Joke of the day - #85: Time won't wait! - 01/31/11 10:03 AM
When it comes to appointments, it's good to remember the old saying that, "Timeliness is next to Godliness."  However, it's possible to meet people who are a little too rigid with regard to time:
An agent was working with a buyer who was an efficiency expert and who was very concerned about not wasting any time.  To keep him happy, every showing had to be scheduled precisely allowing only 15 minutes per showing and only 10 minutes to drive from one property to the next.  The agent worked hard at this and was able to keep on schedule until the next … (6 comments)

Joke of the day - #84: If you're such an expert, how come you're lost? - 01/30/11 11:17 AM
With all of the discussion about how dangerous it is to drive and text and drive and use a cell phone today, it's a wonder that the press hasn't recognized that driving with a handful of showing instructions and MLS sheets is highly dangerous also.
A young couple were looking for their first home and had agreed to go out and see some listings with an agent.
The agent turned out to be a lunatic driver, and the couple sat in the car clutching the door handles and wondering if they could expect to survive the trip. The agent sped through the crowded … (2 comments)

Joke of the day - #83: Held captive by the babysitter. - 01/29/11 09:21 AM
Lack of experience sometimes leads us to make assumptions about situations which can cause problems:
A young real estate agent agreed to baby-sit one evening for a co-worker.  She was a single mother and wanted to have an evening out and had promised him that he'd have no problem babysitting for her.   Everything went well and the two boys were playing quietly in the Family room.  At seven he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to watch football.  One of the boys kept creeping down the stairs, but the young man kept sending him back up to the bedroom.
At 9 PM the … (3 comments)

Joke of the day - #82: A child's perspective... - 01/28/11 09:42 AM
Situations can be deceptive if you don't know how they arose in the first place.  Here's an example of how a little lack of knowledge leads one to the wrong conclusion:
A farmer was helping one of his cows give birth by pulling strategically on the calf's outstretched legs, when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed outside the fence.  The farmer thought to himself, "Great...he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. Well, no need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and then I'll try to answer in an understandable way."
After … (2 comments)

Joke of the day - #81: Helping a child put their overshoes on... - 01/27/11 09:04 AM
We can learn a lot from children.  The only problem is we usually don't have the patience:
A Kindergarten teacher was helping one of her students put on his boots.  He had asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on.  When the second boot was on, she had actually worked up a sweat. She sighed deeply and bit her lip when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."
When she looked, sure enough, they were.
It was almost as difficult pulling the boots off … (9 comments)

Joke of the day - #80: Don't send your kids to their rooms! - 01/26/11 10:27 AM
Isn't it amazing how much technology is available to us today.  People younger than 35 have lived in the world of the personal computer all of their lives.  Here's one repercussion:
A frustrated father was angrily speaking to a friend, "When I was a youngster, I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper, but in my son's room, he has his own color TV, cellphone, lap-top, mp3 player, and xBox.  It's not much punishment to send him there!"
"So what do you do when he acts up?" asked the friend.
"I send him to MY room!" exclaimed the father.
Regardless of … (6 comments)

Joke of the day - #79: He just graduated, give him a break! - 01/25/11 10:07 AM
Ever hired an assistant?  Sometimes they're very good and other times, well...
A young man was hired by a Realtor as an assistant.  On his first day of work, the Realtor was holding an Open House. The Realtor greeted him at the door with a warm handshake and a smile, then gave him a broom and said, "Bill, your first job will be to sweep off the front porch."
"But I'm a college graduate," Bill replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I had forgotten," said the Realtor. "Here, give me the broom -- I'll show you how."
--------------------------
How do you find … (9 comments)

Joke of the day - #78: Play Ball and don't curse the Umpire... - 01/24/11 08:43 AM
Sometimes we can be just to eager to assign blame to someone else for our shortcomings.  It can lead to unpleasant situations and we really never learn much from these types of situations.
At one point during a Little League game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is and do you know what a team is?" When the little boy nodded, "Yes," The coach continued, "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?"
The little boy nodded affirmatively again and the coach then said, "When a strike … (0 comments)

