Thanks to the Brilliance at HUD plus the genius in the House & Senate....

WE in the industry know - HUD,  along with the so called "leadership" in the House & Senate and all the members of both bodies miserably failed on many levels to assist toward an end to this economic calamity specifically the housing market. Values continue to drop and sweet heart deals continue on Wall Street.

The other group (the investors) including Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac continue to tighten their guidelines. Below is a little tongue and cheek but it really is not so funny. Credit score lending should be eliminated and we should go back to normal risk analysis like 'the good ol' days' but instead we have something like this:

YOU WANT A LOAN?

Please scroll down for important underwriting changes. 

       New Underwriting Guidelines out today 3/8/2010:

 All borrowers' birth certificates will be required with pictures taken in the hospital with medical staff.

Birth certificate with a live home delivery will not be eligible for first time home buyers.

Marriage certificate with bridal dress will be required if both husband and wife are required to qualify for the loan.

GFE will not require signature, but will require blood sampling from a recognized institution within three days of application.

DNA test will be performed at closing to avoid any non-arms length transactions. Loan funding will be contingent upon satisfactory receipt of DNA results.

Verification of deposit will be acceptable only if Bank representative is present at the closing.

Copy of Pay stubs and W2 will only be acceptable through IRS and only with a wax-sealed envelope mailed directly to the lender.

Seven witnesses from the neighborhood will be required as proof of primary residence in case borrower owns more than 1 property.

All appraisers will be required to use masks and ear plugs at the time of inspection to avoid any personal influence by the borrower or broker for the appraised value.

In order to correctly calculate DTI and true housing ratio a list of grocery items, monthly usage and brand names will be required with receipts and projected 12 month consumption chart.

Closing will not occur without loan officer presence at settlement and loan officer picture will be taken at the closing in a mug shot format with loan number. Picture should meet standard guideline of 2 X 2 inch in color format with one facing and one side view.

Loan officer picture will be attached to the Deed and note and will be made available for general public and security agencies in case borrower defaults on the loan.

We all can chuckle about this because what else is there to do. With all the BS going on at Wall Street and in Washington DC the best they (Politicians) can do is make up stuff that has nothing to do with quality lending or consumerism as evidenced by the bizarre HVCC (appraisal) regulation.  As usual the middle class and the economy pays the price and to me folks that is NOT funny.

Write your representive even though the response will be a templated non-response response. Then pick up the phone and call your representatives local office even though you get a recording. Doing nothing is not an option.

HUD, Barney Frank, Chris "I'm a little bit Countrywide" Dodd, Nancy Pelosi and Harry "can I have another" Reid have done nothing for the average American and certainly NOTHING for our economy despite what you hear reported to you by the media.

Thank you for your indulgence. I wish us all well.