Do you know why you "honk?" 

That is, do you understand the targets of your messages? Do you even consider this?

Traffic in big cities is usually very aggressive and often congested.  On a recent trip to New York, I noticed taxi drivers often honk when there is congestion but where the honk has no apparent target.  That is, no clear obstacle that could move and solve the congestion.

It made me wonder if  the drivers are not necessarily honking to get traffic moving but, instead, to make sure the passengers still feel there is a sense of urgency, especially since that meter is running.

After all, a driver that looks like he is out for a leisurely drive while the meter is running is far less likely to get a tip and may even get complaints.  But a driver working to move along quickly... now there is someone worthy of a tip, right?

So it appears to me that a honk may sound the same but really be for two different audiences, each with a different message.  The honk may say, "Hey, get out of my way!" or it may say "See, I'm working hard for you."  Sometimes the honk does both at the same time!

One other thing I noticed was that while taxis may honk periodically, they generally don't honk non-stop.  A short occasional honk has a message that is heard by others.  But almost endless "honk, honk, honk" is actually just an annoyance with no real message except frustration (or maybe even stupidity?).  And it soon loses whatever message of value it was supposed to convey.

So what does this have to do with real estate and better communication? 

Consider that we all "honk" (i.e., have messages).  "Buy this house, agree to this listing, accept this offer, don't overprice."  They are all "honks" and like a car horn, may spur action or may be ignored. 

Sometimes our "honks" may sound the same but can serve more than one audience with a different intent.  So be careful. What you say to a client may have a different meaning to an agent... or vice versa.

And remember to be mindful that you should not "honk" your message endlessly and continually, especially if you are already being ignored.  Those "honks" really don't produce desired results.  The become background noise, ignored by those on the street at they focus on the messages they are willing to hear.

To be effective, honk you message but be sure you know why you honk and who you are honking at (or for)!  "Honk" with a purpose, not mindlessly.

Honk, Honk!

"We don't perceive things as they are, we perceive them as we are!"
                           ~~  Anaïs Nin

Effective communication is very dependent on our perception.  By nature, that makes our own perception unique from all others.  

Our perception can also create big (often hidden) problems as we strive to connect with clients, colleagues, and even family and friends.  This can result in lost deals, failed proposals, and sometimes accidental hurt feelings.

You see, we respond to others based on what we see, hear and feel.  Or, more accurately, we respond based on what we think we see, what we think we hear and how we think we feel.

Keep in mind that our perception of the world is heavily influenced by our own experience, culture, attention, assumptions, bias and agenda.

I find that many of the most effective communicators often see past their own influences to understand others better.  The consideration of the view point of others is very powerful.  And I'm not talking about a projection of your own views onto others.  I am referring to a true, deliberate action to consider view other than our own.

For example, have you ever spoken with a stranger on the phone and wonder why they seem mad or upset with you (and assuming you've not been rude or inappropriate)?   Did you consider that they may indeed be upset but it may have absolutely nothing to do with you?  Perhaps they had a fight that morning with their spouse or they are having money trouble or the dog is sick.  

The fact is that you often have no real factual idea why the are upset, just that you are on the receiving end of this problem and, by experience, assume it is thus some how about you.  However, to assume their behavior is solely based on you and nothing else is, well, self-centered.

Before jumping to a "feeling" based conclusion and responding based on that conclusion, consider the facts you do know and those you do not know.  Unless you are explicitly told, you likely do not know why that person is really upset.  Odds are that it is not all because of you.  Sorry.  So don't make it about you as a response.

Considering the perspective of others is hard.  It requires practice.  But as you get better at it, you can also get better at understanding how you are perceived.   Together, all of this improves your ability to communicate with others.

And improving our communication helps our clients, our colleagues, our family and our friends!

Do you want to know a way to get better service, more loyal customers, and stronger relationships at work and at home?  

Consciously recognize things you appreciate, then express GENUINE thanks. 

It sounds easy and simple.  So why do so few do it regularly?  Oh, they may mindlessly say the words "thank you" as a matter of courtesy and social habits.  But that is not the same.  That is polite but not really appreciative.

The challenge of genuine appreciation is it requires regular attention to all that we should appreciate but often take for granted.   Appreciation requires consideration and understanding of the effort, perspective, intention and value of others. 

You cannot accidentally appreciate.  It is a deliberate action. 

It requires recognition.

It requires thought.

It requires perspective.

It is rewarding to all.

I have a few clients that when they call they always apologize for interrupting my work.  I'm very glad they called.  If clients didn't call, we would not have business.  They ARE my work.

