Susan's Blog

What Time is it? Oh Wow, it's NOW Again!? Lessons from Italy

Susan Ross (Blue Ocean Coaching Co) — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 17:31:25 -0500

BLOGITALY: March 8, 2008
See Photos at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/24530942@N05/sets/

What Time is it? Oh Wow, it's NOW Again! Learning to Immerse and Appreciate this Moment.

I just returned from 10 days of "Italian Intake" both literally and figuratively. Ten days of adventure in the Tuscan countryside: hilltop towns, "secret" restaurant hide-aways, 600 step monument treks, wine and balsamic vinegar tasting and snow! These are some of my thoughts about 10 days of mental vacation: virtually no contact with or thoughts of work or to-do's. I was amazed upon return of the fabulous job my subconscious mind did while my conscious mind was busy eating, drinking and trekking through Tuscany, Umbria and Chianti. I had a little extra time to think about how I feel about my thinking!

The only time I get in trouble is when I start to believe my own thoughts. The source of all of our stress begins
with a thought - an unquestioned thought, that we choose to believe. ~ Byron Katie.

How true has that been in my life! How many exaggerated, stressful "what if's" have I stewed in that never even came close to causing the havoc that I imagined? The more I coach, consult, study and reflect on what IS, the more I realize that the philosophers old and new who say we create our own reality - the drama and the pain, or
the abundance and the freedom, are 100% right. Like attracts like, we are what we think, we get what we FEEL about what we THINK. It's all so simple, yet such a challenge to live it. Getting out and away from our "head" on a regular basis is the first step in the life long process of the care and feeding of the mind, and the taming of the ego: that part of us that needs and wants to control, organize and compartmentalize everything and everyone according to our mental image of things, in order to feel safe, secure and valued. "The most important primordial relationship in your life is your relationship with the NOW, or rather with what ever form the now takes. If (that) relationship is dysfunctional, that dysfunction will be reflected in every situation you encounter."
~ Eckhart Tolle.

The "bad" news: Successful people scare the pants off themselves daily. Getting used to that feeling of "this is a risk, I'm scared, but I am IN with both feet" is a key to freedom that many will never face, let alone conquer. Yet, with just one toe in the icy waters of discomfort, amazing positive things can and do happen. The question is, how willing are we to be uncomfortable, unsure yet willing to take that leap and act anyway? Faith in action I call it.
The Good news: Anyone can do it.

Our daughter Brenna was married in Maui in December in a blissful, soulful ceremony with 27 people. The newlyweds had a wedding vision and manifested it, in 6 months, against substantial odds: financial odds, timeline odds, and friends and family "input" odds. If you've never planned a wedding, it is an exercise in life lessons, crammed into a short time. The big lesson for me was that wedding planning should be months, not years long. There is no end to the trivia, "stuff", and stress you can bring upon yourself in pursuit of impossible perfection, if you are not fully focused on the meaning of the DAY. THEIR day. It is after all their day, their life's beginning, not the end of some gruelling stressful "project. But I digress.

We had a reception in California (for 150) the following week. Whew! it was fabulous on a different level than the little church wedding for 27, where the groom sang Ave Maria (he killed me!), pink and yellow flower petals and bubbles were showered over the newly married couple, a bag piper lead us in procession to the reception up the hill, (singing "Marching to Brenna's Wedding", an Irish wedding march) to the candle-lit sunset reception, with a harpist softly playing, and traditional Hawaiian wedding food without end. (See the "Photos Link" above after you read the blog:). Sunset photos of your newly married children are the gift of a lifetime!

One week after the Brenna and her new husband Michael - actor, voice-over artist, and chef in training - moved to Italy to study Italian, look for adventure, work, and begin their life. That was 2 months ago. When we saw them last week in Rome they had 6 weeks of Italian immersion under their belts, and job offers at one of the "Relais Chateau" (aka best) hotels in Tuscany: Borgo Scopeto. Are they excited? Yes. Scared to DEATH? Absolutely! Granted, they had an introduction to the employer via my husband. But they had to get there, (save 6 months expenses, and pay off college loans), get work visas, learn the language(!) and pass the interviews, (and have the education and talent required) all of which they did or are doing. Oh, and plan a Maui wedding and California reception in between. As a mother, it is hard to explain the joy I feel in watching my youngest child absorb everything she can in life, go after her goals (she has written goals!) and make it start to happen at the tender age of 25, with the help of her new husband and partner, the son I have always wanted, Life is good.

