silly stuff: Tall Tales from an Irish Pub! (Humor)
- 03/17/13 07:59 PM
A new man moved into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, and he promptly walked into the pub and orders three beers.
The bartender raises his eyebrows, but served the man three beers, which he drank quietly at a table, alone.
An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more.
This happens yet again.
The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time. Soon the entire town is whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers.
Finally, a week later, the … (13 comments)
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silly stuff: Tall Tales from the Church Roof! (Humor)
- 02/10/13 06:38 PM
An elderly Catholic priest, was speaking to Father Karl, a younger priest, saying, "You had a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now."
Father Karl nods, and the old priest continues, "And you told me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock 'n' roll gospel choir. Now our services are consistently packed to the rafters."
"Thank you, Father," answered the young … (14 comments)
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silly stuff: Tall Tales from Religion Class (Humor)
- 01/27/13 06:49 PM
I was at the Parish Center recently, and I overheard a teen religion class.
The teacher with Bible in hand, was reading to the class.
She read, "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife."
"Okay," she said, "from this Scripture, what do we learn is important in marriage?"
A student blurted out, "Cleavage."
It's Monday, Smile & Make It a Great Week!
… (7 comments)
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silly stuff: Tall Tales from the Monastery! (Humor)
- 01/20/13 07:24 PM
There was a monastery in the English countryside that had fallen on hard times. The brothers decided to establish a business to defray their expenses. They thought about a a bakery or winery.
But being British, they decided to open a fish-and-chips restaurant. The establishment soon became very popular and attracted people from all over.
One city fellow, thinking himself quite clever, asked one of the brothers standing nearby, “I suppose you’re the ‘fish friar’?”
“No,” answered the brother, “I’m the ‘chip monk’.”
It's Monday, Smile & Make It a Great Week!
… (17 comments)
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silly stuff: Tall Tales from Creation! (Humor)
- 12/23/12 07:29 PM
Tall Tales from Creation! (Humor)
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. Quickly, God was faced with a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impact statement. God was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was stymied with the cease and desist order for the earthly part.
Then God said, "Let there be light!"
Immediately, the officials demanded to know how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What about thermal pollution? God explained that the light would come from a large ball of fire. God was … (13 comments)
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silly stuff: Tall Tales from a Christmas Carol, 2012! (Humor)
- 12/16/12 06:32 PM
If the miracle of Christmas happened in 2012...things might be a little different. Take for example the Christmas carol "While Shepherds Watched" It could not happen today. Why, just look at the words:
While shepherds watchedTheir flocks by nightAll seated on the groundThe angel of the Lord came downAnd glory shone aroundWell, in 2012 the Union of Shepherds would complain that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements. Therefore the Occupational Safety and Health Administration would require benches, stools and orthopedic chairs must be made available. The Union of Shepherds would … (8 comments)
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silly stuff: Tall Tales - Religious Questions (Humor)
- 12/09/12 07:19 PM
I was at the beach last week just to check out the progress of repair and clean up from superstorm Sandy.I walked up to the Ocean, and noticed a woman with her young son.The boy went down to the Ocean and came running back. He grabbed his Mom's hand and took her back to the water. I followed and looked. There was a sea gull, it was dead in the sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the Mom replied. The boy thought for a moment and then asked, "Why did God … (8 comments)
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silly stuff: Tall Tales from an E-Parish! (Humor)
- 12/02/12 07:02 PM
Tall Tales from an E-Parish! The pastor reads his sermon from an iPAD. There are cell-phone chargers next to the pew-pencil drill holes. AT&T, SPRINT and T-MOBILE are in a bidding war for the ad space on back page of the parish bulletin. When the bells are rung following the consecration, half the congregation reaches into pockets or purses to see if it was for them. The parish not only has an Internet web site, the parish council has discussed petitioning the bishop to change the parish name to "All Saints Domain". Everyone in the parish assumes everyone knows what "domain" … (8 comments)
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silly stuff: Tall Tales of Religion (Humor)
- 11/25/12 08:31 PM
A kindergarten teacher gave her class a “show and tell” assignment of bringing something to represent their religion.
The first child got in front of the class and said, “My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is the Star of David.”
The second child got in front of her class and said, “My name is Mary, I am Catholic and this is the Crucifix.”
The third child got up in front of his class and said, “My name is Tommy and I am Baptist and this is a casserole.”
