Joke of the day - #297: To paint or not to paint? That is the question! - 08/31/11 10:05 AM
It seems to be a variant of Murphy's law that houses which must be sold need to be painted.  Sometimes they need to be painted inside and sometimes they need exterior paint, but generally it's both.  Where Murphy's law comes into it is that the owners are almost always reluctant to have it done.  The reason for this is that just about everyone has some experience with do-it-yourself painting and it has left all of us with a bad taste in our mouths.  Here's one reason for this:
After nearly an hour of "just a little more white, two squirts of … (2 comments)

Joke of the day - #296: Whither the Weather? - 08/30/11 10:27 AM
Considering that the weather has been inclement for a large portion of the country, I thought that the following story would be appropriate:
Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Williams ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program.  He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year.
That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired.
He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the … (0 comments)

Joke of the day - #295: Laws and sausages - 08/29/11 01:13 PM
Ethics are generally considered to be the moral practices of a culture.  Morals are  the principles or rules of right conduct or the distinction between right and wrong and are founded on the fundamental principles of right conduct rather than on legalities or custom. Morals can be taught, but they have another source also.  This source is that voice within you which you can either decide to listen to or to ignore.  Here's one reason to behave in an ethical fashion:
The bank's training director sent a memo out to all staff members that said "In next month's training session, I plan to address … (2 comments)

Joke of the day - #294: Sleeping like a baby? - 08/28/11 11:11 AM
The old Chinese curse, "May you live in interesting times," is well known.  It seems as if the economic times are pretty interesting right about now.  We may be about to see just what the Chinese meant by that curse.  Here's one possible result:
Harold went into his local bank and stated that he needed to buy a CD.  He was closing his account with his stock broker and wanted to move the funds into the bank.
When asked why he was making this move, he responded, "The wildly fluctuating stock market has me sleeping like a baby!"
"And, that's a … (2 comments)

Joke of the day - #293: Needless Complications... - 08/27/11 10:14 AM
Sometimes we have easy transactions and sometimes we don't.  The difficult ones are often very stressful and can take their toll.  That's why it's a good idea to have an assistant:
One day, at the end of an unbearably hot, humid day, a 35 year old assistant of one of the more successful agents in the office was heading to the her car at the same time as a 70 year old assistant of another agent.
The younger woman was completely frazzled. The older woman was fresh as a daisy.
"I don't understand," the younger lady marveled, "how you can listen … (1 comments)

Joke of the day - #292: Stormy Showings! - 08/26/11 10:48 AM
Showing property in Florida in the summer has some challenges.  During the summer, the ocean breeze from the Atlantic and the on-shore breeze from the Gulf of Mexico have a tendency to pile up clouds over the central part of the state.  Usually by mid-afternoon, right in the middle of prime property showing time, the clouds coalesce into thunderstorms and as a result, Orlando is the lightening capital of the USA. 
Working in stormy weather can be a bit of a problem.  Especially when the rain is coming down blindingly hard.
A Realtor was out showing rural property to a buyer … (0 comments)

Joke of the day - #291: Your car is revolting! - 08/25/11 11:01 AM
The practice of real estate differs somewhat in various areas of the country.  In large cities, it might be normal to set up appointments to meet your buyer at apartments or condos and then to take public transportation to get to the showing.  In more suburban type areas, it's almost a given that you'll have to do a lot of driving in order to show property.  There are certain hazards associated with this:
A Realtor came back to his house after showing property and was greeted by his wife at the front door. 
She asked, "How was your day, Honey?"
He … (2 comments)

Joke of the day - #290: Silly laws and a serious question. - 08/24/11 11:41 AM
No matter where you live, there are always people who want to control every possible situation.  These busybodies seem to take especial pleasure in complaining about things that are really not their proper business.  They seem to be happiest when they get a law passed to regulate the things that they don't like.  As an example, here's a brief list of some of the silly laws that are still on the books in various parts of Florida.
It is considered an offense to shower naked. You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges … (1 comments)

