While I don't mean to be the master of the obvious over here, being in the lending industry isn't easy these days. The irony of all that, at least from my vantage point, is that I didn't make a significant mint when times were easy. But I'm still around. I'm either stubborn or stupid, perhaps both. Or maybe, just maybe, I belong here.
One client reminded me of that.
I no longer have their email on record, but when the appraisal of the house they were going to buy for $180,000 came in $50,000 less, I was introduced to an unique point of view:
And I'm paraphrasing, " Hoopla aside, I just want to buy a house to call my home."
I was sitting back and thinking about these things and I read what he wrote to me. That sentence spoke volumes.
Are we making this shit more complicated than it really has to be? Are we telling everybody else that declining markets, negative equity, stricter credit guidelines, and an influx of new business without the ability to service that very business are the wave of the present and the always near future? There are a few success stories along the way, but I'm not going to sit here being idle when a guy with a 780 credit score, plenty of money, can document his income, is a US citizen, and has watched at least one episode of "All in The Family", has the least bit of trouble buying a house.
The talk of the day in the lending industry hasn't been common sense, but a gut reaction to the age of absolute greed. Unfortunately for me, I missed that part. I could of had a deck, new roof, siding that would make the ass that is my neighbor jealous, and a bit of coin socked away just in case I encountered a near third degree burn on my right foot. It's funny how life works. It's even funnier how we work.
Let me try to end this with a bit of knowledge you may not find (or have being admitted) anywhere else. Us Loan Officers only get paid when we close loans. Sure, folks want loans cheap, at the lowest interest rate, with no points or fees... and I shop at Dollar General sometimes as well. Cheap lasagne burns quite well. But, my guess is that people don't give a damn of how we are paid... they just want to buy a house. They want to buy a structure they can call home. My plea is one that probably will fall on deaf ears, though those ears will go cauliflower before I'm done with them. If you want to fix the housing industry, listen to the folks who want to buy that house. Listen to the folks who are actually practicing the trade.
I won't get too political about this, but come here... closer. Let me whisper in your ear.
If you want to solve anything dealing with the Real Estate Industry, it's not a bad thing to actually consult the members in the field.
We can tell you that the guy above, with that credit score and monies, is a player. But he doesn't want to be a player, he just wants to buy a home.
Early last month, one of the loans I closed had two interesting variables:
The client had contacted me via this site over a year ago, starting his plan to buy a home.
I was introduced to a program that I wasn't astutely familiar with, The Philadelphia Home-Buy-Now Program.
After learning a bit more about it, I thought it was a pretty good idea. While I didn't know all the facts, some of the philosophies behind this program made perfect sense to me. The standpoint they come from is one that employees who are homeowners in the city where they work are more productive and are more akin to staying at their jobs for a longer term. They commute less, spend more time with their families, and even pollute less (I guess it must be that driving thing). All those points are laid out in some of the information I was perusing about The Philadelphia Home-Buy-Now Program.
Here's a brief breakdown of how it all works:
Step Numero Uno: A group of folks from the Program work with the employer and eventually the employees to create a customized program to suit everyone's needs. The Programs can be tailored for specific neighborhoods, to attract employees in specific professions, and to help match up the best and brightest employees and employers to help enhance the overall health of the community.
Step Two: When an employee of a company who is a part of the Philadelphia Home-Buy-Now Program sets out to buy a home, that person will be able to count on full support from the staff working with this public/private matching funds program. The employer can contribute as much as they'd like to their employee's purchase, and then the City of Brotherly Love will match the contribution up to $5,000.00! In certain cases, private developers will then provide additional matching funds up to $7500.00!! Those particular cases are dependent on the purchase of homes in select developments.
Step Three: That's pretty much it. With an employer's investment of just $5000.00, that may turn into a piece of change equaling $17,500 as an investment that will pay returns to the company, the employee, and of course, the very community of Philadelphia.
There are no income eligibility limits to obtain City matching funds.
Here's a brief list of Philadelphia employers already on board:
Citizens Bank ~ Temple University
Episcopal Community Services ~ Fannie Mae
Germantown Friends School ~ Keystone Mercy Health Plan
NewCourtland Elder Services ~ Saint Joseph's University
University of the Sciences ~ University of Pennsylvania
Some of the areas where homes have been purchased through this program since its implementation in the Fall of 2004 are Chestnut Hill, Fern Rock, Germantown, North Philadelphia, Oak Lane East, West Mount Airy, and West Coast Lane.
