Lawrence's Blog

This one was so bad, I had to post it.

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 13:18:00 -0500

"Nelson Mandela"

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.

When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!"

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.

Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder. "You Sign! You sign!"

Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again.

When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads.

He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"

Mr. Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man! I don't want them!"

Then he slams the door in his face again.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again.

On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!"

Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.

This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him: "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"

The little Chinese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:

(It's a beauty)
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(wait for it)
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(Get your Chinese accent ready!)
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(Keep scrolling)
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(Bit more)
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(Keep Going)
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(Nearly there)
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(Just a bit further)
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"You not Nissan Main Dealer?"

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 00:36:59 -0500

This is good for a laugh, no matter what side of the road you are on!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure - right from Day One! - that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.< FONT face=Arial color=black size=2>
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?< /FONT>
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I inven ted the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before a dding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the ch ickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was go ing. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chi cken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together , in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra.@&&^(C%..........reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Letters to Landlord

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 17:41:56 -0500

Excerpts from actual letters sent to landlords

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.

I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfires and burnt my knob off.

This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.

The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.

I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk? Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.

Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.

Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny color and not fit to drink.

Would you please send a man to repair my downspout? I am an old-age pensioner and need it straight away.

Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap? My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.

I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is getting too much.

When the workmen were here, they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy.

One for the Ladies - THE HUSBAND STORE!!!

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 14:05:14 -0500

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

At the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends to the next floor.

The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'!
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good > Looking.

"Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the > sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street that also has six floors.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

How to Save the Airlines

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 09:54:03 -0500

Dump the male flight attendants. No  one wanted them in the first place. Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.'

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues. This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,

Bill Clinton

ON THE FIRST DAY

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 16:45:48 -0500

ON THE FIRST DAY

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in

or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten

years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give
you a twenty-year life span.'The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty

years?
That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like

the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer

under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family.

For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty

years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you

twenty years.' But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give

me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back,

and the ten The dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy

ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our

family. For the next ten years we do m onkey tricks to entertain the

grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and

bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

Forms of Marketing

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 12:07:10 -0500

Marketing

Two women are talking; one asks the other for a definition of 'Marketing.' Her answer:

You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, 'I'm fantastic in bed.' That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, 'She's fantastic in bed.' That's Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, 'Hi, I'm fantastic in bed.' That's Telemarketing.

You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, 'May I,' and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, 'By the way, I'm fantastic in bed.' That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, 'I hear you're fantastic in bed.' That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep.

Your friend can't satisfy him, so he calls you. That's Tech Support.

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, 'I'm fantastic in bed!' That's Junk Mail.

FDIC Proposes Home Ownership Preservation Loans

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Thu, 08 May 2008 08:11:59 -0500

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The FDIC is proposing that Congress authorize the Treasury Department to make loans to borrowers with unaffordable mortgages to pay down up to 20 percent of their principal. The repayment and financing costs for these Home Ownership Preservation (HOP) loans would be borne by mortgage investors and borrowers. This approach is scaleable, administratively simple, and will avoid unnecessary foreclosures to help stabilize mortgage and housing prices.

This proposal is designed to result in no cost to the government:

Borrowers must repay their restructured mortgage and the HOP loan.
To enter the program, mortgage investors pay Treasury's financing costs and agree to concessions on the underlying mortgage to achieve an affordable payment.
Treasury would have a super-priority interest -- superior to mortgage investors' interest -- to guarantee repayment. If the borrower defaulted, refinanced or sold the property, Treasury would have a priority recovery for the amount of its loan from any proceeds.
The government has no continued obligation and the loans are repaid in full.

Mortgage Restructuring:

Eligible, unaffordable mortgages would be paid down by up to 20 percent and restructured into fully-amortized, fixed rate loans for the balance of the original loan term at the lower balance. New interest rate capped at Freddie Mac 30-year fixed rate.
Restructured mortgages cannot exceed a debt-to-income ratio for all housing-related expenses greater than 35 percent of the borrower's verified current gross income ('front-end DTI'). Prepayment penalties, deferred interest, or negative amortization are barred.
Mortgage investors would pay the first five years of interest due to Treasury on the HOP loans when they enter the program. After 5 years, borrowers would begin repaying the HOP loan at fixed Treasury rates.
Servicers would agree to periodic special audits by a federal banking agency.

Process:

Mortgage investors would apply to Treasury for funds and would be responsible for complying with the terms for the HOP loans, restructuring mortgages, and subordinating their interest to Treasury.
Administratively simple. Eligibility is determined by origination documentation and restructuring is based on verified current income and restructured mortgage payments.

Funding:

A Treasury public debt offering of $50 billion would be sufficient to fund modifications of approximately 1 million loans that were "unsustainable at origination." Principal and interest costs are fully repaid.

Eligible Mortgages:

Applies only to mortgages for owner-occupied residences that are:

Unaffordable - defined by front-end DTIs exceeding 40 percent at origination.
Below the FHA conforming loan limit.
Originated between January 1, 2003 and June 30, 2007.

Senator Chris Dodd (D-CT), Chairman of the Senate Banking, Housing, and Urban Affairs Committee said in response to the proposal, "As a result of Chairman Bair's leadership, the FDIC has been at the forefront of addressing the mortgage crisis. It comes as no surprise, then, that she has put forward a constructive proposal that is worthy of Congress' serious consideration. I look forward to further reviewing the details of the plan."

