humor: If Only Adam Wasn't So Cheap - 06/07/07 08:29 PM
Have you heard this one? Just think how well off we'd be, men, if only Adam wasn't so cheap! (What do you think ladies?) Found on a humor site on the web: From the lost chapter of Genesis: Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God … (2 comments)
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humor: How to maintain a healthy state in the workplace LOL - 06/07/07 07:14 PM
How to maintain a healthy state in the workplace- hope you enjoy theses as much as I did! Let's see how many of these you have actually done yourself!Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them … (3 comments)
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humor: Resume boos boos - 06/07/07 07:05 PM
I am sure that you will find these to be quite funny and hey even though we all make mistakes- you can't help but LOL when you read these.......enjoy the humor!
These are from actual resumes: "Personal: I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription drugs. "I am extremely loyal to … (9 comments)
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humor: The Blonde, the Russian, and the American - 06/06/07 05:35 PM
A Russian, an American and a blonde are all talking one day. The russian bragged, "We were the first in space!" The American retorted, "We were the first on the moon!" The blonde says, "So what, we are going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American look at … (1 comments)
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humor: Top Ten Rejected Real Estate Mottos - 06/06/07 03:42 PM
Real Estate Mottos Did you ever notice that Real Estate Agents always seem to have three important things?
Nice cars we may or may not be able to afford. Our pictures on our business cards. Some kind of motto that describes our business. Well, naturally I've noticed it, too -- … (0 comments)
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humor: Never try to outsmart the wise man - 06/06/07 10:55 AM
A young man at this construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone based on his strength. He especially made fun of one of the older workman. After several minutes, the older worker had enough. "Why don't you put your money where you mouth is?" he said. "I'll bet a week's … (1 comments)
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humor: You Stink - You're FIRED!! - 06/05/07 03:24 PM
A few weeks ago my husband/partner and I went on an expired listing appointment. This is what we saw when we pulled up to the house. I guess that pretty much sums up this sellers opinion of her previous agent, don't you think??We blocked out her phone number for privacy! She … (23 comments)
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humor: If you were to leave this world today, how would you like to be remembered? - 06/05/07 03:01 PM
This was a recent coaching assignment for me. GREAT QUESTIONS!! I thought it would be interesting to share my answers and hear some of your thoughts!!
Headstone: Here lies Sue, and she was known for...
Her love of animals, family & real estate.
How would you like to be remembered by your friends/family?
Sue Nelson … (6 comments)
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humor: Top 10 Lame-brained, Foot-in-mouth Compliments from a Husband to a Wife - 06/05/07 10:55 AM
10. "You look great for a woman who has had four kids." 9. "This is almost as good as mom used to make." 8. "Thanks for the new shirt. It'll be great for working on the car." 7. "That's a great new hairdo, Honey. How much did it cost?" 6. "I never knew you could … (3 comments)
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humor: Some Days You Just Want To Take Your Bat & Ball And Go Home! - 06/05/07 12:28 AM
As I was watching the news this evening, this struck me as funny and I'm not sure why. It could just be that I need a little time off, maybe a little more sleep??Now... I've had bad days (we all have)... I am just grateful that they've never been recorded on … (6 comments)
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humor: 850,000 phones meet death by toilet yearly in the UK - 06/04/07 07:39 PM
One or two of us have regrettably lost phones in a place or two (I myself lost a Treo 650 and a Cingular 8125 within the first four months of last year) but our friends across the pond literally flush an astounding 850,000 phones down the crapper each year.850,000. Down the … (4 comments)
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humor: Unusual day for a Loan Officer... - 06/04/07 11:13 AM
I came across this joke that I thought everyone would think was a cute joke...
One day while at her job as a bank loan officer, Patty Black, had a frog hop onto her desk and say, "I would like to apply for a lily-pad improvement loan." Patty looked incredulously at the … (5 comments)
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humor: A Healthy Dose of Insanity! - 06/03/07 10:33 PM
Feeling a little Crazy and Needed a Laugh
I hope you'll allow me to express a little humor for a change. I was reading some materials trying to decide on something deep and inspirational when I ran across these 9 little quirky bits of humor, just had to share in case you needed a laugh … (8 comments)
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humor: The $50 dollar bill - 06/03/07 05:11 PM
A couple return from their honeymoon and it's obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom's best man takes him aside and asks what is wrong. "Well," replied the man, "when we had finished making love on the first night, I got up to go to … (6 comments)
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humor: Escaped Convict (Rated R) - 06/02/07 11:01 PM
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he … (16 comments)
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humor: If you can use a good does of southern humor... read this - 06/01/07 09:38 PM
GEORGIA PECANS IN THE CEMETERY
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big old Pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence.