So any potential Homebuyers, Sellers, Realtors, & Employers in the Philadelphia area may want to check this thing out. Being on the lending side of the transaction that closed last month with this program, I can tell you that the process was pretty streamlined.
Too often in life, me included, we go through the motions to get what we want. We don't appreciate what we already have. Perhaps I'm projecting a bit here, but let me tell a little story.
I grew up good. I had a nice life back then. On the cusp of entering my first year of Little League, my Father decided to coach a team called Don Lewis in Clarion, Pennsylvania. My Father was a great athlete and still is. He once made a last second shot when our local alumni faced off against some of the Pittsburgh Steelers. That shot won the game, or so I thought. I wrote about that once before. Of course, they turned back the clock so the Steelers could cement victory and save face, yet I look back on that as an introduction to Corporate America. I understand its place, but I never did like Corporate America. I love the Steelers, though:)
When my Father decided to coach that Little League Team, I was excited and scared. I, of course, became a part of that Little League team. We had talent that year, no doubt about that. But Don Lewis was never known as being an elite team in our particular area. We ended up going 18-0 that year. I suppose I could attribute that to players such as Mr. Doran, Mr. Foster, Mr. Fleming, and maybe even a young kid who tended to be a classic underachiever until something important needed to be done. My Dad was just as responsible for that, though. While he knew the sport, knew how to practice and teach it, I believe that his greatest quality was he was fun every step of the way. And he was loving...
Winning isn't what my Father taught me about. There's two things I learned in my time back then. The first thing was when I grabbed a live ball out of mid-air (what some would call a great catch) and that sucker (My Dad) ran onto to the field and lifted me up in the air, giving me a great big hug. I wasn't wise in those days, but I didn't think that would look so good or professional. He didn't much care; I was his son. I was embarrassed back then, but lend a tear to my cheek when I think of it now. The guy really loves me.
The other thing I learned from those times is when I got hit by a pitch for the first time. For anyone who hasn't been hit by a baseball flying at you at any speed (in this case, I believe it was about 70 mph), it stings a bit. I was probably only 12 years old at that time and after I got hit, I went my way to first base. My Father ran out to the field and I didn't feel much until I looked into his eyes. There was a bit of concern in there. That's when I began to cry. I didn't cry because I was hurt and decades later we both learned physical pain isn't much of a thing to me, but I cried because he was worried and I didn't ever want to see him in that position again. In hindsight, I think I also cried because he cared enough to worry in the first place.
He has a heart of gold, a heart of gold...
Happy Father's Day, Dad. I love you with every breath I'll ever take. And when those breaths stop, I'll love you on the other side.
Before I attempt to answer that question, interested readers should know something. I am a loan officer by trade. That's what they call us. I don't particularly like that title, but what's in a name?
I don't get paid an hourly wage or a salary. If I don't close loans, I don't make a dime. If I don't make a dime, that means I can't eat, drink, or even sleep if I can't afford to make my mortgage payments. That's not a sales pitch, that's a reality. It's in my best interests to close every loan that comes under my wing. While there are ethics involved to ensure you are doing your client right, if I can offer and do a loan for you that puts you in a better financial situation, I want to close your loan as fast as possible. It's not only in your best interest, but mine as well.
So why is it taking so freaking long? Good question. Here's a few observations on my behalf:
More volume with less 'able and willing' people to deal with it. Let's be honest here (I love that line:), the mortgage industry isn't exactly the most attractive line of work to get into now. To boot, a whole lot have left it. I'm still here because I'm stubborn and good at what I do. Plus, I believe you have to go through hell to get to heaven. Call me selfish, but I think my time here will work out very well in the end. Even if it doesn't, Economics 101 has us dishing out the phrase, "Too much demand and little in the way of Supply."
Front-end incompetence. If you are searching for a pre-approval from a lender, get the appropriate documents in order before you ever even fill out an application. If they don't ask you for such documents, they may have more ties than me. Either that, or the final result won't be what they promised. Do yourself a favor, get your W-2's, pay-stubs, bank statements, etc, in order. If your loan officer doesn't ask for it immediately, ask them why they don't need them. That will put a spark up their ass.
