Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES's Blog

Everyone's writing about it, but here's the link

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 13:18:15 -0600

The stimulus package has now been signed into law and the tax credit for first time homebuyers will be a topic that everyone wants to know more about. Below are the new changes.

$8,000 Home Buyer Tax Credit:

1. First time homebuyers only

2. NO longer has to be repaid

3. Tax credit is equal to 10% of purchase price up to max of $8,000.

4. Credit is available for homes purchased on or after January 1, 2009 and before December 1, 2009

5. Single Tax payers with incomes up to $75,000 and Married couples with incomes up to $150,000 qualify

Please take time to visit www.federalhousingtaxcredit.com <http://mail.homefundingfinders.com/exchweb/bin/redir.asp?URL=http://www.federalhousingtaxcredit.com/> for some immediate answers to frequently asked questions.

Send a wounded Vet/Soldier a Christmas greeting

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 14:30:15 -0600

When you do your Christmas cards this year, take one card and send it to

this address.If we pass this on and everyone sends one card, think of how many

cards these wonderful special people who have sacrificed so much would get.

When you are making out your Christmas card list this year, please include the following:

A Recovering American Soldier

c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center

6900 Georgia Avenue,NW

Washington,D.C. 20307-5001

Walking is healthy...???

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 08:05:09 -0600

Importance of Walking

Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
home at $7000 per month.

My grandpa started walking
five miles a day when he was 60..
Now he's 97 years old
and we don't know where he is.

I like long walks,
especially when they are taken
by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking
is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning,
before my brain figures out what I'm doing..

Maybe walking isn't all it's cracked up to be!!!

Remember those that fight for our Freedom

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Fri, 23 May 2008 07:53:16 -0500

Memorial Day is a unique holiday as it's a chance to remember our fallen veterans who paid the ultimate price so we can enjoy the life and lifestyle that we do. We may not always agree with what they are fighting for, however, we enjoy freedoms and oppprtunities many other people desire. We are a land of opportunity. Do not take for granted your freedom to come and go free enterprise, and the ability to live where you choose.

Memorial Day also represents the start of the summer season which is so beautiful here in the Northeast. The weather this weekend is forecast to be amazing which is a nice added bonus. May you enjoy your summer! Come to the Hudson Valley and experience all it has to offer! Hang gliding, rock climbing, wineries, unique gift shops, hiking, antiquing...and all 1 hour from NYC. Explore the Historic Hudson Valley

Earth Day events in your community,

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 11:46:51 -0500

Welcome to Earth Day 2008 Online.

The EnviroLink Network has served as the online clearinghouse for environmental information since 1991. This website compiles a comprehensive list of Earth Day events occurring in 2008, regardless of size, geographic location or organizational affiliation.

History of Earth Day - Learn all about how Earth Day was started

Organizer's Guide - What can you do to help celebrate Earth Day in your community?

Earth Day 2008 Calendar - Find events in your community

Add Your Event! - Let us know how folks in your town are celebrating Earth Day!

Featured Earth Day 2008 Events:

A Day Away, Close to Home - Celebrate Earth Day 2008

Kids Earth Day

Earth Day Cleanup

WindENG2008

World Laboratory Animal Liberation Week 2008

View all Earth Day 2008 Events

She got in the back seat by mistake!

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:03:02 -0500

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone

to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: 'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!' she cried. The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.'

A few minutes later, the officer radios in.

'Disregard.' He says. 'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'

A Woman's night time prayer

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 05:17:47 -0500

One for the girls

Now I lay me down to sleep

I pray the Lord my shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles, Please no bags
And please lift my butt before it sags.
Please no age spots, Please no gray
And as for my belly, Please take it away. Please keep me healthy, Please keep me young, And thank you Dear Lord, For all that you've done.

Inquiring minds want to know (#5)

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 09:40:30 -0500

Why,why, why, are things the way they are? Whave you ever wondered...

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

I just can't see over the dashboard!

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 12:54:39 -0500

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection.

The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.' After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!
Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving ?'

_______________________________________________________________________

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!

Inquiring minds want to know (#4)

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 08:24:53 -0500

GOOD MORNING! Today's Why, why, why, brain teasers. Have you ever wondered why...

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner,then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

So... how is that to start your day off? Have a Great day, keep that old mind active by coming up with news ways or go back to some tried and true to increase your business!

Inquiring minds want to know (#3)

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 07:32:16 -0500

It's time again... WHY, WHY, WHY, Inquiring minds want to know...

