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listings: "View from fat area" - MLS Blubber 'n' Blunders - 05/18/12 10:28 AM
The gaffes and laughs were all over the MLS and the real estate ads this week, friends. Do you recognize your listing remarks in any of these? If so, I’ll promise not to rat you out if you send me lots of money…or martinis…
MLS MONKEYSHINES
“View from fat area” (The only view from my fat area is my shoes.)
“Thought after area” (After-thought agent.)
“Wiggle room here” (Sign on the door at Strippers 'R' Us.)
“May ham bank approval” (If you are referring to B of A, mayhem is an understatement.)
Catting Around “Fresh cat of paint” (What’s the cat’s … (24 comments)
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listings: "One car grudge" - Hilarious MLS Backfires - 04/05/12 10:03 PM
The Blooper Scooper is back, folks, and this week’s picks demonstrate the beauty of the written turd. Uh, word. Thanks to Bruce Walter of West Lafayette for his hysterical contribution. Check out these absurdities if you want a few laughs:
Expect the Unexpected “Please compact me” (Last words of Jimmy Hoffa)
“Good desin” (So the exorcism was a success?)
“Fax or bail docs” (If I bail out a doc, can I get a free colonoscopy?)
“House with colorful accent” (Must be an Italian villa…)
“Watch the sun set over the buffs” (Gold’s Gym must be up for sale.)
When Ordinary … (30 comments)
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listings: "Asphalt roll" - Are You Steam-Rolling Your Own MLS Listings? - 02/17/12 10:39 AM
Is it any wonder I drink, folks? From beef to bull, this week’s MLS bloopers left me in tears. Thanks to Ben Goheen, Patty DaSilva and Jane Peters for their hysterical contributions. It’s nice to know that not all the crazies live in L.A. Check these out:
Out and About “Sellers mooed out” (They probably had a beef about something…)
“Preview only for out agents” (Offered by Barney Frank Realty.)
“Bank REO – sumbit with buyers’ credenza” (I would if I knew how to squeeze a credenza into a fax machine.)
“Pans for bedroom” (Welcome to Sunset Acres Nursing Home.)
“Asphalt roll … (40 comments)
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listings: "Expel the best" - How to Blow a Career with MLS Bloopers - 01/14/12 01:08 PM
Something may have been rotten in the State of Denmark, but the MLS isn’t smelling much better. Check out these stinkers and clinkers from the MLS and other real estate ads if you’re in the mood for a few giggles:
Something Seems Amiss… “One moth incentive” (Do you wave wool sweaters before their little eyes?)
“Come see a good hose” (All I see is a dumb hoser.)
“This yer special” (Aww, yer special, too… in a really slow kind of way.)
“Ice cram served” (That’s even too kinky for me…and I live in L.A.!)
“$10k bonus to close end” (Have you tried the “ice … (39 comments)
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listings: "Ring hell" - Ringing in the Year with MLS Mayhem - 01/06/12 01:21 PM
Happy New Year, friends. This year is starting out with as much laughter as we ended with in 2011 when buyers flocked “like bees to hiney.” (Please see the 2011 Dufis Award in my last post.) The following bloopers will prove that nothing much has changed regarding MLS giggles and goofs. Check out these gaffes to start your year with some hearty laughs:
One Too Many "Ring hell" (You mean New Jersey?)
“Mable on floor” (Apparently Mable is running a tab…)
“Start the year with a bung” (No thanks, I already divorced one of those.)
“Come for Thai launch” (I didn’t know a … (44 comments)
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listings: "Snort Sale" - The "Highs" and Lows of the MLS - 2011 - 12/23/11 02:00 AM
Well friends, this is my last blooper post of the year, and I still have not run out of material. I don’t know whether to thank these hapless agents or to flog them. At the very least, Perhaps I should commend them for sending us off into 2012 with a lot of laughter. Enjoy these bloopers, and have a Happy New Year everyone!
For Those With Hang-Ups “Kitch with breakfast hook” (Heehaw - hook ‘em, book ‘em and cook ‘em!)
“Indescribable wildlift” (How are those diet pills workin’ out for ya, sweetie?)