Changes. This is a tough one. It's hard to tell someone who is a completely competent borrower, why the area they are in or the house they chose isn't on the "I love to lend in" realm. The only real advice I have on this one is if you are dealing with someone you trust, they will get you through the current bullshit that is going on.
They just don't like you. Well, we live in a society where that is not acceptable. Folks actually look at your loan, but you aren't nearly as personal to them as you would like. I work for a relatively small company and see that. I can only imagine what working for a large one would entail. Work with an individual that you trust, that you can reach out to and at least communicate with. There is a common thing with that, you both share the same self-interests. He/She gets paid only if your loan closes. You only get what you desired after paying for an appraisal, maybe an inspection or two, and actually being able to be comfortable within the confines of a few walls that aren't labeled as "Prison".
The Government. Now, I really don't want to wax political or get involved in any sort of debate about policy, parties, or general ideology. But I already have since mentioning this. We don't need the Government in this Private Sector. We didn't need them back then; we don't need them now. Those of us (I include myself because frankly, this is my business) who know the Real Estate Industry also know how it is to be corrected. Let's demonstrate how we will make sure such an extreme reaction to market won't happen again. It's a cycle, learn to ride.
We'll reach those Golden Years, but it takes work and patience. Why is it taking so long for your loan to close? Because this ain't a pay-day loan, this is a roof over your head. Maybe this is the opposite extreme of giving everyone with a pulse a mortgage, yet you know what they I say about extremes... "They are to be avoided."
AFTER soaking in the smells and sounds of New York City yesterday, Jennifer and I arrived home. For me, I was just relieved to get out of the freaking car. You see, me and highways don't get along too well. In fact, even being on the highway gives me more anxiety than watching a Dustin Diamond sex tape. I digress, though.
WE hadn't been to our local watering hole for quite some time. So we ventured out into the beautiful weather of Allentown and walked over to Stahley's. When we arrived, the first person to greet me was John, one of the owners and bartenders. In a deep, raspy, Randy "Macho" Man-style voice, he asked me, "Hey J, what's the interest rate?"
HAD I not been friendly with Mr. John, I would have been a smart alleck and replied, "8% with three points and a blood sample" just to make things interesting. But I told him.
DINNER and drinks were had and I got to thinking. Drinking and thinking don't always go hand in hand, but things were a bit different in this case. A lot of us in the Mortgage Industry despise the "rate question" because, well, for a lot reasons. The factors that go into determining what interest rate you will be paying are plenty. I've even written in the past that it isn't the wisest of questions to ask from the get go. I had a sort of epiphany, actually more like a quasi-epiphany, but it was an epiphany. For the record, I think that is the only time I've used the word "epiphany" three times in one sentence. Anyway, when John asked me that question I actually considered it a good thing. But why?
I have been in this business eight years. They have been eight very interesting years. Highs, lows, and a whole bunch in between. One of the most sage pieces of wisdom ever dispensed to me was, "Make everyone aware of what you do for a living." John is aware. In fact, another bartender there came up to me and we waxed intellectual about the housing industry in general, the economy, and women's lingerie. Okay, so the latter didn't happen. Walls of words need a few sentences of interest if they are to be read in their entirety:)
"FELL" is a curious term, at least to me when talking about being in love with what you do. But I have. I really love what I do and I find myself more than willing to talk about it every chance I get. It hasn't always been the easiest living in the world, yet I could be a taxi driver in New York City. That would be interesting. If you know me, imagine me driving a cab in New York City. That could turn into one heck of a reality series. I probably wouldn't be around long enough to reap the rewards though, as heart attacks tend to be bad for one's health.
IN living this life, there are reminders. John's question was a reminder to me and maybe for some folks reading. Never be afraid to let folks know what you do for a living.
LOVE seems to be the opposite of hate. I've loved my job and hated my job. I'm pretty sure all of us have felt that way. But I love my job just enough to never be afraid to spout what I do to the masses. Last night I handed out my business cards like they were Philly Cheese Steaks at the Eagles opener. John is buying a house before the Tax Credit goes bye-bye. I wonder who he is going to call.