I share this personal joy not to boast, but to illustrate that we can share a lifetime of our wins and challenges with others who want what we have, who will take our experience and build upon it. And it's never too late to share or to start a new adventure that matches our own life purpose- once we define or re-define what that is.

If you are young, how fortunate you are to have these tools of the mind available you you now. For those of us in our "middle-earlies" it is a supreme challenge to undo and re-train our flawed thinking habits, get past our childhood bumps and bruises, (some much worse than others), and open our cluttered minds to abundance! Oprah has almost single handedly created a firestorm of new devotees to the power of purpose- myself included (coaches have to read constantly- a great gig for me!). Her latest book recommendation, "A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life's Purpose", by Eckhart Tolle, comes complete with a virtual book club so huge that it shut down the Internet site in cities across the globe. It is sure to add more peaceful, positive souls to the equation as we all try to internalize, understand and implement the most powerful and under-used tool in our arsenal: Our own body: Brain, Heart, Soul and Stomach. Seems the urban myth of the "gut feeling" is no myth. "The Big Brain is connected to the "belly brain." Intuition is yours for the taking but you have to get quiet and go inside for awhile to find and develop it - something many of us are loathe to do. When is the last time you spent a quiet day- sans email, phones, input- with YOU? How about a quiet hour? Five minutes?

I know people who would rather read the fine print in a technical manual, play games on their cell phone or stare endlessly at their email waiting for the next one to arrive, than spend 5 minutes alone trying NOT to think. I used to be that way- there was no bigger threat or challenge for me than to be stuck "alone" with myself. Now I relish every quiet moment I can find- I regularly experience my own brilliance when I quiet down long enough to notice it! I know that solitude and inactivity seems like such a waste of time to most of us, but scientists from the old and the new, from the Tibetan monks to Andrew Seligman and the "Positive Psychology movement" beg to differ. It seems we often confuse "busy" for productive and fulfilled. And now they work together! Psychologists and the monks that is... who better to do mental peace and brain power studies on than the most tranquil human beings on the planet- the monks who meditate and pray themselves into daily nirvana. For the rest of us clarity can be achieved in minutes a day.

Meditation: it's NOT what you think, says Andrew Goleman, author of the best selling, " Emotional Intelligence" He reports that in his workshops for Fortune 500 CEO's, fearless, successful men and women who can do virtually everything, are absolutely confounded by the challenge of sitting quietly alone for even 5 minutes! Some (guys) even well up in tears at the thought of a one hour meeting with no agenda! All that open space scares the daylights out of them he says. Try to sit and think nothing for 1 minute to see how tough it is. That thing, that committee in our mind just does not want to stop! Yet, you can probably guess where all the answers lie, and why science has shown and business leaders agree that without a doubt, "Self Knowledge" at a deep level, is the key not only to success, but to happiness, peace of mind and leadership. Self Knowledge. Yikes. How do you really get to know who you are and what you were put her for? You guessed it: Sit down, get quiet and ponder a spell- preferable out in nature. Confoundingly simple, and we've all experienced it now and then, mostly by accident. Ever been out for a walk at sunset, or on a beach during a vacation or blissfully relaxing in a favorite place with little going on about you and suddenly, BOOM. A brilliant revelation comes to mind? That's what you will get, what you are seeking with quiet reflection. It's called mental clarity and it's free, available and there for the taking. I'll be honest: it's not always happy, positive thoughts that flow. Sometimes the truth of who we have become is not so pretty- but self knowledge and truth is the seed that will develop in to purpose if properly tended.

