I think it is safe to say that the real estate industry is at crossroads. Big changes have taken place. More changes are coming, even if there is uncertainty of exactly what those new changes will be.

All this turbulence has exposed a big problem for many real estate professionals: What used to work is often now an obstacle to success.

OLD HABITS

The old way is an easy habit. It may be socially accepted and even expected. It is comfortable and comfort makes us feel safe (even when we aren't). Old habits don't require as much thought. Others may not be as likely to resist or fight you, even if they do ignore you.

If the past was a big success, it is even more persuasive. Others now expect this type of success from you again. This makes doing something different feel even more dangerous.

When we are faced with uncertainty, it is an instinctive reaction to go back to what worked the last time. Our emotional comfort lies in past successes. Sometimes that is a good decision. Many times, the old ways of doing things no longer work, or no longer work well.

We all fool ourselves about many things, including our past. The possibility of failing when doing something new hampers us, especially if we think we've had it all figured out before.

BAD FASHION AND SPORTS

Ever notice someone that dresses in styles that were popular ten or twenty years ago? I bet that was a time of success (or perceived success) in their life. It still "feels right" to them, avoiding the risk of a new fashion. Same goes for old hair styles. Yet, what used to work for them then, clearly doesn't work now.

When coaching youth basketball for several years, I once heard a coach talk about one advantage of trailing on the scoreboard at half-time. He said that when the other team had a decent lead, it was unlikely they would make many changes. So, he knew exactly what adjustments he could make to get his team back in the game. The opponent was going to stick with what worked in the first half, even if it eventually lost them the game.

FIGHT CHANGE TO THE DEATH

Even in turbulent times, I see many real estate companies and professionals fight new technology, new customer service ideas, and new business models while their company uses the "way we've always done it" to drive the business into the ground. And as they fail, they blame everyone and everything but themselves. They see the failure as something they cannot control, such as the economy, the unfaithful clients or the competition. After all, they "know" what works, even if it has not worked well in years. It is a path to failure and takes professional maturity to overcome.

Not all changes will lead to success. But despite our human nature being resistant to change, the world is ever changing. Adapting is a key to success, including overcoming our distorted view of the past.

Who in real estate has not suffered at the hands of someone else's secret agenda? That realization that not just that someone lied, but the deception had a specific, hidden goal.

Now, we all have a personal agenda, even in our work. That's normal. Interestingly, for most of us a majority of that agenda is hidden. It is hidden in fear and kept secret, believing that if we share it then others will use it against us. “If I tell them my plan, they might stop me.”

What many fail to realize is that the secret agendas are not really that secret. And these hidden agendas create their own dangers. Here are five of these dangers:

1. Your behavior will betray you.

We've all seen deceptive listings, strange pricing, and even lies about property. Too many forget that while they may not share their hidden agenda with words, actions and attitude will reveal it. Maybe not all at once, but over time actions show true intentions.

Logically we all know that when our words do not match our actions, we lose credibility. Yet so many fall in the trap of believing others are not watching and listening. They are doing just that, even if they don’t ever tell you.

2. Your commitments will suffer.

Commitments are often made publicly due to social pressure or professional responsibility but they may be contrary to our secret agendas. It is hard to stick to commitments we don’t believe in.

3. You will waste a lot of time.

Secret agendas along with public commitments can mean having to essentially work on two plans at one time. That takes more effort, much of it wasted, redundant, and inefficient.

4. Others will lose trust in you.

As your actions betray that you have a different agenda than you say, others will notice and find it harder and harder to have confidence that they can count on your word.

5. You’ll lose trust in others.

As others lose trust in you, you’ll notice. It may even hurt your feelings as if you feel let down or betrayed that you are treated differently. It will be hard to notice that you started the cycle (or at least feed the cycle) of mistrust.

I’m not suggesting all of your plans should be shouted from the rooftops and plastered all over social media. Keeping your game plan for life and work private can be important (or at least prudent). You may follow a private plan individually, with your clients, your work team, or your family. It is when personal secret agendas fail to match stated plans where problems develop that work against you.

Thoughtful plans are considered a great step toward success. However, secret agendas create inconsistencies in our relationships that hold us back and create unwinnable situations.

Develop plans that you believe in, find ways to believe in yourself, and you’ll find there is a power in transparency that makes success easier, not harder.