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About the author:Jason Sardi loathes driving. Jason also isn't the biggest fan of driving and will fight to the death in ever stepping foot in a car whose destination is the Autobahn. But Jason Sardi loves the Mortgage Biz and is more than willing to help and educate to the best of his ability. His area of service include PA, NJ, NY, CT, DE, MD, VA, SC, FL, MI and IN. Mr. Sardi can be reached toll free at 1-866-262-8720 ext. 229 or on his cell at 610-653-0317. If email suits your soul, contact at jsardi@ihmci.com.
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By the way, if you mention this blog and I close your loan, drinks are on me at Stahley's. Germany is out;)
This post, in part, was inspired by my friend JL Boney. His sarcastic piece of script was asking why one should wait to buy in this market. Let this particular piece be not a wake up a call or a call to action, but a simple reminder. There are options, explore them.
The Top 10 Reasons to not use that 100% USDA Product:
You can borrow 100% of the appraisal amount plus the guarantee fee (approximately 102% financing). It's not an uncommon occurrence for the applicant to be able to include all or most of the closing costs within the loan. I've been a big advocate of having money in the bank after closing for any costs that occur once you own the home, yet isn't it easier to have money (that you could be investing, at even the lowest returns) and save it by not making a down payment? After all, borrowing others people's money doesn't make sense at all, especially when you can invest yours instead.
Most of the closing costs may be included in the loan amount, if justified by the appraisal. Or you can chose to spend every last dime you have on a down payment and closing costs!
No private mortgage insurance necessary. This actually makes your monthly payment lower. But frankly, who wants that?Besides, mortgage insurance is our friend;)
The processing on these loans is done by local lenders. There's no need to let local folks see up your skirt when you can spread your financial legs to a National Lender whose awareness of your community is akin to Charlie Sheen's awareness of fidelity.
Repayment Ratios are somewhat Liberal. Compensating factors such as (credit score, rent payment history, cash reserves, ongoing increases in wages) are all factors. Common sense doesn't figure into the rationale for lending these days, though. Ignore that stuff. Common sense is no longer a part of lending.
Whether they be new or existing homes, many qualify in areas across the country. "Rural" may not be what you think it is, as defined by the USDA. Sure, we are rural in some areas, but don't let that fool you... this is about lending on a piece of land that cows can graze and consume with acreages that would make Jed Clampit blush. If you don't live on a farm, you can't get this loan.
If you are of moderate income, you are in like sin. But who in their right mind that has moderate income wants 100% financing?
Low fixed rates with that 100% financing! Ugh, most folks want to pay out their ears in down payment money to get a low rate. Right?
Hire a good Realtor. Why? Heck, there is no limit to seller's contribution if done that way. Your Realtor can help you negotiate this. Check with your funding source/lender and their particular overlay (meaning that government guidelines are what they are, yet the lenders making these loans may not always follow these guidelines to T). Or, take the alternative route and save thousands of dollars by not hiring a Realtor and doing it yourself. I mean, how hard could it be?
One of the best Mortgage Deals across this Nation is awaiting. But who needs a great mortgage deal when cash is flowing through your accounts like beer through a tap at a keg party. I know, yet another alcohol reference. Speaking of which, it's 7:22 and I just got home an hour ago. Time to open the old adult malt beverage.
~ Jason Sardi is a Mortgage Consultant licensed throughout many states on the East Coast. While having no Best Sellers to his name, he's really a decent chap for all intensive purposes. By email, Sardiman can be reached at jsardi@ihmci.com. By phone, he can be reached directly at 610-653-0317. Don't you just love when folks talk in the third person?~
"I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life." ~ Henry David Thoreau
It was one of the first loans I closed. A "Yellow Page" lead came a calling and I was there to answer. The gentlemen on the other line was looking to buy his Mother's home. We hit it off, more than just a day to day client/consumer connection. I'll always be thankful for that.
A few months back, he called me wanting to refinance his home. He was looking to get a bit of cash-out and lower his interest rate. We were just about clear to close (the three magic words in the Mortgage Biz) and I had left him a message on his cell phone. I didn't hear back for about a week. That was unlike him. So, being the persistent chap that I can be, I called again. He answered this time. He told me that he just found out that he had three months to live.
