Dad made me write this post so he could use it as an example in his video about how to create a community sponsorship. So here goes:

I've never been quite so excited in my young life as the first time I saw the Mariner Moose. I love that stinking Moose......from a distance, or at least that was my first experience. Seeing the Moose riding the four wheeler across Safeco field was pretty cool. Having the Moose up in my face, not so much.

I've been to about 15 Mariner games with Dad now, so I'm alright with the Moose up close now, but I promise you, I wasn't cool with him the first time we met. In fact, I was petrified. That stinking Moose is scary up close the first time you meet him. I mean come on, look at that face......that's something only a mother could love. Huge snout, big pointy antlers.....have your heard of a headacure Moose? (You know, like a pedicure, but for your antlers.......)

The Moose and I are cool now though. And it's all thanks to the visits I've made to the Moose Den. The first time, I was pretty scared, I admit. But subsequent visits have led to an understanding between me and the Moose. He keeps his pointy antlers pointed toward the sky and I won't put my gum in his fur. It's working out pretty good so far.

Well, here is my latest picture with the big guy........

(Hope this works for your demo Dad!)

It's been quite a while since I left an update in my blog. My dad has had a few ActiveRain members (Hi Karen!) ask what the heck I've been up to and how come I haven't posted in my blog for a while...........

Do you know how hard it is to keep a consistent blog? For most of you, this is part of your work, so you schedule time to update your blog. I don't have that luxury. My work is learning the alphabet and how to spell. I'm trying to educate myself so I can get a job where I pay someone to write my blog for me.

In fact, my last blog post was over a year ago. Where has the time gone? Let me see if I can recap the last year for you. I'll just hit the highlights so I don't bore you to death.

My Dad and I hit a bunch of Mariner games this spring and summer. I can name every player on the team. My favorite players are Chone Figgins and Ichiro. Dad says Chone can't hit his weight, but I like that his name isn't spelled right. He'd certainly get an F in spelling in my class. Way to get creative Sean. We almost caught a foul ball at one of the games, but after bouncing off the guy a few rows behind us (quite possibly the most nonathletic attempt at a catch I've ever seen) the ball ended up behind the lady in the seat next to dad. I'm pretty sure he was a little leery of putting his hand down in her seat, but I had a hard time understanding what the big deal was.......just get the ball Dad!!

This summer, I was out in Michigan with Dad and Christa for their wedding. It was pretty sweet!! I got to ride Mimi and Mike's jet skis. WOW!!!!! Have you ridden one of these things? Dad and I got it up to 60MPH. That's faster than Grandma, Christa, and most of Dad's friends could get it going. Jet Skis are SAAAWEEEET!! They go super fast and I had the best time out there on the water. I drew pictures of Jet Skis for months after that in school. I really like the purple one cause it's faster. I hope Dad will let me ride the green one by myself next year (I'm taking swimming lessons now so I think I can handle it myself. I will be 4 in June, so let's not make any rash decisions before that big bday)

The wedding itself was really cool. I got to walk down the aisle with my dad. Some of you saw it live online. If you didn't, here is the recorded version of the wedding. Dad said Christa is my new step-mom. You can't have too many people around you that love you, and I know Christa loves me dearly, I love her just as much!!

In October, I was out in Michigan again. I came out with my Grandma Gail and Grandpa Grant. I kind of got hosed though, because Dad and Christa took Grandma and Grandpa to the Michigan football game. Of course, karma was a (bad word, but ask Lebron James, he knows the phrase). Michigan got spanked! Had they taken me, we probably would have won! Christa promised I could go to my first game next year, so I'm holding her to that!

I tried to kill a pheasant, but Dad wasn't having it. What a wuss! I still contend Colton and I would have mangled that pheasant.

I started taking swim lessons recently. I'm pretty much the next Michael Phelps. I hear he went to Michigan.....that's where I want to go too, so if I decide to win a few Gold medals, I'll probably do it in swimming. As you can tell, I get my humility from my Dad :-)

I'm growing like a weed. I'm quite a bit bigger then all the other kids in my school that are my age. In fact, I'm bigger than just about every kid my age. Christa says I can be a linebacker at Michigan when I grow up if I want. With this years defense, it's possible I could have started as a 3 year old.

