real estate sales: "View from fat area" - MLS Blubber 'n' Blunders - 05/18/12 10:28 AM
The gaffes and laughs were all over the MLS and the real estate ads this week, friends. Do you recognize your listing remarks in any of these? If so, I’ll promise not to rat you out if you send me lots of money…or martinis…
MLS MONKEYSHINES
“View from fat area” (The only view from my fat area is my shoes.)
“Thought after area” (After-thought agent.)
“Wiggle room here” (Sign on the door at Strippers 'R' Us.)
“May ham bank approval” (If you are referring to B of A, mayhem is an understatement.)
Catting Around “Fresh cat of paint” (What’s the cat’s … (24 comments)
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real estate sales: “Lots of fres hair” - Hair Raising MLS Bloopers - 05/04/12 12:54 AM
The Blooper Scooper is back, folks. Bad-spelling-while-selling seems to be an epidemic. Thanks to Jane Peters and Bruce Walter for sending me some great contributions this week. These are from all over the country, lest you think all the nuts are here in L.A. Check these out:
Splitting Hairs
“Lots of fres hair” (Let me guess... How to identify Diana Ross in a monsoon?)
“Nice bungalou” (Crooned Desi, as Lucy and her banana hat toppled into the orchestra pit.)
“Polish Peg Floors with visible knots” (Polish Peg could use a laxative.)
“Huge Malibu cornpound” (If I were the seller, I'd tell you … (55 comments)
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real estate sales: "High cop rate" - MLS Highs and Lows - 04/13/12 12:15 AM
Reading the MLS and local real estate ads is like reading the comics. I just wish I were artistic enough to accompany these bloopers with cartoon drawings. Thanks to Vicki Moore of San Mateo for her great contribution. Visualize these hilarious gaffes in a comic strip:
Resident President “Set a president” (Set him where – on my mantle?)
“Lots of cass” (The reason the Mamas and the Papas traveled in an extra wide van.)
“AA good house – needs your touches” (Celebrity Rehab Rehab.)
“Microwake” (The time between when you hit the snooze button and “Oh-sh_t-I’ve-overslept-again!”)
“Studio with walking closet” … (30 comments)
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real estate sales: "In escargot" - Hasty 'n' Tasty MLS Bloopers - 03/30/12 04:26 PM
This was a week for great bloopers and auto-fill madness, folks. Thanks to Bruce Walter of West Lafayette, Indiana for his hilarious farmer contribution. Check out these MLS and real estate advertising funnies:
Dishing It Out "Will sell soot" (Proudly offered by Bert, The Chimney Sweep and his partner, Mary Poppins.)
"Farmers makeit every Tuesday" (Hence the term, "bump-her crop.".)
"Make this your nest cattle" (Word to the wise: If there's a cattle nest in your tree, don't sit under it without a really big hat.)
"Sophistication and crass" ( Sandra Bullock when she was with Jesse James?)
"Nice scaly rooms" (The … (30 comments)
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real estate sales: "Real germ" - The MLS Misspelling Plague - 03/23/12 09:45 AM
You can say toe-may-to, and I can say toe-mah-toe, but we both need to spell it properly unless we want to come off like morons, right? Well, you decide. The MLS apparently has come out with a new dictionary I didn’t know about: The MLS Garble Edition.
Read it and weep:
Now Trending… "Real germ” (Uh, pet name for your ex?)
“Retaining wall shited” (You would, too, if you were hanging onto a California hillside during a 6.7 shaker.)
“Recently samblasted” (A description of my home after my Uncle Sam eats cabbage.)
“Won bedroom” (What one is left with after a Hollywood divorce.)
“Hat property” (You … (34 comments)
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real estate sales: "Seller wants clothes" - The Naked Truth About MLS Bloopers - 03/16/12 12:45 PM
All I can say is, “Ouch!” Some of these flubs should be etched on the tombstones of the perpetrators. Imagine these bloopers on headstones: And Here I Lie… “Loin has been removed” (Bragged Tony “The Eviscerator” Tartaglia before catching a flight back to Jersey.)
“Alaroundeck furniture” (Alaroundumb advertising.)
“Widow boxes add charm” (How charming can one be when stuffed in a box?)
“Hurry, lost one!” (“David Livingstone, I presume?”)
And No Wonder I’m Dead… “Come S to avoid confession” (What's this - a welcome sign on the Road to Hell?)
“This is high over all others” (You must be referring to Don King’s hair.)
… (44 comments)
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real estate sales: "Asphalt roll" - Are You Steam-Rolling Your Own MLS Listings? - 02/17/12 10:39 AM
Is it any wonder I drink, folks? From beef to bull, this week’s MLS bloopers left me in tears. Thanks to Ben Goheen, Patty DaSilva and Jane Peters for their hysterical contributions. It’s nice to know that not all the crazies live in L.A. Check these out:
Out and About “Sellers mooed out” (They probably had a beef about something…)
“Preview only for out agents” (Offered by Barney Frank Realty.)