So I appreciate every call, even if the caller is unhappy about something.  They are giving me the opportunity to make things better.  They are expressing confidence in me that I will improve the situation.  In one way or another, every call is a call that demonstrates trust.  If they did not trust us, they would be calling someone else.  I appreciate every call.

Because appreciation is an action, that means it is a skill you can actually practice to improve.  We can improve our attention and our expression of thanks. 

For instance, a great place to practice regular genuine appreciation is with strangers at restaurants.  Even fast food restaurants.  Talk WITH the waiter/order taker, not AT them.  Smile.  A real smile.  Be pleasant.  Be cooperative.  Be friendly.  Have a sense of humor.  

Do you have to do this?  Of course not.  And it takes effort.  But do this regularly and I promise you will not only feel better about how you've treated another human being but, more times than not, you will get better service too!

People will appreciate that you have treated them with respect and good humor (something they rarely see).  And if this can work here with only a brief conversation with a stranger, imagine how it can improve the relationship with those you come in contact with every day.

I know everyone that reads my writing is busy.  We all are busy in our worlds. I appreciate that you take the time to read my posts. Really. When a comment comes online or through email, I feel very honored that someone would not only read it, but take the time to participate in the topic.  You don't have to do that.  And I know that.  Thank you!

 -----------------------

On a related note, this prior post may be of interest... "What if Everyone was Great?"

Ever hear another Realtor or a loan officer frequently express frustration about their clients, colleagues or employees making things hard?

Now, I know some clients are really just difficult people.  Hey, so are some of the so-called "professionals."  

But I am talking about the professionals that, for some reason, expect EVERYONE else to be equally knowledgeable, professional and efficient.  If anyone does not meet that standard, they get frustrated or even upset.

It would indeed make life great if everyone we worked with was educated, qualified, funded, logical and clear on their goals.  Or would it? 

Consider this... 

If the client is already educated, qualified, funded, logical and clear on their goals... what do they need you for?  A little efficiency?  That assumes you are more efficient.  You may not be.  If you cannot bring significantly more to the table than the client can bring on their own, why are you involved? 

What if all of the your staff was as good at your job as you... are you needed as their leader? 

If all of the other Realtors or loan officers you work with are as good at their job as you, how will you advance your career?  Then you would be just one of the pack and nothing special!

Do clients and collagues that need help take more effort?  Of course!  However, I believe contantly complaining about the effort required to assist them is not a good thing. 

In fact, when I hear someone who regularly complains about their clients, employees or colleagues, I usually suspect it is because the complainer is lazy (and may also have major self esteem issues).  I suspect they don't like the work needed to accomplish the task correctly.  Or they are hiding from the task of correcting the problem. They complain instead of embracing the opportunity.  And even if they are not lazy, they certainly don't sound professional.

Most people are generally smarter than we give them credit.  Sooner or later, they start to understand if you are leading,  following or being the real obstacle.  If you are not leading, they may say something or, more likely, they find a way to quietly distance themselves from you.

So next time you get frustrated or impatient with someone on a project and they clearly do not have your industry knowledge or experience, remember this: 

It is your golden opportunity to provide them true value.

That is where the money is to be made, where a great reputation is earned, where the referrals develop and the advancements start!

We don't see the world as it is... we see it as we are.

That means that our reality will differ from the reality experienced by everyone you deal with... clients, brokers, loan officers, agents, recruiters, family and even the paper boy (they still have those, right?).

I see so many people that automatically assume some things I find wrong, strange or just different.  And that can make a deal, a contract or a sale difficult.

Making this worse are the people that believe there the truths they see in the world... their perspective... is the only way the world exists.  So they bully, push, pull and shove to get you and everyone else to understand how they are right.

So what do you do about this?  Well, I would submit that considering the other perspectives is a first and critical step.  Then look for ways to agree and ways to ask questions about things from the other perspective, instead of your own.

Pushing back information on someone that "knows" they are right rarely works.  So don't.  Instead, try to see the world as they do, then work with them as best you can.  It does not mean you give in to them.  Just be more interested in helping someone than showing them how right you are today. 

I can use your help.  After months of posting only on AR, we've setup some new things.

We have our new outside blog, www.NerdToEnglish.com, online and it has been great fun.  We've added speaking engagements, assessments and other services to the ways we are helping clients.

I'm posting here today because I'd love your feedback on this site.  Good, bad, ugly, useful, useless, ideas, suggestions, "like to see" ideas, ....

Thanks and have a great day!!  Glenn

For the most part, puppies and kittens are loved by all.  Even the gruff and the unpleasant usually melt a bit if you drop a young puppy or kitten in their lap.

While not as obvious, people love their ideas even more.  And like a mother dog or cat, they will defend these ideas from all that threaten them, regardless of how appropriate or inappropriate the threat is (or perceived to be).

