Sweet Release!

Mom was called Home by her Lord and Savior to be with Him on Thursday, April 10th!!!!!
She had spent he last 5 days of her life in the Gilchrist Hospice Center receiving the best care possible in this world. How wonderful a place with such compassionate people it was for her and our entire family!
 
There will no doubt be a time of sorrow in the days ahead, but for such a time as this, I am thinking only of Mom and how her entry into Glory will reunite her with Dad, Nana, Papa and all her loved ones who have been called there before. It will only be a short (in the face of eternity) time before I am with them also. Let's leave the sadness for another time, I will make sure to schedule it into my calendar at some point in the future, but to get through today, I must focus on what is best for Mom.
 
PLEASE don't tell me you are sorry, PLEASE tell me how your heart is joined with mine in joy for Mom's going home to be with God.
 
This will be read by family, friends, acquaintances & even strangers. Many have already sent beautiful messages of compassion, several will be able to celebrate Mom's life with us, while only a few will attend the funeral and the rest will at least hopefully have been touched by my ministry of writing. The tiniest percentage have asked to be removed from my list of e-mail addressees. This has not been meant as an invasion of anyone's privacy or a means of asking anything of anyone, but merely sharing experiences that are common to humans and giving what may be a novel approach to their addressing. I know that many, many of you have expressed amazingly positive responses, so I know I was not off base to send to anone in general. I am sorry to have bothered the four who have opted out, but maybe they needed to receive these more than they realize. 4 out of several hundred isn't so bad. You can be sure that there will be future writings to help in the healing process that is needed when a loss like this is experienced.
 
The Gilchrist Hospice Center is a God-given blessing for people to spend their last days. A future writing will tell of just how much of a blessing they were, not only to Mom, but our entire family as we gathered together these past 5 days. The money that is raised goes towards improving services to families facing the death of their loved ones and to help when care is provided for those who have no insurance. Everyone should be so fortunate as to be in a place like this and experience God's little miracles when they or a loved one is preparing to go Home.
 
If anyone is inclined towards an outward physical expression of love for the family, PLEASE Do Not Send Flowers. To have a more meaningful and long lasting tribute to the life of my mother, I would rather a donation be made to Hospice of Baltimore 555 W. Towsontown Blvd. Towson, MD 21204, in Memory of Phyllis Gauger. 
 
As soon as I have had time to process all of this, I plan to volunteer at Gilchrist. I am so thankful and want to be part of their wonderful ministry to people at such a crucial time in people's lives. They blessed me immensely and I want to give back just a small bit of what my family has received.