Joke of the day - #77: Work Terminology made easy - 01/23/11 10:52 AM
In an effort to clarify some of the esoteric terminology in real estate use today, I've prepared the following list.  (Please don't expect to find anything useful here.)
BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a team meeting, discussing why a seller listed with someone else and who was responsible.
SEAGULL BUYER: A buyer, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
CLIENTOLOGY: The process by which some people seem to make money by exploiting their clients rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the … (2 comments)

Joke of the day - #76: Showing instructions aren't easy to get - 01/22/11 10:59 AM
Ever tried to show a listing which showed active in the MLS and find that you absolutely couldn't get showing instructions from the listing brokerage.  This usually happens to us when the listing brokerage is apparently run out of the agent's garage and specializes in REO properties.  Their office phone is never answered and they don't provide any other number and their voice-mail system is full, so the only way to try to get a response is to email them.  Then they wait until the day after your buyer has left town before sending you a snide email requesting your license number before they will deign to send … (0 comments)

Joke of the day - #75: Your phone doesn't work... - 01/21/11 10:53 AM
Going along with the theme from yesterday that appearances may be misleading, here's another example of how trying to appear to be something you're not can cause problems:
A young Realtor had just started his own brokerage. He rented a beautiful office in a great location in town and had it furnished with antiques furniture. The first day he was open, as he was sitting at his desk, he saw a man come into the outer office. Not having any additional agents or a secretary to greet the visitor, he decided that he'd like to appear busy. 
The Realtor picked up … (3 comments)

Joke of the day - #74: How to look as if you're productive. - 01/20/11 09:48 AM
Generally, this will not be a concern if you have a private office. But, if you're in an environment with shared work spaces, these techniques can be creatively applied. In the real estate world, many people seem to believe that productivity is all a matter of appearances.
Appearance: You are furiously taking notes while conducting an important telephone conversation with a buyer from Bulgaria.Reality: You are pretending to take notes while talking to your friend who has called collect from Bulgaria.
Appearance: You are on the phone with a client in New York and you have said, "Yes, sir! Housing prices are … (2 comments)

Increase in the number of Housing permits pulled may not mean much - 01/19/11 11:03 AM
Housing starts for December were reported at 529K as opposed to a projected number of 550K.  The prior month's revised number was 553K.  So, to put it into a percentage, starts slipped 4.3% in December.  This is mostly based on higher-value single-family starts, since that segment was down about 9% for the month.  Multi-family starts were up 18% in comparison, even though they are still at a very low level compared to the past.
There were 653,000 housing permits pulled, which is a nice jump up from the expectations of 554K (compared to a prior revised 544K).  Single-family permits were up … (1 comments)

Joke of the day - #73: Tips to a showing ready house. - 01/19/11 10:39 AM
It's always interesting when you list a house which suffers from a less-than-perfect housekeeper (that's almost all of them).  You've got to spend some time educating them about preparing for showings.  This task is often more difficult when they have children.  With this in mind, here is a list of tips you can print and give to them:
Tips to a Showing Ready House
You've got a Realtor and buyer coming in 30 minutes. Your house is a mess. WHAT WILL YOU DO? Here is a list of Showing Preparation Tips.
TIP 1: DOOR LOCKSIf a room clearly can't be whipped … (1 comments)

Joke of the day - #72: What does your father do? - 01/18/11 09:56 AM
Ever take a minute to figure out what a child would think of your career?
 
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living."Billy, you're first. What does your mother do all day?"
Billy stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Megan?"
Megan shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Megan" said the teacher. "What does your parent do, Jose?"
Jose stood up, looked embarrassed and announced, "Nothing. He's a Realtor."  
On the other hand, it'd be more likely if he … (2 comments)

Joke of the day - #71: Differences between Bureaucrats and Realtors - 01/17/11 12:09 PM
For those of us who have just become Realtors or are thinking about becoming Realtors, here's a brief list of the differences between a career as a Realtor and a career in a bureaucracy:
Bureaucrat: When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie. Realtor: You not only tell them you're a Realtor, you tell everyone else in the room and spend time explaining how your service is superior.
Bureaucrat: You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.Realtor: You don't get excited unless your buyer makes in excess of 6 figures.
Bureaucrat: Your biggest loss from a … (0 comments)