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "Lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always

white?

Have a great day! It's easier to sell Real Estate than ponder the questions of life... Unless it's with a drink in hand, a hot tub filled with bubble bath and friends tyring to figure it all out! Go get 'em!

Inquiring minds want to know... (2 in a series)

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 09:51:41 -0500

Why, Why, Why... have you ever wondered, or been intrigued by...

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Some days we just have too much on our minds to ponder such trivial maters that change lives!

Wind Powered energy is growing

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 08:54:48 -0500

Wind power is a plentiful source of renewable energy in our region. Wind turbines now supply only about 1 percent of worldwide energy use, but wind energy has increased fivefold between 2000 and 2007.
Wind harvested in three of our 50 states could provide enough power for the whole country, and offshore wind farms could supply the same amount, according to the U.S. Department of Energy.
Wind power has become attractive to investors as oil prices rise, and many homeowners are exploring small-scale turbines as a potential home power source.

These smaller turbines (100 kilowatts and less) can lower your electric bill by 50 to 90 percent. Some owners of wind-powered homes claim utility bills around $10 for large parts of the year. Most wind turbine owners recoup the cost of their investment in six to 15 years, then enjoy free electricity for the life of the turbine (20 or more years).
The most positive factor about small-scale wind power is that wind turbines produce no pollution and, by using wind power, you will be offsetting climate change.

Most home-sized wind turbines are produced in America:
Chicago-based Aerotecture International offers rooftop turbines starting at $3,000.
California-based PacWind also offers a model at $3,000.
Arizona-based Southwest Wind Power produces SkyStream, a streamlined 2 kw home wind turbine designed to provide quiet, clean electricity in very low winds. These lightweight (170 pounds) turbines look sleek on their 33-foot poles and cost around $8,000 installed.
New York State Energy Research and Development Authority offers incentives to offset up to half of the installed costs. However, there are no federal incentives.

Want to switch to wind power?

Calculate wind velocity at the proposed site by checking the latitude and longitude at www.windexplorer.com.
Find out if you are eligible for incentives to help offset the cost of a wind turbine. Visit www.powernaturally.org/programs/wind/incentives.
Gather your electric bills, or go online with your utility, and estimate your annual electricity usage in kilowatt hours and the total dollar amount paid for that same period.
Have a home energy audit to determine how you can lower your monthly electricity usage. Take the auditor's recommendations, and reduce your energy use as much as possible before pricing wind turbines.
Locate a wind turbine installer near you and schedule a site assessment. A trustworthy installer will help you find the right sized turbine at the right price to meet your needs. www.sourceguides.com
What if you can't make a wind turbine work for you? You can buy wind energy through most utility companies by purchasing wind energy credits. Check with your local utility, or try www.nativeenergy.com, where you can power your home with wind energy for about $15 per month on top of your utility bill.

Upcoming "Green Events" in the Hudson Valley

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 08:31:07 -0500

GREEN EVENTS

April 10th: Book discussion based on "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life" by Barbara Kingslover 7p.m to 8:15 p.m., Hudson Highlands Nature Museum, farmhouse at the Outdoor Discovery Center, 20 Kenridge Farm Drive, Route 9W, Cornwall. Members free. Pre-register by calling 845-534-5506, ext. 204.

For more information, visit http://www.hhnaturemuseum.org/

April 12th: "Introduction to renewable energy systems for home and small business" 10a.m. to 2 p.m., Apple Pond Farm, 80 Hahn Rd. Callicoon Center. Bring a bag lunch: beverage will be provided. $60 includes membership in the Sullivan Alliance for Sustainable Developement. For reservations, call 845-482-4764. For more information, visit http://www.applepondfarm.com/

April 12th: "Preservation Dialog: Stewart Wetlands to the ocean" 10 a.m. to 4 p.m.Chartered bus to the American Museum of Natural History, in NYC. Presentation by 3-D photographer and Thompson Ridge NY resident, Lynn Butler. $30 for seniors 65 and older; General admission $40. For reservations, call 845-564-3018, or e-mail sparc@frontiernet.net

It's time to prune your flowering shrubs and trees

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 20:46:22 -0500

Spring is in the air, and around many homes spring flowers are already shooting out of the ground. Now is the time to prune your early spring shrubs and trees.

Trees and shrubs to prune in early spring, while dormant

You can still get your pruner out this spring to shape the following list of trees and shrubs, while they are still dormant.