Resiliency Quotes, Phrases and Sayings

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Thu, 08 May 2008 07:35:59 -0500

Once we believe in ourselves,
we can risk curiosity, wonder,
spontaneous delight, or any experience
that reveals the human spirit.
e. e. cummings

It takes courage to grow up
and become who you really are.
e. e. cummings

Courage is resistance to fear,
mastery of fear,
not absence of fear.
Mark Twain

Life shrinks or expands
in proportion to one's courage.
Anais Nin

Wings are not only for birds; they are also for minds.
Human potential stops at some point somewhere beyond infinity.
Toller Cranston

There is always one moment in childhood
when the door opens and lets the future in.
Deepak Chopra

When we learn to deal directly with our complaints and difficulties, romanticized ideas about the spiritual path are no longer meaningful. We see that what is important is to take responsibility for ourselves, and to always be aware of our thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Tarthang Tulku

It may sound strange, but many champions are made champions by setbacks.
Bob Richards

It's when you run away that you're most liable to stumble.
Casey Robinson

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.
Audre Lorde

Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. Accordingly a genius is often merely a talented person who has done all of his or her homework.
Thomas Edison

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life is not a matter of holding good cards,
but of playing a poor hand well.
Robert Louis Stevenson

Play like you're in first, but train like you're in second.
Unknown

All of us get knocked down, but it's resiliency that really matters. All of us do well when things are going well, but the thing that distinguishes athletes is the ability to do well in times of great stress, urgency and pressure.
Roger Staubach

Passion, not pedigree, will win in the end.
Jon Bon Jovi

Only those who dare to fail greatly, can ever achieve greatly.
Robert F. Kennedy

You never really lose until you quit trying.
Mike Ditka

The difference between a good athlete and a top athlete is the top athlete will do the mundane things when nobody's looking.
Susan True

When a person trains once, nothing happens. When a person forces himself to do a thing a hundred or a thousand times, then he certainly has developed in more ways than physical. Is it raining? That doesn't matter. Am I tired? That doesn't matter either. Then Willpower will be no problem.
Emil Zatopek, Czech Olympic great.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Reinhold Niebuhr

It is not the size of the dog in the fight, it is the size of the fight in the dog! The person who is not hungry says that the coconut has a hard shell.
African Tribal Saying

All the wonders you seek are within yourself.
Sir Thomas Brown

Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
John Wooden

Don't judge those who try and fail, judge those who fail to try.
Unknown

I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.
Louisa May Alcott

...we could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world.
Helen Keller

Problems are not stop signs, they're guidelines.
Robert Schuler.

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
Helen Keller

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius

The secret of success is constancy of purpose.
Benjamin Disraeli

He who has a why to live for, can endure almost any how.
Dr. Victor Frankyl, Psychiatrist

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life only demands from the strength that you possess.
Only one feat is possible - not to have run away.
Dag Hammarskjold

Courage is rightly esteemed the first of all human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees all others.
Sir Winston Churchill

Resilient children tend to have parents who are concerned with their children's education, who participate in that education, who direct their children everyday task, and who are aware of their children interests and goals. Another important characteristic of resilient children is having at least one significant adult in their lives.
Linda F. Winfield

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
Michael Jordan

Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. Christopher Robin to Pooh
A. A. Milne quotes

It is not the strongest
of the species that survive,
nore the most intelligent,
but the one most responsive to change.
Darwin

Behold the turtle: he only makes progress when he sticks his neck out.
James Bryant Conat, 1893-1978, Educator and Diplomat

The strongest oak of the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and hidden from the sun. It's the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to struggle for its existence against the winds and rains and the scorching sun.
Napoleon Hill

If in normal conditions it is skill, which counts, in such extreme situations, it is the spirit, which saves.
Walter Bonatti.

Cry if you want to, I won't tell you not to,
I won't try to cheer you, I 'll just be here if you want me to be.
C. Porter

Thinking is easy, acting difficult, and to put one's thoughts into action, the most difficult thing in the world.
Goethe

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.
Mary Anne Radmacher

The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see.
Sir Winston Churchill

Challenges can be stepping stones or stumbling blocks.
It's just a matter of how you view them.
Unknown

Never, never, never, never give up.
Sir Winston Churchill

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.
Albert Einstein

One who makes no mistakes never makes anything.
Unknown

Let the past drift away with the water.
Japanese Saying

Obstacles are what we see when we take our eyes off of the goal.
Crossman

History had demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heart-breaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats.
B.C. Forbes

The marvellous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were no limitations to overcome. The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse.
Helen Keller

Character cannot be developed in peace and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision be cleared, ambition insured and success achieved.
Helen Keller

The bamboo that bends is stronger than the oak that resists.
Japanese proverb

The sturdiest tree is not found in the shelter of the forest but high upon some rocky crag, where its daily battle with the elements shapes it into a thing of beauty.
Unknown

There's no thrill in easy sailing,
When the sky is clear and blue.
There's no joy in merely doing
Things which anyone can do.
But there is some fulfillment
That is mighty sweet to take,
When you reach a destination,
You thought you couldn't make.
Unknown

When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.
Harriet Beecher Stowe

Long-range goals keep you from being frustrated by short-term failures.
Unknown

Little drops of water wear down big stones.
Russian Proverb

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
Helen Keller

What matters is not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.
Coach Bear Bryant

Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education is not; the world is full of educated failures. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.
Calvin Coolidge

Seize the day, Carpe Diem.
Quintus Horatius Flaccus 65BC-8BC

In the midst of winter,
I finally learned
there was in me
an invincible summer.
Albert Camus

Healing is a matter of time, but sometimes also a matter of opportunity.
Hypocrites 460 - 400 B.C.