One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
"One for you, one for … (14 comments)
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humor: Hysterical You Tube Video Highlights The Emotions Of A Seller Today - 06/01/07 05:05 PM
You will need two things to fully appreciate this post.
1) Volume - 2) A Good Sense Of Humor
HEADS UP: There is "BLEEPED" out language! Nothing is actually verbalized, your imagination will fill in the blanks.
This has got to be the most accurate/hysterical depiction of the 5 different stages of the typical … (12 comments)
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humor: A Father's Last Request - 06/01/07 11:24 AM
A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short. The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned … (2 comments)
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humor: The Perfect Husband - 06/01/07 10:50 AM
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"MAN: "Yes."WOMAN: "I'm at … (11 comments)
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humor: Andrew's Comic Blog Up for the Day: Poker - 06/01/07 09:51 AM
What is society's obsession with poker? Turn on your cable and you can watch the World Series of Poker, Celebrity Poker, Guys-Who-Build-Choppers-and-Play-Poker. Yankees fans and Red Sox fans compete at the poker table for what I have no clue. There are celebrity poker tournaments galore.
And the terminology drives you nuts. Texas … (9 comments)
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humor: Andrew's Comic Blog Up For The Day: Professional Sports - 05/31/07 10:58 PM
I guess you can't really call a comic routine delivered over the Internet "stand up." So I'll call my daily schtick a blog up instead of stand up.
Football versus Baseball -- Which Sport is Tougher?
Major league baseball and steroids: I think it's more than 5% of the players and it … (0 comments)
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humor: Ice Fishing... - 05/31/07 05:39 PM
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice … (0 comments)
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humor: JOKE OF THE DAY... - 05/31/07 11:47 AM
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.He asks, "What was that for?"She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it."He says, "Jeez, honey, remember … (8 comments)
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humor: Quick Jokes for the Real Estate and Mortgage Professionals - 05/31/07 11:42 AM
This just in... (actaully I just got it via email.) The author(s) of these jokes is unknown. I apologize if you have seen these before, but I am sure you will still get a laugh out of them... ENJOY!!!
My buyer told me that he lived in the same house for 10 … (13 comments)
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humor: The Ladies Room - 05/30/07 01:57 PM
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which … (7 comments)
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humor: DRUNK IRISHMAN - 05/30/07 01:52 PM
An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air … (1 comments)
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humor: 3 Men, 3 Wishes - 05/30/07 01:50 PM
Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician. The magician was standing at the top of a slide. The magician than said, ''You may each go down the slide, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land a a huge … (5 comments)
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humor: :: Blonde Realtors have more fun :: - 05/30/07 11:30 AM
Disclosure: Some of my best friends have blonde hair, some of the smartest people I know have blonde hair and there is a chance of one making it to the Oval office in the next election. If I look at the top 20 Realtors for my area one common thread amongst … (10 comments)
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humor: If Cars Ran Like PCs... - 05/29/07 09:52 PM
If General Motors had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1) For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a week.
2) Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3) Occasionally your car would die … (5 comments)
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humor: Truth In Advertising? A Humorous Take On Listings - 05/29/07 02:30 PM
Hi All,
As I was driving in the Desert on Sunday I found the perfect home. And I decided to make it my very first listing. I have not consulted the owner's of the property about my intent, but I figured, ehh, why bother them with something minor like that. I … (25 comments)
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humor: This Month's College Graduates - 05/28/07 05:01 PM
This month we watched luminaries address the graduating college classes across the nation, giving them advice and wisdom to take with them as their careers and adult lives begin. What we may not be fully appreciative of, however, is how different a world they grew up in as opposed to … (0 comments)
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humor: Perspective of Time - 05/28/07 03:46 PM
This post is only for those whose level of maturity qualifies them to relate to it - ;o)
1967: Long hair
2007: Longing for hair
1967: KEG
2007: EKG
1976: Acid rock
2007: Acid reflux
1967: Moving to California because it's cool
2007: Moving to Arizona because it's warm
1967: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or … (6 comments)
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humor: Steven Wright Musings, Chapter 2 - 05/28/07 03:18 PM
Apparently I'm not the only one here who gets a kick out of Steven Wright's offbeat sense of humor. I had some positive feedback from the first collection of Wright quotes that I posted. Here are some more:
I had to stop driving my car for a while.. the tires got dizzy.
