still focused on the plaque. 'Rabbi Feldman, … (8 comments)
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long island realtor humor: SAFEST HIGH PAYING INVESTMENT FOR YOUR DOLLARS - HUMOR - 10/02/08 04:08 AM
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left.
If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling refund you would have $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is … (4 comments)
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long island realtor humor: CAN TIDE KEEP YOU OUT OF JAIL? - 09/23/08 08:42 PM
Dear TIDE ,
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better!
About a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed … (11 comments)
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long island realtor humor: NOT ONE COMMENT? ARE YOU KIDDING? DO ELEPHANTS REALLY REMEMBER? A TOUCHING STORY - 09/11/08 08:34 PM
In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University ...
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with … (6 comments)
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long island realtor humor: HYSTERICALLY FUNNY - A MUST READ! - 08/27/08 11:36 PM
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this: COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer. ABBOTT: Mac? COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou. ABBOTT: Your computer? COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. ABBOTT : Mac? COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou. ABBOTT: What about Windows? COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here? ABBOTT: Do you want … (10 comments)
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long island realtor humor: SEX AFTER MARRIAGE - HUMOR - 06/16/08 02:52 PM
One night, after the couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was ouching her in a most unusual manner. He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.
He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle stroking then started up the inside of … (12 comments)
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long island realtor humor: FOOTBALL FROM A BLONDE'S VIEW - HUMOR - 06/10/08 05:14 PM
This guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked it. 'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over like 25 cents.' Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?' 'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only … (4 comments)
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long island realtor humor: 50 FUN THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR - HUMOR - 06/08/08 04:39 PM
50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your tissue to other passengers.3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shutup, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"4. Whistle the first seven notes of 'It's a Small World' incessantly.5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.6. On a long ride, crash from side to side as if you're on rough seas.7. Shave. (Especially if you're a woman.)8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask:"Got enough air in there?"9. Offer … (9 comments)
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long island realtor humor: $50 IS $50 - HUMOR - 06/07/08 07:34 PM
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther,I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'
Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'
To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'
The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you … (3 comments)
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long island realtor humor: HUMOR - INTENDED TO OFFEND 4 NATIONALITIES & A POLITICIAN - 03/26/08 06:27 PM
Looking for Work A Japanese doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.' A German doctor said, 'That's nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.' A British doctor said, 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half of a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for … (6 comments)
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Gail Gladstone
Huntington,
NY
More about me…
Gladstone Group & Long Island Business Brokerage
Address: 191 Manor Road, Huntington, NY, 11743
Office Phone: (631) 425-6150
Cell Phone: (516) 241-4844
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