If we are to lift ourselves out of this morass we must shift our sights from the superficial to the sacrificial.
Jesse Jackson

Fear is met and destroyed with courage.
James F Bell

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
Franklin D. Roosevelt

Courage follows action.
Mack R. Douglas

Resilient children have at least one significant adult in their lives.
Linda F. Winfield

Let us rid ourselves
of all things that hinder us
and run with courage and endurance
the race that is set before us.
Hebrews 12:1

Both tears and sweat are salty, but they get render a different results. Tears will get you sympathy, but sweat will get you change.
Jesse Jackson

Anything that has real and lasting value is always a gift from within. Franz Kafka

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born
until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world
is born.
Anais Nin

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of
respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one
family grow up under the same roof.
Richard Bach

If God brings you to it,
He will bring you through it.
Author: Unknown

Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Abraham Lincoln

Only those who dare to fail greatly, can ever achieve greatly.
Robert F.Kennedy

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Fall seven times, stand up eight."
Japanese Proverb

I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot... and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that's precisely why I succeed.
Michael Jordan

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Picturize, prayerize, actualize.
Norman Vincent Peale

There are two ways of exerting one's strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up.
Booker T. Washington

Know how sublime a thing it is
To suffer and be strong.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents, which in prosperous circumstances would have lain dormant.
Horace

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius

Diamonds are nothing more than chunks of coal that stuck to their jobs.
Malcom Stevenson Forbes

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
Edith Wharton

Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence.
Talent will not... nothing is more common than unsuccessful people will talent.
Genius will not... unrewarded genius is almost legendary.
Education will not.... the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.
President Calvin Coolidge

Things don't go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all you were intended to be.
Charlie - Tremendous- Jones

Circumstances are the rulers of the weak; they are but the instruments of the wise.
Samuel Lover

A happy life consists not in the absence, but in the mastery of hardships.
Helen Keller

Training is what you are doing while your opponent is sleeping in.
Brian Owe

Imagination is more important than knowledge...
Albert Einstein

I was told over and over again that I would never be successful,
that I was not going to be competitive and the technique was
simply not going to work. All I could do was shrug and say
"We'll just have to see".
Dick Fosbury
(He won an Olympic gold medal at the 1968 Mexico City Games
after he invented a revolutionary high-jump technique.)

God didn't have time to make a nobody, only a somebody.I believe that each of us has God-given talents within us waiting to be brought to fruition.
Mary Kay Ash

We are not animals. We are not a product of what has happened to us in our past. We have the power of choice.
Stephen Covey

How am I going to live today in order to create the tomorrow I'm committed to?
Anthony Robbins

What you repress will make you regress.
Michael H. Ballard

I knew there was a way out. I knew there was another kind of life because I had read about it. I knew there were other places, and there was another way of being.
Oprah Winfrey

People who believe they have the power to exercise some measure of control over their lives are healthier, more effective and more successful than those who lack faith in their ability to effect changes in their lives.
Albert Bandura

What ever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.
Napolean Hill

In order to succeed, people need a sense of self-efficacy, struggle together with resilience to meet the inevitable obstacles and inequities of life.
Albert Bandura

Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there!
Will Rogers

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has Genius, Power and Magic in it.
Begin it now.
Goethe

Winners lose much more often than losers. So if you keep losing but you're still trying, keep it up! You're right on track.
Matthew Keith Groves

In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins - not through strength, but through persistence.
Buddha

An obstacle is often a stepping stone.
Prescott

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
Winston Churchill

"In order to succeed, people need a sense of self-efficacy, struggle together with resilience to meet the inevitable obstacles and inequities of life."
Albert Bandura

"It demands great spiritual resilience not to hate the hater whose foot is on your neck, and an even greater miracle of perception and charity not to teach your child to hate.""
sharper126
James Arthur Baldwin

"Man never made any material as resilient as the human spirit."
Bern Williams

"A man of active and resilient mind outwears his friendships just as certainly as he outwears his love affairs, his politics and his epistemology."
Henry Louis Mencken

The elections that have taken place in these countries are a reflection of the lure of Democracy, and the resilience of our men and women in uniform who helped bring freedom to many who never knew what the word truly meant.
Jim Sensenbrenner

People tend to overstate my resilience, but, of course, I hope they're right.
David Brudnoy

In order to succeed, people need a sense of self-efficacy, struggle together with resilience to meet the inevitable obstacles and inequities of life.
Albert Bandura

The bamboo that bends is stronger than the oak that resists.
-Japanese Proverb

"It is said an eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him with the words, 'And this, too, shall pass away.' How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction!
-Abraham Lincoln

Forget mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you are going to do right now, and do it. Today is your lucky day."
Will Durant

When your face is in the dirt, dust off and order dessert.
Laura Teresa Marquez

To be nobody but yourself in a world that's doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting.
e. e. cummings

We rely upon the poets, the philosophers and the playwrights to articulate what most of us can only feel, in joy or sorrow. They illuminate the thoughts for which we only grope. They give us the strength and balm we cannot find in ourselves. Whenever I find my courage wavering I rush to them. They give me the wisdom of acceptance, the will and resilience to push on.
- Helen Hayes

I went to the woods to live deliberately, to front the essential facts of life and learn what they had to teach; and not, when it came time to die, discover that I had not lived.
- H.D. Thoreau

Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark. In effect, the people who change our lives the most begin to
sing to us while we are still in darkness. If we listen to
their song, we will see the dawning of a new part of ourselves.
- Rabindranth Tagore

On the path to heaven, there will be occasional rocks in your shoes -- yet, the views are magnificent, the pain is bearable, and turning back is not an option."

Laura Teresa Marquez

"To do much clear thinking a person must arrange for regular periods of solitude when they can concentrate and indulge the imagination without distraction."

