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TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down?'The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters, she shakes her (10 comments)
2009 Darwin awards - 02/28/10 10:06 AM
I'm a sucker for those "worlds dumbest crook" reports. While cleaning out my emails, I ran across this. I love the last one. Wife definately has her priorities in order!!
The 2009 Darwin Awards!And once again, it's time for the Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwins are awarded every year to the persons who died in the stupidest manner, thereby removing themselves from the gene pool. This year's nominees are:Nominee No. 1: (San Jose Mercury News): An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in (2 comments)
Thoughts to ponder for 2010 - 02/28/10 08:39 AM
Whenever I start to take life too seriously..I can always count on friends to send me e mails like this one!!
-------------------------Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2010-------------------------Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2010Number 10Life is sexually transmitted.Number 9Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.Number 8Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.Number 7Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day;teach a person to use the Internet, and they won't bother you for weeks.Number 6Some people are like a Slinky ....Not really good (8 comments)
Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of True Friendship. You WON'T see cutesy little smiley faces on this card- Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship. > > 1. When you are sad, > I will jump on the person > who made you sad > like a spider monkey > jacked up on Mountain Dew!!! > > 2. When you are blue, > I will try to dislodge > whatever is choking you. > > 3. When you smile, > (4 comments)
Women on submarines??? - 02/26/10 04:21 PM
Just was sent an email where ABC news has reported that the Navy is considering lifting the ban on women serving on submarines. Now I do not consider myself to be chauvinistic, but this is a horrible idea IMHO. I spent 4 years on a submarine in the late 70's and I cannot see any way for this to work without major problems. I was on a fast attack boat and did several 3 month patrols. No way that mixing young 18-30 year olds for months at a time in cramped quarters will result in any good. Although they say that (4 comments)
It has come to my attention that you currently own a bunch of this "global warming" stuff. Somebody told me that it was due to some sort of "cap and trade" thing that you are involved in. Now I don't claim to understand this high finance stuff, as I have enough problems trying to figure out all those surcharges on my power bill, let alone trying to figure out how to pay the darn thing.
Any way, this winter here in Florida has been pretty brutal, with subfreezing temperatures and even snow flurries the other day. (7 comments)
And then the fight started... - 02/17/10 06:02 AM
This has been passed around the internet a bunch,,,but I still laugh like crazy each time I read it. Not a bad way to start your day on a less serious note.
How Fights Start My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'I said, 'Dust.'And then the fight started... ****************************************** My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?""No," she answered.I then said, "Is that your final answer?"She didn't even look at (7 comments)
If you are contemplating the purchase of new appliances, you may want to try to hold off for just a couple of months. Of course, we never plan on having our appliances break down at a convenient time, but this could be beneficial if you were thinking of updating your appliances in the near future. I read this information in this months issue (2 comments)
Amazing home remedies that actually work! - 02/14/10 11:54 AM
If you need a good chuckle this morning read on, if not then just deletethis and enjoy the great day you're already having.Amazing Home Remedies that really work!!!!!!!!1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSETO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USINGTHE SINK.3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR AFEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE ATIMER.4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROMROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO (5 comments)
There..I fixed it!! - 02/14/10 11:16 AM
I just hate it when the wife tells me that I am worthless around the house and nothing ever gets fixed! Well....this should shut her up!! Bet she doesn't ask me to fix another darn thing around here!! (Submitted with apologies to the wife..of course) I'm not completely stupid!!
I don't care who you are...This is just way too funny!!
Whether you own a dog or not, you must appreciate the efforts of this owner to sell her dog. Read the sales pitch below!!!
Chipley Florida sees snow!! - 02/12/10 03:16 PM
Woo Hoo... Now 3PM Friday and we are getting a rain/snow mix in Chipley, FL...This is really awesome!!!
Will it snow in Florida??? - 02/11/10 01:20 PM
Could it possibly happen here in the Panhandle of Florida??? Sure will be interesting to see how us natives handle the driving!!!
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN MOBILE HAS ISSUED A WINTER STORM WATCH...WHICH IS IN EFFECT FROM LATE TONIGHT THROUGH FRIDAY AFTERNOON.
PRECIPITATION WILL BEGIN TO SPREAD INTO SOUTHEAST MISSISSIPPI AND SOUTHWEST ALABAMA LATE THIS AFTERNOON AND EVENING. AS THE PRECIPITATION MOVES IN...A MIXTURE OF RAIN AND SNOW IS LIKELY GENERALLY WEST OF INTERSTATE 65 BY MID EVENING...WITH PRECIPITATION BECOMING ALL SNOW AFTER MIDNIGHT ROUGHLY NORTH OF A WIGGINS-ATMORE- ANDALUSIA LINE. COLDER AIR WILL CONTINUE TO FILTER (5 comments)
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it...don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So (11 comments)
Shiny red marbles - A life lesson - 02/07/10 01:22 PM
Some times one of the many forwarded e mails that we all get really hit home. This one almost tore me up when I read it. I don't care if it is all made up, or a true story, the lesson is truly inspirational.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A lesson of life Read the following and have a GREAT day!
I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes. I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily apprising a basket of freshly picked green peas. I paid for my potatoes but (6 comments)
One light bulb at a time - 02/07/10 01:16 PM
This was passed on to me in an email. I do shop the off brands or the generics as I really can't tell the difference in the taste, or performance between the name brand or the generics. But I never did stop to think of where the product is being produced. I guess that I need to pay more attention. One Light Bulb at a Time A physics teacher in high school, once told the students that while one grasshopper on the railroad tracks wouldn't slow a train very much, a billion of them would. With that thought in mind, read (4 comments)
Roping a deer!! - 02/07/10 01:11 PM
When I read this e mail from a friend I was laughing so hard it made me cry. I can just picture this in my mind while reading it. Hope that it provides a good laugh to all.
ROPING A DEERAuthor unknown - probably for good reason Actual letter from someone who farms, writes well and tried this: I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it upon corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first stepin this adventure was getting a deer. I figured (8 comments)
Disclaimer: ActiveRain Corp. does not necessarily endorse the real estate agents, loan officers and brokers listed on this site. These real estate profiles, blogs and blog entries are provided here as a courtesy to our visitors to help them make an informed decision when buying or selling a house. ActiveRain Corp. takes no responsibility for the content in these profiles, that are written by the members of this community.