Butterfly bush (Buddleia Davidii)

Blue mist spirea (Caryopteris )

Chrysanthemum

Glossy abelia (Abelia x grandiflora)

Golden rain tree (Koelreuteria paniculata)

Honeysuckle (Lonicera fragrantissiam)

Hydrangea, peegee (Hydrangea paniculata "Grandiflora")

Potentilla (Potentilla fruticosa)

Rose of Sharon (Hibiscus syriacus)

Spirea (except bridal wreath) (Spirea japonica))

Wisteria (Wistera species)

Trees and shrubs to prune in late spring/summer, after bloom

Azalea (Rhododendron species)

Beautybush (Kolkwitzia amabilis)

Bridal wreath spirea (Spirea x vanhouttei)

Flowering crabapple (Malus species and cultivars)

Forsythia (forsythia x intermedia)

Hawthorn (Crataegus species and cultivars)

Hydrangea, bigleaf (Hydrangea macrophylla)

Lilac (Syringa vulgaris)

Magnolia (Magnolia species and cultivars)

Mock orange (Philadelphus coronarius)

Mountain laurel (Kalmia latifolia)

Rhododendron (Rhododendron species)

Serviceberry (Amelanchier x grandiflora)

Slender deutzia (deutzia gracilis)

Weigela (Weigela florida)

Schedule your prining now for a great season of flowering landscape

Inquiring minds want to know...

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 09:40:32 -0500

Have some thoughts crossed your mind or ever wondered...

Why, Why, Why
Do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,

but check when you say the paint is wet?

Inquiring minds want to know...

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 09:38:15 -0500

Have some thoughts crossed your mind or ever wondered...

Why, Why, Why
Do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,

but check when you say the paint is wet?

6 Easy ways to "Living Green" in your home.

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 14:19:55 -0500

Everyone is talking "Green Living" these days! Here are a few simple and cost effective actions you can take to help the environment.

STOP DRAFTS. Check the weatherstripping around exterior doors and replace if worn...this can save up to $30 a year. Also check the caulking around windows at the same time.

SERVICE YOUR FURNACE AND AIR CONDITIONER. When serviced regularly helps them to run more efficiently, which can reduce the amount of carbon dioxide burned. This action can reduce your heating and cooling bills around 10%. Higher efficient models can possibly save you more!

KEEP CONTROL OF THE THERMOSTAT. Turn your thermostat down a degree or two for heating and up the same for cooling and you will save up to 5% on your energy bill annually.

KEEP THE HOT IN YOUR WATER. If your hot water heater was installed prior to 2004, wrap it in an insulated fireproof water heater blanket. This can save you up to another 10% on your water heating bill and cut wasted energy.

INSULATE YOUR PIPES. Exposed pipes that carry hot water in your home should be wrapped. Especially in the basement, to reduce excessive loss of heat in your hot water use.

INSTALL LOW WATER FLOW FIXTURES. Installing a low flow toilet, using 1.6 gallons of water per flush compared to 3.5 - 4 gallons of standard flush toilets, can save a family of four up to 22,000 gallons of water a year. You not only get a water savings as water conservation but you can experience a possible cost savings of up to $100 per year.

It is usually the small things that make the biggest difference. In this economy every small savings you can make in your household expenses is needed. You can make changes today and help save the environment for generations to come.

How can you buy a first home at these prices?

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:11:08 -0500

"CATCH THE DREAM"

Does the price of a home seem out of reach for you or a client? There are several options available in todays market. As a renter you are already spending a pre determined amount for housing. Ever thought of some one assisting to pay your mortgage? One of the best opportunities for renters, is the purchase of a 2 family or multi- family home. You may qualify for the mortgage payment on a single family residence at a low price but the costs of taxes and insurance may exclude you. Why not consider a rental income property as an alternative solution. It would be your primary residence and in two years you can use the equity for your next home and pay no capital gains or keep it as an investment property and keep parlaying your equity into real estate investments.

JOIN US at "Catch the Dream" Buyer's Expo and attend a class on purchasing 2-4 family homes.

Join Us Sunday, May 4th 2008
10:00 - 4:00 p.m. at the
SUNY Orange Middletown Campus
for a Free Home Buyers Expo

"Catch the Dream" classes for Buyers Expo

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 09:33:39 -0500

Join Us Sunday, May 4th 2008
10:00 - 4:00 p.m. at the
SUNY Orange Middletown Campus
for a Free Home Buyers Expo

CLASSES FOR BUYERS

Home Buying 101 : This extended class will cover topics including but not limited to selecting your Realtor, how to shop for a home, home inspections, financing options as well as the legal aspects for buying a home.

