I will grow up big!!!!

My visit to the Moose Den

Tue, 18 Jan 2011 14:47:53 -0800

Dad made me write this post so he could use it as an example in his video about how to create a community sponsorship. So here goes:

I've never been quite so excited in my young life as the first time I saw the Mariner Moose. I love that stinking Moose......from a distance, or at least that was my first experience. Seeing the Moose riding the four wheeler across Safeco field was pretty cool. Having the Moose up in my face, not so much.

I've been to about 15 Mariner games with Dad now, so I'm alright with the Moose up close now, but I promise you, I wasn't cool with him the first time we met. In fact, I was petrified. That stinking Moose is scary up close the first time you meet him. I mean come on, look at that face......that's something only a mother could love. Huge snout, big pointy antlers.....have your heard of a headacure Moose? (You know, like a pedicure, but for your antlers.......)

The Moose and I are cool now though. And it's all thanks to the visits I've made to the Moose Den. The first time, I was pretty scared, I admit. But subsequent visits have led to an understanding between me and the Moose. He keeps his pointy antlers pointed toward the sky and I won't put my gum in his fur. It's working out pretty good so far.

Well, here is my latest picture with the big guy........

(Hope this works for your demo Dad!)

Blogging consistently is tough.....My 2010 Year in Review

Tue, 18 Jan 2011 02:47:03 -0800

It's been quite a while since I left an update in my blog. My dad has had a few ActiveRain members (Hi Karen!) ask what the heck I've been up to and how come I haven't posted in my blog for a while...........

Do you know how hard it is to keep a consistent blog? For most of you, this is part of your work, so you schedule time to update your blog. I don't have that luxury. My work is learning the alphabet and how to spell. I'm trying to educate myself so I can get a job where I pay someone to write my blog for me.

In fact, my last blog post was over a year ago. Where has the time gone? Let me see if I can recap the last year for you. I'll just hit the highlights so I don't bore you to death.

My Dad and I hit a bunch of Mariner games this spring and summer. I can name every player on the team. My favorite players are Chone Figgins and Ichiro. Dad says Chone can't hit his weight, but I like that his name isn't spelled right. He'd certainly get an F in spelling in my class. Way to get creative Sean. We almost caught a foul ball at one of the games, but after bouncing off the guy a few rows behind us (quite possibly the most nonathletic attempt at a catch I've ever seen) the ball ended up behind the lady in the seat next to dad. I'm pretty sure he was a little leery of putting his hand down in her seat, but I had a hard time understanding what the big deal was.......just get the ball Dad!!

This summer, I was out in Michigan with Dad and Christa for their wedding. It was pretty sweet!! I got to ride Mimi and Mike's jet skis. WOW!!!!! Have you ridden one of these things? Dad and I got it up to 60MPH. That's faster than Grandma, Christa, and most of Dad's friends could get it going. Jet Skis are SAAAWEEEET!! They go super fast and I had the best time out there on the water. I drew pictures of Jet Skis for months after that in school. I really like the purple one cause it's faster. I hope Dad will let me ride the green one by myself next year (I'm taking swimming lessons now so I think I can handle it myself. I will be 4 in June, so let's not make any rash decisions before that big bday)

The wedding itself was really cool. I got to walk down the aisle with my dad. Some of you saw it live online. If you didn't, here is the recorded version of the wedding. Dad said Christa is my new step-mom. You can't have too many people around you that love you, and I know Christa loves me dearly, I love her just as much!!

In October, I was out in Michigan again. I came out with my Grandma Gail and Grandpa Grant. I kind of got hosed though, because Dad and Christa took Grandma and Grandpa to the Michigan football game. Of course, karma was a (bad word, but ask Lebron James, he knows the phrase). Michigan got spanked! Had they taken me, we probably would have won! Christa promised I could go to my first game next year, so I'm holding her to that!

I tried to kill a pheasant, but Dad wasn't having it. What a wuss! I still contend Colton and I would have mangled that pheasant.

I started taking swim lessons recently. I'm pretty much the next Michael Phelps. I hear he went to Michigan.....that's where I want to go too, so if I decide to win a few Gold medals, I'll probably do it in swimming. As you can tell, I get my humility from my Dad :-)

I'm growing like a weed. I'm quite a bit bigger then all the other kids in my school that are my age. In fact, I'm bigger than just about every kid my age. Christa says I can be a linebacker at Michigan when I grow up if I want. With this years defense, it's possible I could have started as a 3 year old.

So that's a little update of what I was up to in 2010. Grandma Gail was pretty disappointed that I didn't blog at all in 2010. Sorry Grandma, I promise I'll try harder in 2011. And of course, a special shout out to Grandma Sally in Hawaii! I LOVED the puzzles you sent for Christmas. I can't wait to do one with my dad again when he is back the first week in February.

I miss you Dad and I love you!!

Have you heard about this Santa Fella?

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 21:01:42 -0800

I wouldn't have believed it had I not seen it with my own eyes.

I'm 2 and 1/2 now. Last year around Christmas time, I have a vague recollection of the fat man in the red suit. I'm pretty sure when I saw him he had cookie crumbs in his beard. Maybe he was at the end of a long trip, quite frankly, he looked a little disheveled. I think he even had a pee stain on his trousers from the kid five spots in line ahead of me.

The kid kept complaining about having to use the bathroom and his mom kept saying "we are almost to Santa, just hold it". Given the commotion that went down when he finally got on Santa's lap, my guess is he wasn't able to hold it. Luckily the funny looking short guy with the pointed ears had a towel that he put on Santa's lap so the rest of us kids could still sit there without our germ fearing parents freaking out.

I have to say, the whole thing left me less than impressed. It was a bunch of "say cheese" and "you look so cute" and "no, don't yank on Santa's beard". All talk, no action. (well except for the guy with the camera snapping like a madman to get one good shot....I don't think he ever got one) I'm pretty sure as we departed, that same pointed ear guy shoved a striped red hook shaped thingy in my hand, which was immediately extricated from my iron grip by my father. (what a scrooge)

Any way, this year was way cooler. I went and saw Santa with Daddy's Grandma. They tell me that she is my Great Grandma. I like 'Daddy's Grandma' better ('Great' just doesn't roll off the tongue like 'Daddy'). No matter what you call her, she's a cool lady. She cooked for us, took us to see Santa, took Dad and K to bingo where they cleaned up, and she's a Mariners fan!!

So she takes us to see Santa.......and get this!!! The guy just gives you presents!!! (I know, I know, I'm as shocked as the rest of you!!!)