I must admit that I didn't quite know what to say. No encouraging words or enlightening thoughts were conveyed from my lips to his ear. I was comfortably dumb at that moment in time.
This past Friday I called his cell phone just to see how he was doing. It was disconnected. So, I called his home phone. His wife got on the line and I asked how he was doing. "Sweetheart, he died Tuesday," she said.
I also found out earlier this week that a close friend of one my best friends passed away at a very young age. That kind of stuff tends to make one think or re-think this here life.
Death, to my knowledge, is inevitable. I'm cool with that. But how many reminders, constant reminders, do I need... to live every damn moment with every scope of my being? Shoot, there's a lot that goes into this existence (family, finances, friends, imperfections, etc), yet I hope not that I learned from this one... but I actually live what I learned.
Life is precious and is the only thing all of us are experiencing together until the inevitable happens. I have no need or desire to go "Tony Robbins" on anybody's posterior, but my own. For me, tears wield a vicious sword of truth. The truth is, I want to make every moment count. I just need to make sure that my written words are actually lived, rather than a false document of my life.
Perhaps you've been throwing around the idea of entering into the wonderful world of buying a home. Maybe you've even came across a house that not only tickled your fancy, but left that euphoric taste of bliss running through your bones. Either way, probably the most important thing you can do is to become educated. From there, there's one place to start... Behold, The Basics:
Cash isn't necessarily King. If you are paying rent, pay it on time and do so by check. That's a documented housing history. Any applicable down payment you have has to be sourced from the banking institution with whom holds your depositories. Documentation is one of the important things lenders look for these days. So, if you are slinging crack in the alleys in your spare time, instead of putting that money in a jar beside your bed... put it in the bank. Of note, I don't endorse slinging crack. I just endorse documenting your rental history and funds that you have to come to the table with to close.
Before even traveling down the road of tangibly looking to buy a home, know what your credit score is before making any decisions. In the current lending atmosphere, your credit score has never been more important. Here's a link to help you get a grasp on the importance of credit in borrowing money in general, let alone to buy a home.
Don't be Mortgage Poor. Many times you are pre-approved for X amount of dollars because on paper, that is what the lender deems "affordable" in your world. There's one small problem with that, the lender doesn't live in your world...You Do! Sit down and go over your monthly expenses (utilities, credit cards, student loans, car payments, insurance, groceries, any vices you like to partake in, etc) and come to an understanding of what type of payment is comfortable for you. And don't forget to figure in the taxes, home owner's insurance, and PMI/MIP (if applicable) along the way. Your Mortgage Professional can help you with that. By the way, I'm a Mortgage Professional and enjoy helping:)
A Tax Advisor can be your friend. While I realize that the words 'tax' and 'friend' are strange bedfellows in the same sentence, read on. A lot of you folks may have heard about the tax credit for home buyers and for those who haven't, remove the rock and continue reading. First-time home buyers (includes folks who have not owned a property for at least three years) qualify for a tax credit of up to $8,000 if purchasing a home before December 1st, 2009. As long as it's owner-occupied for at least three years, that credit does not have to repaid. If that doesn't give you enough incentive, all homeowners qualify for tax credits for various home energy efficiency improvements throughout 2009!
Hire a Buyer's Agent. They represent you and you alone. It doesn't cost you a dime and you can be relatively certain that your best interests will be at the forefront of your Agent's heart. Buying a home doesn't have to be complex, a Buyer's Agent can make your life and the transaction so much easier.
Get a Home Inspection. A lot of lenders don't require it (whereas they require an appraisal) but a Home Inspection could very well save you a bundle of money down the road. Imagine for a second you just bought a home and the boiler breaks down, the roof starts to leak, the electrical system takes a dump, etc... all could have been avoided with an initial Home Inspection. Consult your Buyer's Agent to see if getting a Home Inspection is the right thing to do for you.
With the large amount of inventory on the market, you may find a lot of homes that need some work. The condition of some of these properties may be such that Conventional Financing of any sort is just not possible. No worries, though. A great product to utilize in these cases is the FHA 203(K) Loan.
Once you are pre-approved and have a signed sales agreement, don't apply for any additional credit at all. While I'm aware that many folks want plush and extravagant furniture to accentuate the decor of their home, do not start buying anything on credit until after your loan closes. Applying for credit of any kind in the thralls of the transaction could adversely affect your credit scores, disrupt your debt ratio, and even flat-line the transaction all together.