Joke of the day - #70: Don't you ever touch a switch in my listing! - 01/16/11 12:44 PM
It's always a good idea to fully understand all of the features in your listings, however, it's possible to go too far in demonstrating them:
A new Realtor had just listed his first condo and was excited about it.  It was vacant and had a lot of nice features and he thought it would sell quickly. After a night out with his friends he took them over to his new listing to show them how nice it was.
"It even has a talking clock," the young man bragged.
"A talking clock? What do you mean?" his friends asked.
He took them … (2 comments)

Joke of the day - #69: You're not out of time, you've just got too much to do. - 01/15/11 11:04 AM
Ever seem like time was running either too fast to get everything done, or so slow that you'll never reach the date of that big closing?  With time, as Einstein showed, everything is relative.  Here's an example:
A man went to his Doctor and was told that he only had 6 months to live.  Shocked, he asked the Doctor what he should do about the situation.
"Well, if I were you, I'd marry a top producing Realtor," replied the Doctor.
"Will that cure me?" asked the man with excitement in his voice.
"No, but it'll make the 6 months seem to … (5 comments)

Joke of the day - #68: Carrying the donkey might not work... - 01/14/11 12:11 PM
Marketing is a fine art.  It's often been observed that you can't please everyone when you're marketing.  If you do try, it might backfire on you...
An old Realtor and a young Realtor were taking a donkey to market in town. The young man rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some homeowners who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the young man was riding. The two thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later, they passed some people who were moving from a distant … (1 comments)

Joke of the day - #67: Marketing terminology explained simply. - 01/13/11 12:09 PM
It's the time of year to work on your annual marketing.  In order to assist you with this task, here's a brief explanation of the various types of marketing:
You go to a party and you see an attractive member of the opposite sex across the room, and:
1. You go up to the person and say: "Hi, I'm great in bed, how about it?" --That's Direct Marketing paired with a hard close.
2. You give your friend a buck. She goes up and says: "Hi, my friend over there is great in bed, how about it?" -- That's Advertising.
3. … (3 comments)

Joke of the day - #66: Housing Market Down -A message is waiting for you... - 01/12/11 10:02 AM
Here's a funny story which is perfectly in tune with the current economy.
A real estate broker was in a great deal of trouble. His business was failing, he had put everything he had into the business, he owed everybody-- it was so bad he was even contemplating suicide. One day he had the opportunity to talk to the pastor of a local church, so he poured out his tale of woe.
When he had finished, the pastor directed him to take a beach chair and his Bible to the beach. He was to take the beach chair and the Bible … (3 comments)

Joke of the day - #65: The government always gets its share... - 01/11/11 09:34 AM
An old Chinese curse is, "May you live in interesting times."  We certainly have interesting times right now.  I've been working on financial record keeping and the following story occurred to me:
A first grader heard that the Lord would make sure deserving people got what they wanted.  Since he wanted $100 for a bicycle, he prayed for two weeks, but his effort had no result. Then he got the idea to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.
When the postmaster received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, he decided to send it to the President. The … (4 comments)

Joke of the day - #64: That's not a sheep... - 01/10/11 10:41 AM
Here's another joke about government efficiency.  (Can anyone say, "Oxymoron"?)
A long-term government manager was driving a pickup truck along a road in the country when he was blocked by a large flock of sheep.  He motioned the shepherd over and offered to bet him one hundred dollars against a sheep that he can tell the shepherd the exact number of sheep in the flock. 
The shepherd, not adverse to winning a hundred dollars, took the bet.  The government man paused and then dramatically said, "Nine hundred and eighty seven sheep!"
The shepherd gasped in surprise and said, "I can't believe … (0 comments)

Joke of the day - #63: Whose fault is it, anyway? - 01/09/11 09:24 AM
Sometimes it seems that the actual problem is that no one understands basic economics, even economists.  People in power get some odd idea of how things should work and then proceed to try and enforce that model by restricting what the rest of us can do.  It usually doesn't end very well, especially for those who have the "honor" of paying for the experiment.  The tendency is to blame the economists and, while they can certainly be blamed, the rest of us are at fault also.
A man went for a balloon ride at a local country fair. Suddenly, a fierce … (3 comments)

Joke of the day - #62: You need the right tools for putting out fires or BPOS. - 01/08/11 08:50 AM
Here's a silly story for you:
A father was driving his son and a couple of neighboring children home from school when a fire truck drove past under lights and siren. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian. The children were fascinated by the truck and even more so by the dog.  They started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said the man's son.
"No," said one of the neighbor children. "He's just for good luck."
The third child finished the argument. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find … (2 comments)