All I had to do was hop up on his lap (sans pee this time) and tell him what I wanted. Of course, 'cool cars' is just about my favorite word, so that was a given.......and what to my little eyes amazement did the lady standing behind him pull out? YEP!! A bag with 'cool cars' in it!!!! I could have fallen off his lap I was so stunned.

So of course, I did what any self respecting two year old would do next........I asked for a CHOO-CHOO!! It's been a while since I checked in here on ActiveRain, but I love me some me.......err, I mean CHOO-CHOO's. So naturally I spun back to await my next bag with CHOO-CHOO's in it.....and nothing!! I was pretty confused, I must admit. The first request and the fat man knocks it out of the park.......but he swings and misses on the second request??.....or so I thought.

It wasn't five days later that Grandpa (Daddy's dad) came over with, yep you guessed it, CHOO-CHOOs!!! Apparently the fat man didn't have any on him but he sent Grandpa over a few days later with the goods.

The lesson? Just because someone has crumbs in their beard, pee in their lap, and looks a little disheveled, don't judge him.........he could come back the following year and TOTALLY REDEEM HIMSELF!! (and of course, remember to ask for a computer next year)

My 2nd Birthday | The Horrors of Huge Sewer Rats

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 11:49:32 -0700

It's tough growing up.

Sometimes, when we get older, we don't have time for the things we used to like doing so much. Take my blog for instance. I've really been neglecting it lately. Before I could walk, it seemed like the natural thing to do; tell everyone about my life from behind the keyboard. However, now that I can walk (who am I kidding, I only run when I'm on the move) sitting behind the boring keyboard seems so blase (how the heck do you do that little ' over the e?)

You folks that spend all day blogging and commenting on ActiveRain..........do me a favor. STEP AWAY FROM THE KEYBOARD and get out and exercise for at least 30 minutes a day. I promise you'll feel so much better about yourself. I just go outside and run around in circles sometimes. I do it until I get dizzy........then I just fall down. What do I care, I'm two.........I suppose if you did that you would probably look pretty foolish. You're probably old like my dad. When he does it, it's pretty funny though. I don't think he looks foolish, and who really cares what those other people think. You know, the ones who never have any fun. You can have those people. I'll take my dad.

Being two is pretty cool. This crazy brain of mine is on overdrive (wait does a brain go 'on overdrive' or does it get 'in overdrive'....arrrgg, so many questions). I hear hundreds of new words every day. Do you know how hard it is to keep up? No wonder some kids get ADD. It's a lot of stuff to keep up with. Words, letters, numbers, girls........oh wait, errr......nevermind.

Alright, alright, you could probably care less about what I have to say. You probably just want to see my pictures from my birthday.

In my defense, that Rat is pretty scary up close. Have you ever seen a 6'2" Rat????? Where the heck do they grow these things? I know we don't have sewers this big here. They must have flown this thing in from Mexico City. Seriously, whose bright idea was it to put a ton of REALLY cool toys and video games in a huge room, get kids all relaxed and having fun.....THEN RUSH OUT A HUGE RAT?????? That's insane! It make absolutely no sense whatsoever. If you try to defend it as "cute" or "adorable" I'll know you are out of your freaking mind as well. So don't even try it nut job!

Sorry, I'm rambling (I'm telling you, it's hard to get everything out in a coherent fashion when you are two).........ok, here is the evidence pictures.

Check out my bad*ss bike (I could be in trouble for typing that word, please don't tell dad). Yeah those are training wheels, so what?

yeah, so here is where they sneak in the Rat. can you tell I was caught off guard? Look, I don't care if you are a Rat. Not everyone can be as cute as I am. But if you are going to be a Rat, don't go sneaking up on two year olds who are hanging out with their friends having a good time. It's just not right Chuck!

Peace? Peace? Are you serious???? I'll knock those two buck teeth out of your mouth if you don't back the heck up Chuck!! I told you, it's just not cool sneaking up on a guy when he's trying to eat pizza. I promise you don't want anything to do with this left hook Chuck, you just don't!

OK, now we are having some fun. Look Chuck, all I needed was for you to back up off a kid. Sneaking in and getting all up in my face....not cool!!. Now that we have an understanding I think we can finally get this party started!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I implore you; if you are going to take your kid to Chuck E. Cheese please give them a heads up about what to expect. To bring them in and lull them into a false sense of safety with video games, pizza, rides and toys and then spring a HUGE sewer Rat on them with little or no warning is just not right. I hold my Dad responsible although I know he had at least one beautiful accomplice. Don't worry guys, I'll get you back.....just wait!

Wordless Wednesday - I want to be like Dad when I grow up!!

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 23:25:00 -0800

I'm still alive....even though my Dad tried to bore me to death last time you saw me

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 18:21:01 -0700

My dad has been getting some requests for me to post a few pictures on my blog to let everyone know that I'm still alive. Of course, I recently did a video with my dad explaining some feature or another that they just released here at ActiveRain. (To be quite honest the whole thing was pretty boring for me but I did my best to keep a smile and not let dad know how boring it was)

So here you go, pictures of me...... (make sure hold your cursor over the pic for the story)

The Cage

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 17:20:20 -0700

Birds have cages, I'm pretty sure. I see them on Sylvester and Tweetie. Dogs have cages......well at least the one's Michael Vick used to have, I saw them on the news. All the animals at the zoo have cages (at least according to one of the books Mom reads to me, I think I'll probably get to see for real this summer). So to the best of my deductible knowledge........having a cage means you are an animal. So I guess Mom and Dad think I am an animal, because it seems like every time I turn around, they are sticking me in some kind of cage.

First it was that crummy bassinet that I so deftly unloaded on some sucker. Next it's this 'crib' (sounds like cage to me) that they make me sleep in every night. More recently it's this Graco Playard fold and carry thing. Have you seen the website for this thing? Here is a quote from their propoganda (Stalin would be proud):

"A convenient travel bag is also included - just fold the Pack 'n Play® playard, stow it in the bag, and you and your little one are off to see the world."

Off to see the world???? Who are they kidding?? My Mom and Dad have this thing sitting in the living room and every time I so much as close a lid to 'rest my eyes' they try to throw me in this thing. We haven't done any 'world traveling' over here you Graco commies. Look, please don't assume that just because I still spit my food back out into my hand and then smear it all over my face that I am stupid, OK? You aren't fooling me with this new-age cage. I am not fooled by the fact that it doesn't have bars. Your mesh netting is still a weak attempt at trying to keep a baby down (I had to stop the good fight for Neo-awareness, it's become exhausting)

I will not be bound by bars and mesh. In fact, every time I find myself confined to one of these spaces, I pledge to scream at the top of my lungs until either Mom or Dad come and rescue me. So far this plan seems to be working to perfection, although lately after a few minutes of screaming in the 'crib' I fall deeply back into slumber. YAWWWNNNN.......it's getting late, has anyone seen my blanket?

