real estate: "You will like a log" - MLS Gaffes and Laughs - 02/24/12 08:25 AM
The world of real estate has gone mad. The MLS had so many bloopers this past week that I’m convinced the winter slump has set in and brains are hibernating. Thanks to Jane Peters of Los Angeles and Fred Glick of Philadelphia for their great finds. Enjoy the fun, my friends:
You Snooze, You Lose “Very delirious home” (…And it seems you've been drinking the Cool-Aid.)
“Trembled marble” (You’d tremble, too, if you were laid out on a slab.)
“Submerge docs with FICOs” (Newsflash: Most FICO’s already went down the crapper.)
“Features tennis pools” (How desirable can wet balls really be?)
“Your … (32 comments)
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real estate: "Foe painting" - This Week's Colorful MLS Bloopers - 02/03/12 12:49 PM
As an experienced agent, I sometimes think I’ve seen everything, but when I read the remarks below, I realized I have so much to learn. For instance, how does one get enough pate for a road? Or enough figs to make drapes? And why would one shag on a roof? Read these bloopers, and then maybe you can explain it all to me:
A Leg Up On Things “Leg in for details” (Oh yay – we’re doing the Hokey-Pokey!)
“Custom figged drapes” (How do you get the little fig seeds into the fabric?)
“Road just pated” (Hence the expression, “What am I … (106 comments)
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real estate: "Multiple tourists" - The Blooper Sightseeing Bus - 09/30/11 03:07 PM
When was the last time you saw a tourist in your back yard...or a horse head on your street? This week the Blooper Scooper picked up some beauties, friends. Some of these goofs are baffling, but I think we owe Auto-fill a lot of credit for that. Thanks to Jane Peters of Los Angeles for her great find. Spell well and sell well, folks!
The Tour Is About To Begin “Backyard has multiple tourists” (Another Hollywood tour bus veered off course.)
“New mane to street” (Thank you, Vito Corleone.)
“Furnished least by Oct 1″ (Offered by We-Steal-Your-Stuff Realty)
“Dome vacancies” (Is the dome that … (31 comments)
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real estate: "Send via male" - The Friday Blooper Scooper is back! - 09/09/11 03:05 PM
Once again it’s TGIF, and the results of this week’s MLS Blooper Scooper are in, friends. I can’t tell you how tempting it is to start naming names…but then I would run the risk of showing up on my own list! Yes, we all make mistakes, and auto-fill is killing us…but c’mon – couldn’t some of these have been avoided?
Hard to Swallow? “Septic tang” (An orange-flavored drink preferred by suicidal Astronauts.)
“Call listing magnet” (You do appear to be bi-polarized…)
“This is a probing sale” (Obviously the former home of a deceased proctologist.)
“Nice rehab for you” (Back off, … (49 comments)
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real estate: "Call me SAP" - Dopey & Hilarious MLS Remarks - 08/26/11 01:14 PM
I propose that Realtors be asked to take a spelling test if they plan to write their own listing remarks. Kids in school have to pass spelling tests, so why shouldn’t we? However, I must admit that’s a tall order. When I think of how many agents actually pronounce “Realtor” as “Real-a-tor,” I shudder to think of the spelling outcome. Is there such a thing as Death By Spelling? You decide:
I.Q. Alert: Missing ‘I’ ! “Will go fast. Call me SAP.” (Why not…I’m sure all your friends do.)
“Can be expansted” (Too bad your brain can’t.)
“Tasty décor” (Brought to … (41 comments)
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real estate: "Foot Served" - More MLS Stumbles - 08/19/11 01:37 PM
There was a spelling circus on the MLS this week, friends. Kim McMahon sent us a beauty from Chicago and Marco Giancola from Ft. Lauderdale found a side-splitter. Enjoy the performance!
Under the Big Top “Buy or tent” (Offered by Ringling Brothers Realty.)
"Foot served" (How does the other one taste?)
“Not hare Wedsday” (…But you’re a jackass today.)
“Near school an liberry” (…Then I suggest you check them out, you fruit cup.)
“Two car detected garage” (Half-brain detected on agent)
“A lot of guests parking” (This must be an L.A. rehab.)
Bring in the Clowns “Buy now – beet rush” (Thank … (34 comments)
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real estate: Indianapolis Suffers Great Loss - 08/16/11 02:18 AM
Please pray for the victims of the Indy State Fair disaster, and their families. And God bless the people who jumped INTO the pile of metal to try to save others. We honor your courage and selfless response to those in need. You are heros. VISIT GWEN BANTA AT WWW.LAHOMESITE.COM IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO CONTACT HER. THANKS!