Joke of the day #61: Thumper was right! - 01/07/11 09:59 AM
The urge to talk about other people is strong.  However, sometimes it's far better to keep quiet.  Here's why:
An elderly man had serious hearing problems and his hearing had been getting worse over the past year. He went to the doctor and was fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed him to hear nearly perfectly.  When he returned to the doctor for a check-up, after checking his hearing, the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect!  Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." 
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet.  I just … (1 comments)

Joke of the day - #60: It's all in your focus... - 01/06/11 09:28 AM
Without getting into the religious aspects of anything, here's a little joke which makes a good point:
God had been hearing bad things about man for some time, so he sent an angel down to check out the earth.  When the angel came back he reported that 95% of men were misbehaving and being bad and only 5% were being good.  Not liking the report, God sent another angel down to confirm the statistics.  That angel came back and said, "It's true, only 5% of all men are good. 
God decided to send an encouraging email down to those who were … (2 comments)

Joke of the day - #59: Lost in the snow for days... - 01/05/11 08:44 AM
Sometimes ego gets in the way of common sense and leads to some regretable results:
A new real estate agent and some buyers were on their way to see an open house when they crashed in the mountains. They climbed out of a snowbank and their agent immediately proved his resourcefulness by draining a bit of gasoline out of the vehicle and starting a fire. 
Later, when they got thirsty, he put a bit of snow in a twisted piece of metal and melted it to make drinking water. A few days later, when everyone was really hungry, he ripped strips from the leather seats, … (1 comments)

Joke of the day - #58: Don't let the buyer drive. - 01/04/11 09:10 AM
Sometimes the urge to speak is just too intense:
A real estate agent's car wasn't running very well, so the buyer invited her to ride along with him in his car.  As they were heading towards the third house, he was pulled over by a highway patrolman.  When he rolled down his window to talk to the officer, the officer said, "Did you know that your passenger fell out of your car 3 blocks ago?"
The driver replied, "Oh!  Thank goodness!  What a relief!  I thought I was going deaf!"
It's always nice to give a little tour when you're driving … (3 comments)

Joke of the day - #57: If you're so blamed important, how come nobody knows your name? - 01/03/11 08:36 AM
Sometimes we get a little too full of our own self-importance.  You place a few ads and then assume that everyone must know who you are...
We recently went to a real estate seminar which was well attended. We arrived early and found our seats.  An agent we didn't know came in and sat just in front of us. He glanced around, rather arrogantly we thought, and sniffed somewhat dismissively, apparently at the crowd in which he found himself.
A short time later, we heard from far behind us someone yell "Hey, Bill!"
The agent in front of us jumped up and … (5 comments)

Joke of the day - #56: Training bird-brains. - 01/02/11 09:33 AM
It's relatively easy to train people to expect certain things out of life.  Top producers seem to train themselves to expect success.  Marginal agents usually expect rejection and get it.  Here's an example of simple training on the football field:
An MIT student spent the entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt.  He'd walk up and down the field for fifteen minutes scattering birdseed all over while blowing a whistle and then leave.
At the end of the summer, when the first Harvard home football game was starting, the referee walked … (2 comments)

Joke of the day - #55: Maybe you'd better ask more questions first. - 01/01/11 11:12 AM
It's possible to be too confident in your abilities.  Alcohol seems to exacerbate that propensity.  Here's an example:
On New Year's Eve, after several drinks, a well-built man got into bragging about his athletic prowess.  It seemed that he'd played football in college and was proud of his strength.  None of the other party goers challenged him until a skinny man piped up, "I'll bet you one hundred bucks that I can push something in a wheelbarrow for one block and you won't be able to wheel it back."
The football player looked over the skinny man and decided it wasn't much … (3 comments)

 
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Eric Martell, Ph.D.

Eric Martell

Orlando, FL

More about me…

RE/MAX Properties SW, Inc.

Address: 6985 Wallace Road, Orlando, FL, 32819

Office Phone: (407) 352-5800 x 618

Cell Phone: (407) 947-3617

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Seller & Buyer education, articles about real estate, tools for agents, website tips and tricks, funny real estate stories, commentary about today's world, philosophical musings, humor, personal development, psychology, and general junk.


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