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humor: “Beautiful craftmanshit” - The Straight Poop About MLS Bloopers - 05/24/12 11:06 AM
Something in America has died, my friends – spelling! But how much fun would we have if we couldn’t occasionally laugh at some of these ridiculous bloopers from the MLS and the local real estate ads? Some of these are worth donning a party hat:
Where the Bodies Lie… “Lvg newly planted” (RIP – Just like your listing.)
“Windows have plantations” (Let me guess…Keith Richards’ grow house?)
“Corn early” (Agricultural update provided by Chief Sitting Bull.)
“Beautiful craftmanshit” (…So it’s a pile of crap like your career?)
Decomposed and Deconstructed “Details from a bye gone era (Kiss your seller bye while … (34 comments)
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humor: “Lots of fres hair” - Hair Raising MLS Bloopers - 05/04/12 12:54 AM
The Blooper Scooper is back, folks. Bad-spelling-while-selling seems to be an epidemic. Thanks to Jane Peters and Bruce Walter for sending me some great contributions this week. These are from all over the country, lest you think all the nuts are here in L.A. Check these out:
Splitting Hairs
“Lots of fres hair” (Let me guess... How to identify Diana Ross in a monsoon?)
“Nice bungalou” (Crooned Desi, as Lucy and her banana hat toppled into the orchestra pit.)
“Polish Peg Floors with visible knots” (Polish Peg could use a laxative.)
“Huge Malibu cornpound” (If I were the seller, I'd tell you … (55 comments)
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humor: "Wife Installed" - Odd Features and Strange Creatures - The MLS - 04/20/12 11:38 AM
In spite of a recovering market, there was some subconscious hostility displayed in real estate this week, friends. Check out these Freudian bloopers I came across in local real estate ads and the MLS. Prozac anyone?
Flying High "Planes available" (Advertised Jet Blue after the general populace finally realized it's a suicidal airline.)
"Lots of mirres" (Did you notice the reflection of that stupid guy looking back at you?)
"Nice floor pans" (Uh, to improve the wok-way?)
"Killer view" (Said Inmate # 7 when asked why he wanted a room upgrade.)
"Peckaboo view" (Said Randy Rooster while peering at a hot hen … (40 comments)
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humor: "Bald touches" - Are Your Listing Remarks Missing by a Hair? - 01/27/12 02:39 AM
Yes, it's Friday, and the Blooper Scooper is back. When you see some of the gaffes I found this week, you may want to shave your own head in protest. Check out these hysterical faux pas, friends:
Please tell me it’s a joke… “Park at Kim’s Wart” ( Uh, not so fast - is there a hair growing out of it?)
“Blow-up sale” (Did this occur before or after you blew up your career?)”
“Electriiciity now on” (My gut says you tested the outlets with a fork.)
“Key hidden under matt” (I can only imagine where Matt’s keyhole is…)
“Dont hasittate” (Don’t drink Nyquil.)
Please tell … (43 comments)
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humor: "Charmin...home" - MLS Remarks That Can Wipe Out A Career - 12/16/11 01:36 AM
From blundering fools to complete tools, the bloopers on the MLS were hysterical this week, friends. I received some great contributions from John M. Scott of beautiful San Francisco, Jane Peters from right here in our beloved L.A., and Bruce Walter from the great Hoosier State of Indiana. Enjoy the the goofs, and have a wonderful holiday, everyone!
First the Fools… “Large fool” (Is that the slogan on your business card?)
“Three badrooms” (Two turtle doves and an agent in an i-di-ot tree.)
“Small lender” (That politically incorrect - I believe they are called elves…)
“Parka in living room” (Eskimo in the hot tub?)
“It has a spa … (52 comments)
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humor: "BBQ Above garbage" - Listing Remarks That Went Up In Smoke - 09/02/11 02:26 PM
I’m back this week with more MLS and real estate ad bloopers; and a few of them will bring tears to your eyes. Some of these agents are either in too much of a hurry, or too dumb to waste air. But who am I to judge…I once signed a letter, “Best retards, Gwen.” I am sure my client thought that said it all. Thanks to Dick Beals of Wilmington, NC for his great contribution. Proof or goof, friends. Check these out:
Haste Makes “Waste” “Deck with BBQ above garbage” (What could be more tempting than maggots on a burger?)
“Craport for two” … (80 comments)
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humor: "Call first if bad wetter" - Making a Splash on The MLS - 05/20/11 02:21 PM
I have concluded that proofreading is officially obsolete. In fact, reading itself may have gone the way of the corset. Word is out that I am prowling about trying to catch MLS offenders, but they fear me not. In fact, they are becoming fragrant. Uh, I mean flagrant.
Thanks to Fred Glick of sunny Philadelphia and L.A.'s own Jane Peters for collecting some of this great flotsam and jetsam. Check out these bloopers:
Off With Their Heads!