So that's a little update of what I was up to in 2010. Grandma Gail was pretty disappointed that I didn't blog at all in 2010. Sorry Grandma, I promise I'll try harder in 2011. And of course, a special shout out to Grandma Sally in Hawaii! I LOVED the puzzles you sent for Christmas. I can't wait to do one with my dad again when he is back the first week in February.

I miss you Dad and I love you!!

I wouldn't have believed it had I not seen it with my own eyes.

I'm 2 and 1/2 now. Last year around Christmas time, I have a vague recollection of the fat man in the red suit. I'm pretty sure when I saw him he had cookie crumbs in his beard. Maybe he was at the end of a long trip, quite frankly, he looked a little disheveled. I think he even had a pee stain on his trousers from the kid five spots in line ahead of me.

The kid kept complaining about having to use the bathroom and his mom kept saying "we are almost to Santa, just hold it". Given the commotion that went down when he finally got on Santa's lap, my guess is he wasn't able to hold it. Luckily the funny looking short guy with the pointed ears had a towel that he put on Santa's lap so the rest of us kids could still sit there without our germ fearing parents freaking out.

I have to say, the whole thing left me less than impressed. It was a bunch of "say cheese" and "you look so cute" and "no, don't yank on Santa's beard". All talk, no action. (well except for the guy with the camera snapping like a madman to get one good shot....I don't think he ever got one) I'm pretty sure as we departed, that same pointed ear guy shoved a striped red hook shaped thingy in my hand, which was immediately extricated from my iron grip by my father. (what a scrooge)

Any way, this year was way cooler. I went and saw Santa with Daddy's Grandma. They tell me that she is my Great Grandma. I like 'Daddy's Grandma' better ('Great' just doesn't roll off the tongue like 'Daddy'). No matter what you call her, she's a cool lady. She cooked for us, took us to see Santa, took Dad and K to bingo where they cleaned up, and she's a Mariners fan!!

So she takes us to see Santa.......and get this!!! The guy just gives you presents!!! (I know, I know, I'm as shocked as the rest of you!!!)

All I had to do was hop up on his lap (sans pee this time) and tell him what I wanted. Of course, 'cool cars' is just about my favorite word, so that was a given.......and what to my little eyes amazement did the lady standing behind him pull out? YEP!! A bag with 'cool cars' in it!!!! I could have fallen off his lap I was so stunned.

So of course, I did what any self respecting two year old would do next........I asked for a CHOO-CHOO!! It's been a while since I checked in here on ActiveRain, but I love me some me.......err, I mean CHOO-CHOO's. So naturally I spun back to await my next bag with CHOO-CHOO's in it.....and nothing!! I was pretty confused, I must admit. The first request and the fat man knocks it out of the park.......but he swings and misses on the second request??.....or so I thought.

It wasn't five days later that Grandpa (Daddy's dad) came over with, yep you guessed it, CHOO-CHOOs!!! Apparently the fat man didn't have any on him but he sent Grandpa over a few days later with the goods.

The lesson? Just because someone has crumbs in their beard, pee in their lap, and looks a little disheveled, don't judge him.........he could come back the following year and TOTALLY REDEEM HIMSELF!! (and of course, remember to ask for a computer next year)

It's tough growing up.

Sometimes, when we get older, we don't have time for the things we used to like doing so much. Take my blog for instance. I've really been neglecting it lately. Before I could walk, it seemed like the natural thing to do; tell everyone about my life from behind the keyboard. However, now that I can walk (who am I kidding, I only run when I'm on the move) sitting behind the boring keyboard seems so blase (how the heck do you do that little ' over the e?)

You folks that spend all day blogging and commenting on ActiveRain..........do me a favor. STEP AWAY FROM THE KEYBOARD and get out and exercise for at least 30 minutes a day. I promise you'll feel so much better about yourself. I just go outside and run around in circles sometimes. I do it until I get dizzy........then I just fall down. What do I care, I'm two.........I suppose if you did that you would probably look pretty foolish. You're probably old like my dad. When he does it, it's pretty funny though. I don't think he looks foolish, and who really cares what those other people think. You know, the ones who never have any fun. You can have those people. I'll take my dad.