- Thomas A. Edison

Dictionary of Performance Evaluation

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Tue, 06 May 2008 14:32:43 -0500

Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.
Active socially: Drinks heavily.
Alert to company developments: An office gossip.
Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.
Average: Not too bright.
Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law.
Charismatic: No interest in any opinion but his own.
Competent: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.
Consults with supervisor often: Pain in the ass.
Delegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well.
Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.
Deserves promotion: Create new title to make him feel appreciated.
Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear.
Displays great dexterity and agility: Dodges and evades superiors well.
Enjoys job: Needs more to do.
Excels in sustaining concentration but avoids confrontations: Ignores everyone.
Excels in the effective application of skills: Makes a good cup of coffee.
Exceptionally well qualified: Has committed no major blunders to date.
Expresses self well: Can string two sentences together.
Gets along extremely well with superiors and subordinates alike: A coward.
Happy: Paid too much.
Hard worker: Usually does it the hard way.
Identifies major management problems: Complains a lot.
Indifferent to instruction: Knows more than superiors.
Internationally know: Likes to go to conferences and trade shows in Las Vegas.
Is well informed: Knows all office gossip and where all the skeletons are kept.
Inspires the cooperation of others: Gets everyone else to do the work.
Is unusually loyal: Wanted by no-one else.
Keen sense of humor: Knows lots of dirty jokes.
Listens well: Has no ideas of his own.
Maintains a high degree of participation: Comes to work on time.
Meticulous in attention to detail: A nitpicker.
Not a desk person: Did not go to college.
Of great value to the organization: Turns in work on time.
Use all available resources: Takes office supplies home for personal use.
Quick thinking: Offers plausible excuses for errors.
Should go far: Please.
Slightly below average: Stupid.
Straightforward: Blunt and insensitive.
Strong adherence to principles: Stubborn.
Tactful in dealing with superiors: Knows when to keep mouth shut.
Takes advantage of every opportunity to progress: Buys drinks for superiors.
Unlimited potential: Will stick with us until retirement.
Uses resources well: Delegates everything.
Uses time effectively: Clock watcher.
Very creative: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.
Visionary: Cannot handle paperwork or any project that lasts less than a week.
Well organized: Does too much busywork.
Will go far: Relative of management.
Willing to take calculated risks: Doesn't mind spending someone else's money.

Just what a mothers wants

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Tue, 06 May 2008 14:26:32 -0500

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back
together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly
mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said," I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled
and said, "I've got you, both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible, and
you know she can't see very well. I sent her a parrot that can recite the
entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had
to pledge to contribute $100,000.00 a year for 10 years, but it was worth
it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite
it.

"Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: " Milton ," she wrote
the first son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but
have to clean the whole house."

"Marvin," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay home all the
time, so I never use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Melvin," she wrote to her third son, "You were the only son to have
the good sense to know what your mother likes. That chicken was delicious."

$300 billion FHA refi plan headed for House vote

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Sat, 03 May 2008 08:11:43 -0500

$300 billion FHA refi plan headed for House vote

Date : 05/02/2008

A plan to allow the Federal Housing Administration to help refinance up to 2 million troubled mortgage loans is headed for a vote in the House of Representatives, after receiving limited bipartisan support in a committee vote Thursday.

Legislation that would enact Rep. Barney Frank's $300 billion FHA expansion plan was approved by the House Financial Services Committee in a 46-21 vote, with the full House expected to weigh in next week. Although the bill is opposed by the Bush administration, 10 Republicans on the committee joined Democrats in supporting the plan, originally put forward in March by Frank, D-Mass.

While some critics have derided Frank's plan as a bailout, backers say lenders would have to agree to substantial principal write-downs to participate in the program. Participating lenders would be paid no more than 85 percent of a property's current appraised value when a mortgage is refinanced into an FHA-backed mortgage loan.

Only owner-occupied homes with mortgage loans originated on or before Dec. 31, 2007, would be eligible. To prevent borrowers from profiting if housing prices rebound, the government would retain a share of future home-price appreciation, with borrowers paying an exit fee when they sell or refinance.

While most of the program's costs are expected to be covered by mortgage loan insurance premiums paid by borrowers, backers concede that the government could face losses of up to 2 percent, or $6 billion.

As approved by the committee HR 5830, The FHA Housing Stabilization and Homeownership Retention Act, would also authorize $210 million dollars for foreclosure counseling, and $31.25 million to hire more FBI agents and Department of Justice prosecutors to crack down on mortgage fraud.

Sen. Chris Dodd, D-Conn., has proposed a similar expansion of FHA loan guarantee programs, but Senate Republicans kept Dodd's proposal out of a foreclosure relief bill passed last month. The bill, the Foreclosure Prevention Act of 2008, would increase FHA loan limits and provide billions in tax cuts for home builders, banks and other businesses that have suffered losses as a result of the housing downturn and credit crunch (see story).

The Bush administration has been critical of proposals by Democrats to expand FHA loan guarantee programs, saying Congress must first pass legislation that would overhaul and modernize FHA's practices and procedures. Although the House and Senate have both passed FHA modernization bills, differences between them have yet to be reconciled.

Acting Housing Secretary Roy Bernardi last week told lawmakers last week that FHA needs the ability to implement risk-based pricing for mortgage insurance premiums, and that an FHA modernization bill must include a ban on seller-funded down-payment assistance.

The Bush administration is already counting on FHA loan guarantee programs to help troubled borrowers, although critics say many borrowers aren't eligible for the FHASecure program, created last year to help delinquent borrowers and homeowners with adjustable-rate mortgage loans refinance into more affordable mortgage loans.

On April 9, the Bush administration announced expanded guidelines allowing FHA to insure refinancings for borrowers who have missed loan payments. HUD estimates that the expanded guidelines will allow a total of 500,000 homeowners to take advantage of the FHASecure program by the end of the year.

FDIC's "complementary" plan

In another recent development, the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. proposes that Congress authorize a $50 billion public debut offering to allow the Treasury Department to make loans to troubled borrowers that would pay down up to 20 percent of their loan principal.

The FDIC estimates that the Treasury Department could fund 1 million mortgage loan modifications at no cost to the government -- without creating a bureaucracy to process applications, decide priorities for participation, and monitor compliance.

While plans to expand eligibility for FHA loan guarantee programs are "laudable and will help some borrowers" they also have "generally acknowledged limitations," FDIC Chairwoman Sheila Bair said in a recent editorial published in the Financial Times.

Bair said the FDIC's proposed Home Ownership Preservation loan program could "complement" efforts to expand FHA loan programs to help troubled borrowers.