“Bif gym fully equipped” (Who’s more fully equipped – Bif or … (77 comments)
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listings: "Ass for Margie" - MLS Comments Worthy of a Spanking - 11/29/11 12:40 AM
What a week for bloopers! I know agents are worn out this time of year, but we all need to hit the spell check button or we may go down in infamy. Witness these blooper classics, friends:
Falling Behind? “Nice butt needs work” (My ex said that just before his butt hit the curb.)
“Reel Estate Experts” (Oh yeah? Have you met my client, Moby Dick?)
“Bank needs alms length agreement” (I’ll expect alms from a bank the day Amelia Earhart crash lands on my patio.)
“Need roof export” (Call Auntie Em-n-Toto House “Sails.”)
“Hollywood Real Estale Listings” (Are they as stale as your dwindling career?)
Picking up … (23 comments)
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listings: "New Poop" - Haste makes Waste on the MLS - 04/26/11 08:36 PM
Well friends, I'm back again with this week's bloopers, which seemed to fall into a food theme. I've concluded that there must be a lot of hungry real estate agents out there typing...and tippling, too. Some of these will have you licking your lips...or not.
Food Foibles
"Lunch and snakes" (Something tells me I'm the lunch...)
"Assordid desserts" (Let me guess - Little Debbie Snackin' Snakes?)
"Snacks, coffee and doughnutz" (Thank you, numnutz.)
"Lunch swerved" (Another driver texting while driving!)
"Cocktail hour open at 6:)) pn" (Methinks cocktail hour starts at your house at breakfast.)
"Join us for swshi" (Hmmm...male fish in high … (20 comments)
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listings: "Drop by for coattail hour" - Pests and Guests on the MLS - 04/15/11 04:19 PM
Wait until you see the characters who showed up this week on the MLS...well, at least tangentially. It was a great week for laughs, and many were provided by Jane Peters, Jan Pastras, and Patrick Martin, all from right here in sunny L.A. Thanks to you all for helping me be virulent. Uh, I mean vigilant:
Guests or Pests?
"Drop by for coattail hour" (Hosted by coattail experts Larry Fortensky, Kato Kaelin and Kevin Federline.)
"Larder than others in the area" ( Roseanne Barr must be selling her house.)
‘I'll work garder for you" (Thank you, Blaze Starr.)
Neither ‘Hair" nor … (16 comments)
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listings: "Great For Horse Livers" - Sales With Tails on the MLS - 03/18/11 08:20 PM
Hey guys - did you miss me while I was gone? I know that all you spelling miscreants certainly didn't. Nonetheless, I was ever-watchful while trekking about, and I picked up some bloopers worthy of The MLS Hall of Fame. Please enjoy:
KINK AND CLINK
"Click kink to see video" (Cool - property porn!)
"Custom wood binds" (Were these a prop in the video?)
"Gracefell entry" (Grace needs to lay off the tequila.)
"New carpet throughup" (I suspect that was Grace's doing...)
"Great for horse livers" (Uh, Grace...speaking of horse livers, have you had yours checked recently?)
FIRE AND ICE
… (71 comments)
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listings: The MLS - Laughing All the Way! - 02/18/11 03:44 PM
I just returned from an extended trip to discover that some things never change. There were so many funny misspellings and blunders in the MLS this week that I am trying to think of a way to get the bloopers into pill form. I think the MLS should be used for medicinal purposes - it's a great alternative to laughing gas! Check out some of my favorites:
Don't Tempt Me
"For short sale status, please maul us' (If you're the lender, it would be my pleasure.)
"Please teat locks before leaving" (That's udderly ridiculous.)
"Reck room in basement'" (And so is your career...)
"Shed behind" (I … (26 comments)
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listings: MLS Bloopers - Play Dat Funky Music - 02/13/11 12:05 AM
It's party time at the MLS. We've got the Stones, Little Richard and even a rabbit. (No, guys - not a Playboy Bunny.) We also owe the L.A. Times and Homes and Land a bit of thanks for adding to the party mix. Okay, throw your keys in a jar, and let's rock:
Pre-Show Antics Backstage
"Bring current for extra sizzle" (Okay, now lick your finger, and then put in in this socket, and now wait while I flip the switch...)
"Large bunaglow" (I don't even want to know why someone got a match that close to their big a__.)