… (13 comments)
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real estate: Laurel Canyon Photo Day - Break Out With Your Hippie Self! - 08/10/11 11:54 PM
Laurel Canyon has a special event on one Sunday in October every year: Laurel Canyon Photo Day. All the residents of our peaceful, mellow, rock-n-roll canyon go to The Laurel Canyon Country Store for food, music and conversation. It's as friendly and folksy as you would expect the "Home of Rock-n-Roll" to be. It's my canyon, and I love it! Once you're here, you never leave. (Remember that line in Hotel California by the Eagles?) Hmmmm...
Laurel Canyon Photo Day always ends with a giant group photo during which traffic is actually halted on busy Laurel Canyon Blvd. This has been … (11 comments)
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real estate: Rock-n-Roll Rocks Real Estate - 08/02/11 12:41 AM
How many times has a song taken you back to a moment in your life that filled you with joy or made you weep? It always amazes me how a song can transport us to places we have been…and to places where we have never been. The Happenings are currently singing “See You in September” on my music station, and I can still remember how Bill Bickley unceremoniously dumped me for some hot chick named Dana in a tight black skirt one hot, sticky evening by the Barnegat Bay Lighthouse. (Don’t ask me why she had on a tight … (31 comments)
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real estate: "Leave kiss"... And Kiss Your Career Good-bye! (MLS Bloopers) - 07/31/11 02:57 PM
There were so many bloopers on the MLS and in local ads this week that smoke signals would have been decidedly clearer. It seems a lot of people simply cannot spell in our native tongue. Thanks to Jane Peters for her great contribution from Trulia. Check out these bloopers, and then you tell me what language these people are speaking:
Lapping It Up “Awe-inspiting views” (Enticing...if you’re sitting in a dental chair.)
“Look websight for time” (One look says you're out of time, pal.)
“EZ access-God direct” (Then text Him and ask Him where He mislaid your spelling gene.)
“Leave cad” (Too late – I divorced him.)
“Nice bird … (16 comments)
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real estate: Death By Blogging - 07/28/11 11:59 PM
Okay, all you blogging animals - isn't anyone out there as exhausted from all the blogging "how-to's and must-do's" as I? I have become a bleary-eyed recluse. My computer should be buying me dinner, as it gets more action in one day than I have had in a decade. I have blood-shot eyes and a back porch spread that makes my jeans scream in protest. My fingers are cramped and my shoulders have given way to a permanent slump. If I could turn my stiff neck, I'd probably be greeted by a dowager's hump named Gertrude.
I have to ask … (118 comments)
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real estate: "Cure elegance"...But you can't cure stupid! (Bloopermania) - 07/22/11 01:05 PM
I had a lot of laughs this week, friends – and most were unintentional. Perhaps the summer sun is causing lethargy. That’s the only excuse I could come up with to explain some of these moronic meanderings. Thanks to Allyson Hoffman for her great contributions from Chicago.
Bumps and Dumps
“Nice wart bar” (Frog Inspection highly recommended)
“Cards for dump included” (Wouldn’t toilet tissue be less irritating?)
“No lame offers accepted” (...Straight from the Lame Agent Rule Book…)
“Designd with Fang shui” (From the Caravan Guide For Listings That Bite)
“Pool to dye for!” (Are you selling a house or Loreal?)
Who Could … (26 comments)
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real estate: "Send beds to listing agent" - Are YOU Asleep at the Keyboard? - 07/08/11 09:16 PM
We may have just taken a holiday, but there certainly was no holiday from real estate bloopers on the MLS, as well as on the web and in local ads. Georgina Hunter from beautiful Maui found a lovely blooper this week involving valves, AR's Bruce Walter sent some great gaffes from Indiana, and Fred Glick from Philadelphia is back with Fred's Follies: Stupid Real Estate Questions From the Web. Wende Schoof from San Francisco and Jane Peters from Los Angeles also found some doozies. Please enjoy:
Pardon me?
"Send beds to listing agent" (Why bother - you're already asleep on the job.)
"Tediously … (55 comments)
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real estate: "Lovely Cannon Setting" - Shooting Yourself in the Head Via the MLS - 06/28/11 04:16 PM
RIDDLE ME THIS: What do apples, spice, and flour have in common? Answer: 1. A yummy pie 2. John Belushi at an Animal House food fight 3. Julia Childs' kitchen floor after her fourth highball 4. The crap in your hair following an L.A. earthquake or 5. More MLS mayhem? If you guessed # 5, you are correct. If you didn't, you were probably drinking with Julia...quite a feat now that she's dead. Check out these great bloopers:
Failing And Flailing
"Your real estrate professional" (Somehow I doubt that.)