Joke of the day - #289: Prospecting in the restaurant! - 08/23/11 09:41 AM
When you start working in real estate, you can elect to do things that directly affect your income potential, or you can work on numerous peripheral things.  Learning what's essential is a critical step.  Here's a story about someone who tried to take a short-cut:
A new licensee was planning on working in commercial real estate. 
He related his initial experience with his new commercial broker, "You've got to love bosses who demand results. The first day I showed up at the brokerage, the broker demanded that I drive around soliciting business from local companies. I had to prove my efforts … (3 comments)

Joke of the day - #288: Just bite your tongue! - 08/22/11 10:30 AM
Sometimes it seems as if you've just had too much!  We all reach that point once in a while.  With that in mind, here's a short list of things you wish you could say, but you would be better off not saying.  If you memorize the list, you can think them at appropriate times.  Just be sure not to accidentally let your lips move as you're thinking them.
Things You Wish You Could Say to Clients and other agents:
I can see your point, but I still think you're full of hot air. I have plenty of talent and vision. I … (3 comments)

Joke of the day - #287: You can rest when you're dead! - 08/21/11 11:47 AM
It takes a dedicated salesperson to take a problem and make it into an asset.  Here's an example:
A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable refrigerators in a department store.
He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by pulling out one of the glass shelves, placing it on the floor and standing on it to demonstrate how unbreakable it was.
Finally, to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he jumped on it and it shattered with a loud crack.
Without missing a beat, he held some of the pieces of the unbreakable glass shelf sideways for everyone to see … (3 comments)

Joke of the day - #286: Advertising celery! - 08/20/11 01:50 PM
How many of us are carrying a few too many pounds around.  I'm not referring to English money either.  There is an obesity epidemic in the United States and Realtors aren't automatically immune.  In fact, due to our high stress and low exercise work, we're probably likely to be a little heavier than we should be.  This extra weight is hard on our health.  Of course, it's sure hard to loose weight in our TV and fast food-oriented society.
A woman acquaintance relates, "After my husband asked me to help him shed some unwanted pounds, I stopped serving fattening TV snacks … (1 comments)

Joke of the day - #285: Fight or flight? - 08/19/11 10:40 AM
The three leading causes of death in our modern world are heart disease, cancer, and cerebrovascular disease (stroke).  Here's the 2007 data relating to that statement:
Heart disease: 616,067 Cancer: 562,875 Stroke (cerebrovascular diseases): 135,952 There are numerous underlying components of these illnesses, but one of the most insidious, since it may have no symptoms, is hypertension or high blood pressure.  Here's a possible reason why some people have it:
A woman had her yearly physical and when the doctor remarked on her extraordinarily ruddy complexion, she replied, "It's because I have high blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family."
… (0 comments)

Joke of the day - #284: Hold your temper! - 08/18/11 10:18 AM
Sometimes it's just best to take the advice of Disney's cartoon character, Thumper.  If you've never seen "Bambi," this probably doesn't mean anything to you, so I'll explain.  Thumper, the bunny, told Bambi, "...if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."  These are generally words that we should all consider before we make comments which might get us in trouble.  There are additional benefits to being nice as this story shows:
“You’re in incredibly fine condition,” the doctor concluded, after finishing a thorough physical exam. “How old did you say you were, Sir?”
“Seventy-eight.”
“Seventy-eight! Why, you have … (2 comments)

Joke of the day - #283: Paying the bills! - 08/17/11 10:29 AM
We have a closing today!  It's not like we haven't had hundreds of them in the past, but still this one's special.  It's special for three reasons.  The most important reason is that the buyer, whom we represent, is purchasing his first house and is very happy about the closing.  The second reason is that this has been a problem-fraught escrow period complete with four WDO inspections due to inadequate repair work.  The last reason is that this closing, as all of the previous ones we've arranged, helps us pay our bills. 
You can't get through life without paying bills.  They're pretty much … (1 comments)

Joke of the day - #282: Feedback Revenge! - 08/16/11 10:22 AM
Most people have a well-defined sense of justice and they'll usually admit that it is offended at times by the behavior of other people.  Just about all of us have had the experience of seeing someone seemingly benefit by engaging in bad behavior.  An example is the child who hits another child and then starts crying and pointing at the child he struck.  The innocent victim is likely to be the one punished in this case. 
However, there is justice in the world.  It just doesn't always show up on what we might consider a timely basis.  Sometimes it does show … (3 comments)