Being two is pretty cool. This crazy brain of mine is on overdrive (wait does a brain go 'on overdrive' or does it get 'in overdrive'....arrrgg, so many questions). I hear hundreds of new words every day. Do you know how hard it is to keep up? No wonder some kids get ADD. It's a lot of stuff to keep up with. Words, letters, numbers, girls........oh wait, errr......nevermind.

Alright, alright, you could probably care less about what I have to say. You probably just want to see my pictures from my birthday.

In my defense, that Rat is pretty scary up close. Have you ever seen a 6'2" Rat????? Where the heck do they grow these things? I know we don't have sewers this big here. They must have flown this thing in from Mexico City. Seriously, whose bright idea was it to put a ton of REALLY cool toys and video games in a huge room, get kids all relaxed and having fun.....THEN RUSH OUT A HUGE RAT?????? That's insane! It make absolutely no sense whatsoever. If you try to defend it as "cute" or "adorable" I'll know you are out of your freaking mind as well. So don't even try it nut job!

Sorry, I'm rambling (I'm telling you, it's hard to get everything out in a coherent fashion when you are two).........ok, here is the evidence pictures.

Check out my bad*ss bike (I could be in trouble for typing that word, please don't tell dad). Yeah those are training wheels, so what?

yeah, so here is where they sneak in the Rat. can you tell I was caught off guard? Look, I don't care if you are a Rat. Not everyone can be as cute as I am. But if you are going to be a Rat, don't go sneaking up on two year olds who are hanging out with their friends having a good time. It's just not right Chuck!

Peace? Peace? Are you serious???? I'll knock those two buck teeth out of your mouth if you don't back the heck up Chuck!! I told you, it's just not cool sneaking up on a guy when he's trying to eat pizza. I promise you don't want anything to do with this left hook Chuck, you just don't!

OK, now we are having some fun. Look Chuck, all I needed was for you to back up off a kid. Sneaking in and getting all up in my face....not cool!!. Now that we have an understanding I think we can finally get this party started!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I implore you; if you are going to take your kid to Chuck E. Cheese please give them a heads up about what to expect. To bring them in and lull them into a false sense of safety with video games, pizza, rides and toys and then spring a HUGE sewer Rat on them with little or no warning is just not right. I hold my Dad responsible although I know he had at least one beautiful accomplice. Don't worry guys, I'll get you back.....just wait!

My dad has been getting some requests for me to post a few pictures on my blog to let everyone know that I'm still alive. Of course, I recently did a video with my dad explaining some feature or another that they just released here at ActiveRain. (To be quite honest the whole thing was pretty boring for me but I did my best to keep a smile and not let dad know how boring it was)

So here you go, pictures of me...... (make sure hold your cursor over the pic for the story)

Birds have cages, I'm pretty sure. I see them on Sylvester and Tweetie. Dogs have cages......well at least the one's Michael Vick used to have, I saw them on the news. All the animals at the zoo have cages (at least according to one of the books Mom reads to me, I think I'll probably get to see for real this summer). So to the best of my deductible knowledge........having a cage means you are an animal. So I guess Mom and Dad think I am an animal, because it seems like every time I turn around, they are sticking me in some kind of cage.

First it was that crummy bassinet that I so deftly unloaded on some sucker. Next it's this 'crib' (sounds like cage to me) that they make me sleep in every night. More recently it's this Graco Playard fold and carry thing. Have you seen the website for this thing? Here is a quote from their propoganda (Stalin would be proud):

"A convenient travel bag is also included - just fold the Pack 'n Play® playard, stow it in the bag, and you and your little one are off to see the world."

Off to see the world???? Who are they kidding?? My Mom and Dad have this thing sitting in the living room and every time I so much as close a lid to 'rest my eyes' they try to throw me in this thing. We haven't done any 'world traveling' over here you Graco commies. Look, please don't assume that just because I still spit my food back out into my hand and then smear it all over my face that I am stupid, OK? You aren't fooling me with this new-age cage. I am not fooled by the fact that it doesn't have bars. Your mesh netting is still a weak attempt at trying to keep a baby down (I had to stop the good fight for Neo-awareness, it's become exhausting)

I will not be bound by bars and mesh. In fact, every time I find myself confined to one of these spaces, I pledge to scream at the top of my lungs until either Mom or Dad come and rescue me. So far this plan seems to be working to perfection, although lately after a few minutes of screaming in the 'crib' I fall deeply back into slumber. YAWWWNNNN.......it's getting late, has anyone seen my blanket? 