“Bank REO – sumbit with buyers’ credenza” (I would if I knew how to squeeze a credenza into a fax machine.)
“Pans for bedroom” (Welcome to Sunset Acres Nursing Home.)
“Asphalt roll … (40 comments)
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real estate sales: "On steep hell" - MLS Bloopers - An Assessment of Your Career? - 02/10/12 01:48 PM
I am all for having a martini or two, folks. Maybe even three if it’s at least 10:00 AM. (I have my standards, you know.) However, I do draw the line at drinking and typing. It seems the MLS is going to hell in a hand basket. Read these real estate bloopers and tell me if you agree that there should be a breathalyzer test for fingers:
Corn Squeezins = Loss of Reason “Pone found at open house” (Proudly ofered by Alabama Al and his Cornbread Combo.)
“Seller says he’s don” (That explains the horse’s head in your bed.)
“New studdo in back” (New bottle … (72 comments)
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real estate sales: "Bald touches" - Are Your Listing Remarks Missing by a Hair? - 01/27/12 02:39 AM
Yes, it's Friday, and the Blooper Scooper is back. When you see some of the gaffes I found this week, you may want to shave your own head in protest. Check out these hysterical faux pas, friends:
Please tell me it’s a joke… “Park at Kim’s Wart” ( Uh, not so fast - is there a hair growing out of it?)
“Blow-up sale” (Did this occur before or after you blew up your career?)”
“Electriiciity now on” (My gut says you tested the outlets with a fork.)
“Key hidden under matt” (I can only imagine where Matt’s keyhole is…)
“Dont hasittate” (Don’t drink Nyquil.)
Please tell … (43 comments)
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real estate sales: "Fumbled marble" - Do Your Listing Remarks Reflect Your Life? - 01/20/12 02:55 PM
The year is rolling along at the speed of idiots! Check out these bloopers from the MLS and real estate ads, and I’m sure I’ll get no argument. Jane Peters of Los Angeles and Michael Jacobs of Pasadena both found some great bloopers this week. I suspect this year will be a wild ride, folks!
Fumble, Bumble and Stumble “Fumbled marble adores baths” (Fumbled agent adores martinis.)
“Somother work to be done” (Say good-bye to the mother-in-law.)
“Formal dinging room” (Shag carpet, I presume?)
“Will maul your directly” (Said Sean Penn just before he took out two paparazzi.)
“Processing pee” (For those who … (33 comments)
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real estate sales: "Expel the best" - How to Blow a Career with MLS Bloopers - 01/14/12 01:08 PM
Something may have been rotten in the State of Denmark, but the MLS isn’t smelling much better. Check out these stinkers and clinkers from the MLS and other real estate ads if you’re in the mood for a few giggles:
Something Seems Amiss… “One moth incentive” (Do you wave wool sweaters before their little eyes?)
“Come see a good hose” (All I see is a dumb hoser.)
“This yer special” (Aww, yer special, too… in a really slow kind of way.)
“Ice cram served” (That’s even too kinky for me…and I live in L.A.!)
“$10k bonus to close end” (Have you tried the “ice … (39 comments)
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real estate sales: "Ring hell" - Ringing in the Year with MLS Mayhem - 01/06/12 01:21 PM
Happy New Year, friends. This year is starting out with as much laughter as we ended with in 2011 when buyers flocked “like bees to hiney.” (Please see the 2011 Dufis Award in my last post.) The following bloopers will prove that nothing much has changed regarding MLS giggles and goofs. Check out these gaffes to start your year with some hearty laughs:
One Too Many "Ring hell" (You mean New Jersey?)
“Mable on floor” (Apparently Mable is running a tab…)
“Start the year with a bung” (No thanks, I already divorced one of those.)
“Come for Thai launch” (I didn’t know a … (44 comments)
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real estate sales: "Snort Sale" - The "Highs" and Lows of the MLS - 2011 - 12/23/11 02:00 AM
Well friends, this is my last blooper post of the year, and I still have not run out of material. I don’t know whether to thank these hapless agents or to flog them. At the very least, Perhaps I should commend them for sending us off into 2012 with a lot of laughter. Enjoy these bloopers, and have a Happy New Year everyone!
For Those With Hang-Ups “Kitch with breakfast hook” (Heehaw - hook ‘em, book ‘em and cook ‘em!)
“Indescribable wildlift” (How are those diet pills workin’ out for ya, sweetie?)
“Bif gym fully equipped” (Who’s more fully equipped – Bif or … (77 comments)
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real estate sales: "Charmin...home" - MLS Remarks That Can Wipe Out A Career - 12/16/11 01:36 AM
From blundering fools to complete tools, the bloopers on the MLS were hysterical this week, friends. I received some great contributions from John M. Scott of beautiful San Francisco, Jane Peters from right here in our beloved L.A., and Bruce Walter from the great Hoosier State of Indiana. Enjoy the the goofs, and have a wonderful holiday, everyone!