We all came into this world alone, and each of us will go out the same way. Ain't none of us getting out of this place alive, as Chef Paula Dean says. Maybe it's time to look within and get to know the you that you would like others to know, love, trust, appreciate and do business with. If that thought scares you, or seems to "foo foo" perhaps that;s a good starting point. If you are reticent to spend time with yourself in solitude, why is that? Why would others want to spend time with you when you don't even want to? One way to begin adding a bit of solitude to your day is to do it first- spend 3 minutes when you awaken in the morning in quiet reflection. Then build on that. Read something meaningful- spiritual, philosophical, motivational, inspirational. If it ends in "al" it's good. Build in a 5 minute midday walk- a "moment present" I call it. Take a moment to be present in your life. Now is all we have- as trite as that sounds. Could get better, could get worse. You never know. I do know that 10 days in Italy - or anywhere you have "always wanted" to go, is good for the soul and I recommend it to everyone.

I return from Italy to my reality: my family, my coaching, my ocean view and my dog Stella, with renewed energy and passion for the very real challenges my clients face in the current market and a greater appreciation for the gift of every day, every moment. And 5 pounds of pasta -worth every bite- that I need to shed from my body. But no regrets. It's all about living in the moment and moving forward to the next adventure.

To Ponder: To awaken within the Dream, That is our purpose~ Eckhart Tolle
Stop wearing your wish bone where your back bone ought to be! ~From Eat, Pray Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert
To Read: A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose, By Eckhart Tolle (Also: The Power of Now.)
To Do: Spend 1 - 5 minutes in quiet solitude- alone with yourself and try to just "be". See what happens.

Self Coaching Questions:
What are my strengths and how do they serve me?
What are my challenges and how are they holding me back?
How and to whom do I hold myself accountable to my highest and best use?
Need some coaching accountability? Call me any time.

Susan Ross, Certified Business Coach

Impress and Astonish Yourself this Year

Susan Ross (Blue Ocean Coaching Co) — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 21:07:39 -0600

Does Your Bucket Overfloweth? Impress and Astonish Yourself This Year!

Your work is to discover your work, and then with all your heart to give yourself to it. ~ Buddha

My challenge to my clients (and to myself) this year is not to make resolutions, but rather to impress and astonish yourself by clearing one small impressive hurdle each week and one BHAG hurdle each month that will astonish you. Imagine how great it will feel next December to celebrate your documented list of 52 impressive achievements and 12 ASTONISHING ones! All of those baby steps will surely add up to something great. Impress and Astonish: simple, not easy.

I impressed myself today - checked off one item from my "bucket list. Today, at 50-something, I went to the movies by myself for the very first time. How appropriate that I saw "Bucket List!" It may sound odd, but it was one of those little things in life we mean to do that's easily ignored, but once we finally push ourselves to make it happen, it's liberating. I enjoyed it more than I thought I would. I rarely eat alone either. Maybe that's why I'm such a serial net-worker If you haven't seen the movie, please do. It's perfect (and timely) inspiration for reviewing and assessing your life and goals. Your bucket list is the things you want to do before ... well, you know.

"The greatest gift we can give a person is our complete expectation of their success."

I used that quote in my little toast at my daughters wedding a few weeks ago. This weekend she and her new husband left for 6 months in Italy to work and study- their dream life, carefully planned through hard work and devotion, already begun at age 25! Yes, I do believe that life-changing event played a part in my decision to go to the movies alone. Like most parents we always expected, encouraged and supported absolute success for our kids. But do we expect enough of ourselves? What if we expected complete and unbridled success from ourselves? How would that impact our actions and results? What's our excuse for living less than fully engaged, conscious and alive?

Read about supremely happy, successful people and you see a pattern. Success leaves clues, as Tony Robbins says. Just find someone who has what you want and then do what they did. Most of us get the first half right. The doing part is often elusive. But if we take time to discover our purpose, our passion, what excites us to the point of working at something completely engages us, we join an exclusive club: the fully, joyfully and passionately engaged in life club. The club does accept new members.