An Oasis in the Desert

I have experienced a few moments of feeling downtrodden by all that has been happening lately and each time God has sent a special messenger of encouragement. Last week, a young woman from Romania called me out of the blue. She said God had put me on her heart to pray for and just wanted to call to let me know that. My blessings come from all over the world. A drink of living water to refresh my parched soul. Yesterday was frustrating when some family members weren't cooperating and trying to put forth their private agenda. I wanted to think in a fatalistic manner, but God would not have that. I found a message from the pastor of our church on my phone. It had been on vibrate and I had not heard it when he called. As a result, I have the recording of his words to repeat when my heart feels faint. But today was the best of all! In the morning, I was feeling sad. For 2 days I have watched mom sleep, with very little time in consciousness. Even at that, she seemed confused and disconnected, besides a couple of brief bright spots that were so very short lived. I was asking God to bring her home to Himself very soon. Then I thought a little more and confessed that I understood He had a plan for every moment of her life. My niece, Jenna, whom I rarely see, came to visit my mom. When she asked how I was, the emotion was too much to hold back. Tears began to fall and I expressed my desperation at watching my mother's body waste away in such a short time. Very soon after her arrival, I got a call from my father-in-law saying that he was coming to visit as well. Oh my goodness, God was revealing His plan within moments of my questioning. Jenna and Poppy had not seen each other for quite some time, because of the estrangement between him and her mother. Jenna was warm and entreating towards him despite the emotional distance between them over the years. I didn't realize the significance of her texting until 10 minutes later. During all of this, the nurse came in to check mom's vital signs. I gave her a moist sponge to dampen her lips, when she began sucking it for all she was worth, like a baby bird. Previously, she had only tolerated the sponge going over her tightened lips. Then the doctor came in and saw how she was responding to the wet sponge and gave us instructions about how to help her make progress in her hydration. You never saw someone so elated as I was while getting her a cup of ice water. We still had to feed her only drops at a time while sitting up as straight as possible to avoid choking her. Eventually we were able to give her ice chips. Praise the Lord!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hallelujah!!!!!!!Seeing her tongue all dried and cracked from not taking in any water for 2 days had been excruciating. She also spoke for the 1st time with any coherence. She said "water"! My heart was breaking from not being able to understand the garbled whispers that emitted from her. I had to rely on my sense of her from years of caring for her and hope that I was close to what she really wanted. It was also hard for her to comprehend what our lips were saying to her. Smiles, the "I Love You" sign and carresses had been our only means of communication for these past few days. Signs of life were springing up all over the place. She responded to simple questions and said "I Love You" a number of times. The nurse was very gentle to teach us that often people rally just before they die and to warn us against thinking that her condition was in the process of reversing itself. Not knowing how long this phase would be, I soaked in every moment. I didn't care if it was for 1 hour, 1 day or 1 week, this was a precious gift of an oasis in the desert of our situation. Mom had not moved any part of her body voluntarily for some days, but now she lifted her arms to signal that I was to exercise her arms. This is what she was taught by a physical therapist and it had been very important for her to regain her strength. During my elation, I frantically called to Jenna to use my phone to call every member of our family I could think of to give them the good news. I was crying great big fat tears of joy. Lunch was delivered and I had Jenna take 1 arm and Poppy the other to keep exercising her while I ate. The next thing I knew, the result of the texting walked through the door, Jenna's mother. During our time together, I played laundry woman at times in order to wash away the tension in the atmosphere. God only knows what will come from their coming together at this time with a fresh perspective of the briefness and value of life. There are times whe we need to let bygones be bygones and allow past hurts take their place in history and forge into the future with hope. In the face of impending death, the value of life reigns supreme and there is little comfort in upholding principles that keep us from exercising forgiveness. It took me many years to realize that the bitterness and anger I had for my father as a result of the years of abuse he had perpetrated against me had only hurt me. 1 moment that I focused my attention in a negative manner towards him was 1 moment I robbed from myself that grew into many many moments. I eventually realized just how precious life is and that I could not afford to spend any of my moments allowing myself to wrap myself in the comfort of licking old wounds. Poppy will be having a surgical procedure to unclog his carotid arteries next month. This is a common procedure, but as with all surgeries there are risks, so now is a wonderful time to make all slates clean. God only knows what will happen in the hearts of these people, but I pray that for their own good, principles are laid aside and the focus becomes the preciousness of life. There is a big difference between guarding your heart and hardening it. What we don't realize that happens when we try to protect ourselves from being hurt is that we block potential joy. No matter what attrocities happened to me as a child, I refused to allow them to rob me of the joy of life. When I had thought about taking my own life in order to stop the pain, I had a stronger drive inside of me. I knew that one day all of what I had endured would be worthwhile and then God gave me my husband, Ray. Ray was my gift that made going through every hard time worth every beating and all the verbal abuse. The he added to our lives 5 wonderful children. We also have 4 in Heaven that were never born, but Mom will be with them until I come home to Heaven one day myself. Here I was asking God to take mom home soon, but He had a plan to use her impending death to bring these precious souls together in the same room. Now it will be up to them what happens from here. When the nurse's aide came into to give her a bed bath, mom said "You have a pretty top." I couldn't really believe what I was seeing and hearing. Most of us are able to accept what was happening as a wonderful, but temporary gift. However, our more mature visitors looked at the circumstances as a sign of a miracle reversal. It wasn't worth the effort to try to help them grasp reality. It will all become apparent far soon enough. The fact of the matter is that we all must leave this earth one day or another. Trying to postpone the inevitable is more frustrating than coming to grips with acceptance and is far healthier than wishful thinking. What person would not want gold, diamonds and such earthly treasures if given the opportunity. But at the end of your life, the most simple drops of water have the absolute greatest value in the universe. They are truly LIFE! Be thankful, Kim

Don't let a single opportunity to be a blessing slip away!

The difference between one day and the next has been very notable. When talking to the nurse yesterday, she was not ready to be admitted to Gilchrist's in-patient Hospice unit, but 24 hours later she has been. Breathing is slowing, she can no longer suck, drinking is difficult, no desire to eat [and in our family that is the surest sign of all ; )]. Our entire family was gathered at my house; my husband Ray, our 5 children, daughter-in-law, 2 grandsons, and both my brother Rob and sister Lorri's families. 18 in total, counting mom. I told my 3-1/2 year old grandson, Zechariah, that Nana would be going to Heaven to be with Jesus soon. He said, "Is Nana going in a holycopter?"  

