jokes: Tall Tales from the Train Platform (Humor) - 11/14/11 06:56 AM
A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a bench at the train station next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
It looked like he had quite a night, the priest thought.
The man opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes he turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with wicked women, too much alcohol, a contempt for … (15 comments)
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jokes: Tall Tales from Halloween! (Humor) - 10/31/11 07:33 AM
The door bell, rings, and a man answers it.
There stands a plain but well dressed kid in a suit and tie. The kid says, "Trick or Treat!"The man asks the kid, "What the heck are you dressed up like for Halloween." The kid says, "I'm an IRS agent." Then the kid takes 28% of the man's candy, leaves, and doesn't even say Thank You It's Monday, Smile and Share It! Happy Halloween! … (13 comments)
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jokes: Tall Tales from the Pine Barrens of NJ! (Humor) - 10/24/11 06:01 AM
There is this fellow, as the story goes, that had been lost and walking in the NJ Pine Barrens for about 10 days. (It could be true, the Pinelands of NJ is more than one million acres and very confusing once you get in there!) Finally he sees the home of a religious 'Piney'. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The 'Piney' finds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the 'Piney' for directions to the nearest town and on his way out the back door, he sees … (11 comments)
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jokes: Tall Tales from the Church Meeting Room! (Humor) - 10/10/11 06:24 AM
A local church here at the Jersey Shore offers its meeting room to various local groups for education and health related programs. One ongoing program, geared to first time Moms and Dads to be, is very popular. It focuses on the importance of exercise during pregnancy.
A one recent meeting, the instructor was touting the benefits walking. She said, "Ladies walking is great exercise, but be sure to pace yourselves and stay on a soft surface." The instructor then turned her attention to the Dads to be and said, "Gentlemen remember, you're in this together, so it won't hurt for you … (13 comments)
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jokes: Tall Tales from the Street! (Humor) - 10/03/11 05:42 AM
A Minister was walking down the street when he came upon a group, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age. The group had surrounded a dog. The Minister was concerned the boys were hurting the dog, so he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?" One replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. "So we've decided that whoever can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog." The Preacher was shocked and said, "You boys shouldn't be having a … (17 comments)
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jokes: Tall Tales From the Cathedral Construction Site! - 09/19/11 05:18 AM
Tall Tales From the Cathedral Construction Site! There's cathedral being renovated and the workers have rigged a cage or construction elevator so they can get materials up to the upper floor elevation.
A characteristic of these construction elevators is that the door or gate must be closed manually for them to be sent or called to another floor. One day one of the construction workers, Peter, took the elevator to the top floor. The Sexton was monitoring the construction and needed the elevator on the first floor. Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open. After the Sexton rang for … (7 comments)
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jokes: Tall Tales from the Jersey Shore! (Humor) - 08/29/11 07:37 AM
The Jersey Shore is now experiencing the aftermath of Hurricane Irene. In New Jersey that means flooding. So I share with you this tall tale. It's an oldie, but goodie. It had been raining for days and days, and a terrible flood had come over the land. The waters rose so high that one Jersey Shore man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house. As the waters rose higher and higher, a man in a rowboat appeared, and told the Jersey Shore Roof Dude to get in. "No," replied the dude on the roof. "I have faith in … (10 comments)
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jokes: Tall Tales from After Church! (Humor) - 08/08/11 05:43 AM
After church last Sunday morning, my friend's grandson suddenly announced to his Mom and family, "I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us, it's a great decision," the mother said. She asked, "What made you decide to be a minister?" "Well," the youngster replied, "Since I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it would be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit still and listen."
It's Monday! Smile & Share It! Make It a Great Week! … (14 comments)
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jokes: Tall Tales from a Nun's Road Trip! (Humor) - 07/11/11 07:50 AM
A Mother Superior and novice nun were out for a drive one morning. The novice was behind the wheel and everything was fine until suddenly the Devil jumped out from behind a tree and onto the hood of the car. The novice slammed on the brakes in horror and wailed, "Mother Superior! What should I do?" "Show him your cross," the Mother Superior calmly replied. Heeding her words the novice quickly rolled down her window, leaned out and yelled, "Get off the frigging car you ugly bastard!"
It's Monday! Smile, Share It, Make It a Great Week!
… (11 comments)
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jokes: Tall Tales from the Pulpit! (Humor) - 06/20/11 06:44 AM
A couple of weeks ago, a local minister announced to his congregation that the service the following week would focus on the sin of lying. "To help you understand the sermon, I'd like you all to read Mark 17," the preacher said. The following Sunday the preacher stood in the pulpit and prepared to deliver his sermon. He asked for a show of hands from the congregation, asking how many had read Mark 17. As the minister looked out to the packed pews, he saw every congregant with their hand up, indicating they had in fact read the assignment. The minister shook … (18 comments)
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jokes: Tall Tales from the Monastery! (Humor) - 06/13/11 04:15 AM
A new monk arrived at a monastery and his assigned task was to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. The new monk noticed that they are copying copies, not copying the original books. He asked the head monk about this, and pointed out that if there were an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk said "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." So, the head monk goes down into the cellar with one of … (20 comments)
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jokes: Tall Tales from a Statue of St. Joseph (Humor) - 05/23/11 08:21 AM
You know the folk belief that if you bury a statue of St. Joseph on a property, it will sell more quickly.