It's Monday, Smile and Make … (11 comments)
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silly stuff: Who Do You Talk to In Church? (Humor)
- 11/11/12 08:29 PM
A workman is doing work inside a church, when he sees a little old Italian lady get down in front of a statue of Mary and start to pray.The workman decides to have a little fun. He hides behind the statue of Jesus and loudly says, "Woman, get off your knees. Don't pray to her, pray to me!"The little old Italian lady looks up at the statue of Jesus and says, "Shut up your mouth, I'm talking to your mother!"
IT'S MONDAY, SMILE & MAKE IT A GREAT WEEK! … (7 comments)
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silly stuff: Tall Tales from the Deacon! (Humor)
- 10/28/12 11:55 PM
Michael is a Deacon at one of the local parishes at the Jersey Shore, and he was talking to one of the parishioners after Mass on Sunday.
Michael remarks, "When you get to my age you spend a lot more time thinking about the hereafter."
"Why do you say that?" inquired the parishioner.
Deacon Michael replied, "Well, I often find myself going into a room and thinking what did I come in here after."
It's Monday, Smile & Make it a Great Week!
(To everyone in Sandy's path on the coast or inland, stay safe!)
… (7 comments)
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silly stuff: Tall Tales from the Pastor's Lunch! (Humor)
- 10/21/12 08:24 PM
A young pastor was waiting for his lunch at the diner, so he opened a letter from his mother delivered that morning.
As he opened it a twenty dollar bill fell out.
The Pastor thought: "Thanks, mom, I could use that right about now."
But as he finished his meal he noticed a raggedy, disheveled man outside on the sidewalk leaning against the light post.
He thought: "That fella could probably use the $20 more than I." So he crossed out the names on the envelope and put the $20 in the envelope and wrote across the top in large … (11 comments)
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silly stuff: Tall Tales from Baseball! (Humor)
- 10/14/12 08:42 PM
Since we're in the midst of the baseball play off season I'd like to point out that baseball, the great American pastime, was even mentioned in the Bible!Think about it;
In the big_inning Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
It's Monday, Smile & Make it a Great Week!
… (4 comments)
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silly stuff: Tall Tales from Children in Church! (Humor)
- 10/07/12 07:58 PM
Six year old Angie and her four year old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."
It's Monday, Smile & Make it a Great Week!
… (11 comments)
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silly stuff: Tall Tales from a Children's Sermon! (Humor)
- 09/30/12 08:31 PM
Church symbols can sometimes be confusing and hard to understand.
A local pastor, aware of this, decided to offer a series of children's sermons on the symbols of the church.
Last Sunday the pastor was speaking about vestments and asked the question, "Why do you think I wear this collar?"
A child's hand shot up and he shouted, "Because it kills fleas and ticks for up to 5 months!"
It's Monday, Smile & Make it a Great Week!
… (9 comments)
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silly stuff: More Tall Tales from Sunday School! (Humor)
- 09/23/12 09:19 PM
Tall Tales from Sunday School!
A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong last Sunday.
"All right children, let's take another example," she said.
"If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?"
Six year old Sam raised his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts out, "You'd be his wife!"
It's Monday, Smile & Make It a Great Week!
… (8 comments)
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silly stuff: Tall Tales from Cat Heaven! (Humor)
- 09/16/12 10:06 PM
A cat dies and goes to heaven.
God meets him at the gate and says, "You have been a good cat all these years. You can have anything you desire, all you have to do is ask."
"Well," said the cat,"'I lived all my life on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors."
"Say no more," says God and instantly a fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer he made to … (11 comments)
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silly stuff: Tall Tales from Sunday School (Humor)
- 09/09/12 08:58 PM
A boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.
The boy explained that nothing was wrong, and that he was going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church.
The teacher was very impressed and asked if his dad explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing?
The boy replied, "Yes he did. Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
It's Monday, Smile and Make … (11 comments)
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silly stuff: Tall Tales From the Church! (Humor)
- 09/03/12 08:02 PM
Start your week with a smile...
A pastor ordered sanitary hot air hand dryers in the restrooms at his new church, telling the congregation that though it was a bit more money it was the environmentally responsible thing to do.
After two weeks, the hot air hand dryers were gone.
A member of the congregation asked if they were defective.
The pastor confessed that they worked fine but when he went into the restroom he saw a sign that read,
"For a sample of this week's sermon, push the button."
… (7 comments)
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silly stuff: Final Instructions! (Humor)
- 08/26/12 09:07 PM
An elderly woman in our Parish died last month. She was never married, and had very specific instructions for her funeral.
One of her requests was that there be no male pallbearers.
In the detailed handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead."
It's Monday, Smile & Make It a Great Week!
… (10 comments)
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A new man moved into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, and he promptly walked into the pub and orders three beers. 
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