I Am BIG
My whole life, it's been impossible for me to hide.  I've got a big voice and a big personality and, more recently, a big body.  I take up space.  There's no denying it. Personally I like being big.  Some people find it intimidating, but if they take a moment to engage with me, they find that I may be big, but I also make huge amounts of space for others. 

Space for Others
At my party this weekend, I invited people to share some of their memories of me.  (I love to see what people remember, it often reminds me of things I've forgotten.)  One of the people at the party made the comment that she remembered me listening to her as she talked about her experiences when she had lived in another state.  She felt not only seen, but understood and held in reverence.  One of the reasons this is so is because I accept her for who she is.  I don't judge her.  The fact is that I am likely the least judgmental person you'll meet.  And this is why I find it so incomprehensible when others judge me.

When Will Judging Based on Weight Be "Un PC"?
I can't wait until what is "politically correct" catches up for me.  It's not OK to judge people by their race, it's almost not OK to judge people by their gender, but it seems that it's still fair game to judge people by their weight.  You'd be amazed at the judgments that people put out about me because of my weight. 

Unhappy?  Not!
They assume I'm unhappy and that I eat to make everything alright.  That's patently not true.  I am in fact quite a happy person.  Do I eat on the rare occassions that I am unhappy?  Yep.  But I eat at other times too,

Lazy?  Not!
They assume that I'm lazy because I don't go to the gym.  Am I lazy?  Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that I get more done in a day than the average person gets done in a week.  Nope - not lazy.  Simply put - I hate to sweat and I don't like doing things that a) aren't interactive and b) don't get me anywhere.  Now if I get on my bike and ride to someplace I want to go, or I walk down to the corner store, I'm happy to get some exercise.  But sitting in a gym and staring at the walls while I pretend to walk somewhere just isn't my game.

Stupid?  Not!
They assume that I'm not so bright because clearly I don't understand the health risks associated with being "overweight" (don't get me started on that term).  If you've read my blog for any time at all, I think you'll be able to say with certainty that being "no so bright" is not one of my qualities either.  And, quite frankly, I bet that my blood pressure is lower than most of the people's reading this (110/76) and my cholesterol hasn't moved since I was 18 (about 120 pounds ago). 

Lacking Will Power?  Not!
They assume that I have no will power.  But I have fasted for two weeks.  And I have given up all sugar and red meat for a month.  I have even gone off dairy for a year.  I have lots of will power. 

Keep The Judgments to Yourself
They assume somehow that they have the right to tell me that I should lose weight.  People close to me mention it because they are "concerned for my health".  They believe that because they love me, they have the right to weigh in on the matter.  And yet even that justification doesn't always work because sometimes even strangers feel that they have the right to tell me what to do with my body. 

Even on My Birthday
I got a birthday card recently from a reader (it was my birthday yesterday).  And the message in the card was lovely.  There was a picture of cake on the left of the card and yet when I scrolled down, somehow, I felt less than appreciated.  Below the picture of the cake was a message that said "Nothing Tastes as Good as Slim Feels, Celebrate Wisely".  So it seems that because I am large, even on the day that everyone else in the world is encouraged to indulge, I am not allowed.  As though I am to do pennance for my size.

Unseen
It's very sad to feel so completely unseen in this way.  Ironically, last week I ordered a shipment of Nurtisystem and it should be arriving in a day or so.  I did it not because I am unhappy with how I look, but because I am wanting to be a little more agile as I wander through life and this having been my 40th birthday, I figured that I'd better get on it before my metabolism slows down more.  I almost didn't tell you this because I was afraid that it would unsay everything I've said.  But I trust you, dear reader, to be smarter than that.  

Judgement is An Ugly Thing
What I am saying is that judgment is an ugly thing - for any reason.  It feels bad to be judged but it is worse for the person doing the judging.  You know why?  Because while I only feel judged when someone outright does it to my face, those who judge others feel judged constantly - even when they aren't being judged by anyone else.  They are judging themselves and this is what weighs on them, more than my pounds ever could weigh on me.