I … (0 comments)
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humor: Some Quick Lines to Lighten Your Day - 05/28/07 08:35 AM
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny or your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Why does a round pizza come in a … (0 comments)
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humor: Musings From Steven Wright - 05/27/07 09:53 PM
As something of an aspiring wordsmith myself, I like to read the thoughts of writers who pay attention to words that other people use without much thought. Comedian George Carlin is certainly a humorous observer of language. Norm Crosby creatively butchers English. One of my personal favorites is Steven Wright. Here … (6 comments)
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humor: BreakTime: The Art of Insults - 05/27/07 11:09 AM
Have you ever been in situations when you have someone that was quick on the trigger and shooting an insult at you and you were at a loss as what to say in return and wished you had something witty to respond, a snappy repartee. There are different approaches to the witty … (0 comments)
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humor: Jeopardy winner - New Hampshire goodies arrived - 05/26/07 05:41 PM
DISCLOSURE: From time to time, you may find absolutely meaningless posts in Active Rain (this one is not one of them, it does have a clear purpose). But if you are looking for meaningful real estate information, this may not be the article for you. The purpose of this post is … (62 comments)
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humor: Forrest Gump Goes to Heaven - 05/26/07 11:29 AM
Forrest Gump finally died and went to Heaven. He was met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself. However, the gates were closed as Forrest approached the gatekeeper.
Saint Peter said, "Forrest, it's good to see you. I must tell you that this place is filling up fast, and we have … (8 comments)
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humor: Pre-Sale Fail: The big decision - 05/26/07 08:57 AM
OK, I don't want to seem dramatic, and I only mean this figuratively, but I want to strangle a Buyer's mortgage broker....
You've been there before, I'm sure. I'm the listing agent and have several transactions lined up, and the first "car on the train" has asked for and received two small time … (11 comments)
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humor: Sales Tale - 05/26/07 07:20 AM
Young Michael Riley went to confessional one day and said, "Forgive me, father, for I have committed hanky-panky." The priest wanted to grant Michael absolution, but first asked the name of the woman involved.
"Was it Mary at the bakery?"
"No, father."
The priest persisted. "Was it Susie at the library?"
"No, not her either," … (6 comments)
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humor: Lustig, oder nicht so lustig?? - 05/25/07 01:21 PM
Hello everyone, I want to introduce myself. My name is Rebecca Brillhart. I am a mortgage broker and live in Orlando, FL. I am very happy to be a part of both active rain and this special group. German is not my first language, so I look forward to getting some … (9 comments)
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humor: Corny but cute... - 05/24/07 12:14 PM
A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are … (8 comments)
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humor: IS IT A COINCIDENCE? - 05/23/07 11:01 AM
There was a man sitting at a bar, and he looks over at the gentleman sitting next to him and says, "Hey, you look familiar.Are you from around here?" The man answers, "Yeah, I live down the street.""No kidding?" says the first man, "Well, so do I. And hey, you look … (4 comments)
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humor: What an email can do... - 05/22/07 11:02 AM
I thought this one was pretty funny. Hope you think so too... An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his … (12 comments)
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humor: A little office humor... - 05/22/07 10:58 AM
A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand."Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you … (5 comments)
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humor: First day on the job... - 05/21/07 01:24 PM
I came across this joke and thought it to be quite funny.
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches … (15 comments)
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humor: Redneck Humor - 05/21/07 12:00 AM
One of my friends emailed this to me... probably because I live in Redneck territory. Anyways, I do not know the original author, but figured I would share it with you all. Enjoy!
Social Tips For Rednecks
1. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. 2. It's considered tacky to … (6 comments)
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humor: Problem Name - 05/20/07 04:39 PM
This was just too cute that I couldn't help but share. You don't hear too many clean jokes these days, but this one is squeaky.
The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street(pronounced Peek-A-Boo) is not just an athlete....She is now a nurse currently working at theIntensive Care Unit of a large metropolitanhospital. She … (14 comments)
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humor: Black Widows And All! - 05/17/07 12:33 PM
BLACK WIDOWS AND ALL!
Ok, I'm willing to go the extra mile for
my clients. I've helped paint kitchens, taken trash to the curb, supplied
pizza for cleaning day, etc. However, I discovered (the hard way) that
there is definitely a limit to my services.