First the Fools… “Large fool” (Is that the slogan on your business card?)
“Three badrooms” (Two turtle doves and an agent in an i-di-ot tree.)
“Small lender” (That politically incorrect - I believe they are called elves…)
“Parka in living room” (Eskimo in the hot tub?)
“It has a spa … (52 comments)
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real estate sales: "Show and swell" - Bloated MLS Bloopers - 12/08/11 10:12 PM
Friends, the MLS was rife with strange spelling and phrasing this week. Our local newspaper ads also gave the MLS some great competition. Are we all just tired after a year in the trenches? Or are there a lot of block heads walking around out there? You decide:
November Potpourri "Ask about growth" (Okay. What's that large knob on your forehead?)
"Set among oats" (Enticing... if you're a horse named Mr. Ed.)
"Doubt resistant landscaping" (Unlike your career...)
"Comes with hoe warrant" (Thank you, you tool.)
"This will pleasure buyer" (Uh, that's illegal in most states, pal.)
Doctor NO "Attack docs" … (45 comments)
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real estate sales: “Dull Viking ovens” - Do your MLS remarks have the right spark? - 11/18/11 02:27 PM
The year is starting a march toward its natural ending, friends…and it seems a few real estate careers may be also. This week I found some real head-scratchers in local real estate ads and the MLS. However, I get submissions from all over the U.S., so no one is safe from the eyes of the Blooper Scooper. Check out these blunders:
Do You Smell Smoke? “House has spark” (Apparently your real estate career isn’t the only thing going up in smoke.)
“Big pep area in kitchen” (Is that the cookie jar where Mommy Dearest stashes her uppers?)
“Dull Viking ovens” (Methinks there’s something in the cookie jar that will … (56 comments)
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real estate sales: "Seller will include ether" - Listing Remarks from the Comatose - 11/04/11 03:20 PM
I just love auto-fill! It practically writes my blooper posts for me. This week’s listings included such amenities as ether, pizzas, and even a mail-order librarian. Check out this week’s colorful fare:
Slap and Tickle “Just hit marget” (I’d prefer to slap you, dufis.)
“100.0% down” (One more face in a bowl of bar nuts.)
“Seller will include ether” (I would think a doobie might suffice.)
“Just planted flor” (‘Just issued an APB for Flor’s husband…)
“Beautiful imported wood-paneled librarian” (Her stacks must be something to behold!)
Talk To Me Gently “Coffee and sandswishes” (Swishing is usually paired with sequins and a domineering mother.)
“Glazed tiles accent buth” (Glazed eyes accent … (30 comments)
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real estate sales: "Head in Shower" - Halloween comes to the MLS? - 10/31/11 07:45 PM
Fall has arrived and leaves are falling off the trees, my friends. These real estate bloopers indicate that a lot of nuts have fallen off as well. Here’s some autumn color for you:
Amenities You Can Live Without “Nothing speared” (I suppose that’s a good selling point…if you’re a tuna.)
“New plow price” (That’s nice if you’re into tractor pulls.)
“Privates purchase” (That’s against the law… unless you’re a member of Congress of course.)
“Windsor village ppl home” (Windsor? I think the Village People live in West Hollywood – hence all the sequined shoes!)
‘Built-in girl” (You must be referring to Chaz … (22 comments)
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real estate sales: "Grate Views" - Grating Bloopers from the Blooper Scooper - 09/23/11 02:18 PM
From cheese to sleaze, the MLS and the local real estate ads across the country were full of bloopers this week. Thanks to Jane Peters, Dick Beals and Patrick Martin for their hysterical contributions. Read ‘em and weep:
It’s a Matter of Fact “Grate views” (I assume that cutting the cheese is your specialty...)
“Lots of tees in back” (Lots of golf balls in pool.)
“Good build” (Is this a house or Matthew McConaughey?)
“Roof peeked at top” (IQ peaked at 80.)
“Ugli fixer but rooms in tack” (Perhaps that will make up for your lack of same…)
It’s a Matter of Perspective … (29 comments)
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real estate sales: "Drip in" - Agents Running Amuck on the MLS - 09/16/11 02:57 PM
I’m beginning to wonder if some of the typos I find on the MLS and in open house ads are intentional, folks. Apparently some agents will promise anything to fill their open houses and to sell their properties. Check out the comments below. There just can’t be that much booze in this world… You guessed it – it’s Blooper Friday, friends:
Peculiar Open Houses “Drip in between 2-5″ (I’ll alert AARP - many of us have leaking problems.)
“Bring the kiss for fun” (Only if you bring your wallet for dinner.)
“Wine and chest served” (Another party guaranteed to leave lasting mammaries…)
“Join us … (68 comments)
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