The FDIC envisions targeting the HOP program at loans that were "unsustainable at origination" -- a goal that could be achieved by limiting eligibility to mortgage loans with debt-to-income ratios exceeding 40 percent when they were made. The FDIC also proposes limiting the program to mortgage loans within the FHA conforming loan limit and originated between Jan.1, 2003 and June 30, 2007.

HOP loans would pay down a troubled borrower's existing mortgage loan by up to 20 percent, allowing it to be restructured into a fully amortized, fixed-rate loan with interest rate capped at Freddie Mac's 30-year fixed rate. Borrowers would have to repay their restructured mortgage loans and the HOP mortgage loan, although the mortgage loan lender would pay the first five years of interest due the Treasury on the HOP loan. After five years, borrowers would begin repaying the HOP mortgage loan at fixed Treasury rates.

According to the FDIC, the program would not cost taxpayers because the Treasury would have a "super-priority interest" superior to mortgage loan investors' interest guaranteeing repayment. If a borrower defaulted, refinanced or sold the property, Treasury would be first in line to recover the amount of the HOP mortgage loan.

Forclosure scams on the rise!

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 11:08:32 -0500

Foreclosure Scams on the Rise!

Foreclosure Scams are on the rise because of the increasing number of foreclosures. It's very important as homeowners to know about these scams and avoid them like the plague. They may cause you more harm and headache as they prey on desperate homeowners looking for solutions.

Common Foreclosure Scams

1. EQUITY SKIMMING:

You are in a situation where you can't make payments anymore on your home. You are desperate and put your home up for sale. You are approached by a "buyer" who offers to buy your home at full asking price. The potential buyer claims he will solve all your financial problems by "promising" to pay off your mortgage. He claims to take over the existing mortgage and give you a sum of money after the property is sold. But in order to do so, he suggests that you move out right away and deed the property over to him. So you move out and assume the "buyer" will continue to make the mortgage payments. However, the "buyer" collects rent for the next 6 - 8 months and does not make any mortgage payments. The lender has no choice but to foreclose and all the while you have no idea what's happening because you've moved out. Now your credit is shot for the next decade and explains why you couldn't qualify for a credit card.

As a homeowner, you need to know there is a right way and a wrong way of doing this. Taking over a property "subject to" the existing loan is a great technique and is used by many investors. Signing over your deed to someone else does not relieve you of your obligation on your loan. Your name stays on the loan until it's paid off. So if someone ever tries to take over your property promising to make the payments, you need to be involved. Don't just walk away thinking everything will be fine. One of the most common things to do is set up some sort of a loan servicing company or trust company to collect and disburse the payments. This way you know the payments are being paid.

2. THE BAIT-AND-SWITCH:

Very similar to taking over "subject to", but the acclaimed buyer is only after the equity. The buyer tells the homeowners he will bring the mortgage current and tells them they can stay in the home. But in order to do so, he must have a few documents signed that protect his interest and gives him ownership of the property. Then a few weeks down the road, the homeowner receives an eviction notice. Again, you've got to protect yourself.

3. THE BAILOUT:

Again very similar to the previous two, where the homeowners sign over the deed with the assumption that they will be able to remain in the house as a renter or lease it back from the buyer and eventually buy it back over time. The terms of these types of scams are so harsh that they make it nearly impossible to buy-back which was the plan to begin with. The homeowner is left with nothing and the buyer walks off with most or all of the equity.

This is a common strategy used by investors but the terms must be appropriate. This strategy can be very effective if used the right way and is a great way to help homeowners. It's unfortunate a few have to ruin it for the rest of us trying to do good. Make sure you sign a contract with the potential rescuer and if there are any terms you're not sure about and don't know what they mean, go see an attorney.

4. PHANTOM ASSISTANCE:

Typically these are online companies claiming to have the magic touch in stopping the foreclosure auction. They know all the ins and outs and what to say to the lender to stop the auction. Then these companies charge outrageous fees for simple phone calls and paperwork the homeowner could have done themselves at no cost and the end result is the same. You actually end up no better off then you were before, except your credit card bill is higher now. This predatory scam gives homeowners a false sense of hope and prevents them from seeking qualified help.

5. COUNSELING AGENCIES:

Some groups, most of them online, calling themselves "counseling agencies" may approach you or ask you to submit your information for a personal consultation to review your situation. They then proceed to offer certain services for a fee. Most of the time these "special services" you are paying for are FREE, such as negotiating a new payment plan with your lender, working out a forbearance, or lowering your interest rate. These are all things your lender will assist you with at no charge. Be careful giving ANYONE money online who claims they can assist you out of foreclosure. There are dozens of good, non-profit organizations and free counseling agencies who are ready and willing to assist.

One of the largest foreclosure assistance programs right now is 888-995-HOPE. This is available to any homeowner in America having trouble paying their mortgage. It is provided free of charge by the Homeownership Preservation Foundation, a nonprofit dedicated to preserving homeownership.

If you are facing foreclosure, more than likely you will be contacted by someone wanting to assist or help you out of your situation. Being an investor, I know some of these companies or individuals mean well and want to help, while others are out there preying on desperate homeowners. So how can you determine which ones are out to take advantage of you and who is out there to help. We have outlined a few things you can look for in determining a foreclosure scam and ways to avoid them.

Here are a few things you can do to avoid foreclosure scams...

DON'T SIGN any papers that you don't fully understand, or you could make bad matters worse.
DON'T SIGN any papers that you feel pressured into signing. Take your time.
DON'T MAKE mortgage payments to anyone other than your lender.
DON'T SIGN over the deed without some closure or agreement for your protection. Talk to your attorney or title company if you need help.
DON'T EVER pay anyone who claims to stop foreclosure. You can stop the auction yourself. There are several foreclosure assistance programs all over to assist you for free.