While standing in … (0 comments)
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humor: How to catch a listing! LOL! - 05/16/07 10:15 AM
MY FRIEND Marilyn, a real-estate agent, had difficulty getting a listing from a customer whose theory was that "there is no substitute for experience." After he asked her a third time how many years she had been in the business, she told him: "Sir, there is a little-known historical fact that … (9 comments)
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humor: Cute Polish Joke - 05/14/07 11:32 AM
This is a non-offensive (in my opinion) Polish joke:
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. After going through First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters 'CZ W I X N O ST A C … (11 comments)
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humor: Happy Mothers Day - 05/12/07 11:15 AM
If anyone can give me help how to embed the Youtube Video like I've seen on other blogs, I would love your help!
I saw this and got a chuckle. This was my brother and I in high school and I immediatly sent it to him. For all of you who have a … (6 comments)
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humor: How To Keep Strays Out Of Your Yard - 05/12/07 06:54 AM
Do you have a problem with stray cats using your yard as a "litter box" I've just learned of a really low cost way to handle this problem! Keep in mind it, the animals won't take the hint right away. The process is a little "slow" at taking effect. It appears to work though. You, as the homeowner will … (25 comments)
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humor: Friday Marriage Humor - 05/11/07 08:08 AM
You have two choices in life:You can stay single and be miserable or get married and wish you were dead. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man." A lady inserted an … (8 comments)
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humor: Where in the World are Flat Lydia and Flat Sara - 05/10/07 01:14 PM
I wrote a recent post about a contest to create Flat Lydia and Flat Sara (for those who don't know them, I'm referring to Lydia Heaton, wife of Matt Heaton, co-founder of ActiveRain and current CEO/President, and Sara Washburn, wife of Jonathan Washburn, co-founder).
If you missed it, read AR Gals? Rain … (8 comments)
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humor: :: When the Vendor is away..... :: - 05/09/07 11:59 AM
"You did what?!!"
Ours is an industry conducive to great stories and exposure to human behavior at it's most extreme. Nothing compares to Real Estate's ability to excite the competitive instinct and stimulate the stealth of the human thought process. The business of Real Estate sales seems also to be a … (2 comments)
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humor: What STUPID things did you do as a kid that your parents still remind you that you did? - 05/08/07 11:41 PM
OK - Fess up! We have all done STUPID things in our past, and our loving parents are always willing to remind us of these either STUPID, or embarrassing things that we did.
So, I really want to hear what you did when you were younger that was funny, embarrassing or … (25 comments)
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humor: Funny Listing Stories- - 05/08/07 09:49 AM
In this business you come across all kinds of people and sometimes the things you encounter are just too funny or crazy for words! I have a few short stories to share with you and i hope you will do the same and share your funny/crazy stories!
I once had gotten a call from my buyer … (3 comments)
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humor: A Hallmark Classic (Humor) - 05/07/07 10:33 PM
7 May 2007 - Madison, WisconsinA few years ago I was attached to a large mortgage lending corporation - a Top Ten. At one point in my tenure there corporate decided to expand their market presence and set lofty growth goals (for the benefit of stockholders). And so began a period of … (9 comments)
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humor: MEEZ: Sometimes You Just Need To Have Some Fun - 05/07/07 01:26 PM
My wife and I were directed to this last night and thought is was just too much fun.
It's a 3D virtual me... doing what I'd really love to be doing every day... blogging on a beach. I got to choose all of my features and put myself in the location of … (121 comments)
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humor: What Do People In Indiana, Kentucky, Missouri, Iowa and Wisconsin Have In Common? - 05/06/07 07:13 PM
They border on the state that has to hold the honor of having the country's absolute worst drivers! I live in St. Louis, Missouri and while we have our share of numnut driver's, I'm amazed every time I cross the Mississippi river at how bad Illinois drivers are. If nothing else, … (1 comments)
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humor: Chicago Stereotypes - 05/05/07 09:46 PM
Live on the Chicago Transit Authority Red Line, Brown Line, Blue Line? This Buds for you.