Joke of the day - #281: Don't be late! - 08/15/11 09:36 AM
Being on time for an appointment is a good habit.  When my wife was the president of the PTSA, our local high school had students who spoke 57 different languages.  This multi-cultural group invariably has different ideas about when to arrive for a scheduled meeting. Some arrive early, some late.  Here's a reason not to arrive late.
The local church was having an anniversary party for the anniversary of their priest's arrival.  He'd been serving the community faithfully for thirty years.  The speaker was to be the mayor, but he was late arriving, so the priest humbly stood up and agreed … (2 comments)

Joke of the day - #280: Appraisers - funny or not? - 08/14/11 10:12 AM
Appraisers - Realtors can't live with them and we can't live without them.  Here's a short list from one of our appraiser friends:
Reasons why it is great to be an appraiser
10. Dazzle your friends with your knowledge of external obsolescence.9. The wonderful world of rats, bats, and spiders.8. Be a part of the profession blamed for the collapse of the savings and loan industry.7. See places in people's houses that usually require a search warrant to access.6. Arouse the suspicion of an entire neighborhood when inspecting comparable sales.5. Chance to really irritate annoying real estate salespeople.4. Walk around holding … (2 comments)

Joke of the day - #279: Do you care enough to stay in touch? - 08/13/11 10:48 AM
Persistence is good; stubbornness is not.  Why is that, I wonder?  On the face of it, you'd think that both traits are much the same.  I suspect that it's actually because persistence is used to describe one's approach to a potentially solvable problem, while stubbornness is used to describe pig-headed opposition to the person who labels you stubborn. 
Two truckers turned into opposite ends of a tight alley way simultaneously.  Both drivers were known for their stubbornness and neither stopped driving until they pulled up with a few inches between their bumpers in the middle of the alley.
Both honked and … (1 comments)

Joke of the day - #278: Selling shoes - 08/12/11 09:49 AM
Is your glass half-full or half-empty?  Much of your approach to life depends on your answer to this question.  Of course, you've got to be realistic, but your basic orientation will have a great impact on your success or lack of it.  Here's an old example:
Two shoe salespeople were sent to a tropical country to open up a new market.
Three days after arriving, one salesperson called the office and said, “I m returning on the next flight. Can’t sell shoes here. Everybody goes barefoot.”
At the same time the other salesperson sent an email to the factory, stating, “The … (0 comments)

Joke of the day - #277: Things change! - 08/11/11 11:37 AM
Young people today have an entirely different view of the world than their parents.  The rate of technological change is so fast that kids may have an entirely different view of things than their older siblings.  This story isn't so far fetched:
A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions about animals.  “Davy, what noise does a cow make?”
“It goes moo,” replied David.
 “Alice, what noise does a cat make?”
Alice shyly said, “It goes meow.”
“Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?”
Jamie jumped … (0 comments)

Joke of the day - #276: Reasons to over-price... - 08/10/11 10:15 AM
It seems as if getting the prospective seller to understand the probable value of his property is always a challenge during a listing appointment.  Over the years, sellers have come up with an amazing repertoire of reasons as to why they should price their home higher than the market would support.  Here's one that no seller has used with me (as yet!):
A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road.
The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened.
He then asked what the animal was worth.
… (1 comments)

Joke of the day - #275: I've got Pigritia Lethargia! - 08/09/11 09:45 AM
When you work in real estate, you are in essence working for yourself.  You assume the responsibility for success or failure just as you get to decide when you arrive at the office every morning and how often and quickly you follow up on leads.  It's a maturity thing. People without the discipline to control their performance soon fail.
The patient told his doctor that he wasn't able to work hard at his job or work around the house like he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
… (1 comments)

Joke of the day - #274: Driving while Realtor! - 08/08/11 09:29 AM
I often think that there should be a requirement for flashing warning-lights on Realtor's cars.  It's bad enough in traffic these days when you're surrounded by people chatting on their cell phones, people wearing ear phones connected to their iPod, people with 12,000 Watt car stereos blasting with the windows down, and people who are doing all of those at the same time, plus painting their nails and engaging in a heated argument with their passengers while they're eating chips and drinking a super-sized slurpy. 
In our state, there is an additional hazard:
Two very senior little ladies were discussing the … (5 comments)