"Turn right after road caves" (Shall I assume that's the way to the hospital?)
"Slopy … (23 comments)
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real estate: Homicide and the MLS (Are You Killing Your Listings?) - 06/03/11 02:32 PM
Death by MLS seems to be a common crime these days. Are you guilty of burying your own listings? The agents below have certainly done so. Thus, I am holding a memorial service for the MLS:
Dearly Beloved
"There's a death of good homes" (...and an apparent re-birth of brain-dead agents.)
"Seller willing to navigate" (Is this a house or a boat?)
"Pool ideal for the kitties" (Wouldn't a shelter would be more humane?)
"Newly tainted ex" (Yep - that's how mine made the Ex List)
"Short leash needed" (Spouse on the prowl.)
In Memoriam of Good Spelling
"Note: complete short sale rage" (News … (135 comments)
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real estate: Idiots On Parade (Moronic MLS Mistakes) - 05/27/11 03:22 PM
Friends, we had the usual amount of bloopers this week, which comes as no surprise to any of you, I'm sure. To add to the mix, this week I am introducing Fred Glick's "IDIOTS ON PARADE." Fred (Philadelphia real estate and mortgage expert) and I have had a lot of laughs over the dumb questions sometimes posted on real estate websites.
Yeah, yeah, I know..."no question is too dumb." But come on people, aren't there some limits? You decide:
Call A Doctor
"We have pocked listings" (Have you tried Proactive?)
"Sink blogged" (Impressive - a sink that can type!)
‘Check out my … (15 comments)
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real estate: "Call first if bad wetter" - Making a Splash on The MLS - 05/20/11 02:21 PM
I have concluded that proofreading is officially obsolete. In fact, reading itself may have gone the way of the corset. Word is out that I am prowling about trying to catch MLS offenders, but they fear me not. In fact, they are becoming fragrant. Uh, I mean flagrant.
Thanks to Fred Glick of sunny Philadelphia and L.A.'s own Jane Peters for collecting some of this great flotsam and jetsam. Check out these bloopers:
Off With Their Heads!
"Twilight Open. RSVP. Light sinner served." (Hosted by King Henry VIII, I presume.)
"Wood-brning stoned fireplace" (Bridge-burning stoned agent.)
"Needed: Property shower" (Offered by Scrub-Yo'-Back Realty.)
… (34 comments)
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real estate: "Nun left to Buy" - God Bless the MLS! - 05/13/11 03:23 PM
Did you hear that? Yep - that was the sound of my rosary beads hitting the floor...with me close behind. The bloopers were bad enough this week that I considered joining a convent to find peace for my tortured former-English-teacher soul. Unfortunately, none would take me. There was some reference to my penchant for bacchanalia, but I've got nothing on these people:
Holy Hannah!
"Nun left to buy" (Holy Mother of Pearl - another convent out of business!)
"Go left at the big sign of cross" (Uh...I think a big cross is a message to get right.)
"Has god bones" (Uh, … (27 comments)
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real estate: "Your clients will tank you" - Sinking Listings on the MLS - 05/07/11 06:09 PM
One sure way to tank your listing is by not paying attention to detail. Yes, we all know that, but somehow the bloopers just keep coming. Some of this week's typos in the MLS and in local real ads were flabbergasting! Yes, sometimes even a wise mouth like me can be rendered speechless.
Thanks to Patrick Martin of Sotheby's International Realty and Jane Peters of Power Brokers International for their hilarious contributions this week.
You'd Think Someone Would Have Noticed
"Your clients will tank you" (I think you just tanked yourself...)
"House with invisible walls" (Agent with invisible commission check.)
"Built with car … (24 comments)
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real estate: "Living Area Not Included" - Would You Buy This House? - 04/29/11 04:13 PM
Strange things are afoot, folks. Spring is bringing out the light side of real estate. The sun is shining, jasmine is wafting on the breeze, and cow paddies are warming in the living room. Check out these Spring Fever bloopers from the MLS and real estate adds:
This Won't Look Good on Your Resume
"Tenants mooing on the first" (They must have had a beef with the owner.)
"Living area not included" (But for a little extra we'll throw in one brain-dead agent.)
"Do not dishrub tenant" (If he's cute, I'll him with oil.)
"Timless design" (Susan Sarandon since the split?)
"New stuckup just … (26 comments)
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