It's not always logical and it is not always beneficial.  It is instinctive for most people.

So, why does this matter?  Two reasons.

First, your ideas may be great... but likely not all of them.  Allow some of them to fail or be defeated.  It will help the others bloom and blossom as you focus energy on the winners instead of defending them all.

Second, realize that when you do not embrace someone else's ideas, they may unconsciously see it as an attack.  Find ways to pull people along instead of pushing them.  Find something to like about their ideas even if you do not love them or intend to use them.  It will be appreciated if you are sincere.

This is very important in business negotiations, prospecting, selling and even cooperation with your clients, vendors and colleagues. 

So, show some love for someone else's ideas when you can.  (And don't pass up the chance to pet a puppy or kitten either!)

I'm doing a poll on one of our new blogs and need your opinion about communication and people that use big and obscure words.

http://blog.nerdtoenglish.com/poll

Should take less than a minute.

I'm curious about this since I often hear lenders and real estate agents use their "lingo" around clients that don't understand all the language.

Thanks!! Glenn

P.S. I'll post results in a few days.  I'm collecting data from several sources. 

We all have a specialty language that other see as "nerd speak" even if you don't.  While that language may be great when working with colleagues, what about customers?  Do they get it?  Are you sure??

Come learn why customers, service providers and even colleagues fail to hear you... and what you can do about it!

• Feel Your Message Gets Lost (or Ignored)? Learn Why!
• We are All in Sales... Even if We are Just Selling Our Ideas!
• Quit Pushing Your Ideas… No One Wants to Be Pushed!
• Don’t Communicate to Impress… Communicate to Succeed!
• Know How to Say “No” for Everyone’s Benefit! Brown Bag

Brownbag Lunch (bring your own)

FREE - Registration requested but not required.

Presenter: Glenn S. Phillips

Innovation Depot, 1500 1st Ave N, Birmingham, AL 35203

Wednesday, July 22, 2009 from 11:30 AM - 12:30 PM (CT)

Jennifer Allan's post, "Good for you, let me know if you need anything." led me to think of Real Estate as an industry and the story of the emperor's new clothes.  

While every industry has it's problems, I believe that the Real Estate industry has created some unique issues for itself that few wish to discuss openly.  And probably because those in a position of power to change it are the same ones that financially benefit by the dysfunction.

One of the suprises for me as I learned more about the details of the Real Estate business in the last few years was how many real estate brokers are primarily in the business of renting desks and collecting a "piece of the action."  Not all. But too many.

With all due respect, in some offices there are similarities to the mob.  You have to be party of "the family." The law says so. You've got no where else to go but another "family."  In time, you may can start your own "family."

And you are going to pay a piece of the action to the "family" on each deal, whether the "family" helps you out or not.  In fact, you usually have to "prove" yourself to the "family" before you get much help.  By then, if you survive, you may not need the help but that's cool.  The "family" won't have to make the effort then either.

Why do they not help much in the beginning? They want to know if you "got what it takes" before they show much interest in helping.  Survival of the fittest. 

And there are turf wars over neighborhoods and customers, not only with other "families" but those in your own "family" too. 

The old-school guys don't always see value of the young guns taking too much "action."  Sometimes "killing a few off" preserves turf.

We deal with many agents and brokers from a different vantage point than agents, brokers and customers.  It has been very revealing.  In more cases than not, we found brokers that not only did little training and support but even "charged" a fee in some quasi-hidden way for any third-parties to have access to their agents for any reason, including educational.

I want to be clear.  This is not all brokers.  There are some that have figured out that they can increase their income from "pretty good" to "very good" by investing in their team and growing a great team.  These people are a benefit to all those they interact with, including the public, their agents and even the economy.

But the majority we see don't bother building a real team because they make enough money with their own listings, buyers and renting desks to agents.  It's enough money so why work any harder. 

Attitudes are a reflection of leadership.  And the leadership that could change this is the very same group that most benefits from it.  Thus, they are not only incented to avoid change, they are incented to fight change. Thus, like George Orwell's Animal Farm, "All animals are created equal, but some animals are more equal than others."

Despite all this, there also remain Realtors surprised that the general public does not think highly of most the industry.  This surprise to me is how many agents that are that out of touch with solid business concepts and/or consider all of the public as "lesser intelligence." And this serves no one, not even the agents.

I'm not sure there is an action point to this post.  I don't see the model changing except to be gradually overwhelmed by a better informed public that will increasingly find ways around such dysfunction.  The smart business people in this industry already know this and are making plans to be a part of these changes, for their benefit and to benefit the customers.

For the most part, the current business model rarely serves the customer best.  However, history tells us bad business models and the market both self-correct over time.  Tick. Tock.