I accompanied mom in the ambulance, but she barely stirred enough to acknowledge the change of location. Once inside, she asked if she had been here before. Her times of consciousness are dwindling with her moments of lucidity when awake. When the whole family was able to reassemble in her room, we woke her and told her that she would be going to be with our dad, her parents and other loved ones we knew would be in Heaven to greet her. I am not sure that she understood, but I will be with her and able to explain more about what she can expect. Life and even death are full of miracles. Maybe I will see the angels that will escort her too?  

When everyone was leaving, she opened her eyes when Zechariah was kissing her and smiled. He arranged his thumb, forefinger and pinky in the sign language symbol for " I Love You". Nana smiled and signed back to him. We were all elated at this small, but significant response. Her voice is so weak, it is almost inaudible.   Gilchrist is a wonderful place to be when you know you will be leaving for Heaven in not so very long. The staff here is fantastic, the grounds and spaces inside allow maximum mobility and the best atmosphere possible for friends and loved ones to gather. There is a fold out bed and shower that I can use, as I will be here as long as mom is. I don't want her alone for 1 minute and I certainly want to be with her when she goes Home. Prayer is the only thing that is allowing me to go through this with any amount of sanity. Mine and that of many many others in the Body of Christ. I have the spirit of thanksgiving in the midst of this trial, but I am also trying to prepare myself for missing the heck out of my mommy.

Tuesday, Rob, Lorri and I met to make mom's arrangements. Right afterwards, Lorri got a call that a close friend of the family had unexpectedly passed. As unexpected as it can be when a woman is 85 and been housebound with emphysema for 15 years. Lorri was so sad, because it had been on her heart to call Miss Edna the day before and she hadn't gotten around to it. A similar tale of woe came when I called another friend to tell her of the news. She had meant to stop by and vist, but didn't get around to it.  

The moral of this story is that when you have something on your heart to do, do it. You never know if you will have an opportunity to do so later. This way, you will never have any regrets. Tell people what they mean to you. Give thanks for kindnesses bestowed. Share your life with others. No matter how busy you are, there is always room for 15 minutes here or there to do something for someone else. Lighten their burden, make them smile, share a holiday meal, stop for coffee. You get the idea. You will be surprised how much your life will be blessed when you think of others 1st.   Writing to you and sharing my "novel", as Kimmy put it, is my way of making lemonade out of the lemons of this situation. If 1 person could benefit from anything I have gone through, then good has come from a bad circumstance. I am assured that my Redeemer lives and that Mom and my family will also with Him forever.

Prayers Needed!

I know that my family is not alone in the struggles of life, but those when someone nears the end of theirs are especially difficult. I haven't said too much to too many people about what is happening in my family, but I really feel the need for more prayer support. My mom, Phyllis, was diagnosed with cancer for the 5th time in January. While in Eurpoe on a Mission Trip, I found out that it was now a terminal form of melanoma for which they can do nothing. We have always taken care of her during illnesses and surgeries, but there is special grace needed at this time. She had a short stay in Good Samaritan's nursing home, presumably for rehab. She came home after being there for only 4 days in such bad shape that my husband, Ray, thought she wouldn't live for 2 more days. But once planted in the rich soil of her family, she came back to life and blossomed.
 
We were able to get home hospice started 2 weeks ago. She is a stouthearted woman with great perseverence. She has been deaf since age 9, after a bout with the measles and mumps which killed the nerves in her ears. She became an excellent lip reader. She has been one of the most integral people in the lives of my family and she will be very sorely missed. Every birthday, she baked a cake for the child or grandchild. Every holiday she was part of our preparations and the celebrations. But more importantly, she was a part of our everyday lives giving of her heart with her time. She always felt bad that she didn't have much money for gifts, but I always assured her that the gift of her time was far more valuable than anything money could buy.
 
She requires 24/7 care, as she hasn't the strength sometimes to lift a cup of water. Other times, she can take a few steps. Every day is a different day and even hour to hour things can change. I am fortunate to be so close to mom that I can tell what she wants almost without her having to ask, which is helpful because she often gets confused. Sometimes she mixes up her words and other times she is just so lost in space in her mind that she can't think to say what she wants. Our 17 year old daughter, Michelle, is learning the hard life lesson of caring for Nana in this helpless condition. It is a great lesson in compassion and a peak at the beginning of being able to understand what other people go through. Our 13 year old twins, Rebecca and Rachel, are great helpers and card players to keep Nana company.
 