Credit Smart : Now more than ever credit is the single most important factor that will determine if a homebuyer can obtain a mortgage. Freddie Mac's Credit Smart Program will teach potential how to understand credit reports, what factors affect scores and how to improve scores.

Sonyma : Learn the benefits of the State of New York Mortgage Agency's affordable financing programs including their awesome closing costs assistance, remodel program and their new mortgage to help military veterans.

Building a home : Buy or build? That is the question! Learn about the home building process as well as financing new construction.

Grants & Down payment Assistance: Come and learn about various programs that may be available to assist you with down payment and closing costs.

FHA : The Federal Housing Administration has long been a partner in helping potential homebuyers reach their dream of home ownership. Come learn how they will allow you to use gifts and seller contributions to buy your home. FHA also has several unique programs including how to buy a remodel a home in one loan.

USDA Rural Development: This government program can help the very lowest to moderate income homebuyers purchase a home with up to 100% financing.

VA : The Veterans Administration has long helped our veterans purchase a home of their own. Come learn how you can still become a homeowner with no money down.

Rehabilitation Loans - Discuss will involve purchasing a home and making repairs or alterations to the home all in one loan.

Two to four family purchase: This forgotten type of purchase will give you tips on how to purchase owner occupied property with rental units. Have your tenants pay your mortgage.

Fannie Mae- My Community and Freddie Mac- Home Possible: These programs are designed to help potential home buyers in Orange County whose income is at or below 165% of the HUD median income ($121,110) or are financing in an underserved area with special offerings for teachers, law enforcement, military, firefighters and healthcare workers.

Buyer Agent, Sellers Agent, Dual Agent: What does all that mean? How do I know what is right for me.

Foreclosures, and Short Sales: This class will give you practical helpful tips on buying foreclosed or Short Sale properties.

What is Green? - Learn how you can participate in the greening of America. What small simple things that you can do as a homeowner to help leave a better place for future generations.

What's your piggy bank going to look like this week?

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 09:10:03 -0500

Man, with oil prices, gas and eating, the fat that I'd been saving is slowly been taken off and its bear bones time. If I cut much more fat off the budget I'll be skin and bones. This is my piggy bank after I bought gas and food this week...

I'm still saving for a rainy day... which I hope never comes!

New International symbol for gasoline provided by the Oil Cartel (Rated R)

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:29:46 -0500

NEW UNIVERSAL SIGN FOR GASOLINE

"Members Only" Rated R. The purpose for placing the R rating is to warn those that may find this type of humor offensive. "Author Unknown."

PLEASE CONSIDER NOT PURCHASING PETROLIUM PRODUCTS FROM THE LOGOS BELOW AS THEIR FUELS ARE FROM ARAB PRODUCING COMPANIES....BUY AMERICAN!

If you find find this type of humor offensive, I apologize.

I agree to and will follow the guidelines/rules of this group. In now way does indicate acceptable humor by the Brokerage of Real Estate Solutions.

Being a realtor isn't easy!

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 07:19:49 -0500

HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN:

Wine her. Dine her. Call her. Hold her. Surprise her. Compliment her. Smile at her. Listen to her.Laugh with her. Cry with her. Romance her. Encourage her. Believe in her. Pray with her. Pray for her. Cuddle with her. Shop with her. Give her jewelry. Buy her flowers. Hold her hand. Write love letters to her. Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her.
HOW TO TREAT A MAN:

Show up naked. Bring chicken wings. Don't block the TV.
NOW TELL ME... HOW DIFFICULT IS IT TO SELL A HOME?
HE sees is his naked wife bringing chicken wings to him in the family room while he's watching TV!
SHEsees him walking thru the door with flowers and wine, with a private caterer, so they can spend a romantic evening in front of the fireplace.
REALTOR...get me another beer!

Raise your glass at the end of the day!

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 07:15:54 -0500

The Value of a Drink

'Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'
~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. '
~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.'
~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.'
~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!'
~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.'
~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a gypsy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza.'
~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some ! it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:

'Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.'

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

The value of a Drink

Ray Zwart, CRS, ABR, SRES Lower Hudson Valley Real Estate (RJ Smith Realty) — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 09:31:02 -0500

The Value of a Drink

'Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'
~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. '
~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.'
~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.'
~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!'
~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.'
~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a gypsy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza.'
~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some ! it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:

'Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.'

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.