(please note: the only reason I am smiling is because my mom is behind the camera acting like she is about to release me from my cage) 

Things were so easy when I was younger. It seems like all I ever did was eat, sleep, and poop. Ahhh, those were the days. Now it seems like every day my Mom and Dad are trying to teach me something or get me to do something I'm not interested in. My Dad insisted on buying me this mini-basketball hoop for instance. Doesn't he know I would rather have the big boy version. The one he bought me is about 18 inches tall. Are you joking me? I could dunk on that hoop in my sleep. At least if he is going to try to get me to learn something, he could make it challenging, seriously Dad, the mini hoop is pretty lame!!

With Mom and Dad teaching me stuff, I can generally throw a fit and scream for a few minutes and they will stop teaching me whatever it is they are trying to cram down my throat. Mom will say something like, "OK sweetie, we can try some more in a little while". Of course, I have that short term memory issue that most babies seem to have, so I can't remember if we ever........wait, what was I talking about?

Well apparently there is another force at work trying to shape my young life...........nature! Have you heard of this? Just yesterday, I wake up and what do I find in my mouth? Some foreign substance busting through my gums!! You can imagine my surprise. At first I thought to myself, "Self, you should seriously consider keeping your mouth shut when you sleep, to avoid foreign substances crawling in your mouth"

I figured that like countless other things that have ended up in my mouth, I would be able to either spit this thing out, or swallow it. Once again, imagine my surprise when this stupid thing will not come off my gums!! It is stuck there. Fast forward to this morning.........my Dad caught me chewing on a piece of paper (I love that Dad is so unorganized, there is normally a piece of paper around somewhere for me to get my hands mouth on) and as he was cleaning out my mouth, he exclaims......."Monkels (don't ask.....I like to climb on stuff, he called me Monkey, which became Monk and for some reason is now Monkels) You have a tooth coming through"

At this point, if I spoke like I write, I would have said, "well get this stupid 'tooth' out of my mouth" (but alas, I am not talking yet, cue the pitty party). So I guess I have a tooth. What good is this tooth? Will I get more tooths? What is the plural of tooth? Toothers? I have SOOO many questions.............yet Mom and Dad just gush for a few minutes, and then back to normal. There was no in depth explanation of 'tooth'. There was no explanation of what to do with this 'tooth'. As far as I can tell to this point........it's just a pain in my butt gums.

If I can just find another piece of paper to chew on, maybe they will talk more about my 'tooth'...........maybe there's one under the couch......or the recliner........don't worry, I'll find something to put in my mouth that I shouldn't :-) 

OK OK ladies, unfortunately I won't be including a picture in this post, so contain yourselves. This is just going to be me telling you about what could possibly be the coolest, scariest thing I have EVER come across............my bath.

I've talked in my previous posts about short term memory. The doctor says that my memory is getting longer and longer now but I can't recall ever having had a bath prior to tonight. Mom says she gives me one three times a week, but this is the first time I have been able to keep the memory fresh enough to get it down on the screen.

Nothing in my five months with Mom and Dad gives me such pleasure or causes such exhilaration as that blue plastic bath tub filled with warm water and soothing bubbles. And yet nothing gives me as much trepidation or causes sheer terror like the site of that blue plastic torture device filled with scalding liquid and soapy sting. Which brings me back to that short term memory problem...........I forget..........do I like the bath? Do I hate the bath?

Let me recall my most recent foray into this bath tub....er, torture device......

Mom is always the one that gets all the bath stuff ready...........in fact, Mom is always the one that gets everything ready. So by the time I get my first view of the blue tub, it's usually filled with warm water and soothing bubbles....er, scalding liquid and soapy sting (I'm confused). It's Dad's job to get me undressed and deliver me to Mom.

I love being Naked!!!! So the short transfer from Dad to Mom is a glorious time where I can truly be free and just hang out. My mom however acts as if I am allowed to "hang out" for too long that there is the potential I may "P" (what is P? I have asked every one and they tell me it's a letter..........letters don't have meaning........they create meaning.........I'm confused again) so she is always in a huge rush to get me in the water as quickly as possible.