Ray is such a phenominal support, but we are definitely getting whelmed, (not quite overwhelmed, but nearly - if it weren't for God keeping us from fainting) with the crowds in the house. We have 5 children, my son is married with 2 children, my sister and her husband have 2 children and when my brother and his wife visit, they also have 2 children. All those people make quite the comotion. Nana is well loved and my sister, Lorri, and her family are here almost every day. They visit and help care for her. Thank God for Lorri, she is a great aid in this time of not so much a trial, but an awesome responsibility. If it weren't for Lorri and Michelle, I would not be able to continue working. It is obviously God's plan for me to do so, as He keeps sending me new clients from surprising sources. My clients and other agents have been very patient with my circumstances. Our brother lives 2 hours away and is less able to spend time or help.
 
While I was away, our son Ray and his wife Amber, pitched in and helped with Nana unbeleivably. It was especially dear considering that Amber is pregnant with our 3rd grandson and she has Zechariah (3-1/2) and RJ (1-1/2) to care for as well. I could not have gone through this without the help, advice and encouragement of my good friend and 30 year teaching Army nurse, Marian. She has been an invaluable resource of practical and medical knowledge. Her angel Grace even volunteered to stay with mom while I had to take a class out of town.
 
God only knows when He will take mom home. Hospice is only when the prognosis is for 6 months of life expectancy or less. I can almost watch the cancer growing in her as new pains are appearing and capacities are limiting. I would expect more like 1-2 months at most. Of course, this tough old gal could surprise us all. Regardless, we are in it for the glory of God and for the love of Nana. All of this has made me think of many things differently and one of them concerns people's expression of love when sending flowers for the funeral. Instead of sending flowers to honor the death of an older person, consider volunteering in a nursing home for 1 hour. If you have a gift or talent, share it with those who get very little stimulation from the outside world. Sing, play an instrument, read or tell stories, help with Bingo, etc.. Our mom is fortunate that she has such a terrific support system, but many people are not so blessed and would be greatly enriched by your time.
 
If you read this whole dissertation, may God bless you double! Thank you for your prayers.
 
Clinging to the promises of God, Kim

Thanksgiving Miracle #2 Part 2

As is the case in all good miracles, we had a truly happy ending. The electrical problems from the walk through required a more extensive solution for living. 4 Electricians were called, but only 2 called back. Is anyone surprised? The 1st estimate was from a sole proprietor while the second was from a major company and was 3 times higher. The Buyers and Seller were able to come together on a figure to allow the repairs to be made and the settlement went on without a hitch. I must say that there were many feverish phone calls made to coordinate all parties, so we could proceed on time. Matt was a blessing to work with and I expect many good things to return to him in his life. What goes around comes around!

True Cooperation

The Seller, Matt, had just found out he had been bilked by a contractor writing false certifications. The Buyers, Tony and Ann Marie were due to move in the next day with their son, daughter-in-law and 3 grandchildren. But, a switch in the basement that operated the main lights still tripped 2 breakers when used. That was a major problem, since it was where the couple was to live. Tony called an electrician friend, Bill, and everyone worked together to get the job done! We spent 2 hours together laughing, carrying on and having a whole lot of fun, while Bill was trying to figure out the squirrely twisted wiring. Voila, Bill found a way to get the switch to operate properly, even though another mystery remained, all agreed that no one wanted to tear down the ceiling and every wall just for investigation's sake. In the photo below, Bill (left) is working while Matt (center) holds some screws and Tony (right) puts light on the whole scene. This is what I call TRUE COOPERATION!

Thanksgiving Miracle #2 2007

This is turning into an annual tradition. This year I had my 2nd closing that was to occur on the Tuesday before Thanksgivng. It also had a snafu that precluded us from going to settlement. This time I approached the Listing Agent with the proposal of her client allowing a Pre-Settlement Occupancy Agreement. This was challenging all around, as she was out of town and I was responsible for the care and handling of my Buyers and her Seller as well. It was like motherhood when you have 2 children to whom you don't want to exhibit any partiality. It was the epitomy of fair and honest, because I did not want the Seller to feel as if he was getting strong-armed into doing something that he didn't want to do. But he was truly gracious and wanted the Buyers to be able to celebrate Thanksgiving in their new house. This time we did execute the appropriate paperwork, because I did not want there to even be the slightest hint of a claim of impropriety against me at any time. I made certain that all i's were dotted and t's were crossed and we read every single line of the agreement word for word. These clients were a couple who are planning to live in the spacious basement, while their son, daughter-in-law and 3 grandchildren reside int he upper 2 floors. Sometime in the next few years, the parents are planning to go on the Mission field to Albania or Italy and then the kids can rent out their part of the house to cover the mortgage. This was my 2nd Thanksgiving miracle in as many years and each is as much of a blessing as the other. This gives the holiday a truly special meaning for all concerned. In the photo below, Tony and Ann Marie surround Matt with gratitude and appreciation.