We all know the deadly experts. These are the people that use their expertise to kill sales, listing opportunities, and even relationships.

In many organizations, you find these experts in every corner, including technology, marketing, sales, training, and legal. In real estate, you find them among the sellers, buyers, brokers, attorneys, and just about every type of service provider.

The deadly experts use BIG WORDS to intimidate, bully, disgrace, protest, and even brag. Even someone that has comparable expertise may be casually dismissed by these deadly experts. (For if they admit that someone else may be right it damages their power and self-esteem.)

Okay, so this is not really real estate related, except perhaps that it speaks to the human nature side of how we all see each other and respond to each other (which is often the biggest point of failure in real estate deals).

I've been thinking about how we perceive our world and how it is heavily influenced by how those around us perceive it. Or how they project it.

For instance, a Southern accent is often used in media, particularly television and movies, to project the image of someone uneducated and not very bright. Think of Gomer Pyle, Forrest Gump, or Boss Hogg. Now I'll grant that each of these characters were in television shows that had other southern characters that were bright and clever.  However, those characters usually had less accent. Apparently it is assumed by some that more accent equals less intelligence.

Of course there was a time when people of the South were, at least in some circles, held in much higher esteem. Prior to the Civil War, Southerners were often considered differently. Every region of our country had many poor, uneducated citizens, regardless of accent. At the same time, many Southerners were considered not only great statesmen and diplomats but also great military leaders and intellectuals of influence.

George Washington led the forces of the American Revolution and our government. Thomas Jefferson was the lead author of the Declaration of Independence. James Madison is considered the father of the Constitution and George Mason the author of the Bill of Rights. All were Southerners.

Even as years passed, Southerners continued to be seen as smart and savvy. At the start of the American Civil War, Abraham Lincoln's first choice to lead the Union Army was General Robert E. Lee. A Southerner.

It is true the South has influence in government again and there have since been recent presidents from the South. At the same time, I have been told on multiple occasions that specifically because of my Southern accent, I may not be taken as seriously in business, especially by company leaders. It was suggested I should take lessons to kill my Southern accent. Such suggestions bring three thoughts to mind:

1.  My accent may stand out more because many regional accents, due to the homogenization of language by television and movies, are starting to slowly disappear across our country. What a shame. Language styles in each part of our country are part of the unique cultures that make us all interesting and diverse.

2.  Surely company leaders across the country are smart enough to realize accent stereotypes are just that, stereotypes, not necessarily reality.

3.  Interestingly, #2 above is frequently not true.

At the risk of sounding overly defensive (which I don't think I am), it also makes me wonder which should be considered the least intelligent: The person with a pronounced accent OR the person that can't see past stereotypes?

Interestingly, there are very positive aspects of such an accent. While some people are quick to discount someone with a Southern accent, I have found times it has been very helpful in business. I've been involved in business deals where my colleagues from northern states said my accent allows me to be more direct without offense. They claim I can say things they can't because my accent projects greater sincerity and helps build rapport.

Although I realize there may be some people that might not take me seriously due to my accent, I've decided that's okay. In fact, it is possible that anyone that can't see past a stereotype of language (or other stereotypes for that matter), may struggle to properly see other aspects of our work together. Successful projects usually have the vision to see past assumptions and find better ways to do things. This requires the ability to see the world from the perspective of others.

Naturally, the assumptions about accents can be about more than just Southern accents. It can be any accent. Or any other behavior or stereotype. Like most communication issues, an accent is not always about the words but how they are presented and, most importantly, how they are heard.

All of this reminds me of something I heard from Dr. Johnnie Vinson, one of my professors at Auburn University, "We may talk slow. That doesn't mean we think slow."

In hearing many stories, including those on ActiveRain, I am struck by how many people are upset or angry at other people for their own failures. While in many cases this appears to just be a blatant blame game, I think it may be something a little deeper.

I see way too many people, including many real estate professionals, who often hide or ignore the right answer because it seems hard or difficult. They dismiss the correct answer, hoping to find a shortcut. Or hope the problem will go away or maybe someone else will solve the problem for them. Denial and avoidance are common attempted solutions to many problems that honestly can only be solved by work.

Want to be successful? Want more listings or to sell more houses? To create buzz in the market? To know that people are likely to remember you, to seek you out, to hire you? Be Extremely.

