The first time I heard the phrase “the grass is always greener on the other side,” I was 12 years old—and I heard it in song.

I didn’t know at the time that this was from the play Woman of the Year, because two women in my theater group sang it as part of a musical review. Still, it made a deep impression on me.

One of the characters is a housewife, and the other is a famous TV news personality—and yet they both feel certain they’re missing out on amazing experiences because of the lifestyle they’ve chosen.

The celebrity sings, “I can see you planning picnics. That’s wonderful!”

The housewife responds, “What’s so wonderful? Eating at the White House! That’s wonderful!”

And the song goes on like this, with two women comparing their lives, and assuming the other has it better.

Back then, I felt painfully envious of my sister, who frequently won starring roles and also had a boyfriend. It didn’t occur to me that focusing on everything she had wasn’t a proactive way to create the life I wanted.

Comparing my talent to hers didn’t help me land any roles. It just made me feel inadequate—which showed in my auditions. Comparing my looks to hers didn’t help me feel better about myself. It just made me feel unattractive—which showed in the way I carried myself.

I also didn’t realize her life wasn’t perfect, and she had plenty of her own challenges.

I’ve since learned that there is always going to be someone else who appears to have everything we want, especially in the digital age, where many of us narrate all the fun we’re having through updates, photos, and videos online.

But we tend to overestimate other people’s happiness and forget that in every life, there is a little sunshine and a little rain.

No matter how perfect someone else’s life seems, they still have their own struggles. And they still deal with the natural human instinct to wonder what else is out there, and if there’s something else they should be doing.

We can either focus on other people’s perceived good fortune, or focus our energy on recognizing and fostering our own.

We do that by planting tiny seeds for joy, and then watering them with our attention. Lori Deschene

This whole blog started with a simple facebook post I wrote this week on my page. This was my post:

'Do you know when you meet someone and they look like a 10 (on a scale from 1 to 10)? Then you get to know them a little bit just to learn that they actually are not more than a 5, and maybe even a 4? I have met my share of them. It's really good to find out that there a people that can start as a 5, and once you really get to know them, you figure that they scale up to a 9 and with great possibility of becoming a 10.'

After a couple of friends made comments on it, one of my co-workers posted this today: "Great system. What do you start yourself at?"

His question, off course made the wheels on my head turn and think hard about it.

I would love to say I look like a 10, but I have a mirror and is not just used to check on how my hair looks before I leave the house....in all honesty, I think people have me at a 4 or 5 when they first meet me....I believe the majority of my friends, business associates and even many acquaintances will agree that I grow on them, maybe to a 7, or a 8 and even reach a 9 to some, somewhere along the way, not sure I am a 10 to anyone...

However, for a VERY FEW people, I believe they see me go down from my original 4 or 5, to a 3 or 2.  Which in all honesty doesn't bother me at all. I know one cannot make everyone happy.

No matter how you cut it, there are people who just have a chip on their shoulders, they think that the rest of the world is out to get them. You can reach your hand out to them, they will take what they can, but usually don't have anything to give it back or forward. They will turn all around,  try to make you small and rather drown on their own proud, than to admit they need anyone or anything else, but to be right.

I refuse to bend myself when I am presented with something I think is not right in benefit of someone else who is closed mind, just because they need to  feel righteous about their own ideas which, sometimes, are completely distorted by their own stubbornness and not invariably out of pain they are afraid to see and are yet to duel, treat and let it heal.

I am sure we have all have been in a relationship with someone who  just can't compromise. You make an option to adapt, to listen, to discuss (and I mean a conversation, not fight over it) their ideas and occurrences and point of view,  but no matter what you do, the other party wants nothing but you to give up who you are, accept their views without challenge, adjust the way you think, refuse any kind of talk about and run away, many times avoiding any further contact with you because they are frightened to be confronted with their own mistakes their own flaws. They need you to change so they can feel comfortable on their own skin.

Don't take me wrong, I am a stubborn being myself. I am still learning to face and heal my own wounds. Still have to take a deep breath, let my Italian and South American blood cool off and resist to the fighting, when I am challenged on my ideas, or when I am told I am wrong.  Many times I have to agree that I was not right on my opinion or views about something. There are still some skeletons in my closet and ghosts around the house that I am yet to work on it.