(please note: the only reason I am smiling is because my mom is behind the camera acting like she is about to release me from my cage)

Who needs a 'tooth'?

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 00:20:15 -0700

Things were so easy when I was younger. It seems like all I ever did was eat, sleep, and poop. Ahhh, those were the days. Now it seems like every day my Mom and Dad are trying to teach me something or get me to do something I'm not interested in. My Dad insisted on buying me this mini-basketball hoop for instance. Doesn't he know I would rather have the big boy version. The one he bought me is about 18 inches tall. Are you joking me? I could dunk on that hoop in my sleep. At least if he is going to try to get me to learn something, he could make it challenging, seriously Dad, the mini hoop is pretty lame!!

With Mom and Dad teaching me stuff, I can generally throw a fit and scream for a few minutes and they will stop teaching me whatever it is they are trying to cram down my throat. Mom will say something like, "OK sweetie, we can try some more in a little while". Of course, I have that short term memory issue that most babies seem to have, so I can't remember if we ever........wait, what was I talking about?

Well apparently there is another force at work trying to shape my young life...........nature! Have you heard of this? Just yesterday, I wake up and what do I find in my mouth? Some foreign substance busting through my gums!! You can imagine my surprise. At first I thought to myself, "Self, you should seriously consider keeping your mouth shut when you sleep, to avoid foreign substances crawling in your mouth"

I figured that like countless other things that have ended up in my mouth, I would be able to either spit this thing out, or swallow it. Once again, imagine my surprise when this stupid thing will not come off my gums!! It is stuck there. Fast forward to this morning.........my Dad caught me chewing on a piece of paper (I love that Dad is so unorganized, there is normally a piece of paper around somewhere for me to get my hands mouth on) and as he was cleaning out my mouth, he exclaims......."Monkels (don't ask.....I like to climb on stuff, he called me Monkey, which became Monk and for some reason is now Monkels) You have a tooth coming through"

At this point, if I spoke like I write, I would have said, "well get this stupid 'tooth' out of my mouth" (but alas, I am not talking yet, cue the pitty party). So I guess I have a tooth. What good is this tooth? Will I get more tooths? What is the plural of tooth? Toothers? I have SOOO many questions.............yet Mom and Dad just gush for a few minutes, and then back to normal. There was no in depth explanation of 'tooth'. There was no explanation of what to do with this 'tooth'. As far as I can tell to this point........it's just a pain in my butt gums.

If I can just find another piece of paper to chew on, maybe they will talk more about my 'tooth'...........maybe there's one under the couch......or the recliner........don't worry, I'll find something to put in my mouth that I shouldn't :-)

I love my Bath!!!!

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 04:40:07 -0800

OK OK ladies, unfortunately I won't be including a picture in this post, so contain yourselves. This is just going to be me telling you about what could possibly be the coolest, scariest thing I have EVER come across............my bath.

I've talked in my previous posts about short term memory. The doctor says that my memory is getting longer and longer now but I can't recall ever having had a bath prior to tonight. Mom says she gives me one three times a week, but this is the first time I have been able to keep the memory fresh enough to get it down on the screen.

Nothing in my five months with Mom and Dad gives me such pleasure or causes such exhilaration as that blue plastic bath tub filled with warm water and soothing bubbles. And yet nothing gives me as much trepidation or causes sheer terror like the site of that blue plastic torture device filled with scalding liquid and soapy sting. Which brings me back to that short term memory problem...........I forget..........do I like the bath? Do I hate the bath?

Let me recall my most recent foray into this bath tub....er, torture device......

Mom is always the one that gets all the bath stuff ready...........in fact, Mom is always the one that gets everything ready. So by the time I get my first view of the blue tub, it's usually filled with warm water and soothing bubbles....er, scalding liquid and soapy sting (I'm confused). It's Dad's job to get me undressed and deliver me to Mom.

I love being Naked!!!! So the short transfer from Dad to Mom is a glorious time where I can truly be free and just hang out. My mom however acts as if I am allowed to "hang out" for too long that there is the potential I may "P" (what is P? I have asked every one and they tell me it's a letter..........letters don't have meaning........they create meaning.........I'm confused again) so she is always in a huge rush to get me in the water as quickly as possible.

It's at this point, when I am thrust into the warm, err....scalding water, that the sheer terror sets in.............IS IT TOO HOT??? I CAN'T TELL.............WHAT ARE THESE BUBBLES?.........IS SHE GOING TO DROP ME???? I AM NOT A FISH, I CAN'T BREATH..........OH MY GOODNESS.............WHAT IF I KICK MY FEET??? WILL THAT HELP???? FLAP YOUR HANDS, FLAP YOUR HANDS..............................SCREAM!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THE BATH, I HATE THE BATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You have to be really quick to catch all of this..........when it's happening to you it feels like an eternity.........but the second hand on the clock over the sink usually only moved a few ticks while this was taking place so I think it was pretty quick.........I know because I was watching the clock to see how long my mother was going to allow this terror to consume me. But guess what happened.................Mom didn't let go. She was right there for me. And the water, that only seconds ago was scalding hot, had become the perfect temp. It was nothing short of AMAZING. That same water that only seconds prior was crashing in from every angle to suffocate me? Calm as could be.

I smack my hand on it a few times to show it who is boss.......wow, this is not scary.........THIS IS AWESOME!!!! I take it all in, I relax. As I relax.......I start to slide down a little in the tub, I can feel the water covering my chest, then coming up to my neck and then approacing my chin.........crap!! flap your hands!! TRY TO SIT UP!!!.................FREAK OUT!!!!! FREEAK OUT!!!!.............oh, mom is there..........ok................relaaaaaaaaxxxxxx.

I continue this routine for the next five minutes as mom lathers me up, rinses me off and Dad stands on the side and makes funny faces and throws water at me with the plastic cup. I laugh and splash back...............man I love my bath

ActiveRain Knuckleheads!!!!

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 17:58:54 -0700

Ok folks, I have had it with the knuckleheads at ActiveRain. Don't these guys have any concern for my feelings??? I mean honestly, I try to provide good quality content and they keep trying to keep a baby down (only I am free to use the baby term, the rest of you can stick with neo-american).

Here are my list of complaints.............If they are not addressed in a manner I find to be sufficient, I'm taking my toys and I am going home............(errr, wait, I'm at home............well I'll be going somewhere).