I hope this information is helpful for you if you are facing foreclosure

Contractor Scams

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 11:03:41 -0500

6 Common Contractor Scams

Unlike things that go bump in the night, contractor scams are living, breathing nightmares that rob your bank account and leave your house in worse shape than before. There is good news though. When you educate yourself how to recognize a scam from a legitimate repair and a good contractor from a con artist you'll send those fly-by-nighters fleeing. Here are the most common scams:

1. "WE WERE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD AND NOTICED YOUR ROOF"

This common scam is perpetrated by a so-called contractor who knocks at your door claiming to have noticed a problem with your roof or chimney and offers to give you a free inspection. If you let him, he'll climb up to your roof and when he's out of sight, create some damage that he then solemnly reports back to you. Of course there's a work crew nearby ready to make repairs right away for a "special price" if you agree to go to the bank and withdraw cash to give him. If any repairs are made it isn't enough to fix the damage. The elderly are particularly vulnerable to this scam since they are protective of homes they spent their lives paying for. Here's the lowdown: legitimate contractors are too busy to go door-to-door looking for business. They just don't do it. So next time a "contractor" comes a knocking don't answer.

2. "I'VE GOT LEFTOVER MATERIALS AND CAN GIVE YOU A GREAT DEAL"

If a contractor gives you a low ball estimate with the explanation of already having building materials simply ask him why he has leftovers, not that you'll get an honest answer but the lie will be revealing. A competent contractor who has carefully estimated the materials he needs at a job site will rarely have anything remaining but scraps. Its likely the "leftover" materials are ungraded or below-grade minimums for passing code, or they "fell off" a truck.

3. "I CAN OFFER YOU A SPECIAL DISCOUNT PAVING YOUR DRIVEWAY"

Your neighbors just got their driveway repaved and it looks great. You've been meaning to do the same when a friendly fellow shows up at your door claiming to have done some paving down the street. He makes an enticing offer to you by saying he has leftover asphalt and a crew on hand to start right away. You agree and work begins. Then the contractor informs you there wasn't enough asphalt and demands more money to finish the job. Blind-sided, you nonetheless agree. Only later does it become apparent that the asphalt laid was a rolling, crooked, thinning layer that looked nothing like the professional job the neighbors got from a local company.

4. "I'LL GIVE YOU A DISCOUNT IF YOU PAY CASH"

A contractor who insists on cash is likely working under the law, not paying taxes and not licensed. It is also an indicator that he cannot obtain the necessary building permits for your home. That means you'll have to hire another contractor and pay even more to bring the work up to code. A little investigation might further reveal he has no business address and out-of-state license plates on his vehicle. He will also likely demand payment in full up front and even offer to accompany you to the bank to withdraw the funds. If any work is performed on your home it will likely be brief before he leaves, never to return.

5. "I'M AN INSPECTOR AND NEED TO LOOK AT YOUR FURNACE"

This scammer says he is representing your local municipality and declares that he is looking for the source of a gas leak or has some other excuse to come in your home and do an inspection. He then finds and "repairs" the leak and demands payment for making "required repairs". Insist on seeing photo identification that shows this person works for the government entity he claims to represent.

6. "WE CAN GET YOUR INSURANCE TO COVER EXTRA REPAIRS"

This scam involves pulling the homeowner in on illegal activity so that other neglected repairs can be added to an insurance claim. Extra damage is created, staged and the claim filed. The contractor gets away with this because all he has done is provide an estimate for repairs. The homeowner, on the other hand, could be in for serious trouble if it is determined that he or she was part of the fraud. Insurance companies are always on the lookout for fraudulent claims and take them seriously. A homeowner can face expensive legal trouble.

WORK WITH THE BEST

The great majority of contractors are honest, hardworking service professionals who work hard to make sure they deliver quality work and solid value. They are dedicated to your satisfaction and want to earn your recommendation. They belong to trade groups and online prescreening web services such as BestContractors.com that actively work to raise the standards of all building professions.

SEEKING HELP

If you feel you have been the victim of one of these scams you have options for help:

Contact your state Attorney General's office. They maintain consumer complaints regarding companies operating in your state and function as a central clearing house for fraud and scams.
The Better Business Bureau has an online complaint system you can use to notify them of your grievance. They work to help both sides come to a satisfactory conclusion. This is only effective if your contractor is operating as a registered business.
Notify your state's licensing board which handle complaints about fraud, misrepresentation, failing to maintain required records, etc. Your complaint should be in writing. While they cannot help you seek restitution they can investigate the contractor and work with local law enforcement to force him to stop operations.

As a homeowner the ultimate responsibility in dealing with scam artists and unscrupulous contractors lies with you. Understand the warning signs that indicate you are dealing with a dishonest person. If you are seeking restitution you may ultimately need to hire an attorney.

Scams and rip offs what to look for

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 11:00:45 -0500

Scams

How do you tell the scams from the genuine opportunities? Well, there is no real way to be 100% sure on all of the opportunities out there. But with a basic knowledge of how scams work and what to look out for, you are less likely to fall victim to one of them.

I will list 6 common things to look for in scams.

Rule #1 - If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

Is the company promising you large amounts of money, big mansions, sports cars, etc...? This just requires some common sense. If there was a way to get this stuff working at home, then don't you think more people would be doing it? Real
opportunities will be realistic in their advertising. They will not promise you any
amount of money. Instead, they will give a range of what their average affiliate makes (if they say anything at all about money).

Rule #2 - You can't get something for nothing.

What business out there is going pay you for doing nothing??? The truth is, working at home will probably be some of the hardest work you do. The difference is, you are working by your own rules, so it is a lot more rewarding. I don't care who they are, anyone who promises you will be able to make money with little work is just lying to you. Now, some mlm's will make this claim. This doesn't mean the company is bad, it just means the rep is not a very good one and you may want to find a different one. If they lie up front, they will keep it up after you have signed up. I had one tell me that I only had to work 5-10 hours a week. But after I signed up, she insisted that I alway be on my computer trolling for customers (I mean, since I was at home I wasn't doing anything else, right?). So just keep in mind, you can't make money by doing nothing.