So I thank you for your love and concern and I'll thank you to keep your judgments to yourself.  I am beautiful and sexy and amazing just as I am.  And I always will be - no matter what size I choose to be.

I Had It Easy
You know, I think I got off easy when I first started doing listing and buyer presentations.  You see, I worked in Connecticut and on the Connecticut forms, there was a clause that read:

"Please note that real estate commissions are not fixed or set by law and may be negotiable between you and your broker."

The Opening to the Ultimate Closing
Yeah, I loved that clause.  Because while other agents out there glossed over it and tried to get the buyers and sellers to look in the other direction when they went through those terms, I addressed them head on.  In fact, that's why I so clearly remember exactly what the wording of the clause was - I used to read it out loud each time.  The key wasn't in the reading of them, it was in the words I used that immediately followed which were:

"Abosolutely true - you're welcome to pay me more, but I don't work for less."

And I'm Worth Every Penny
It was rare that after hearing that someone would address the issue of cutting my commission.  But on tht very rare occasion, they would say something like - are you sure you won't work for less than x%?  And my response would always be, "nope - and I'm worth every penny."  And most people were happy with that.  Why?  Because I had established that value of what I had to offer up front and I was solid in my conviction as I stated my price.  In short, I believed it.  I believed that I was worth every penny to them.

Price Isn't the Issue
Price is rarely the issue - it's usually a question of value.  You see the problem isn't with whether or not you're worth what the client is paying, it's in whether or not they see the value in what you're offering.  If you offer a free pre-closing hose cleaning to someone who owns a cleaning company, they aren't going to see the value.  If you tell someone who is completely convinced that they are OK about their move and not stressed at all that you give emotional and moral support to help them emotionally weather the storm of their home sale - they won't see the value.  But if you tell the a mother of five that you'll provide a free pre-closing house cleaning - she'll kiss your feet.  And the first time buyers who are terrified that everything will go horribly wrong are just dying to hear that you're going to hold their hand.

The Moral of the Story? 
Make sure that they know what they are getting for their cash and that they value those items.  Then be clear that you also value your services.  If those two pieces come together, you'll get your price - guaranteed.

Depression is Running Rampant
I've been spending a fair amount of time out and about recently speaking with people.  And what I'm discovering is that quite a large number of people I know are experiencing depression.  Some for the first time in their lives, others are mistaking it for a health issue, still others are greeting an old friend come back to haunt them again.  It doesn't seem to be splitting down any demographic or psychographic that I can identify and it varies from a low-grade dissatisfaction with the world to a full-blown can't get out of bed or make any decisions attack. 

Here are the signs of depression according to helpguide.org

"If you identify with several of the following signs and symptoms, and they just won’t go away, you may be suffering from clinical depression. [You may be surprised - if you're a go-getter like me, you may be depressed and not even realize it.]

• you can’t sleep or you sleep too much
• you can’t concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult
• you feel hopeless and helpless
• you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try
• you have lost your appetite or you can’t stop eating
• you are much more irritable and short-tempered than usual
• you have thoughts that life is not worth living (Seek help immediately if this is the case)"

Get Aware
If you're not feeling depressed, look around you.  Perhaps someone near you is.  Do you have any friends who have uncharacteristically stopped responding to your emails and calls?  Has anyone dropped off the planet recently?  Is there someone who keeps coming to mind that you keep forgetting to call? 

Get In Touch
People suffering from deep depression are often beyond the ability to respond to your calls and emails.  They are often incapable of making headway on tasks or even getting out of the house.  Do not expect them to reach out to you for help.  You have to reach out to them.  I know you're busy.  But this is important.  Look around you.  Who haven't you heard from in a while.  Reach out to them. 

License to Meddle
Go to their home and pick them up and take them outside.  Get them moving and if they are really bad off, get them help.  Don't be afraid to call the police and tell them you are concerned for a friend's life.  Don't be afraid to make an appointment for a therapist with your friend and take them to it.  Don't be afraid to meddle.  In this one case, I'll encourage a little meddling because someone who is depressed CANNOT do these things for themselves. 