1. Last night when I went to bed I had 7086 points. Now today I wake up and I only have 7012 points. WHERE DID MY POINTS GO????? I worked hard for those points. If I don't get my points back, we are going to have a serious issue on our hands here. I'm not prepared to accept their usual lame responses either..............."the points system is automatic", "the points algorithm scores certain things instantaneously and other things are scored hourly or daily". I say make it work so I AM HAPPY WITH IT, otherwise..............well let's just say it won't be pretty!!

2. Why can't I post my stuff where ever I want to post it? If I want to post to 25 groups at once even though the subject matter doesn't fit the groups, why can't I? It's my blog. I should be able to post crap where ever I feel like it. If I have a listing I want it to be in as many places as possible. I don't care if it junks up the system and people have to scroll past it from Florida even though my listing is in Washington. If they ask me to stop putting stuff where ever I want, I am going to thumb my nose at them and force them to spend their time removing it..........haha, let's see if they can keep up!!!!

3. My Localism photos are fine. If I want to take 100 pictures of my local golf course from every possible angle and post them all to Localism who are they to tell me I can't. What if someone wants to know what direction the grass runs on the 15th fairway??? I don't care that they have guidelines................I think I am above any guidelines they set. If I want to post 300 pictures of every stinking house in Bellevue, I think I should be able to. How is someone going to know they can get a yellow or a light blue split-level if I don't show them? If I want to take pictures of every sign in town and post them to Localism, who are they to tell me I can't? Hey, that speed limit sign in that one neighborhood that says "12 miles per hour" is unique around here.

4. Don't even get me started on cut and paste. I saw something I liked on the internet..........who are the knuckleheads to tell me that I can't steal it and pass it off as something I wrote????? And they have the nerve to threaten me with taking away my points? Then they put my post in draft mode and allow me to properly cite it and link to the original article? PEOPLE, I am 4 months old, why would I have any original thoughts to add to something someone else wrote when I can just pass it off as my own????

Those are just a few of my complaints. I have lots more if you are interested. What really irritates me is that I have to pay..................oh wait, I don't have to pay to use this site...............well even so, I'll do whatever I want and if the guys at ActiveRain don't like it, tough!!!!

(I hope Dad doesn't get mad about this one.........I snuck it past the edit agreement we have)

Happy Halloween! Or shall I say, All Hallow's Eve!

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 18:32:49 -0700

Just thought I would sneak on and share some pictures of my costume. I'm hoping my dad won't recognize me for a bit and let this one slip through the editing process. I had to be a pumpkin...actually, I wanted to be a sweet pea, but my mom had other ideas (she slacked off and didn't have time to make my costume). I'm learning to growl too just so I can be scary when answering the door! I'm off to grandma's to let her tell me how adorable I am. Happy Halloween!

Sorry I have the same expression, my mom wouldn't stop talking to me with the camera in her hand...and my face hurt from smiling.

Dad's been busy

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 13:55:47 -0700

I guess I must have been in some pretty hot water with Dad, he hasn't let me post a blog in over a month. The way it works around here is that I write the post and Dad edits it to make sure my spelling and grammar are correct. You see, as a little boy approaching 4 months old now, spelling and grammar come and go. Some days my spelling is extraordinary.........other days it is mundane. Sometimes, I can spell cat, sometimes I can't.

Nonetheless, I have a ton of posts in draft mode waiting for dad to proofread them. Apparently he got a new job that has him playing around in the rain too much. By the time he gets home, all he wants to do is relax.........and play with me. I guess I can't complain there.

So I am sneaking on his computer and I'm going to post this one without proofreading. It's just a few pictures to show everyone how much I am growing. I hope you enjoy them.....................

(Hopefullly this post will move fast enough on the dashboard that Dad doesn't see it. If he does, I am going to try to pass it off as Mom's fault. I'm crossing my fingers that he is not subscribed to my blog, although if you are reading I would hope you do)

My Dad is a Jedi (or is it a Ninja)..........and he almost killed me

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 14:28:37 -0700

I probably shouldn't write this story. I know that my dad feels horrible about it. Well at least he had better. In my 11 (or maybe it's 12, who knows....it gets hard to keep track after a while) weeks this is the biggest scare I have had. It ranks right up there with being ripped from the womb by the knife wielding lunatic with the gloves and the mask.

(By the way, as a total aside note, the doctor, or as I referred to him, the knife wielding lunatic with gloves and a mask, that delivered me fell off a ladder four weeks later and broke both his arms. Dr. Zimmer, if you're out there......I hope you fully recover. Babies in Bellevue will be worse off for not having you in the business).

My Mom usually breast feeds me at night. Then at some point after I doze off, she pumps so that I can have something to eat in the middle of the night. Who gets the pleasure of feeding me at 2am is usually a heated battle. Mom always really wants to do it, and of course Dad always really wants to do it. Usually Mom wins, but about two (maybe three if he's lucky) days a week, Dad wins and he gets to get up with me at 2am. Last night was one of those nights.

Now, when Mom gets up with me, it's a full fledge trip out to the living room and a real boob. When it's dad getting up with me, he usually send Mom into the kitchen to heat up the plastic thing (bottle I think you adults call it) and he feeds me from the bed. He doesn't really even get up. He just kind of props pillows up on the bed and lays me over his belly/chest. It's very comfortable for both of us. We always have a great time. Mom lets us turn on the TV and we just hang out. When I'm done, Dad will burp me until I get a good one out, then I fall asleep pretty fast. Normally the next time I wake up, it's in the morning and I'm in my crib.................

Well not last night...............

Last night, after getting burped and settling in for the rest of the nights sleep, I was awakened by.......well actually I don't really know what to compare it to.......let's just say I was falling off the bed.......head first.

My Dad is a SUPER SOUND sleeper. He can sleep through ANYTHING. Mom has a heck of a time waking him up if he is sleeping. He just doesn't wake up until he is ready. Well lucky for me, as I was falling off the bed, he was ready to wake up.

I'm blaming it on him. I think he rolled over a little with me on his chest. I heard him tell the story to Jon today and he said I am getting good at pushing myself up a little bit and he tried to pass the buck like it could have been my fault. Neither one of us knows for sure (we were both sleeping). But seriously Dad, I'm 11 weeks old.....I don't push myself up that well yet..............I'm pretty sure it was because you rolled over.

Anyways, back to the falling part..............so there I am falling off the bed, head first to the ground. And what do I see as I peer up at the corner of the bed as it quickly distances itself from me? That's right, the lightning quick Ninja hand of my Dad.

He awoke from a good sleep, reached out, pretty much blind (which is more like a jedi than a ninja) because he could feel me falling (and my guess is, himself rolling over) and snatched me by the diaper/leg as I hurtled toward the ground...................wow am I glad he has good hands.

I'm not sure whether to be really happy he caught me or really pissed he dropped me.............one thing's for sure though, he feels horrible about it.............but I love him a lot!!!!