"Twilight Open. RSVP. Light sinner served." (Hosted by King Henry VIII, I presume.)
"Wood-brning stoned fireplace" (Bridge-burning stoned agent.)
"Needed: Property shower" (Offered by Scrub-Yo'-Back Realty.)
… (34 comments)
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humor: "Hind-end granate" - Getting Cheeky With the MLS - 04/02/11 04:10 PM
I have only one thing to say about this week's MLS listings and real estate ads: Never type with your head up your behind - people might think you are displaying your best side. Thanks to Jane Peters of L.A, Joan Rogers of Portland, and Wende Schoof of San Francisco for their hysterical contributions to the April Fools' Hall of Lame:
Ready For The Glue Factory
"Hind-end granate" (Horse's ass speller)
"Naturale habitat will please your buyers" (Especially if they are nudists...)
"Pool with large slime for kiddies" (Green building at it's finest.)
"Commissions will be spit" (The banks have already dumped on us, so why not muster … (30 comments)
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humor: "Great For Horse Livers" - Sales With Tails on the MLS - 03/18/11 08:20 PM
Hey guys - did you miss me while I was gone? I know that all you spelling miscreants certainly didn't. Nonetheless, I was ever-watchful while trekking about, and I picked up some bloopers worthy of The MLS Hall of Fame. Please enjoy:
KINK AND CLINK
"Click kink to see video" (Cool - property porn!)
"Custom wood binds" (Were these a prop in the video?)
"Gracefell entry" (Grace needs to lay off the tequila.)
"New carpet throughup" (I suspect that was Grace's doing...)
"Great for horse livers" (Uh, Grace...speaking of horse livers, have you had yours checked recently?)
FIRE AND ICE
… (71 comments)
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humor: "Celibate in Your New Home" ...And Other MLS Whoppers - 12/11/10 03:55 PM
Well friends, something tells me the holiday parties have begun. The MLS and local real estate ads are showing signs of a lot of Happy Hour celebration. Beware of tippling-n-typing over the holidays, or you may end up with egg nog on your face.
Check out these doozies:
Hey, Dude - Newds!
"Newd on market!" (I guess another starlet just hit Hollywood.)
"Be in your home for Newt Year" (But how do you get the party hats to stay on a salamander's head?)
"Walk-out basemen" (Typical song-n-dance man...)
"Free drawling" (Why, thanks, y'all.)
"All new hiny baths" (Uh, I believe … (25 comments)
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humor: Tony Soprano On Real Estate (MLS Bloopers) - 09/30/10 04:55 PM
Here we go again, friends - more howls this week because agents can't spell, or they have "ham fingers" at the keyboard. I found a number of MLS and newspaper bloopers that would suggest that some agents are "making offers you can't refuse" - Tony Soprano style:
This Week's Tribute to Jersey
"Villa with hellichopper pad" (Designed by celebrity chopper, Tony Soprano.)
"Submit offera now" (Said Ralphie Cifaretto, shortly before he ended up in a bowling bag.)
"This wona break you." (Said Paulie "Walnuts" to Richie Aprile...while shoving his body through a meat grinder at Satriales' Pork Store)
"Vacant clots" (Richie Aprile at his … (19 comments)
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humor: The MLS - Now Channeling Hollyweird! - 09/24/10 03:52 PM
I must need a rest from the Rubik's Cube that is the MLS and the real estate ad world. I am beginning to see people. Not just dead people. I see people lurking everywhere. Could this all be subliminal? Am I channeling people to help me decipher the listing remarks? If so, why can't it be George Clooney? But noooo...I am visited by the spirits below. Have a gander:
They're Baaaack
"Hand carved stool in bar" ("What a DUMP!" Yes, I stole that line from Bette Davis.)
"Unbelievable prince!" (The unbelievable part was when the fool called himself ‘The Artist … (12 comments)
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humor: The MLS - Spooky and Kooky! - 09/17/10 02:28 PM
Halloween may be a month away, but the MLS , the LA Times, and our local real estate magazines never disappoint. This week's offerings include trolls and witches. By the time Halloween arrives, I'm sure a few more skeletons will be leaping out of somebody's closet! (No, Perez Hilton - not your closet.) Check 'em out:
Happy Haunting
"Lake cabin under trees - enjoy fishing and haunting" (A place to Reel and Squeal)
"Garage with Trol Shed" (I suspect this is a ‘lake cabin under trees'...)
"Tree louse for kids" (Isn't the "trol" enough to scare the beejezus out of 'em?)
"Wired for … (14 comments)
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humor: MLS BLOOPERS - WORDS FROM THE HORSE'S PETUTE - 08/30/10 02:41 PM
Yippy-tay-aye-ay! I rounded up a few beauties this week, friends. These bloopers are excellent reminders that if you don't think before your fingers hit the keyboard, you'll come off like a horse's petute. This week's fertile field of bloopers was more like a tribute to Calabasas ranch country, Roy Rogers and Gene Autry. Check out these bloopers from Home on De-Range (Sorry, Champion and Trigger):
Home for the Deranged
"Beautiful Calabasas villa with mounting view" (Hmmm, a house with livestock porn.)