Depression Kills
People who are depressed don't take proper care of themselves.  If they are diabetic or have other health issues, this can result in some serious problems.  And those who suffer from more severe depression may actually consider doing harm to themselves or others.  If you take a moment to take stock and check in on those who have checked out, you are in a position to make a difference.  Who knows?  You may just save someone's life in the process.

December - no October
It's getting to be that time of year again.  I know, it's only October, but here in the Northeast, it feels more like Christmas and every year I find myself sitting down to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" again.  I have been spending a fair amount of time recently thinking about the rituals of life and of transformation and as my thoughts are drawn to Christmas in amongst it all, I find myself remembering the scene in "It's a Wonderful Life" where the Baileys are dedicating a new home.  Mary and George stand on the porch steps in front of a gaggle of people and present the new homeowners with three gifts:  "Bread - that this house may never know hunger, salt - that life may always have flavor, and wine - that joy and prosperity may reign forever.  Enter the Martini Home!"

The Significance of Ritual
This small ritual showed that the Baileys understood the significance of what this new home meant to the Martinis who had purchased it.  They wanted to set the tone for all that would come in the future of the house by marking it with a ritual.  We use rituals in our lives to mark a variety of significant life moments.  Birth, death, marriage, graduation, retirement, etc.  Why not have a ritual to mark the purchase or sale of a home?

Simplicity in Ritual
A ritual doesn't have to be a big affair like a wedding.  It can be as small as offering three tokens of good will on the steps of a new house.  All it takes is setting some time aside and being clear about what you are offering.  I have seen sellers pass their love for their home on to the new buyers at the closing table.  They stopped signing papers, and drew in the attention of the buyers while they told a story of something they loved about the house.  Then they said "and now the house is yours.  I hope that you love it as much as we did.  I know it will treat you well." and then they passed the keys over.  That is a ritual.

Ideas for Rituals
The purchase or sale of a home is a significant point in anyone's life.  We are in a unique position to create a container to hold that significance by creating a ritual to mark it.  Below I've listed some ideas for ways in which you and your clients can create rituals together. 

• Hold a dedication like the Baileys did - if alcohol is inappropriate, then consider honey - that life may always be sweet or something silly like a smilie face - that these walls may always be filled with laughter.  All you need to do is think of what you would wish for your clients, and then find something to represent that feeling/intention. 
  
• If someone is leaving, consider creating a scrapbook for them with photos of the house, the neighborhood and the neighbors.  Find out where they would go to spend down time and include a photo or an item associated with that place.  Make a big deal out of presenting the scrapbook - not in an ego way, but in a significant way. 
  
• Be there when the sellers are finishing up moving out.  Have them say their final good-byes to the house.  They will often be too busy with moving to remember to do this.  Taking a moment to have them slow down and say goodbye is important.  If they don't know what to say, suggest that they just thank the house for holding them while they lived there. 
  
• When the sellers go to pass the keys across the table to the new buyers, take the keys from them.  Ask them if there are any well-wishes or hopes for the future that they would like to pass to the buyers with the keys.  Get the buyers' attention so that they can receive those wishes.  Leave a space for the buyers to respond and then pass the keys to them.
• If you know that the purchase or sale represents something more to your clients like the freedom to finally start traveling, or the ability to be with grandchildren, or the start of a new life after a divorce, include those things in your ceremony.
• If people are selling one house and moving into another and their old house was a happy one, create a physical container to hold the happiness.  Have them put their happiness from their old home into the container and then carry it to the new house, open the container and put the happiness into the new home.  If they need something more tangible than just "put the happiness in the container", give them strips of paper to write their happy memories on and then put those in the container.  This is a great way to get kids involved in the moving process too.
• If the property had been foreclosed on, you might want to do something to break that pattern so that the new owners come in fresh without fear that they too might lose the house to foreclosure.  Perhaps a gratitude ceremony where they thank the house for finding a way to be affordable for them and then telling the house that they are happy there and asking it to support their staying in the property.