I don't understand people who have so much, being incapable of seeing all of their blessings, to have compassion and love towards others. They rather keep on complaining about what is wrong, rather than focusing on what is going right.

I guess some should take time and go off somewhere, spend time with people who live in complete misery. Learn that even in the midst of such a miserable life they, many times, have more joy and compassion than others with so much. It's a wonderful exercise to wake up a sleeping soul, and see all the uncounted blessings we have every single day in our lives.

Where I come from, military service is obligatory to every boy as they reach their 18 birthday. It's a great experience to teach discipline, camaraderie, respect. I think they should  institute a one year service for everyone to assist those in need, not just overseas or far away, but also the ones right next to us that we pretend we don't see. Not just give money but serve and learn and teach them how to make a better life with few resources. In my opinion that would make this a much better world. Maybe that would help many to see the world and their own life from a new perspective, different from the angle they get from that comfort leather chair with cushy pillows and cool drink on their hands. Maybe even motivate them to take action and make something productive out of their own misery.

I have made a choice to listen, learn, adapt and be flexible to others ideas, life experiences and opinions, but, most importantly, I have made a choice to be loyal and truthful to who I am and hold dear the values I believe in. I want to be, as much as possible, a tiny ray of light to those who know me, to be of some inspiration, to leave a tiny bit impression on those who get close enough.

I don't know everything, but I have lived a lot, from richness to almost misery, from love to betrayal,  from laughter to despair, from tears to joy, from drowning to a loving hand that was stand out to me, from heartbreak to forgiveness, from turmoil to peace, from weakness to strength, from the dark bottom I am working my way up to the light on the top, one step at a time, one lesson at a time. Regardless of all the bad experiences, I have learned to always look out for the good ones. They keep me in check and revitalizes my belief that this is a life worth living.

I learned, not too long ago, that I don't have to make all the mistakes myself in order to have an opinion about it. I am okay on learning from others mistakes without assuming they are lecturing me.

I know that I am not always right, that I still have a lot to learn. I have made my share of mistakes and have been wronged by others as well, but more I think about it more I get to figure it out that they wronged me because I allowed them to do so.  An apology is always due when it is deserved, still hard to do so, sometimes a card, a letter or a flower does the job I still can't do face to face, but I am learning more each day that a heartfelt 'I am sorry' can do wonders in one's life... I still make a wrong judgments or choices, I am the first to recognize that. I am learning to walk on the road of humility more at easy lately, and learned that the peace that brings to me after the initial turmoil is worth the price.

People usually get a second chance with me, and in some rare cases, even a third chance, but if they persist on the same behavior it might be that is just time for me to move forward and let them deal with their own ghosts at their own pace and time...

For those I really don't mind that they consider me a 3, a 2 or even a 1.

So, where do you start yourself at?"

Noemi Cardoso 01/22/2012

A friend of mine once told me she frequently asked herself, “When is the other shoe going to drop?”

Whenever things were going well for her, she braced herself for an impending fall so that it wouldn’t be too devastating when things changed, as they often do.

Despite her intentions, this didn’t protect her from pain; it just kept her from fully enjoying what might have been some of the most fulfilling experiences of her life.

I realized then that I was also living my life around fearful, defeatist questions.

What if I never find love? What if I don’t have what it takes? What if I messed up my one big chance?

They always danced around fears of uncertainty and inadequacy—and because they frequently dominated my thoughts, I consistently acted from a tense, frightened place. These questions felt like self-preservation, when really they were emotional self-mutilation.

And they repeatedly instigated a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you frequently look for answers to questions about worst case scenarios, you tend to find them, real or imagined.

It reminds of this time I read about a woman who feared for years that she had cancer, even though she had no symptoms and doctors saw no medical proof to corroborate her suspicions. Many years later, when she received a cancer diagnosis, she said she almost felt relief because she finally knew she was right.

She attached to her panic over the potential for sickness, and in doing so began suffering long before there was a physical cause.

We can’t change that some things might not last, and things might happen that we wouldn’t have chosen. But the reality is, there are just as many positive possibilities as there are negative ones.

We get to choose where we focus our energy—whether we dwell on everything that might go wrong, or imagine everything that could go right. What we think dictates what we’ll do, and that plays a big role in what we create.