"Parklike groans" (Must be in Calabasas...)
"Extra guest pking" (Stop groaning and mounting, and we'll stop pking.)
"Ranch with Heated pole" (For … (26 comments)
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humor: Real Es-Speak - Button Up Before You're Locked Up! - 08/22/10 04:38 PM
Recently a Mortgage Broker told me he could "request a specific appraiser and make sure the appraisal comes in at contract price." First of all, pal, I hear that HVCC Jail is a lot like Joliet Prison, but the male inmates aren't as pretty. And secondly, what the h_ll were you thinking when you said that??? Okay, I agree there are certain phrases and questions we have all heard or used in real estate that no longer apply. Or if they do, they have a new meaning. Thus, we need to think before we rattle off the old phrases that used to slip so easily off our … (43 comments)
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humor: The MLS on Martini Overdrive - 08/13/10 11:54 PM
Just when you think you've seen it all... Have you ever wondered what beverages agents are drinking when they enter their new listings on the MLS, or when they create real estate ads? Shouldn't there be a three martini maximum when typing?
Then again, it is Friday, and I schertainly shupport an erly Happpy Hour chelabration. Sho here we go: ANOTHER ROUND ON ME!
Chew and Spew
"New waste evacution pump" (That's called an intestine, pal.)
"Hurled wood in library" (Empty kegger and unconscious teens on front porch)
"Landscaped with agave and yucc" (The kegger must have started on the lawn)
"Close to … (27 comments)
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humor: UN-REAL ESTATE - REALITY HAS LEFT THE BUILDING! - 08/06/10 04:53 PM
Recently a colleague and I were discussing all the changes we have witnessed since entering the wacky world of real estate. Of course we laughed about inebriated clowns at open houses, giveaway psychic readings, tofu fantasies, pony rides on dyspeptic ponies, stripper poles in living rooms and talking toilets.
We also discussed how the language of real estate has changed. Just as "phat" is not fat, and "bad" can be good, the verbiage of our business has presented new challenges. Thus, here for your perusal you will find a few phrases that have new meaning:
Did You Get Your License … (12 comments)
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humor: House Sales in Holly-weird - 07/16/10 09:48 PM
Ahhh, summer daze... It has been a wild week on the MLS, friends. The hot summer days must be causing heat stroke in Hollywood. Some of these head-scratchers HAD to be the result of too much sun...or too much Jagermeister. Tell me what you think:
House Sales in Holly-weird
"Celebrady home" (Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!)
"Entertainment comes with house" (Is Uncle Elmer doing standup in the basement?)
"Living room with stripper pole" (O Dear Gawd - tell me it's not Uncle Elmer's!)
"Former home of B actor" (I'm so thrilled I may toss my bra and rush the stage.)
"Malibu compound … (21 comments)
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humor: HOLD ONTO YOUR SHORTS! (Too Crazy Even For The MLS!) - 07/09/10 03:58 PM
Ah, yes, folks - it was a great 4th with sunshine, bar-be-ques, brewskies, and enough grammar and spelling pandemonium on the MLS to set off fireworks. These are the best of the bunch - a metaphorical fireworks grand finale, full of shock and awe!
Hold Onto Your Shorts!
"Include Shorts in clean Package" (Hey pervert sniffer-boy, get your own skivvies!)
"Shunny new kichen with barr" ( Shomeone's shnockered on schnapps...)
"Pool with sin deck - very nice!" (Uh, methinks a pool with sin deck is considered VICE.)
"Will look at offers from non-prophets first" (Oh, honey, you must sell real estate in Malibu...)
"Near … (16 comments)
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humor: Lust, Lies and Videotape - The MLS Tabloid News! - 06/04/10 03:12 PM
Here we go again, folks - hang on for the ride of your life. I think the holiday drinking spilled over into the work week, because there were some real knee-slappers in the MLS listing remarks this week. With material like this, who needs sit-coms? Reading the MLS and the L.A.Times ads can be a great stress reliever. And L.A. does not have a corner on the market. Wait until you read Andrea Swiedler's contribution from New Milford, CT! As soon as I wipe the tears out of my eyes I'll try to type this week's treasures. ...There, I am … (11 comments)
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Gwen Banta
Los Angeles,
CA
More about me…
Sotheby's International Realty
Address: 9255 Sunset Blvd, Mezzanine, West Hollywood, CA, 90069
Office Phone: (310) 205-0305 x 140
Cell Phone: (323) 252-1700
Email Me
A very humorous Blog that highlights gaffes from the MLS and real estate ad bloopers.
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