It's at this point, when I am thrust into the warm, err....scalding water, that the sheer terror sets in.............IS IT TOO HOT??? I CAN'T TELL.............WHAT ARE THESE BUBBLES?.........IS SHE GOING TO DROP ME???? I AM NOT A FISH, I CAN'T BREATH..........OH MY GOODNESS.............WHAT IF I KICK MY FEET??? WILL THAT HELP???? FLAP YOUR HANDS, FLAP YOUR HANDS..............................SCREAM!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THE BATH, I HATE THE BATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You have to be really quick to catch all of this..........when it's happening to you it feels like an eternity.........but the second hand on the clock over the sink usually only moved a few ticks while this was taking place so I think it was pretty quick.........I know because I was watching the clock to see how long my mother was going to allow this terror to consume me. But guess what happened.................Mom didn't let go. She was right there for me. And the water, that only seconds ago was scalding hot, had become the perfect temp. It was nothing short of AMAZING. That same water that only seconds prior was crashing in from every angle to suffocate me? Calm as could be. 

I smack my hand on it a few times to show it who is boss.......wow, this is not scary.........THIS IS AWESOME!!!! I take it all in, I relax. As I relax.......I start to slide down a little in the tub, I can feel the water covering my chest, then coming up to my neck and then approacing my chin.........crap!! flap your hands!! TRY TO SIT UP!!!.................FREAK OUT!!!!! FREEAK OUT!!!!.............oh, mom is there..........ok................relaaaaaaaaxxxxxx.

I continue this routine for the next five minutes as mom lathers me up, rinses me off and Dad stands on the side and makes funny faces and throws water at me with the plastic cup. I laugh and splash back...............man I love my bath 

Ok folks, I have had it with the knuckleheads at ActiveRain. Don't these guys have any concern for my feelings??? I mean honestly, I try to provide good quality content and they keep trying to keep a baby down (only I am free to use the baby term, the rest of you can stick with neo-american).

Here are my list of complaints.............If they are not addressed in a manner I find to be sufficient, I'm taking my toys and I am going home............(errr, wait, I'm at home............well I'll be going somewhere).

1. Last night when I went to bed I had 7086 points. Now today I wake up and I only have 7012 points. WHERE DID MY POINTS GO????? I worked hard for those points. If I don't get my points back, we are going to have a serious issue on our hands here. I'm not prepared to accept their usual lame responses either..............."the points system is automatic", "the points algorithm scores certain things instantaneously and other things are scored hourly or daily". I say make it work so I AM HAPPY WITH IT, otherwise..............well let's just say it won't be pretty!!

2. Why can't I post my stuff where ever I want to post it? If I want to post to 25 groups at once even though the subject matter doesn't fit the groups, why can't I? It's my blog. I should be able to post crap where ever I feel like it. If I have a listing I want it to be in as many places as possible. I don't care if it junks up the system and people have to scroll past it from Florida even though my listing is in Washington. If they ask me to stop putting stuff where ever I want, I am going to thumb my nose at them and force them to spend their time removing it..........haha, let's see if they can keep up!!!!

3. My Localism photos are fine. If I want to take 100 pictures of my local golf course from every possible angle and post them all to Localism who are they to tell me I can't. What if someone wants to know what direction the grass runs on the 15th fairway??? I don't care that they have guidelines................I think I am above any guidelines they set. If I want to post 300 pictures of every stinking house in Bellevue, I think I should be able to. How is someone going to know they can get a yellow or a light blue split-level if I don't show them? If I want to take pictures of every sign in town and post them to Localism, who are they to tell me I can't? Hey, that speed limit sign in that one neighborhood that says "12 miles per hour" is unique around here. 

4. Don't even get me started on cut and paste. I saw something I liked on the internet..........who are the knuckleheads to tell me that I can't steal it and pass it off as something I wrote????? And they have the nerve to threaten me with taking away my points? Then they put my post in draft mode and allow me to properly cite it and link to the original article? PEOPLE, I am 4 months old, why would I have any original thoughts to add to something someone else wrote when I can just pass it off as my own????

Those are just a few of my complaints. I have lots more if you are interested. What really irritates me is that I have to pay..................oh wait, I don't have to pay to use this site...............well even so, I'll do whatever I want and if the guys at ActiveRain don't like it, tough!!!!

(I hope Dad doesn't get mad about this one.........I snuck it past the edit agreement we have)