Things have been a little boring around here lately - Until Sunday

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 00:37:51 -0700

Sorry I haven't been posting more. Things have been a little slow around our place lately for me. I haven't really had any firsts or anything to write home about. (Actually I guess that's more of a college kid saying isn't it......or maybe a military thing........be safe Cousin Bruce!!!) Since I started smiling, my parents are putting all kinds of pressure on me for a laugh. I'll laugh when I see something funny.

Actually, my Dad almost got me when he got home from the Seahawks game on Sunday. Does anyone reading know what happens when you work all the time, don't get much sun. then go to the Huskies game and the Seahawk's game on back to back days with glasses on that are really reflective? My Dad does now...........haha.........your nose gets REALLY BURNED. I'm talking second degree burn burned. My Dad looks like Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. I might feel sorry for him had he taken me with him to either game. Alas, I got to sit at home with grandma one day and mom one day while dad was off watching football. He got what he deserved. (But don't tell him I said that because I hear he might take me to the USC-Husky game in a couple of weeks. I'm keeping my fingers crossed)

So yes, the sunburned red nose was pretty funny and I was just about to laugh..............then he opened his mouth to say something. Let me just tell you, I don't know where the sound that appeared to be coming out of his mouth was coming from, but it was not my Dad's voice. The voice that came out of his mouth when he opened it appeared to belong to a 70 year old man who has been smoking for 75 years. I think you adults call it "horse" (or is it hoarse?) I think you should call it "bear" or "moose" or something. He sounded like an animal, but it wasn't a strong powerful horse (like we've seen at the race track).

So there I sat, looking at my father completely mortified that aliens had come from space and stole his voice and branded his nose. So who do I turn to.......Mom of course. I can always count on Mom to be there looking beautiful and sounding like a canary. The only problem was.......Dad had her with him at the Husky game. And those stinking aliens got her voice too.............

I'm happy to report that as of tuesday, three days after the Husky game and two days after the Seahawks......Mom is back to normal...........I'm starting to think there is nothing normal about my father. And Mom says that there are 7 more home Seahawks games this year. (I can't wait until I'm old enough to go)!!!!!!!!

Pick a winner..........UW vs. BSU

Sat, 01 Sep 2007 17:10:38 -0700

Vs.

My mom is from the Boise area of Idaho. Caldwell Idaho to be exact, but to pretty much everyone else in the world, it's Boise Idaho. (and by the way, do not pronounce it with a Z sound like BoyZee.....oh no, not down there, it's BoySee. I'm only two months old and not even I can get away with it.)

Well in my Mom's senior year of high school, her Mom and Dad (my grandparents) moved to the Seattle area so that Grandpa could work for the Seattle Police Department. When my Mom graduated she made her way up here too and ended up getting her degree from the University of Washington. So my Mom is a Husky.

Now if you have ever been to Boise (with an S sound, not a Z) then you know that on the local sports scene there isn't a whole lot going on. Let's just say that when we went to visit a couple weeks ago, the Caldwell Nights Rodeo was the HUGE attraction in town. Not that I have anything against rodeos mind you, but in the pantheon of big time sports it isn't threatening to take the lead.

However, the one thing they do have in Boise (with an S sound, not a Z) is college football. And right now it's BIG TIME college football. (Well for at least another week anyways, more on that in a minute). If you don't follow along with college football, what the heck is the matter with you???? Actually, just kidding. If you don't follow it then you wouldn't know that last year the Boise State Broncos capped off an amazing season with a BCS bowl victory in the Fiesta Bowl over national powerhouse Oklahoma. I wasn't born yet, but my dad assures me that it was one of the greatest games he has ever seen in his 30 years (I believe him.......well because at this age I believe whatever he says......that will change soon I'm sure).

The win against Oklahoma left Boise State the only undefeated team in the country, and were it not for a totally arbitrary system for picking a national champion in college football, a possible a shot at a national title. Throw in a win in their season opener against Division 1-AA (that's like minor league baseball for you college football novices) Weber State and we now sit on the eve of a match up of my Mom's Washington Huskies and her families Boise State Broncos.

My grandpa is a huge Boise State fan. All of my Mom's aunts and uncles are huge Boise State fans. My great grandma is a huge Boise State fan. So come next weekend, they will all be descending upon Seattle to watch their Broncos take on our Huskies.

So what is the problem you ask? Well I am the next generation of our family and this little gridiron battle appears to be playing itself out in my closet and on my person. I don't get to go the game (Which really sucks if you ask me, but no one seems to be asking me). I have to stay home with my Grandma who is probably fine just staying home and watching me as opposed to going to the game with all of Grandpa's rowdy relatives.

I have no question when I show up at the house on Saturday morning Mom and Dad will have me dressed from head to toe in Purple and Gold (Husky colors.......Mom's alma mater, remember). The problem is, Grandpa's old partner from the force back in Boise sent up some Boise State clothes for me as well. Is Grandma going to pull the old switch-a-roo and deck me out in Boise State blue and orange while mom and dad are at the game?

Mom and Grandpa, at this point it appears, have agreed that I will wear purple and gold for one half and orange and blue for the other half. I apparently have no say in the matter. And prior to last night, I didn't really have an opinion.

But did anyone see the Huskies play last night??? They looked AWESOME!!! Jake Locker is my new hero and if Dad would let me bet online (he's such a party pooper.........I know I know, it's illegal, but that doesn't stop him and his friends) I'd put everything I have (which right now is nothing since the state won't let me get my real estate license) on the HUSKIES!!!!

So Grandpa, I'm sorry, but after watching the Huskies play, I think that Jake and the boys are going to put Boise State fans back where they belong............mid major level.

How can a two month old wannabe agent utilize the ad network??

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 21:23:59 -0700

I have been anxiously awaiting the launch of the ActiveRain Real Estate Ad Network. At this age (today is my two month birthday by the way, you can send presents to....................actually I had better not put my address, Dad will probably get mad, he is such a party pooper) there are only a few things I look forward to (or is it "to which I look forward".........my English could use some work). One is Dad coming home from work. One is getting my diaper changed, and one is dancing with my Mom.

Eating isn't really something to which I get to look forward (haha, now that sounds weird). I am usually just sitting there happy as a clam, and BAM!!!! Hunger pain. So I cry, and they feed me. Not much time to actually look forward to it.

So when Matt and Jon and the guys started running these "sponsor the community" banners, I got pretty excited. How can I, the wannabe real estate agent, who the state won't let have a license, utilize this great advertising medium?