It all starts with asking ourselves the right questions. What are those? I don’t know—I don’t have all the answers. But I can tell you mine:

What if I let myself enjoy this moment? How can I appreciate myself and other people in action today? What’s good around me, and how can I contribute to it?

The latest NAR Profile of Home Buyers and Sellers showed a growing trend among recent buyers.

On a conversation with a gym teacher about how full the class was today, he mentioned that most academies are at its fullest during the first 2 months of the year. Along with the New Year it also comes everybody's new resolutions. Goals to get in shape, to lose weight, to firm the body, to be more active and whatever reason people might have to include exercising and loosing weight into their New Year's resolution list. By March, however, statistics shows that 85% of these 'new students' have left and given up on their New Year's goal.

This conversation made me think about all the others goals most of us have. Made me wonder how many of us give out before we begin. How many give up at the first muscle ache pain, letting it go before really putting a serious effort and make it happen. How many keep on paying a monthly fee to the gym without ever showing their faces the fourth or fifth time but believing that as long they pay the fees there's still an 'intention' of being truthful to their goals? Where on our New Year's resolutions was said that was going to be easy? What challenge has ever been easy?

Intentions do not accomplish goals, actions do.

Like many, I also have my New Year's resolution list. However, it has a twist. I have a Notebook where I write them down. I keep them at my eye sight and review and work diligently on them. This notebook have one page for every annual goal and at the end I have a session for my life goals. Each page have the objective on the top and then a little questionnaire and achievement scores.  Below is an example of my page on the loosing weight issue:

Goal - Lose weight. How much per month/week? Why? How? How often? Tools I will use to achieve this goal? People who can assist me on achieving this goal? How will achieving this goal, improve my life? How close it will bring me to my life dream? What is my biggest obstacle? How to overcome this obstacle?

These are direct questions and each one of them receive an even more direct and honest answer. There's no sugar coating, no cheating or white lies. It's  truthful to all that I want and dream to achieve during the coming year and ultimately in my life.

I know, it sounds a little tad much for some, but the way I see, if most of us can spend 3 or 4 weeks planning a week vacation to the smallest detail such as choosing seat and food at an airplane where we will spend a meager 3 or 4 hours in, we not just can, but MUST spend the time working on our life plans and dreams with the same enthusiasm, determination and attention to details. Why plan a week vacation and leave our lives to coincidences?

For me this 'planning' usually takes about 2 weeks, working a couple of hours a day to finish. I start on reviewing my past year's goals, checking the ones I have achieved, how successful I was, what tools I used. Then I move to the ones I failed or haven't achieved yet, are they still goals I want to achieve? If so, I move them to my New Year's list and finally I move to add new ones, if any.

Each goal is a like a stepping stone towards my life dream. Each question receives a response, given with all my honesty and a realistic understanding of my daily activities, capabilities and responsibilities. I rather set a goal to lose a pound a week for 20 weeks and be able to stick to it and ultimatly succeed, than set to lose 4 pounds a week and fail on my first attempt knowing that it's the holiday season and I will be a social butterfly which will make difficult to follow a diet for example.

Yes, off course sometimes it doesn't work as perfect as I wanted. Sometimes I realize that one goal will actually not improve my life as I thought it would, and then, after trying. Some time I have to understand and accept that regardless of how much I want to run 5 miles a couple of days a week, that's not all possible with my back problems, but I sure can still speed walk 5 to 8 miles 3 or 4 times a week. Sometimes I have to adjust and mold myself next year to achieve those same goals. Some other times I have to look for assistance on people who might be able to assist me with giving me motivation, positive energy, professional experience, and even professional help (like a personal trainer or a nutricionist).

For me, the most interesting discovery during this process was to realize that when it comes to the question 'What's my biggest obstacle?' to find out that the response to each and every single goal, the obstacle I have to overcome is usually one: 'MYSELF'.

It's much easier to blame on others, on the weather, on luck, on genetics, on old habits, or whatever excuses we might create to make us feel better about ourselves, but the reality is only one - if we don't give our best to ourselves, no one else will.

Others and the world can, and will do whatever they may, but if I REALLY want something I WILL DO what I HAVE TO DO to MAKE IT HAPPEN.

I only know, I don't want to be just a number, lost in the midst of so many statistic researches. I don't want to be another point on that 85% statistic results, lost on a sea of people who quit before they even begin.

How about you?

                                                                                      Noemi Cardoso 01/02/2012