Be extremely expensive or extremely cheap.

Whether you are seeking a listing appointment, trying to schedule a showing, or even trying to get a job interview or a date, our life is filled with requests that are not just denied, they are ignored.

As I hear my friend Dara Hosey call it, “The Big Ig.” And it gets even bigger if multiple requests are ignored.

I have a number of friends who refer to this silence of unanswered requests as “crickets,” referring, of course, to the suggestion that when they listen for a response it is so quiet all they can hear are the crickets in the woods. They may say, “I sent the material two weeks ago and followed up by email but all I got was crickets.”

We’ve all gotten The Big Ig. And we’ve all given it. Sometimes it is intentional, sometimes it is not.

I believe most of us don’t even take it very personal to get The Big Ig, at least not as personal as it used to be. Is this a sign of professional and social breakdowns? Perhaps a little but I say it is more just acceptance that the flurry of messages and requests on all of us has made it impossible to respond to everyone.s just a sign of the overwhelming pace of life and bombardment of messages we all receive each day.

We’ve even learned to accept The Big Ig as an answer. I know several people that use the three strikes rule. If they reach out to someone three times with no response, they take the lack of response as a semi-formal “not interested.”

Sometimes we earn The Big Ig by making bad requests of others. I get voice-mails that are unsolicited, do not address any problem I have, may not fit our work, and seem to really just be a salesperson randomly fishing for chances. No matter how polite, if there is no engagement or value, I admit don’t return all those calls. The Big Ig is my answer to them.

Some people ignore others because they are uncomfortable saying, “No.” So they ignore someone hoping they will eventually give up and go away. Usually this works but it sure wastes everyone’s time and energy. A non-aggressive, appropriately assertive “No” can streamline your life and your projects.

I work hard to be professional and courteous to others. I don’t like to ignore requests, as you never know where many of them may lead. At the same time, if I’ve established my appropriate personal and professional boundaries, I reserve the right to remain focused on my personal priorities in life and business. In this day, it is too easy for the demands of others to consume you.

I admit that at times I’ve been guilty of giving the Big Ig when it was never my intention. Perhaps I’ve let a hectic week or poor focus get the best of me. At that point, the best I can do is offer a sincere apology and work to do better next time.

If you are frequently ignored, look harder to see if your messages have real and clear value and not just value to you and your business. And in responding to others, have appropriate and healthy boundaries without being a pompous jerk.

And the next time someone gives you the Big Ig, I suggest you use it as a reminder to check your own habits and behavior. Even though many are ignoring you, there are also many that are watching and remembering.

Ever go to a real estate convention or association luncheon where they have a session or luncheon with a "panel of experts?"

Along with the "distinguished" panelists will be a moderator that asks timely questions. The panelists are clearly important and knowledgeable people. You may have been one of these panelist. The questions are usually about a specific topic, often related to a specific industry, market or region of the country.

What a waste. The problem is not really the main topic or theme. These are usually timely and important. I’ve seen recent panels about the local economy, new laws, the impact of social media, or new trends in the industry. The topics are typically similar to the topics I discuss with our clients. In other words, the topics are what we in the industry are discussing and trying to learn more about. Seems reasonable, right?

The problem is the panel concept, structure and behavior. Even with a great moderator (which is rare), each speaker has little time to get into the meat of a topic. In the interest of appearing polite, I rarely see panelists even hint at disagreement. Meanwhile, I’m thinking, “If they all agree so much, why are they all here? Couldn’t just one of them given us a solid insight into the topic alone?”

So why have panels? I think it is because it is easy. It is easier to attract attendees to your event if you have more “big” names on the speaker list. It is easier on the panelists because they won’t have to prepare very hard to simply answer a few questions with general, shoot-from-the-hip answers they likely have already given in interviews or with their clients.

It can sometimes be easier to attract panelists together than any one of them alone. Why? Because they may see it as a way to network with important peers, or people they look up to, that have also agreed to serve on the panel.

It may also be easier to assemble a panel because within any given large group of busy potential panelists it is possible to find four or five that are available. And it is easier, and often less expensive, to have a panel than to find a dynamic speaker with great ideas and an interesting presentation. Many great speakers are very busy or charge money. Or both.

The Lesson for You - Your messages may be for colleagues, clients, rookies, lenders, marketing, sales, or careers. If those messages suggest a big important idea and then only deliver boring and forgettable, what good was that effort? You and your message will either be forgotten or, perhaps worse, remembered as boring and of little value.