Rule #3 - Real companies want you to know who they are.

Real companies will tell you who they are up front. Be wary of websites that want all of your personal information just to find out who they are. We always tell people to ask a ton of questions before sending your personal information. If they don't answer to your satisfaction, then move on. Scam companies will not want you to be able to do any research before they sign you up. The only way they make money is by getting others to sign up (and pay whatever fee they have, and all scams WILL have a fee). Keep in mind, some legit companies will not allow their affiliates to use the company name in their advertising, so you will have to ask for more details. If they still won't tell you, or they are very vague about what the company does, this should tell you that they probably are a scam.

Rule #4 - Real employers don't charge fees.

The fact is, real employers don't charge application or registration fees. All of those ads that promise data entry, customer service, home typist, or other such
positions for just a small registration fee are NOT real. All they are going to do is tell you to place ads similar to the one you responded to and get others to pay you for that same information. Now, mlm's are different. They will require a small investment, but they are considered a business opportunity. They will also divulge everything about the company before you sign up (or at least they should), which the scams won't.

Rule #5 - Not everyone will tell you the truth.

Check out ALL companies before you start doing business with them. If they are a real company, they should be listed with the Better Business Bureau (http://www.bbb.com/). Another good website to check is http://www.ripoffreport.com/ This is a website were people can list complaints about various companies and people. It will give you an idea of what the company is like and how they treat others. Just remember to read between the lines. Just because there is a complaint about a company doesn't mean they are bad. Not everyone is going to have a positive experience with everything, and some people just like to complain. But you will be able to tell the real complaints from the others.

Rule #6 - To our knowledge, there is NO legitimate envelope stuffing job! The same goes for chain letters (even if they claim to be endorsed by Paypal, which they aren't, or "as seen on Oprah"). Stay as far away from these schemes as possible. The only thing they will make you is poorer.

This is by far not a complete list of what to look out for, but will give you some basic knowledge. Always ask questions and check out companies before giving money or information. Use your commmon sense when reading the ads. If you have doubts about something, that should be a sign to you that it's not the right opportunity for you. You can check out the pages on specific topics for more information about legitimate offers in these areas.

*Scam Alert*

There is a new one that has come to our attention. Basically, they ask you to accept payments from their "clients" or "customers" in the form of travelers checks or money orders. You are to then deduct your fee and send the rest to the "company". This is a twist on the Nigerian scam. Please DO NOT believe this is an actual job!!! The "clients" aren't real, the "company" is not real, and the money orders and travelers checks are not real.

Doctors Advice

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 10:13:41 -0500

I have spent a lot of time thinking about this subject lately, and have some advice for those of you who may still be in search of an answer.

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it.. don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way.Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

AND......

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Realtionship Humor Joke

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 19:07:16 -0500

GENDER ITEMS

ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

SWISS ARMY KNIFE - male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS - female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

COPIER - female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.

TIRE - male, because it goes bald and often is over
inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON - male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there's the hot air part.

SPONGES - female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGE - female, because it is always getting hit on.

SUBWAY - male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

HOURGLASS - female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMER - male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL - female... Ha! You thought I'd say male. But consider it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

Humor for the ladies

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 18:59:54 -0500

The MR. RIGHT Rejection LetterDear [____rejectee's name here_____],

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:

[Check all those that apply]
___ Your breasts are bigger than mine.
___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___ The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been at McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing.
___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.
___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me one.
___ Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, then you can't GET into my pants.
___ Your "Putting on a few, aren't you babe?" comment, given the 9-months pregnant size of your beer gut, was inappropriate.
___ You failed the credit check
___ I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___ The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
___ The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
___ You still live with your parents.
___ You mention your ex-girlfriend's name more than you mention mine.
___ Three words: Size does matter.

Sincerely,
[Your name here]

Have a nice weekend

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 18:48:37 -0500

A new sales assistant was hired at a large department store. On his first day, the sales manager took him around to show him the ropes. They were passing by the gardening section, when they heard a customer asking for grass seed. The sales manager stepped in.
Sales manager: Excuse me, but will you be needing a hose to water your lawn?
Customer : I guess so. I'll take one.
Sales manager: And how about some fertilizer and weed-killer?
Customer : Um, okay.
Sales manager: Here's a couple of bags. You'll also need a lawn mower to cut the grass when it starts growing too long.
Customer : I'll take one of those too.

After the customer left, the sales manager turned to the assistant. "You see?" he said, "that's the way to make a good sale. Always sell more than what the customer originally came in for."

Impressed, the assistant headed off for the pharmaceutical section, where he was to work. Soon, a man strolled in.
Man: I'd like to buy a pack of Tampax, please.
Sales assistant: Sure, and would you like to buy a lawn mower too?
Man: Why would I want to do that?
Sales assistant: Well, your weekend's shot to hell anyway, so you might as well mow the lawn.

Some more Real Estate Humor

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 18:30:49 -0500

Ask for a raise

"I have to have a raise in my commission," the agent said to his manager. "There are three other companies after me." "Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?"
"The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company."

Commission Check

An agent who was being paid by the week approached his office manager and held up his last paycheck.
'This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on,' he said.
'I know,' the manager said. 'But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained.'
'Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake,' the agent answered, 'but when it gets to be a habit, I feel
I have to call it to your attention.'

Congradulations on your new home

A client bought a new home and the broker wanted to send flowers for the occasion.
They arrived at the home and the owner read the card; it said "Rest in Peace".

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said. "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new home".

Real Estate Humor

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 18:18:43 -0500

The great debate on Wife or Mistress

A doctor, a lawyer and a real estate agent were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.
The lawyer says: "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems."

The doctor says: "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health."

The real estate agent says: "You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife -- you can go and sell some homes.

