funny fridays: Funny Fridays.....Old Age
- 09/03/14 12:01 AM
My Mom sent me this email the other day....so true! By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
Old age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.
Old age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.
A man has reached old age when he is cautioned to slow down by his Doctor instead of by the police.
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As … (22 comments)
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funny fridays: Funny Fridays, You Might Be From WI If.....
- 09/20/12 11:21 PM
A friend emailed this to me...YOU MIGHT BE FROM WISCONSIN IF....... you have gotten frostbitten and sunburned all in the same week. you have more miles on your snowblower than your car. you owe more money on your snowmobile than on your car. you refer to the Packers as “we.” your 4th of July Family Picnic was moved indoors due to frost. snow tires come standard on all your cars. you know what cowtipping is. traveling coast to coast means going from La Crosse to Milwaukee. you know what a bubbler is. a brat is something you eat. you only know … (14 comments)
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funny fridays: Funny Fridays, You Gotta Love Him
- 08/09/12 11:49 PM
A friend emailed this to me and I thought it was cute...
You gotta love him!
Teacher: If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have? Johnny: Seven, Sir. Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have? Johnny: Seven Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have? Johnny: Six. Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you … (20 comments)
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funny fridays: Funny Fridays, The Value of a #2 Pencil
- 08/03/12 12:09 AM
This was emailed to me...I got a chuckle out of it, ha ha :-)
The value of a # 2 Pencil The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil. Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. 'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?' When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. 'God Almighty!' shouted Susie. The Nun said, 'Very good' and … (13 comments)
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funny fridays: Funny Fridays, Enjoy!
- 05/03/12 11:53 PM
What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!
A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way...
Why don't aliens eat clowns.Because they taste funny.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?A fsh
Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "Funny, I smell carrots too".
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?el-if-i-no
Two peanuts walk into a bar.One was a salted.
There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?The … (14 comments)
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funny fridays: Funny Fridays, Ellen Degeneres Quotes
- 04/06/12 12:01 AM
Ellen Degeneres Quotes
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.
I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves.
People always ask me, … (12 comments)
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funny fridays: The Bagpiper
- 04/03/12 11:25 PM
My mom forwarded this to me.....enjoy! As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a Pauper's' cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently Gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were … (12 comments)
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funny fridays: Funny Fridays, Black Suit Or Blue Suit?
- 03/15/12 11:35 PM
I was forwarded this email....thought I would share since it is Friday :-)
A man died and is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. The widow says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her … (17 comments)
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funny fridays: Funny Fridays, The Cat In The Hat Humor
- 03/01/12 11:06 PM
A friend forwarded me this, and I had to share it. Can some of you relate? Of course, I am way to young, ahem, to be able to truly get this poem LOL. Enjoy your weekend and may it be filled with many laughs!
… (25 comments)
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funny fridays: A Few Funny Fridays
- 12/16/11 02:32 AM
Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage.
… (11 comments)
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funny fridays: Funny Friday's, An assortment
- 12/09/11 02:53 AM
I thought these were kinda cute...enjoy the chuckles:
I was shopping at a grocery store, picking up cat food for a friend. Not having a cat myself, I asked the clerk if I would get the senior discount on the cat food. To this, he replied, "How old is the cat?"
A woman from the city stopped in at the small country store and asked the clerk behind the counter for some fresh meat. "I'm sorry, ma'am" the clerk said. "All we have that's fresh is cow tongue." The woman made a face. "Oh! I won't eat anything that … (22 comments)
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funny fridays: Funny Fridays, Two Blind Pilots
- 11/18/11 02:14 AM
Two Blind Pilots
Two blind pilots both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it … (13 comments)
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funny fridays: Funny Ads
- 11/11/11 01:59 AM
Funny AdsBraille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.Help wanted, singer for rock band. Must be female or male.For sale, Hope Chest, brand new, half off, long story.Help wanted, adult or mature teenager to baby-sit. One dollar an hour.For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.Four-posted bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.Wanted: Part-time married girls for … (17 comments)
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funny fridays: Funny Friday's, Dust To Dust
- 11/04/11 03:55 AM
… (18 comments)
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funny fridays: Funny Friday's
- 10/28/11 03:25 AM
One afternoon a Scotsman was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass.""Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the Scotsman said."But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.""Bring them along," the Scotsman replied.Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You … (21 comments)
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funny fridays: Funny Fridays
- 10/21/11 02:45 AM
A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man,” the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The … (22 comments)
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funny fridays: Funny Friday
- 10/14/11 02:52 AM
A friend emailed this to me.... A doctor in Duluth Minnesota wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant. 'Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.'
'Yes, sir!' answers Ole.
The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: 'So, Ole, How was your day?'
Ole told him that he took care of three patients. 'The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL.'
'Bravo, … (16 comments)
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funny fridays: Funny Friday by Kristin Johnston, Waukesha Cty WI Realtor, Remax, Buyer's Agent
- 10/07/11 02:20 AM
A woman is on board a small two-seater airplane when suddenly the pilot dies.Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio."Mayday, mayday! My pilot just died!"Ground control receive her call for help and answers back: "Don't worry, Madam. I'll talk you down, just do as I say.First, I need you to give me your height and position.""I'm 5"2' and sitting in the right front seat."Ground control: "Repeat after me:Our Father..... Which art in Heaven.... "
… (17 comments)
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funny fridays: Funny Fridays!
- 07/15/11 02:59 AM
Last week, my friend checked into a motel on her 70th birthday but she was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in the phone books for escorts and sensual massages." She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a sixpence … (23 comments)
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funny fridays: Funny Fridays, Curtain Rods!
- 07/08/11 02:55 AM
This was emailed to me, and I thought it was worth sharing :-)
On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; she put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.
When she'd finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten … (18 comments)
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My Mom sent me this email the other day....so true! By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. 
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