Don’t let your messages be lost in the distinguished panel syndrome. Safe and boring may feel safe. It’s not. Be the one that has a message that stands out, adds value, and creates new perspective.

I recently saw a young man wearing a t-shirt that said, “It’s funny how you think I’m listening.”

There are times I believe we all deserve such a t-shirt. Not because it is funny but because of how often we poorly communicate. We are all guilty of not listening at times. We're thinking of what to say to clients instead of hearing their concerns. We daydream or think about our problems or the upcoming weekend. We pretend to listen while checking Facebook and texting.

I believe one of the reasons that video telephones have yet to become mainstream is that we don’t want others to see how little we are paying attention while on the phone. We are checking email, filing papers, waving at visitors, and even reading the news.

There are also times we are not listening and we are not the guilty party. We are being bored to death. The person speaking is the guilty party, abusing us with bad, boring, irrelevant babble and expecting attention they have not earned.

Captive audiences are the most likely to be abused. At business events and in school, it is common for even the extremely bored people to at least appear interested. Many of us have learned to hide that we are ignoring the speaker. It is a social behavior that we pretend interest. After all, it would be rude to obviously ignore any speaker or teacher, right?

Over time, we’ve learned to tune out others and we’ve learned how to make ourselves easily ignored. I suppose this all goes hand-in-hand.

The lesson of the t-shirt is two-fold. First, listening is not just hearing. It is paying attention and considering ideas and information. And second, being “listenable” is not just about speaking. It is about being relative and valuable to others.

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Other posts that may be of interest...

>> 8 Ways to Make Yourself Helpless (and run off business)

>> 11 Steps to Mutually Qualify

>> You are in the Hospitality Business

>> The Big Ig (Ignore)

We've all seen the real estate agent, broker or lender that ran their deals by the "seat of their pants." They often think they are a hero. But don't you usually think they are a mess and a time-waster? Really, admit it.

The ability to think is important. At times, the ability to think under pressure and adapt to change is even more important. However, just because someone important to a deal makes ad hoc decisions, does not always mean they get them right. And it does not mean their authority makes them beyond question.

For instance, I was at a recent large chamber of commerce event. It was a networking event similar to speed dating, but for businesses. There were tables for eight people. Each person had sixty seconds to explain their business. After everyone had a turn, the moderator would have everyone get up and change tables. Then the process repeated in new groups.

Easy enough. But there was a problem, and that was compounded by a spontaneous, ad hoc change by the moderator that no one seemed to realize created more problems.

There were very bad storms that day and many people that had registered failed to attend. But instead of just using fewer tables, the moderator (without removing chairs) set the rules to be seven people per table instead of eight. Then he announced he would allow an extra exchange of tables “so you get a chance to meet even more people.”

This created a host of problems. People arriving late saw an empty chair at a table and took it mid-round. That meant too many people for the time allocated. And the extra rotation with 7 people per table was actually fewer contacts than the original plan of 8 people per table without the extra rotation. In other words, his new plan reduced the number of contacts instead of increasing it!

So, while thinking he was rescuing the event, the moderator induced more chaos and reduced the number of contacts each person could make in the process. A lose-lose.

I was fascinated that no one seemed to notice the problems. Everyone just followed along. Of course this could have just been in the spirit of cooperation. However, as I mentioned the new process reduced our number of contacts instead of increasing them, each person looked very surprised. Some even looked doubtful I was correct. After all, we got an extra rotation, right?

People are good at fooling themselves. And when we fool ourselves, we often fool others. People will easily believe what they are told and even blindly accept and willingly cooperate with a bad plan without much consideration.

Now I know this all sounds like I’m complaining about the event. I’m really not. The chaos induced was relatively minor and the number of contact opportunities was only reduced by a few. I actually saw this as a personal bonus, the chance to watch everyone and ask many of them questions while in the midst of this bad ad hoc plan that reduced the business value of the event. And I still made new business contacts.

Ad Hoc thinking and plans are important but not without risk. Just because there may be little time to consider options does not mean our thought process should be turned off.

“Winging it” has gotten many a successful person through a challenge. Just be careful to not assume that this is always a recipe for success, no matter how important you are or how confident your leaders may seem.