If you have questions, ask them. I don't care how mundane you think they are, ask. The only stupid question is silence when one is on the tip of your tongue.
There are many ways to save money when buying a home. You can look for the best interest rate, lowest fees, have your Cousin Al become a Loan Officer so you can get a Family Discount, etc. Yet, the one way you can save maybe the most money is to become as educated as you can going forward. Seek out quality education, don't count on it to always seek out you.
Seconds come, seconds go. Some move fast, some move slooooowwwwww. That is life and the time we keep of it.
When it's all said and done, I'd rather not go to this place. Then again, rumor has it that the company is good;)
But I'll be honest (strange concept, I know) most folks want to make their lives better right now. If you just walked into a Real Estate Forum via the progressive entity we know as the Internet, you're probably trying to make sure you are educated as you can be about buying or refinancing a home. I'd even go so far to say write that you want the latest news on loan products, government mandates, what your home is worth, and the fact that there is "only so much land, invest in Real Estate". I'm here to tell you the latter is pretty damn true. All the other stuff can be found on (cheap plug ahead)activerain.com.
If you want to make your life better right now, I have a solution. Now, I'm well aware that most folks reading this have probably read me before. I'm certainly not a demi-god or a picture of righteous self-fulfillment, or a Tony Robbins knock off for that matter. I'm pretty honest about shit stuff. Like marriage, for better or worse.
Avoiding mistakes in a Real Estate Transaction is becoming a passion of mine. That solution I mentioned earlier, comes from knowing them and avoiding them. Mistakes can be like a persistent zit commonly placed just below the jawline. As much as you want to pop it, the zit will show again if you do. This is about prevention:
How many of you have heard the term, "Cash Is King?" Well, that's accurate if you have the type of cash that allows you to buy a home outright. Let's face it, though. Not many can do such. If you are inquiring to a Lending Institution (Mortgage Broker, Mortgage Banker, Local Bank, Mortgage Company, etc) they wanteverythingdocumented. The money in your bedside jar doesn't typically count. If you do have that stash, they want to see it sourced (where it came from, ie... a bank) and seasoned (available for 60 days). They want to see canceled checks, proof of funds, documented transactions along the way. Right or wrong, that's the way it is... for now.
Your home's worth can be a tough nail to hammer down these days. The best way to interpret an accurate value of your home is paying attention to other homes in your area (like yours) and what they sell for. Notice that I didn't say "Listed for" ... but rather sold for. While I believe the market is about perception and participation, know how that affects your greatest asset... that roof over your head.
If you are renting right now and don't already pay your rent by check, start doing so immediately. Unless your landlord is a Management Company, very few lenders will take a private (Joe The Landlord) verification of on-time rental history. Generally, they want to see 12 to 24 months of canceled rent checks. This establishes a housing payment for you.
When you are refinancing, keep paying your mortgage on time until your loan closes. I've heard nightmarish cases of someone who was told to not worry about paying their mortgage because their loan would close and then there is a delay, hiccup in the transaction, whatever. Simply put, keep paying your mortgage on time as if you weren't even thinking of refinancing in the first place.
Hire a Buyer's Agent when buying a home. If you want your best interests looked out for, hire somebody to do just that. It doesn't cost you a dime to hire a buyer's agent. It may cost you some time to find one you jive with, yet a quality agent is worth more than the monetary eye tends to see.
The pre-approval process is often debated around these parts. When you are looking to buy a home and don't have the cash to do so, a firm pre-approval is necessary to make sure the seller is confident you can get financing to buy the home they are selling. For me, not only is a complete 1003 Application & Tri-Merged Credit Report needed, but supply all your supporting documentation to ensure that your pre-approval isn't a meaningless piece of a now fallen tree.
Have money in the bank after you close on your home. I don't say this too often, but just trust me on that one.
Don't buy what you want, buy what you need. Especially when first starting out on the path to owning a home(s). Then again, never forget what you want. That's something to shoot for and part of what this strange life is all about.
Your Credit Score & History are more crucial these days than they ever have been. At least, that's my take. Click here for some information to keep you in the know and the flow. Forgive the gadget at the end, only my email has changed:)
I stop at nine, rather than try to provide a perfect ten. My reasoning is that I've made mistakes in life and Real Estate... you can expect another post outlining other things I experience along my merry way.