Going Deeper In Relationship
There are many ways to create small but significant rituals for your clients.  By acknowledging that you get the importance of what this move means to them, you deepen your relationship with them and become more than just another Realtor.

Think about it.

Here's a link to a sorority house dedication to give you some additional ideas...

And a description of a traditional Indian house blessing ceremony

And another person's description of the ceremony they did on the one-year anniversary of their home purchase

A House Blessing Book - available on Amazon

The Catholic Epiphany House Blessing Ceremony

And a few pagan ones

That should give you some good ideas...

I've spent the last few days working 12-13 hour work days trying to get everything finished for the updates on my products.  I've spent hours in front of the computer, gotten a lot done and felt completely drained at the end of it. 

Then, today, as I'm finally coming up for air, I saw it.  A friend who had taken a break from our community posted to a listserve that she was needing some love.  She missed her friends and she needed some support. 

Now I haven't had time to check this list in some time.  I've just been too busy for the last few months.  It's been critical factor things only.  But today I realized - this IS the critical factor stuff.  If I never type another blog post or write another book or update another product, that's OK.  So long as I have the air in my lungs and the strength in my hands to be able to do what I did for her. 

I picked up the phone and called.  And when the answering machine picked up, I sang to her.  There's a little song that she and I alone share.  And that's what makes it special.  That's part of our connection - something she has with no one else.  We didn't plan it that way, it just happened.  And every time we see each other, we sing this song together.  I haven't heard from her in over a year.  And yet, when the time came for me to leave my message of support, this song came bursting forth from my lips onto her answering machine because I knew in my heart it was the gift that only I could give.   "Oh the wonderful thing about Tiggers is Tigger's a wonderful thing...!"

How we start our day is how it turns out most of the time
So eat inspiration for breakfast. Whatever else you do each morning, take a daily dose of inspiration like you do your morning vitamins. Down it to wake you with your cup of joe. Do it as ritual, so long standing that you no longer even notice it's a choice like brushing your teeth or taking your shower. Make it part of your journey and, by definition, your journey will become more inspiring – you will become more inspiring. Because what we consume, consumes us. Would you rather start your day consumed by the death and drama of the morning news or lifted up by the hope and joy of a inspirational item? The choice is yours.

What do you choose to be today?
Choose wisely. Your life and everyone's around you depends on it.

In Case You Chose Inspiration, Here's a Moment for You:

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=103304453017093

I've been getting a bunch of feedback from agents recently about how they are using technology to drive business.  I thought I would share with you.

Facebook
I just got off the phone with Ludwig Pulaski at Page Taft Realty in Guilford, CT.  He tells me that he just got a listing because of Facebook.  Seems that a guy he knows casually had friended him on Facebook.  Ludwig makes it a habit that every time he lists or sells something, he posts it in his status updates on Facebook.  (For those of us old enough to remember, this is like the Just Listed/Just Sold Postcards we used to send out all the time.) 

So when it came time for this guy to sell, Ludwig was a natural choice.  The guy told Ludwig that he picked him because he seemed to always be selling stuff.  Not bad for taking what amounts to a scant few minutes each time (especially if you're using Ping.fm rather than trying to update each individual account separately) for your updates.

AutoResponders
Another agent I spoke to (who will remain nameless because I didn't get his permission to include it in my post) said that he had stopped using his autoresponders because as he put it "when I get put on someone else's autoresponder list I eventually just stop reading because I know it's not just for me".  Instead, he puts people into a newsletter setup.  I have mixed feelings on this one.  Having had a moment or two to reflect on this thought, I agree with him that if I get an autoresponder for random stuff, that ultimately I do stop reading and eventually unsubscribe.  But if I'm getting something relevant to me (like a class I signed up for or information I need), then even though I may not read each email, I keep them and eventually I start reading again.  So I'm mixed bag on this one.  I think that the best answer to this would be to have autoresponders that are specific to different people's needs and from different perspectives.  Doing one for each of the stages of life I mentioned in my book would be a good start.  Then, people are getting something that exactly meets their needs.  And if they need something more specific, then they can call you (which is what you want them doing anyway).