NEW IMPROVED SPEEDY APPRAISAL FORM

Customer Name:________________________________________

Subject Property Address:_____________________________

_______________________________

Description of Subject Property and Neighborhood:
Subject property is located in _______________________, a popular, well-maintained area that has enjoyed dramatic appreciation over the past year. Most buyers appeared to be unconcerned with size or overall utility of these homes, and seemed to be paying between $____________ and $____________, regardless of difference in appearance, condition, age, etc.

Market Value Assessment:
For the above reasons, we estimate the Market Value of the subject property
on this date to be:

$____________

(Loan agents to fill in blanks with assistance of any real estate salesperson.)

I certify that I have not inspected, driven by, or even thought about the property that is the subject of this appraisal. I also promise that I will not interfere in any way with the expedient funding of this obviously worthy property.

___________________________________ ________________
Signature of advocating appraiser Date

Humor for everybody - Happy Easter!

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:49:35 -0500

This is for those of you that have a really good sense of humor.

HOW TO HANDLE IRRITATING SEATMATES ON AN AIRPLANE
If you are sitting next to someone who irritates you, follow these
instructions:

1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.

2. Remove your laptop.

3. Start up.

4. Make sure the guy who is annoying you, can see the screen..

5. Close your eyes.

6. Tilt your head up to the sky.

7. Move your lips as if praying.

8. Then hit this link http://boortz.com/mp3/archive/countdown.swf

Next Life" by Woody Allen

In my next life I want to live my life backwards.
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day.
You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and
then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day.
You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school.
You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play.
You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born.
And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like
conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters
every day and then: Voila!
You finish off as an orgasm!
I rest my case.

Keep an eye on your credit cards

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:57:40 -0500

FYI....

Be sure to read Scene 3."

Quite interesting.

SCENE 1.
This is a new one. People sure stay busy trying to cheat us, don't they?

A friend went to the local gym and placed his belongings in the locker. After the workout and a shower, he came out, saw the locker open, and thought to himself, "Funny, I thought I locked the locker. Hmm, "He dressed and just flipped the wallet to make sure all was in order. Everything looked okay - all cards were in place. A few weeks later his credit card bill came - a whooping bill of $14,000! He called the credit card company and started yelling at them, saying that he did not make the transactions. Customer care personnel verified that there was no Mistake in the system and asked if his card had been stolen. "No," he said, but then took out his wallet, pul led out the credit card, and yep - you guessed it - a switch had been made. An expired similar credit card from the same bank was in the wallet. The thief broke into his locker at the gym and switched cards.

Verdict:
The credit card issuer said since he did not report the card missing earlier, he would have to pay the amount owed to them.

How much did he have to pay for items he did not buy?

$9,000! Why were there no calls made to verify the amount swiped? Small amounts rarely trigger a "warning bell" with some credit card companies. It just so happens that all the small amounts added up to big one!

SCENE 2.

A man at a local restaurant paid for his meal with his credit card. The bill for the meal came, he signed it, and the waitress folded the receipt and passed the credit card along. Usually, he would just take it and place it in his wallet or pocket. Funny enough, though, he actually took a look at the card and, low and behold, it was the expired card of another person. He called the waitress and she looked perplexed. She took it back, apologized, and hurried back to the counter under the watchful eye of the man. All the waitress did while walking to the counter was wave the wrong expired card to the counter cashier, and the counter cashier immediately looked down and took out the real card. No exchange of words --- nothing! She took it and came back to the man with an apology.

Verdict:
Make sure the credit cards in your wallet are yours. Check the name on the card every time you sign for something and/or the card is taken away for even a short period of time. Many people just take back the credit card without even looking at it, "assuming" that it has to be theirs.

FOR YOUR OWN SAKE, DEVELOP THE HABIT OF CHECKING YOUR CREDIT CARD EACH TIME IT IS RETURNED TO YOU AFTER A TRANSACTION!

SCENE 3:

Yesterday I went into a pizza restaurant to pick up an order that I had called in. I paid by using my Visa Check Card which, of course, is linked directly to my checking account. The young man behind the counter took my card, swiped it, then laid it on the counter as he waited for the approval, which is pretty standard procedure. While he waited, he picked up his cell phone and started dialing. I noticed the phone because it is the same model I have, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Then I heard a click that sounded like my phone sounds when I take a picture. He then gave me back my card but kept the phone in his hand as if he was still pressing buttons. Meanwhile, I'm thinking: I wonder what he is taking a picture of, oblivious to what was really going on. It then dawned on me: the only thing there was my credit card, so now I'm paying close attention to what he is doing. He set his phone on the counter, leaving it open. About five seconds later, I heard the chime that tells you that the picture has been saved. Now I'm standing there struggling with the fact that this boy just took a picture of my credit card. Yes, he played it off well, because had we not had the same kind of phone, I probably would never have known what happened. Needless to say, I immediately canceled that card as I was walking out of the pizza parlor. All I am saying is, be aware of your surroundings at all times.

Whenever you are using your credit card take caution and don't be careless. Notice who is standing near you and what they are doing when you use your card. Be aware of phones, because many have a camera phone these days. When you are in a restaurant and the waiter/waitress brings your card and receipt for you to sign, make sure you scratch the number off. Some restaurants are using only the last four digits, but a lot of them are still putting the whole thing on there. I have already been a victim of credit card fraud and, believe me, it is not fun. The truth is that they can get you even when you are careful, but don't make it easy for them.

FORWARD THIS TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN THINK OF.
LET'S GET THE WORD OUT! JUST BE AWARE!

Humor for the ladies

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 10:48:34 -0600

Female Comebacks!

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: ! But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Brilliant!!!

Platinum Capital Mortgage & RealEstate, INC. — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 09:13:06 -0600

This was written By Regina Brett, The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls
over to 50 this week, so here's an update:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheque.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood but the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In 5 years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.