Joke of the day - #273: Let's leave before they get back! - 08/07/11 10:04 AM
Showing houses to people who bring their small children is always interesting.  Sometimes it's funny and sometimes it can be a real problem, but it's always interesting.  Here's a quick story regarding a child's perspective:
While showing a home to a young mother and her 4 year old daughter, the child kept insisting that we leave.
We went through the usual routine of exploring the bedrooms, the basement and opening closet doors.
Finally, in obvious distress, the little girl looked at her mother and said, "Mommie, we better get out of here before they come home and find us!"
This is … (4 comments)

Joke of the day - #272: Cooking Ham... - 08/06/11 11:52 AM
Humans are like all mammals; we hate change.  Idealists tend to think that animals in the wild enjoy the freedom to roam anywhere.  Most wild animals actually have established habits.  They stay in their own territory because they know it, know what to expect, and understand instinctively that leaving their known territory might be dangerous.  Humans usually don't have the excuse of worrying about danger so much as they simply are intellectually lazy and tend to keep doing things the way they've been doing them.
Here's an example of how a that can perpetuate in a nonsensical fashion:
One day, shortly … (4 comments)

Joke of the day - #271: Computer guru or novice? - 08/05/11 09:02 AM
Sometimes I get rather upset with people in our business who have no understanding of that most necessary tool: the computer.  Despite having previously been in the software business and knowing how to program in numerous languages, I make it a policy not to provide consulting assistance to anyone (except my wife), since my business is now real estate sales.  However, sometimes I just can't help but wonder how some agents manage.  Here's an humorous example of the level of knowledge that I'm talking about:
Customer: "My youngest son was surfing the web last night and to my shock he was at [a … (3 comments)

Joke of the day - #270: Verbal offers aren't worth the paper they're written on! - 08/04/11 12:02 PM
Here's a list of all purpose quotes.  You can use one of these whenever you're not sure what to say.  While your audience is trying to decide if you're sane or not, you can use their momentary distraction to make a quick get-away.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike … (2 comments)

Joke of the day - #269: Watch out for the cat! - 08/03/11 10:17 AM
Sometimes persistence is good and sometimes it can be a problem.  It's really good when it's intelligently directed and not so good when it's engaged in without understanding and planning.  Here's an example:
One afternoon a couple of young men dressed in black knocked on a woman's door.  They were canvasing the neighborhood for their church, trying to gain converts. 
It was clear that the woman wasn't interested.  She told them in no uncertain terms that she didn't want to hear their message and then slammed the door in their faces.
To her surprise, however, the door did not close; in … (1 comments)

Joke of the day - #268: Feeding the shark... - 08/02/11 09:58 AM
I'm feeling a little philosophical today. We spent some time picking up fossil shark's teeth on the beach at Manasota Key, south of Venice, Florida. The beach there is composed of darker sand which contains lots of small, black stones. It's a popular beach and usually there are many people in the water. Judging from the number of shark's teeth on the shore, the water must have been, and probably still is, popular with the sharks also.
An older man owned a home on a large ocean-front property in the Florida Keys. The house had a nice beach which was perfect … (2 comments)

Joke of the day - #267: One difference between a man and a dog - 08/01/11 10:47 AM
I was thinking about our medical system last night and it seemed to me that we take ourselves too seriously.  Everything costs far more than it should and takes longer than it should.  Here's an illustrative story:
Two patients limp into two different hospitals with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.
The FIRST patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.
The SECOND sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see … (2 comments)

 
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Eric Martell, Ph.D.

Eric Martell

Orlando, FL

More about me…

RE/MAX Properties SW, Inc.

Address: 6985 Wallace Road, Orlando, FL, 32819

Office Phone: (407) 352-5800 x 618

Cell Phone: (407) 947-3617

Email Me

Seller & Buyer education, articles about real estate, tools for agents, website tips and tricks, funny real estate stories, commentary about today's world, philosophical musings, humor, personal development, psychology, and general junk.


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