If you've read this far, you're a trooper. I will leave you with this.
There's nothing quite like making fun of someone you love, you've known so very long, and whom you'd occasionally like to find on the wrong end of a prison yard bet.
I tried getting Shane Risher to join Active Rain long ago. While it wasn't an overly persistent effort, I wanted him to join this great network. It wasn't because he had any interest at all in Real Estate. Quite the contrary. Shane has about as much interest in Real Estate as I have in watching him in that amateur German Snuff film he made in his stint in the Air Force.
The real reason I wanted Risher to join Active Rain is because I knew this day would come. I knew that I'd want to give him a birthday gift that wasn't some lame card, some twenty dollar fluffer who I found on Craigslist, or an all expenses paid "one-way" trip to The Cayman Islands with Dustin Diamond as his escort. Nope, I just wanted to roast the guy in the confines of a members only post here on Active Rain. Yet, alas, here I sit having to try to make this PG-13. Here it goes:
I've known Shane Risher since we were about five years old. I can't recall our initial encounter, which goes to show how un-impressed I actually was. Frankly, I'm not sure if I felt bad for him or if I wanted him around to make me look good. Twenty-seven years later, the former never occurred. If I had a brain in my skull, I would have ditched him after he layered the passenger's side floor of my station wagon with his tonsils & skunked beer back in high school.
Like any bad couple, we were on and off for years. We'd hang out here and there, but it wasn't until Gym Class at Clarion High School when I knew that I had to let this guy stick around. If memory serves, we had just finished a competitive game of hockey where he was playing goalie and I was playing the part of going behind the net and jabbing him through the net to allow my team to score. Afterwards was shower time, of course. As I sat on the bench, ready to go Val Veniswith my towel, I saw the naked body of Shane Risher walk clumsily to the shower. I felt a great sense of relief and self-worth. I felt as if Mr. Ed (me) had just seen Woody Woodpecker's external flaw. At that moment, it wasn't so much that I fell in love with me... it was that I fell in love with not being his naked body.
We graduated High School together, both with different aspirations and accomplishments along the way. I'll say point blank that he learned more than me, stored away more from his educational experience than I ever allowed. If you really know Shane, you'll realize that he is a damn intelligent guy. So intelligent in fact, that as soon as he saw the opportunity... he joined the Air Force. Now, that can be a wonderful thing to do. However, Shane, being a part of helping to protect our Country from any nasty evil doers is akin to electing Sean Hannity the new face of the liberal movement. Trust me, Risher would succomb to waterboarding faster than Dr. Phil would ruin yet another marriage.
When Risher came back from the Air Force alive, I was devastated. I had a few semesters to go before I graduated College with a degree I knew I'd never use and with a grade point average that made the "Harvard After-life/Graduate Degree" one less option in my life. Instead, I spent my last few semesters working at a Beer Distributor entertaining Shane's love for music that I loathed. He'd pop in on a weekend and force upon me music that would make John Lennon roll over in Paul McCartney's Grave. I was inundated with The Dead Kennedy's, NOFX, Rancid, Underoath, and some strange band called "Sublime".
Let us not leave Risher to be a heel in this world, though. The guy has a heart of gold and piercings in his genitals (plural by design, if ya smell what I'm saying) that are capable of rusting as well.
Shane has lived a lot of his life in a town called Clarion, Pennsylvania. I lived twenty-two of my years spent of this earth the same way. When he texted me saying that he wanted to travel to Allentown, I relunctanly agreed to help him out. Anything for a friend. Risher came, Risher saw, & Risher helped make Viagra a drug of choice for a thirty-two year old man named me.
I really could go off on this guy like there's no tomorrow, yet tomorrow exists and I want him to see this whenever he searches Google for his damn name. Shane Risher, you rat bastard, Sardi loves you very much. Happy Birthday, my friend. Just don't expect me to pay for the Vaseline this time around.
What you can expect is relatively simple. I hope to make these little posts informative, entertaining, timely and have a flare that allows you the reader to be able to look at the financing side of the real estate biz. And maybe, just maybe, it gives you a little peek into my soul...
Jason
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