I have been thinking about it for about a week now, and I think I have something. I am going to advertise to all the agents in Washington offering to teach them how to get in touch with their inner child. Agents will buy anything. I'll have to package it up as a way to help them to sell more real estate, but once I can do that, they'll buy it, I'm sure of it.

So there is one way I am going to totally clean up on this ad network.

My next idea is going to take a little more negotiation. I am dying to get an ActiveRain onesy. You know, so all the kids at the playground can be jealous. I'll bet a few of you out there are dying to get your hands on ActiveRain T-shirts, hats, pens...........you know, all the crap real estate agents like wearing and using.

So all I have to do is get Jonathan to let me license the ActiveRain logo, find an overseas distributor, then start advertising to the agents on ActiveRain. I'll bet I'll make more the rest of this year on this idea then most agents make all year. I wonder if I need a license from the state to do this...............

(hmmmm, I wish the sponsorship on the side of my blog had a lawyer advertising)

Now how the heck can I get Jonathan to take me serious?????

What a rough four days!!!

Thu, 23 Aug 2007 18:19:44 -0700

I like to think of myself as pretty regular when it comes to diaper consumption. Prior to Sunday I was consistently leaving a surprise for my Mom and Dad in my diaper at least once a day (although there was a two day stretch about two weeks ago that had me a little concerned). Well since Sunday I have been unable to leave that much ballyhooed surprise. I wasn't very happy about it either.

Pretty much all day long, all I have been doing for the last four days is grunting and squirming around trying to figure out how the heck to get this crap out of me. It was getting to the point that my Mom was even getting concerned. Well let me tell you this Mom, your concern has paled in comparison to mine!!

It got the point today that my Mom placed a call to the doctor to see if there might be something wrong with me. I'm happy to report, there isn't!!! (yeah!!!) The doctor said that lots of Neo-Americans have this issue........something to do with a lack of solid foods or something. I was pretty relieved to hear that my discomfort was being shared by my peers.

"What can be done for me?" I demanded she ask him. Telling me that I'm very normal having this issue doesn't do anything TO HELP SOLVE IT!!!! His suggestion was that it would be ok to give me an ounce of apple juice once a day.

Now I don't know what apple juice tastes like (in fact, I don't even know what apple juice IS), but at this point I'm willing to mix anything additional into my diet. Does anyone out there know what it's like to eat the same thing, day after day after day??? Unless you are being held hostage or you are in jail, I would guess no. (of course if you were either of those things, you probably aren't reading) Actually, my Dad mentioned "veterinarians" (I think that's what he said) and they only eat leafy stuff all the time.............i don't know, I was confused too.

Anyways, back to my point.......I was so happy to hear that there was a 'cure' for my suffering that I pooped on the spot!!! (I didn't even need the apple juice, but I'm praying that Mom puts it in the feeding rotation). I must have been psyching myself out. The more I tried to poop, the harder it was.............

Does anyone ever do that to themselves? Do you ever try to do something so hard, that it makes it harder to do? Crazy world we live in..................

There has got to be a faster way............

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 23:33:54 -0700

I went on my first vacation last weekend. My Mom and Dad took me to Boise Idaho. Well actually it was Caldwell Idaho, but my Dad says no one has ever heard of Mom's po-dunk hometown, so when referring to it to others, we say Boise.

I have already decided that the first vacation I take my kid on will not be to Idaho. Well maybe the panhandle, Coeur d Alene is great I hear. But it will not be to the Boise area. 100 degrees???? Are you kidding me?

Well the reason we packed up the truck and drove 8 hours east was actually pretty cool. I got to meet my extended family for the first time. I'd met all my grandparents the day I was born. Before this weekend I had met my Dad's Mom's mom (his only living grandparent) and my Mom's Mom's Mom and Dad. For those of you who are slow.........those are my great grandparents. This weekend I got to meet my Mom's Dad's Mom too. What a great lady (haha, I said Great......as in Great Grandma) she let us stay with her.

Wait, it gets better..........I also got to meet my Mom's Mom's Mom's Mom and Dad AND my Mom's Mom's Dad's Mom. Those would be my Great-Great Grandma and Grandpa and my Great-Great Grandma. Five generations of me!!!! Seriously people, it doesn't get any better than that. I have three great great grandparents. My Dad never had one. In fact, my Dad only had two great grandparents.

So what did I learn? I learned that people in Idaho are old.....haha, just kidding Great-Great Grandparents. Actually, they don't have computers do they Dad? I doubt they will ever read this. If they do though, I want to thank you guys for helping raise my Mom so good. She loves you guys so much and really really misses you.

Seriously, I learned that there is a TON of road construction in Oregon. I learned that Dad smells funny the morning after staying out late. I learned that my Uncle Chris is a hick. But most of all, I learned that people live longer in Idaho.

I think that next time we come visit though, Mom and Dad can drive all my crap down there and I'll just fly. Which leads me to my Mom. Ummm, Mom............why do you pack SO MUCH STUFF???? You and me had enough stuff to last for months. Since Dad was at work the day we left and we packed the truck without him..........I thought we were making a run for it. You had me a little concerned. I was pretty relieved when I finally heard him in the truck.

That brings up another point..........8 hours all facing backwards?? You guys were killing me in the back of that truck. The least you could do is face a little guy forward so I can see where we are going. I would like to thank you for stopping and feeding me when I would cry though. That was really great (great grandparents) of you.

Next time, if you can't afford my ticket.......put me in Dad's bag (he has plenty of room!!!)

(Since my Uncle Jake can't figure out how to send large files to my Dad, I don't have the pictures yet. Grandma Kelly, I know you are reading, make Jake send Dad the pictures)

I finally met my Cousin Colton

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 12:19:50 -0700

Well Mom and Dad finally took me up to Blaine to meet you. You were born on July 29th, one month and one day after I was born. You weighed in at 8lbs 2oz. That's almost three pounds more than I weighed when I was born. As of last week, we were both weighing right about 9 lbs. You are a real tub of lard if you ask me. I mean, seriously Colton, you were born a month after me and you weigh the same as me??? Put the boob down and come up for air!!!

When we got to the house, my Dad was pretty excited to see you. We went in the house without knocking, and everyone was asleep. Uncle Mikey was crashed out on the couch, and Aunt Ashley and you were in the bedroom sleeping. My Dad made a bunch of noise and woke everyone up, including me.

Well out comes Aunt Ashley with you, you little punk. I was pretty much sizing you up right from the beginning. Are you kidding me??? For being 9 pounds like me, you can't even hold your own head up yet. HAHAHAHA, I laugh at you weakling cousin. It's a good thing you'll have me around to protect you on the playground.