Mind the GAP: Gratitude, Accountability, and Persistence

Living life like we had only 6 months to live, as the "Bucket" movie illustrates, shines a beacon on our priorities, our goals, dreams, desires and our WHY. It's like the burst of energy we get prior to leaving on vacation, to clean our desk and complete important tasks at a pace we rarely reach on an average day- only in this case a "permanent" vacation! One of the big success clues is persistence. Everything is a process that takes practice and mental fortitude. Most people give up right before the miracle.

Another success clue is Accountability. Don't keep your dreams, goals and aspirations a secret! Sharing them, fleshing them out on paper and writing your plan- even one step- will dramatically increase your chances for success- Harvard studies confirm this so make this step a priority this year. THINK on Paper!

Perhaps the most often ignored success clue is Gratitude. Gratitude begets gratitude. Ask anyone who is successful in the way you would like to be. They are focused on gratitude for their wins, big and small and they do not hesitate to acknowledge each one. Part mindset, part leadership strategy, part law of attraction, daily gratitude is a powerful, necessary tool in the arsenal of success. Thank and appreciate your way to the top!

Maybe it should be Mind the PAG: Persistence, Accountability and finally Gratitude for the opportunity, the ability and for the gift of success!

So regardless of the state of the market or your business, check your bucket and determine where you are, why you are there and what you plan to do about it this year. What are you grateful for? Accountable for? Practicing Persistently? Impress and Astonish yourself this year. You know your hurdles. Write them down, prioritize them, decide on a first step for the major ones, and then find someone you trust to hold you accountable and tell you the truth: a spouse, friend, colleague or even a coach:).

I am grateful to have accumulated a life bucket so full of passion, success in life and love and the strength of faith to carry me until my bucket runs dry! May your bucket overflow with everything you dream and desire.

Susan Ross, Certified Business Coach

12.5 Reasons You Might Want a Coach

Susan Ross (Blue Ocean Coaching Co) — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 18:12:07 -0600

12.5 REASONS YOU MIGHT NEED A COACH

1. YOU CONTROL LESS THAN 75% OF YOUR DAY. "Doing more of what doesn't work won't make it work any better." Charles Givens, Author, Wealth Without Risk.
2. YOU HAVE LOST THE PASSION AND DRIVE YOU NEED TO CREATE YOUR OWN LIFE STORY AND MAKE A DIFFERENCE."Enthusiasm is one of the most powerful engines of success." Ralph Waldo Emerson. "Celeb rate what you want to see more of." Tom Peters, Author "In Search of Excellence."
3. YOU HAVE NO TIME OR ENERGY TO READ, STUDY, PRACTICE AND HONE YOUR SKILLS AND YOUR PURPOSE. "He who stops being better, stops being good. Oliver Cromwell, British Politician 1599-1658.
4. YOU ARE SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED. MEDIOCRITY HAS INVADED YOUR LIFE. "It's time to start living the life you imagined." Henry James. "You must BE the change you wish to see in the world." Ghandi
5. YOU FIND YOURSELF OPERATING AS A ONE MAN BAND, BUT SLIGHTLY OUT OF TUNE. "Leaders don't create followers, they create more leaders." "Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much." Helen Keller.
6. YOU FEEL OVERWHELMED MUCH OF THE TIME. " The secret to my success was biting off more than I could chew, and then chewing as fast as I could." Paul "Hulk" Hogan.
7. YOU LACK FOCUS AND PRIORITY MANAGEMENT IN YOUR DAILY ENDEAVORS. "If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy, and inspires your hopes." Andrew Carnegie, Richest man in America, early 1900s
8. YOU HESITATE TO DELEGATE, OR YOU "TAKE THINGS BACK". "If you don't have an assistant, you are one." Raymond Aaron, Founder, The Monthly Mentor.
9. YOU LACK A NETWORK, SOUNDING BOARD AND ACCOUNTABILITY."It helps to have someone else believe in you first." Jack Canfield, Author
10. YOU ARE NOT MAKING TRUE PROGRESS TOWARDS YOUR GOALS. "Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions." Albert Einstein.
11. YOU SPEND TOO MUCH TIME IN LOW PRIORITY MODE. "Most entrepreneurs spend less than 30% of their time focusing on their core genius and unique abilities." Jack Canfield
12. YOU HAVE NOT SET FORTH GOALS, DREAMS OR PLANS THAT ARE REAL AND MEANINGFUL TO YOU. YOU ARE LIVING LIFE BY CHANCE, RATHER THAN ON "PURPOSE." "Wonderful changes are going to happen in your life as you begin to live it on purpose." God. "The Purpose Driven Life", By Rick Warren.