When They Complain It Really Means They Love Me
It took me a long time to realize that anyone who gave me negative feedback was actually expressing love towards me.  I could never have realized this in my 20's when I would give everyone my opinion (good or bad) because I thought I knew everything.  Then came my thirties as I started to relax and wait for people to ask before offering them my sage wisdom.  Now, standing on the edge of 40 (in November!) I realize that giving any sort of unpleasant feedback is something I only do for paying clients or close friends.  Why?  Because people don't always take negative feedback well.  In fact, there's often a fair amount of drama associated with it.  And, quite frankly, I can't be bothered to deal with the potential fall-out unless I really care about the person I'm talking to.

It's Easier to Walk Away
It's so much easier to walk away and let someone figure it out for themselves than it is to engage the process.  And in today's world where things are moving quickly and everyone is carrying more on their plate than they care to think about, it's really tough to get anyone to take an interest in anything outside of themselves. 

See The Gift in the Gripe
So here's the deal.  The next time someone starts to come down on you about something they didn't like, remember that they are offering you a gift.  They could have walked away and not told you what the problem was.  But they cared enough about you that they took the risk of having the drama that might ensue to tell you how to fix a problem.  And doesn't it make the negative pill a bit easier to swallow when you know that it truly does come from love?

I've been working on quite a few upgrades to our technology and systems over the summer. One of those upgrades is switching to a print-on-demand fulfillment house which will offer me the opportunity to upgrade my products more quickly, offer more niched products and the larger sets of products, as well as ensuring that we are never out of stock when you order something.

Closing The Old Fulfillment Center
As a result of this upgrade though, I'm having to close out my account with the existing fulfillment center. I need to sell out of the products that are in the old center before I make the change to the new one.

What's That Mean to You?

Deep Discounts
It means that you're going to get the opportunity to save BIG on almost all of my titles. I'm offering steeply discounted rates - some as much as 65% off the regular price to encourage you to buy them now.

Only While Supplies Last
This sale will only last as long as my stock of products lasts. I've been planning this move for months, so I've been letting inventory dwindle. For some of the products, I have less than 15 in stock, others as many as 45, but that's still not many. So I can't guarantee that everyone will get this deal.

Cool New Stuff Is Coming
As a result of this change, I'll be rolling out a bunch of new products for agents and brokers alike. Things that I've always wanted to offer but didn't want to commit hundreds of dollars in costs up front because of their highly targeted nature (you only need them when you need them) or their large size (yes, I'll soon be offering my famously successful - 70% success rate - new agent training program on CD for the first time EVER).

I'll let you guys know when the new stuff comes out.  I hope you'll be as excited about it as I am.  It's going to be so cool!!!

If you're interested in the sale, you can find out more about it here.

Have you ever cosidered using Twitter as an information feed? 
That's right, you can tweet links to the latest listings, information about the real estate industry and changes, special events, planned developments in your local area.  In 140 characters, you can educate your community.  And the best part is:  this idea integrates with any blog you may have too.  Which means, you can double your Google Juice with the same information.

Blog/Tweet Combo - The One-Two Punch of the Google Juice
So here's what I mean.  Enter your blog post, then Tweet it to the world.  You can do this manually if you have an Active Rain blog or other non-integrated service.  Or you can set it up to be automatic if you have a WordPress blog by adding the Twitter Tools plugin to your blog.  It will automatically tweet your stuff.  So now you have the Google Juice from the blog and you have the extra traffic from the Tweets.  How great is that?

Joining the Conversation
The best part is, that while you are putting out all of this great content, you're also in a position to get into conversation with people who are asking you questions about it. After all, you're the expert right?

That's your quick tip for the day!