And I have to say this.............are you a little boy or a little girl? You are way too cute to be a little boy. Those big pouty Angelina Jolie lips of yours make you look like a chick!!! One look at me and it's clear I am a little boy. I couldn't tell what you were. I guess it's a good thing you were wearing blue clothes. I guess your Mom and Dad know you look like a girl too.

Right away, Aunt Ashley let my Dad hold you...........not sure how I feel about that. At first I was a little jealous, I must admit. But after seeing that all you do is sleep, I'm pretty sure my Dad is much happier with me. I coo, I flail my arms and legs, I smile. All you do is sit there!!!

My Dad is making me apologize for the little sucker punch I threw at you. So I'm sorry. Dad was holding you with his left hand on his left knee, and had Mom hand me to him for a picture. So as I was sitting in Dad's right hand on his right knee, I reached out with my right hand and gave you a little "you know who's boss" thump in the noggin. I think you got the message, if not, there will be plenty more in the future. (You're only a couple weeks old and I know that short-term memory can really suck, so that's why I'm writing about this because you have probably forgotten it already)

All in all, I think I like you. You look a little bit like me, which bodes well for you. I think that when we are going on vacation with our parents when we are 15, we should have no problems with the ladies.

Just remember though, Grandma already told me that I am her favorite..........so if you try to do anything about it, then we'll have a problem!!!

I'll smile when I want to!!!

Thu, 09 Aug 2007 12:07:16 -0700

I've been out of commission for the last week. Dad took his laptop with him to the Inman Connect conference. I tried to stow away in his bag, but when Mom got ready to put me in my car seat, and went to my crib, the stuffed animal I had put under the blanket apparently didn't fool her. Dad's always calling me a "little piggy" (and also yanking at my toes when he does it, I'm starting to think he is really weird) so I figured the stuffed pig Jonathan gave me when I was born would fool them for sure.

Maybe it was when I started crying in Dad's bag because I was hungry that I was outed............I don't know, I'll have to get some stow away tips somewhere (I'm sure I can find them on this google thing I've heard so much about).

Anyways, today I want to talk about expectations. For us Neo-Americans, there can be a ton of expectations. Sometimes they can all be a little overwhelming. Walking, talking, potty training, selling your first crib (ok this was one I put on myself) it seems like they never end. I heard my Dad talking about golfing the other day and how I am going to be this great golfer someday, blah blah blah. (If I am going to be a great golfer, it sure won't be from taking lessons from my Dad, haha, Dad you suck at golf, give it up already). I don't know about Golf.......

Learning new things takes time. You have to give yourself room to fail. For instance, I know I want to be potty trained (you would too if someone was rooting around in your diaper every time they heard you pass gas, thanks Mom), but I think I'm going to have to learn how to walk first, so I can get to the toilet. This is an expectation I have of myself. I'll put plenty of pressure on myself to get it figured out, Mom and Dad will be there as support.

Expectations put on you by others, now those can be tough sometimes. A great example is this "Doctor" guy Mom and Dad took me to last week. Apparently for my age (6 weeks) I am doing all the good stuff a Neo-American should be doing. I coo, I wiggle my arms and legs, I follow you with my eyes, I react to loud noises. But I had yet to start smiling. The doc informed my mom that I should start smiling in the next week or two. (Actually, I do smile........but not at people. Right now I only smile while passing really bothersome gas or pooping my pants)

So I don't have to tell you what happened when we got home from the doctors office do I? My Mom and I sat in the recliner for the rest of the day with her tickling me, making funny faces, and trying to get me to smile. I love my Mom, but I will smile when I'm ready. It was actually quite comical watching some of the faces she was making (she is sooo cute). Just because the doctor had set the expectation, didn't mean I was going to be living up to it on anyones time line but my own. Alas, my Mom was convinced she would be the one getting me to smile.

Ok, the doctors appointment was Monday morning and by the time Dad got home from work, Mom and I were still trying to coax a smile out of me. Well the next day, Dad leaves for Inman (I really missed him A LOT!!!) I would later hear him telling Mom that he had these pretty grandiose dreams that he would come in the door from the airport on Friday night, I would take one look at him and for some reason break into the human induced smile of my life (although I was super happy to see him, we covered this, I'll smile when I'm ready).

Well it didn't happen. I just sat there with that same cool calm and collected look I have been sporting since day one. So did it finally happen? Yes, it finally happened. The day after Dad got home, I was sitting in the chair with Mom snuggled up tight in the nape of her neck when Dad came over and got really close to my face (which he does for no apparent reason all the time). The sight of their two big heads so close to my face was more than I could handle, my first smile................I wanted both of them to see it at the same time!!!!

Oh Great, It's just Dad and Me for a while.............

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 21:11:47 -0700

Mom and Dad and I went to the Bellevue Festival of the Arts today in Downtown Bellevue. It was pretty cool I guess, although I didn't really get to see too much. Every time I would start to get a good view, Dad would freak out about the "Sun" being in my face and move the shade on my stroller. Um, Dad............that's called light..........AND YOU NEED IT TO SEE!!!!!

I was pretty much the star. People were more interested in telling me how cute I am than they were in telling Mom and Dad how cute I am. I guess they must think my Dad is deaf. Everyone that is, except for the really nice, little old lady that stopped by when Mom was in getting Iced Coffee. She spoke so quiet (combined with the noise of the crowd), Dad acted like he was deaf. It was really funny to see him (He's 6'3") hunched over that little old lady (she couldn't have been bigger than 5'2") trying to hear what she was saying.................DUH Dad, she was saying what EVERYONE was saying..........."Your little boy is so cute, how old is he?" Of course, if you follow along, you know the answer to that one.

Anyways, on to the point...........when we got home from the festival, there was a package out front for Mom. This package was suppose to show up early last week. Many of you out there may have had this package delivered July 21st. That's right..........Harry Potter.

Now I don't know anything about this Harry Potter guy, but I can tell you this, I'm not a fan.

I was actually excited for the package to show up too, I had a set of "Little Golden Books" Classic Collections in the package as well. Since we had been gone about three hours, it was just time for me to get fed. Now I remind you, Mom is really excited that this Potter fella has shown up. So we sit down for me to stuff my face with some boob, and all be darned if Mom doesn't whip that Harry Potter book out at the same time!!!!

The funny part though, is she ISN'T EVEN READING IT!!! (She and Dad read me a book every night..........as far as I can tell, reading involves TALKING, and my books have pictures.) Mom was just sitting there staring at the book. finally, I couldn't take it anymore..........I booted that book right off the recliner.

Mom was nice enough to finish feeding me before picking that weird book back up. After that, it was off to Dad to get burped. Dad says it's just him and me for a while to fend for ourselves..................