12.5. You Have Forgotten how to DREAMWhatever you can do, or dream you can begin it: Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. ~ Goethe

BY: SUSAN ROSS

New Year, New "Success Rituals".

Susan Ross (Blue Ocean Coaching Co) — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 17:44:57 -0600

New Year, New Rituals! Forget the regrets and resolutions. Create a fresh new mindset through daily success rituals.

We get what we FEEL about what we think about - NOT what we "Resolve to do" on January 1^st. Think about that when reviewing your 2007 results. What's often missing is the inner vision, clarity or purpose and passion required to See, Envision and Allow your dreams to manifest. Your clear vision combined with your determined daily focus, actions and accountability will go a long way toward making this the year that you've only imagined - your BEST year. Are you ready?

CREATE NEW DAILY RITUALS: The Amazing Power of HABITS...Self-Coached Baby Steps!

Mindset Management: If 3-5 minutes of daily meditation, prayer and focus on positive outcomes could really impact your success and happiness, would you do it? Then wakeup and shake up your attitude before you even think about getting out of bed! EVERYTHING depends on our mental fitness! "Today is a Gift, I will not waste it." ~ The Dalai Lama's daily mantra.
Think on Paper! Organize each day in a system - any system - with a clearly defined outcome in mind. Great minds require a semblance of order to fully function. Un-clutter your brain onto paper to free up creative space and allow your brain to fully engage in the task at hand. This includes sleep! Go to bed with a clear head. Write down anything that is tasking a peaceful mind.
Reach Out and Touch new, past and potential clients and partners. Find ways to be of service to them! How many people will you touch daily to reach your written business goals?
Focus on the Task at Hand: Keep the big picture in mind. Use positive triggers, images or quotes as constant reminders of your dream to help you see the important things through. Multi-tasking is over-rated and can actually waste hours of our day. Focus on the big priorities early each day. Delegate tasks that do not advance you toward your desired outcomes.
Review, Resolve and Renew with Joy: Contemplate your Wins and Challenges with Gratitude each evening. What went well or better than expected; what will you resolve to improve tomorrow? What or whom inspired you today? Did you bring joy? Did you find joy? Journal it! Then "Fill the Well" - read something new and nourishing every day!

What's Your Theme Song This Year?

Envision and create your THEME for the New Year - choosing a theme song or mantra can help:

New Year-New Mantra; New Year-New Passion; New Year-Best Year; New Year-New Love; New Year-New Attitude; New Year-New Friends; New Year-New Business; New Year-New Goal; New Year-New Family Rituals; New Year-New Positive Self Talk; New Year-Renewed Faith

New Year-New Compassion for__________________________

New Year-New_____________________________

NO REGRETS: List the things you would LIKE to do, NEED to do, and think you SHOULD do. Things you know you will NOT REGRET doing, but for some reason, have not successfully done them.

A Short List that Nobody Regrets Doing!

Taking time out to reflect on your life, your dreams and goals.
Giving of yourself in a new or unexpected way to someone who needs you.
Journaling your daily gratitudes, Wins and Challenges, dreams and inspirations.
Going to the gym, taking a walk, moving your body to get it (and keep it) strong and healthy.
Investing in "You, Inc." on every level. What is missing for you that would make life better?
Minding the GAP: Gratitude, Action and Persistence.
Following through on the first step toward that BHAD: Big Hairy Audacious DREAM.