| |
friday funnies: Friday Funnies : Observations on Growing Older - 01/27/12 10:49 AM
Observations On Growing Older ~Your Kids are becoming you...and you don't like them ...but your grandchildren are Perfect! ~Going Out is good..Coming Home is better! ~You Forget names .... But it's OKbecause other people forgotthey Even knew you!!! ~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything .... Especially Golf. ~The things you used to care to do,youno longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore. ~You sleep better on a lounge chairwith the TV blaring than in bed.It's Called "pre-sleep". ~You miss the days when everything workedwith just … (6 comments)
|
friday funnies: Friday Funnies: Community Service Haircuts by a Barber - 09/23/11 02:22 AM
A florist went to a Barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The … (12 comments)
|
friday funnies: Friday Funnies :Retirement is Different for Everyone - 08/26/11 10:59 AM
RETIREMENT IS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE One day, while going to the store, I passed by a nursing home. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass, Millie, Nelda, Elma, Lacey, Sippy and Rosie. I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store. On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn. This time my curiosity got the best of me, and I went inside to talk to the Nursing Home Administrator. 'Do you know there are six ladies … (14 comments)
|
friday funnies: Friday Funnies : Doctor or Computer - 08/05/11 09:07 PM
Doctor or Computer
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies "There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars - A lot cheaper than a doctor." So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Costco. … (25 comments)
|
friday funnies: Friday Funnies : What is it - 07/22/11 09:55 AM
Friday Funnies: What is it Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but doesn't use it. Clinton uses his all the time. Obama is one. Mickey Mouse has an unusual one. Liberace never used his on women.. Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his. Cher claims that she took on 3. We never saw Lucy use Desi's. What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good ) A Last NAME What Did You Think It was? Get your Mind Out of the Gutter!!!! author unknown
… (6 comments)
|
friday funnies: Friday Funnies :Ever Wonder Why - 07/08/11 10:40 PM
EVER WONDER .....Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?! Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? I like this one!!!If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
author unknown sent in by Marlene … (13 comments)
|
friday funnies: Friday Funnies:Caution When Raising Children - 06/17/11 12:24 AM
Caution When Raising Children 2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children. 3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young. 1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up. 4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said 5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own 6. We childproofed our homes, … (19 comments)
|
friday funnies: Friday funnies: Stand up Teachers - 05/20/11 10:22 AM
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!” After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said, “Do you think you're stupid, Larry?” “No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself” sent in by Arnie from Delaire Landing author unknown Selling or Buying a Home is No Laughing Matter!
I get the job done with a smile and experience!
HelpfulHannah
Agent at Re/Max Eastern inc 215 953 8800
215 820 3376 cell phone
… (16 comments)
|
friday funnies: Friday Funnies:Why Why Why - 02/18/11 04:11 PM
Why, Why, Why Why do we press harder on a remote control when
we know the batteries are getting dead? Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds'
when they know there is not enough money? Why does someone believe you when you say
there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest,
but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Whose idea … (9 comments)
|
friday funnies: Friday Funnies:The Blonde and the Milkman - 11/27/10 12:23 AM
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. So she left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, 'I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?' The blonde said, 'No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take … (20 comments)
|
friday funnies: Friday Funnies: Naked Cowboy Blond Men Exist - 11/19/10 11:15 AM
Naked Cowboy
A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking around like this?' The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff ..... I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did. We go inside and … (12 comments)
|
friday funnies: Friday Funnies: We laugh At your Blonde Jokes - 11/12/10 12:35 PM
we laugh at your blonde jokes! One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?' 'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?' He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma ...' And they say blondes are dumb... --------------------------------------------- A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.' The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...' ----------------------------------------------- 'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says … (12 comments)
|
friday funnies: Friday Funnies:HMMMM Games for Getting Older - 10/15/10 10:46 PM
HMMMMMM!
GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER Sag, you're It. Hide and go pee. 20 questions shouted into your good ear. Kick the bucket Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over. Musical recliners. Simon says - something incoherent. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE You sell your home heating system at a yard sale. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them. You change your underwear after a sneeze. OLD IS WHEN: Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go a long. Getting a little action means you don't need fiber today. Getting … (13 comments)
|
friday funnies: Friday Funnies: Larrys School Day Questions - 09/24/10 11:49 AM
The math teacher saw that Larry wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Larry quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!' Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked, … (15 comments)
|
friday funnies: Friday Funnies:All too true interesting stuff - 09/17/10 10:12 PM
All too True INTERESTING STUFF In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb’. ------------------------------------------- Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language. ------------------------------------------- Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury. ------------------------------------------- Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better. ------------------------------------------- Coca-Cola was originally green. ------------------------------------------- It is … (21 comments)
|
friday funnies: Friday Funnies:Intercourse at 83 Years Old - 08/13/10 11:46 PM
After the eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physicalexamination, the doctor said, "You are in fine shape for your age, Mrs. Mallory, but tell me, do youstill have intercourse?" "Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband," she said..She stepped out into the crowded reception room and yelled out loud:"Henry, do we still have intercourse?" And there was a hush . You could hear a pin drop. Henry answered impatiently, "If I told you once, Irma, I told you a hundred times... What we have is... Blue Cross!
author unkown sent in by Arnie
… (29 comments)
|
friday funnies: LOL Friday: Dust if you Must - 06/18/10 11:45 AM
Dust if you Must LADIES!!! Remember...a layer of dust protects the Wood beneath it. A house becomes a home when you can write 'I love you' on the furniture. I used to spend at least 8 hours every weekend making sure things were just perfect - in case someone came over. Finally I realized one day that no one came over; they were all out living life and having fun! NOW, when people visit, I don't have to explain the 'condition’ of my home They are more interested in hearing about the things I've been doing while I was away … (18 comments)
|
friday funnies: FRIDAY FUNNIES :How the World Works - 06/10/10 11:49 PM
How the World Works lately... If a man cuts his finger off while Slicing salami at work, He sues the restaurant. If you smoke three packs a day For 40 years and die of lung cancer, Your family sues the Tobacco company. If your neighbor crashes Into a tree while driving home drunk, He sues the bartender. If your grandchildren are Brats without manners, You blame television. If your friend is shot by a Deranged madman, You blame the gun manufacturer.. And if a crazed person breaks Into the cockpit and Tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, And the … (14 comments)
|
friday funnies: lol Friday : Murder at Walmart - 05/21/10 11:02 AM
MURDER AT WAL-MART... Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed. A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on … (22 comments)
|
friday funnies: LOL FRIDAY: Irish Viagra and Coffee - 04/15/10 11:14 PM
IRISH VIAGRA An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving. Her husband's libido. “What about trying Viagra?” asked the doctor. “Not a chance”, she said. “He won't even take an aspirin.” “Not a problem,” replied the doctor. “Give him an 'Irish Viagra’. Drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.” It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress. The poor dear exclaimed, “Oh, … (13 comments)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
;)
;)
;)