… (18 comments)
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listings: "Slightly Infected" - Sales Pitches to Die For - 01/21/11 05:52 PM
Ya' know folks, I think I should get paid for being Captain of the MLS Police Force. I have so much activity that I'm pulling overtime. The good news is that there are a few perks: laughter, and a lot of blackmail material. Oh, and Lani and Benn made me a police hat out of a moldy old fruit cake. Thanks to Fred Glick from Philadelphia and Nanette Labastida of Austin for their great contributions. Now please excuse me while I go eat my hat.
Dubious Distinctions
"Fully eclipsed gym" (Does that mean I can't exercise unless I'm wearing dark glasses?)
"Balls of … (22 comments)
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listings: "Built to Cod" - And Other Listing Remarks That Stink - 12/31/10 02:46 PM
What a week - the fun never stops when it comes to MLS bloopers! Thanks to the always funny Matt Stigliano of Texas and Philadelphia's Fred Glick for their contributions. And thanks also to Anna Altic for the strange real estate ad she spotted in Nashville. (I'm still trying to translate that one.) Check out these gaffs if you want to begin your New Year with a chuckle:
Not Even If You Ask Politely
"Please leave business car on counter" (I will if you leave your hot brother in my driveway.)
"Doors stuck, kept slut" ( Seen on Eliot Spitzer's T-shirt.)
"You better hairy" (Said Robin … (22 comments)
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listings: Is That Foot In Your Mouth Tasty? - 12/21/10 01:19 PM
This post was inspired by a recent conversation with an agent who told me that the house on the hill above was slipping, "but only a little." I live in earthquake territory, folks. There's no such thing as "slipping a little." That's like being "partially pregnant." Thus, I asked around and gathered some contributions to the Words to Avoid list. Please enjoy:
First, the Absurd...
"Oh, heck, we all grew up with black mold." (Is that why your eyes roll inward and your tongue hangs out?)
"They had a pot-bellied pig that ruined the carpet." (I had a pot-bellied husband … (76 comments)
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listings: "Wong for Nanny" and other MLS Christmas Presents! - 12/17/10 02:36 PM
OMG, this week's selection of gaffs from the local real estate ads and the MLS created leaks in my personal plumbing system! I nearly became a "Closet Wizar" (see reference below). Thanks to Kim McMahon for her hysterical contribution from Skokie, Illinois. Wait until you see the selection of whoppers below. Harry may last longer than the prospects for some of these loons:
Killer deals
"Appliances being de livered" (By whom - Hannibal Lecter?)
"Harry - won't last!" (Methinks Harry is about to be de-livered by Hannibal Lecter.)
"Best price per spare foot" (I'm sure Lector would be happy to remove that … (9 comments)
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listings: "Celibate in Your New Home" ...And Other MLS Whoppers - 12/11/10 03:55 PM
Well friends, something tells me the holiday parties have begun. The MLS and local real estate ads are showing signs of a lot of Happy Hour celebration. Beware of tippling-n-typing over the holidays, or you may end up with egg nog on your face.
Check out these doozies:
Hey, Dude - Newds!
"Newd on market!" (I guess another starlet just hit Hollywood.)
"Be in your home for Newt Year" (But how do you get the party hats to stay on a salamander's head?)
"Walk-out basemen" (Typical song-n-dance man...)
"Free drawling" (Why, thanks, y'all.)
"All new hiny baths" (Uh, I believe … (25 comments)
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listings: MLS Quirky Turkeys - 12/03/10 08:58 PM
I hope you all had a great Turkey Day. And speaking of turkeys, I found a few MLS turkeys last week that will brighten your holiday season. These offerings from the MLS and email fliers just confirm the fact that there's no fool like an old Tool. Thanks to Jane Peters and Bruce Lemieux for their great contributions.
From Decay to DOA
"New Constriction needs finishes" (Old Intestine needs fiber.)
"Hurry - this will be sod soon." (So will my grandma, but it's rude to rush her. )
"Coffened ceilings" (I see dead people.)
"Enjoy the sunrise with your … (11 comments)
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Gwen Banta
Los Angeles,
CA
More about me…
Sotheby's International Realty
Address: 9255 Sunset Blvd, Mezzanine, West Hollywood, CA, 90069
Office Phone: (310) 205-0305 x 140
Cell Phone: (323) 252-1700
Email Me
A very humorous Blog that highlights gaffes from the MLS and real estate ad bloopers.
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