When my friend in Pennsylvania was getting ready to move, I told her about it.
She bought a St. Joseph statue and buried him near her door. A few days later she got an offer.
So her neighbor asked how she sold her home so quickly, and my friend suggested her neighbor also try the St Joseph.
After a few months of burying the statue all over her lawn, my friend's neighbor had no nibbles on the … (16 comments)
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jokes: Tall Tales from the Book of Genesis (Humor) - 05/09/11 04:50 AM
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, and God asked, "What is wrong with you?" Adam replied he was lonely and had no one to talk to. God thought about it and said He would make Adam a companion. God said, "This companion will be woman. She will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you. "She will agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. "She will … (11 comments)
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jokes: Tall Tales from Palm Sunday! (Humor) - 04/18/11 04:48 AM
Yesterday was Palm Sunday. But because of a nasty flu bug going around my friend's 5 year old grandson Bobby couldn't attend Mass. He stayed home with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were all carrying palm fronds. Bobby asked them what they were for. His father said, without going into the whole story, "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by." An angry look came over Bobby's face. "Wouldn't you know it," Bobby fumed, "the one Sunday I don't go and He shows up."
It's Monday...Make this Week Great, Smile & Share It! … (22 comments)
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jokes: Tall Tales from Heaven! (Humor) - 04/11/11 04:33 AM
Spring is finally here and it seems like most of the east coast is enjoying the warmer weather. After a long winter, everybody craves sunshine and the outdoors...even the Devil. So to celebrate spring and the 2011 baseball season... The devil rang up God recently, and challenged God to a baseball game. Smiling God proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I have Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here." "Yes," snickered the devil, "but I have all the umpires!" It's Monday, It's Spring, Smile & Share It!
… (23 comments)
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jokes: Tall Tales from the Pastor's Breakfast Table! (Humor) - 03/21/11 04:31 AM
Sunday's a big day for the pastor's family. It starts with a big breakfast, before church. This Sunday, the pastor’s wife was preparing waffles for her two young sons. As is often the case, the boys began to argue over who would get the first waffle. Their Mom saw this as an opportunity for a moral lesson. She told the boys, "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first waffle. I can wait'." The oldest boy quickly turned to his younger brother and said, "You be Jesus." It's Monday, Smile & Make it a Great … (17 comments)
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jokes: Tall Tales from an Irishman in NYC! (Humor) - 03/17/11 06:03 AM
O'Reilly was visiting New York City on a vacation from his home in Ireland. He was enjoying himself, but seemed to be having problems with the traffic.
We he came to the crosswalk he would just stand there. Other pedestrians were crossing back and forth, yet he just stood there. He would stand there patiently, as a traffic officer was waved the cars on. Then the officer stopped the cars, and yelled pedestrians! And everyone crossed. That would be everyone except O'Reilly. He just stood there patiently. The police officer again stopped the car traffic and yelled, "Pedestrians!" Finally O'Reilly, loosing patience, shouted … (10 comments)
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jokes: Tall Tales from the Back Porch! (Humor) - 03/14/11 05:11 AM
One afternoon a little neighborhood boy was playing outdoors. He was used his mother's broom as a horse and had a wonderful time until it was getting dark. He left the broom on the back porch. After dinner, his mother was cleaning up the kitchen when she realized that her broom was missing. She asked him to please go get it. The little boy told his mom that he was afraid of the dark and didn't want to go out to get the broom. His mother smiled and said, "The Lord is out there too, don't be afraid." The little boy … (21 comments)
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jokes: Tall Tales from the Collection Plate! (Humor) - 03/07/11 04:27 AM
A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners to introduce himself and get to know everyone. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but there was no answer after repeatedly knocking. So, he took out a business card and wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door. Revelations 3:20 begins, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." When the offering plate was passed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Just below his writing he saw written, 'Genesis 3:10.' His was unfamiliar with the passage … (23 comments)
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jokes: Tall Tales from the Rectory! (Humor) - 02/28/11 04:22 AM
Father O'Malley answered the phone at the rectory last week....the conversation went like this: "Hello, is this Father O'Malley?" "It is." "This is the IRS. Can you help us?" "I can." "Do you know a Ted Houlihan?" "I do." "Is he a member of your congregation?" "He is." "Did he donate $10,000 to the church?" "He will!" It's Monday! Share a Smile & Make it a Great Week!
… (19 comments)
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