Thanksgiving Miracle #1 2006

I know that Real Estate 101 says to stay away from Pre-Settlement Occupancy Agreements like the plague, but my clients were the recipients of a blessing straight from Heaven. It was however sent via the Listing Agent, Mark, and his clients, a mother and 5 adult children. My clients were a Hungarian Missionary couple with 3 small children. Due to a snafu at the bank, we were going to be unable to settle on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving last year.  Mark generously presented the idea to mom and her kids, of allowing the Buyers to move into the house and enjoy their 1^st Holiday as had been planned. Now for the Legal Beagles in the audience, hold onto your hats when you read the next part of the story. The only paper involved in this part of the transaction was a note written by mom, welcoming the family to their new home and was accompanied by a bottle of wine. Mark called me so he could give me the keys and then I passed them along to the very thankful couple. They were able to move in their belongings while the husband was off of school for the holiday weekend and they actually had Thanksgiving dinner with my family. In Hungary, they don't really celebrate Thanksgiving in the same manner as we in the United States do, but Thanksgiving can be any day that we stop to count our blessings. Our story had a very happy ending, we settled the following Monday without incident.

What does "CERTIFICATION" mean anyways?

I am representing the Buyers in this transaction. The Listing Agent was on vacation with her family when we had the walk through with the Seller on Monday night. We discovered that the radiator closest to the boiler was not eminating any heat and 1 of the basement switches when used, tripped 2 breakers, as was the condition when we had the Home Inspection 2 weeks ago. Both of these issues were itemized in the Inspection Report and subsequent addendum, but eluded the attention of the contractor. He was asked to inspect, repair as needed and certify certain specific issues with the Plumbing, Heating and Electrical systems. He issued letters to the effect that each system had been professionally installed and was operating in a safe manner, but since he had to make no repairs on anything, disclaimed any guarantees or warranty on their future operation. Duh, what is the purpose of having systems certified if the inspector will not stand behind his professional opinion? When I was finally able to reach him by phone, his main claim was that this had been presented to him as a rush job. Yes, we were certainly trying to pull off a Thanksgiving miracle, as the contract had only been written on the 1st of November and we intended to settle on the 20th, but it was only to be a rush to get to the property, not to walk in and write 3 letters that meant nothing. We all felt very bad for the innocent Seller. He had done what he could and was relying on the professionalism of the contractor who had done the original certifications for him when he bought the property himself. Now he had to wonder what was the actual condition of the property when he bought it some time ago. This is a true example of Buyer Beware, you never know what unscrupulous scoundrels are out there to take your money and do nothing (or at most, very little). When I pressed the man further about the emptiness of what he had done and provided, he all of a sudden realized who he had been hired by and no longer wanted to talk to me. He said that the Seller could call him and he would talk to him only. I told him that I was with him and doing him the favor of dealing with the unpleasantries of the situation (I was just doing what his agent would have done had she been there.) The only way that he would ever hear from the Seller again would be in the form of a report against him with the Better Business Bureau. I hope the Seller will take this a step or 2 further, because he was truly ripped off and it is most likely that this man has gotten away with similar actions against many others as well. Someone has to do something, so that things like this can at least be slowed down, if not eventually stopped altogether.

Getting Started and Just Doing It!

Perfectionism is such a hindrance. You don't want to do anything until you can do it perfectly and consequently, you do very little. Ifinally realized that I will never get started blogging until I just do it.

I worked for weeks on my profile, not wanting to make myself visible, until it was the best representation of me possible. I have now accepted that it can be a work in progress and will improve it as ideas and time allow. My 1st efforts were to look up my big sisters of blogging, Cindy Jones of Virginia and Margaret Rome of Maryland, and to see what they have done. I tipped my toe in the water by commenting to posts they have made and now I am finally ready to dive into my own.

I don't want my pursuit of perfectionism to keep me from doing the things that I desire. I will however pursue to ever improve upon what I have done and work towards doing things better always. I think that this will make me much more tolerable to live with and for this my family will be very grateful. They know me and love me despite my shortcomings, but I just don't want my customers and clients to have to suffer with them. I must accept that I am human and it is part of my natural make-up to be fallible.

The next thing I must be wary of, is to not get in over my head and spend too much time blogging. I have a lot on my heart and enjoy reading what is on other people's minds.