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humor: Joke of the Day: When a woman Lies - 04/18/12 07:25 AM
… (11 comments)
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humor: Friday Funnies : Observations on Growing Older - 01/27/12 10:49 AM
Observations On Growing Older ~Your Kids are becoming you...and you don't like them ...but your grandchildren are Perfect! ~Going Out is good..Coming Home is better! ~You Forget names .... But it's OKbecause other people forgotthey Even knew you!!! ~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything .... Especially Golf. ~The things you used to care to do,youno longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore. ~You sleep better on a lounge chairwith the TV blaring than in bed.It's Called "pre-sleep". ~You miss the days when everything workedwith just … (6 comments)
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humor: Joke of the Day : Rabbi and the Southern Belle - 09/12/11 04:19 PM
There was a New York rabbi, whose son got a job transfer to Louisiana. Two weeks later, the son called the father... Son: Dad, I met a girl and we're gonna get married. Dad: Son, you know what they say about those Southern Belles. They can't cook, they can't clean house, don't make love, and she's gonna call you Jew Boy for the rest of your life. Son: I don't care. I love her and I'm going to marry her. Two weeks later, the son called the father again. Son: Dad, I married her! Dad: What about all the things I … (7 comments)
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humor: Friday Funnies :Retirement is Different for Everyone - 08/26/11 10:59 AM
RETIREMENT IS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE One day, while going to the store, I passed by a nursing home. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass, Millie, Nelda, Elma, Lacey, Sippy and Rosie. I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store. On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn. This time my curiosity got the best of me, and I went inside to talk to the Nursing Home Administrator. 'Do you know there are six ladies … (14 comments)
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humor: Friday Funnies : Doctor or Computer - 08/05/11 09:07 PM
Doctor or Computer
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies "There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars - A lot cheaper than a doctor." So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Costco. … (25 comments)
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humor: Joke of the day: Slim Fast and Miracle Grow - 07/21/11 08:11 AM
One evening a Husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the Heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out. 'April', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put Talcum Powder in my underwear?' She replied with a snicker. … (7 comments)
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humor: Joke of the Day : Four Kids go to Church - 07/14/11 08:29 AM
Four LITTLE kids were concerned because
they couldn't get anyone to play with them They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday school So they went to the nearest church. But, only the janitor was there. One little boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptize us?" Sure," said the janitor. He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time. Then he said, "You are now baptized!" When they got outside, … (7 comments)
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humor: Friday Funnies :Ever Wonder Why - 07/08/11 10:40 PM
EVER WONDER .....Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?! Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? I like this one!!!If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
author unknown sent in by Marlene … (13 comments)
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humor: Friday Funnies: A Few Drinks Two Aspirins - 06/10/11 12:14 PM
A guy is out with his buddies. He has a Few drinks, gets in the mood but true to His wife goes home. When he gets home he finds her sound Asleep in bed with her mouth wide open. He gets two aspirin and drops them into Her mouth. Of course, she chokes but recovers and Asks, "What did you put in my mouth??" He says, "Two aspirin". She replies, "BUT I DON'T HAVE AHEADCHE
"That's what I wanted to hear.
sent in by Cynthia Wexler
Author Unknown
Selling or Buying a Home is No Laughing … (10 comments)
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humor: Friday Funnies: Man Oh Men - 05/13/11 09:22 AM
Man Oh Men
A couple is lyingin bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world...' The woman replies, 'I'll miss you....... ---------------------------- 'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?' 'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied. ------------------------------------------- Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor ------------------------------------------- Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to … (16 comments)
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humor: Friday funnies: "Fifty Bucks is Fifty Bucks" Ken and Edna - 03/25/11 01:16 PM
Ken and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, And every year Ken would say, 'Edna,
"I'd like to ride in that helicopter' Edna always replied, 'I know Ken, but that helicopter ride is
"fifty bucks is fifty bucks" One year Ken and Edna went to the fair, and Ken said, 'Edna, I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance' To this, Edna replied, Ken that helicopter ride is,and
"fifty bucks is fifty bucks" The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal.
… (9 comments)
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humor: Friday Funnies: Only Great Minds can Read This - 03/11/11 11:18 AM
Only great minds can read this!
This is weird, but interesting!
If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid too Can you raed this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can … (15 comments)
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humor: Friday Funnies: Women Drivers - 02/25/11 09:23 AM
This morning on the freeway,
I looked over to my left and there was a Woman In a brand new Cadillac Doing 65 mph With her Face up next to her Rear view mirror Putting on her eyeliner. I looked away For a couple seconds... to continue shaving And when I looked back she was Halfway over in my lane, Still working on that makeup. As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped My electric shaver Which knocked The donut Out of my other hand. In all The confusion … (21 comments)
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humor: Friday Funnies: Tax Tax Taxes - 02/04/11 10:29 PM
Tax his land, Tax his bed, Tax the table At which he's fed. Tax his work, Tax his pay, He works for peanuts Anyway! Tax his cow,
Tax his goat, Tax his pants, Tax his coat. Tax his tobacco, Tax his drink, Tax him if he Tries to think. Tax his car, Tax his gas, Find other ways To tax his ass. Tax all he has Then let him know That you won't be done Till he has no dough. When he screams and hollers; Then tax him some more, Tax him till He's good and sore. Then tax … (15 comments)
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humor: Friday Funnies! Woman get Face Lift at Fifty year old - 01/28/11 12:20 PM
A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am 'About 32,' is the reply.' 'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same … (9 comments)
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humor: Friday Funnies: What is a Grandparent? - 01/14/11 11:16 AM
WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT? Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds. You'll love it: Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other peoples.' A grandfather is a man & a grandmother is a lady! Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money. When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars. … (13 comments)
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humor: Friday Funnies:Phila Pa Employee Boss Raise - 12/10/10 12:57 PM
Employee:: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?Boss: Sure, come on in.
What can I do for you? Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.Boss: Yes. Employee: I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have
four companies … (20 comments)
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humor: Friday Funnies:The Blonde and the Milkman - 11/27/10 12:23 AM
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. So she left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, 'I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?' The blonde said, 'No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take … (20 comments)
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humor: Friday Funnies: Naked Cowboy Blond Men Exist - 11/19/10 11:15 AM
Naked Cowboy
A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking around like this?' The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff ..... I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did. We go inside and … (12 comments)
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humor: Friday Funnies: Fair is Fair - 11/05/10 06:11 PM
Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar And stared up at the TV. The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story Of a man on the ledge of a large building
Preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, The guy … (17 comments)
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