So my question to you guys........how long does this Harry Potter guy stay???? Can the book be finished tonight???? I miss my Mom..................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

White, Bible-throwback Bassinet for Sale

Thu, 26 Jul 2007 17:13:02 -0700

Please, do not tell my parents. Like Will Smith said, (I got into Dad's old CD collection) "parents just don't understand." I was born 5 weeks early, so when I first got home from the hospital, the bedding for my crib hadn't arrived yet. The big uninviting crib wasn't something I was ready to inhabit yet, so I've been sleeping in this spectacular bassinet. Well guess what, two days ago the bedding showed up, So I'm ready to move!!!

The new bedding showing up, combined with the fact I have my feet wet here in the rain, and I'm feeling like I'm ready to sell my first piece of real estate. So here goes.........

For Sale: Imagine yourself relaxing in the hottest little bassinet on the Eastside. A throw back to the days of Moses. You almost feel the wind in your hair and the reeds in your face as you drift off into the sweet abyss of sleep.

Equipped with a state-of-the-art potty proof mattress, your days of permanently soiling the bed are over. Tested out by yours truly, (my Dad was having some issues putting my diaper on correctly) the potty proofing technology on this mattress is unmatched. The gently sloping nature of the pad makes day time and night time sleep a breeze. (Especially day time sleep, considering I like staying up at night and keeping Mom and Dad busy)

The bassinet itself, is designed in that great wicker style you have been searching for. Your Neo-American will love the wicker style holes in the sides of this Gem. Since I can't see over the sides, the small holes allow me to keep up on the daily happenings around the house. The holes also (although I can't quite figure out why yet) provide a lot of excitement for Dad's. My Dad is a big fan of the "eye-spy" game which he is continually playing from the outside of my little bassinet. (Some advice for the next owner though. Dad's eye is HUGE peering in at me from the outside of my bassinet, and quite honestly, IT'S SCARY!!! In fact, why is he even looking through the little holes??? He can stand and see right in the top..........sorry, I digressed from my sales pitch)

Another great feature of this throwback is the four wheels on the bottom. (actually, I don't know if I like the wheels. Every time they move it while I'm in it, I get a little queezy) Nevermind, the wheels are not a good reason to buy this one of a kind marvel.

Measuring 5'x2'x3.5' (that's a guess, my arms aren't long enough to actually measure it, and like I said, I'm not telling Mom or Dad I am selling until I have a pending contract so I couldn't have them help measure) your Neo-American should have space aplenty for whatever hijinks they can think up (I can't verify this as all I have used it for thus far is sleeping and pooping, but it seems big enough to do other stuff)

(Does not come equipped with the red kangaroo, the green blanket, or ME!!!!)

Thank a cop

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 23:03:37 -0700

Pride integrity guts

Constable on patrol

It's 2007 people.......wake up!!!

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 19:47:15 -0700

I like cute and adorable things just as much as the next guy. The lady next door has this old dog that has got to be the cutest little fuzzball in the whole world. But what he really is, is an old dog. In today's uber sensitive politically correct climate, I could never get away with calling him an old mutt. I would surely have PETA knocking at my crib with a little reminder that in 2007 Old mutts prefer to be called "elderly canines".

My grandpa is a Police Officer with the Seattle Police Department. There are certainly no shortage of slang terms for Police Officers. When I learn how to talk, I'll be sure not to call Grandpa a "pig", but I don't think he would mind if I called him a cop. What's the correct term? Law Enforcement Officer? (I'll have to ask him, we are having dinner there tonight)

I've seen a slew of business cards around our house from Real Estate Agents and Loan officers. I have NO IDEA what to call these people. On the Real Estate side many of them have "Realtor" (ummm.........how do I get that little trademark thingy?). But there is quite an assorted allotment of other titles people have chosen for the themselves as well. There's "Real Estate Consultant for Life", "Residential Home Specialist", "Residential Marketing and Sales" (that's it on that one, I guess I would add "guy"), "Relocation Coordinator", just plain old "Real Estate Agent", and my all-time (in my fours weeks out of the womb) favorite "Relationship Manager". This is just the tip of the iceberg though and I'm sure there are new people in the business RIGHT NOW trying to come up with something unique to set their card apart from the masses.

I think the mortgage people have some sort of chart they are required to follow. It appears to consist of two columns whereby they pick one name from each column to form their title. The first column has "Mortgage", "Loan" and "Lending" in it.

The second column has "Coordinator", "Consultant", "Officer", "Banker", "Specialist", "Advisor" (which firefox is telling me isn't even a word, I'm pretty young though so my vocabulary is a little weak at this point, am i spelling it wrong?), "Guide" and "Expert".

So a Mortgage person can be a plain jane "Loan Officer" or a high powered "Lending Expert" and any number of combinations in between. If my math is right there are about 24 different possibilities.

Which brings me to the reason for this post. It's 2007, I will not tolerate being called a "baby" any longer. It's so degrading. "awww, look at the cute little baby". "awww, the little baby pooped his pants", "awwww, the baby, baby, baby!!!!"

My baby brethren and I are uniting and demanding that you guys (the adults) come up with something a little more indicative of our contributions to this great country. Now I'm sure there are some jokesters out there who will throw out stuff like "potty trained challenged", or "erect (meaning standing upright you dirty bird) challenged", but save it!!

We want to be Neo-Americans. Neo being the prefix meaning new. It's what we are. New Americans ready to make an impact on this great country. So just remember, if you want to be referred to as "elderly" when I'm the one in charge instead of "old-timer" or "gramps", you'll start reassessing what you are calling us now.

I've hit the BIG TIME

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 13:55:21 -0700

In a little person's life, there are many key milestones that let you know you've made it. Not even being four weeks old, I haven't hit too many of these key milestones yet. In fact, all I've done to this point is eat, sleep, and poop.

This ActiveRain place is pretty big. I'm sure there are others out there like me struggling to get some traction and have people notice you. It's a little bit easier for an infant I suppose, as all I have to do is throw up a cute (other's people words, I'm not that vain yet) picture and it's enough to at least get people to notice.

Well apparently, one of the head ActiveRain honchos is a softy for little guys. My Dad says that Jonathan is just a softy in general (he may have to rethink that after Jon's first successful marathon). I'm pretty sure he's a softy too..........he sent me a stuffed Herbert the Pig when I was born. Mom and Dad won't let me sleep with it yet though because Mom thinks it could suffocate me. (Actually, I think I could whoop Herbert in a fight, if I could just get these little hands to do something other than type)

So without further ado...............here it is.............proof I'm making it somewhere on this vast network.......

I couldn't be more excited!!!!!! (My photoshop skills are a little weak........take it easy on me, I'm approaching four weeks old........I have a class scheduled next week)