Nothing is more lame then trying to spoof a Chicago stereotype to shill a product and not doing it right.Who could forget the Old Style "Stand Up Comedian" spots during Cub games? They were almost … (0 comments)
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humor: Just Curious...Would you QUIT? - 05/04/07 10:58 PM
Just for fun, If your state had a Lottery Jackpot of $220 Million and your office was pooling money to buy a bunch of tickets would you:A) Chip in hopes for an early retirementor B) Not chip in hopes they win the jackpot and you can take all of their listings … (85 comments)
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humor: A Conductor's Woes - 05/04/07 10:44 AM
A Conductor's Woes:
The final rehearsal had not gone well, but the conductor and orchestra decided to go ahead with the concert program as planned. On concert night the first half of the program was adequate and well received. During intermission, the bass players got hold of a bottle of whiskey … (1 comments)
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humor: Flat Ben Caught On Hidden Camera - 05/04/07 08:58 AM
Caught Red Handed.
When Flat Ben arrived at our home last week, fresh from his stay with Bryant and TLW, my wife brought the package into my office and said, "Are you seriously going to take time from your busy schedule to play with a paper doll?"
I could tell she was half … (76 comments)
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humor: A Real Estate Agent Earns Her Commission Today - 05/04/07 01:31 AM
Ever have one of "those days" in real estate? The ones that you want to do over. To use a Mulligan. To crawl back in bed and pretend it didn't happen? Today was one of those days for me.My day started bright and early. I was on the road by 745am. I … (28 comments)
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humor: 13 Things PMS Stands For - 05/03/07 12:43 AM
A friend sent this to me today and I just had to share it with you! 13 Things PMS Stands For1. Pass My Shotgun 2. Psychotic Mood Shift 3. Perpetual Munching Spree 4. Puffy Mid-Section 5. People Make me Sick 6. Provide Me with Sweets 7. Pardon My Sobbing 8. Pimples May … (6 comments)
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humor: How To Be A SLIMY Real Estate Agent - 05/02/07 03:31 AM
As many of you already know, I have an "'issue'" with the reputation of real estate agents. (If you don't know - just click on my "real estate rants" tag - there on the right ...).
Thanks (again) to one of my favorite bloggers - Athol Kay - I spent about … (75 comments)
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humor: Kris Gomez is NOT the Devil! (Why to not put your picture on yard signs) - 05/01/07 03:38 PM
I went to a Broker's open house at the listing of a very successful agent in our area, Kris Gomez. She includes her picture on her yard signs. Here is an example of why I think this is not a very good idea:
While the intention is good -- name and face recognition-- it can apparently backfire.
While … (14 comments)
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humor: Murphy's Lesser Known Dictums - 04/29/07 12:51 PM
I received this in an email today. I don't know who wrote it but because quite a few of them are actually pretty good and made me think, I thought I would share. The second one I saw on a Tshirt in Cabo about 10 years ago. The things one made … (11 comments)
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humor: Humor: Are a Realtor or a "Real-a-tor"? - 04/27/07 08:03 PM
I was reading Sandra Mannaravalappil's blog and saw her profile picture, which is the FUNNIEST real estate license plate EVER!:
I'd give this photo 5stars if I could.
Do you pronounce Realtor as it is spelled or do you call yourself a "Real-a-tor"? One of my very good friends insists on calling … (39 comments)
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humor: A Real Estate Problem. - 04/27/07 03:16 PM
I was going thru some old papers that had accumulated in the bottom of a filing cabinet, when I came across this. It was in a packet from some escrow and title training continuing education I took about 6 years ago. With more experience under my belt, I got even more of a … (0 comments)
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humor: BYE ME = BITE ME. - 04/27/07 02:26 PM
I ADORE HGTV. And I'd be very surprised if any of the 27,346 members (1,465 which are currently online) who have cable react differently. I consider a lot of the shows to be (pardon the pun) homework, and I get a lot of great ideas and tips from these shows. That … (6 comments)
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humor: The Toddler Laws of Property - 04/26/07 10:34 PM
Over the past year I have learned a lot from my two year old and here is her Toddler Laws of Property
The Toddler Laws of Property
1. If I like it, its mine2. If its in my hand, its mine3. If I had it a little while ago, its mine4. If it looks … (0 comments)
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humor: STAGING with a 'twist'...a 'subliminal' message! - 04/25/07 09:05 PM
While Staging the Family Room area of the Great Room in the house I worked on yesterday, I was looking for something to place on the coffee table in front of the couch. I had 3 oversized hardcover books in place, but needed something else - but what?I wanted to give … (20 comments)
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humor: One "Cat"tastrophe After Another... - 04/25/07 01:56 AM
Hi All,
I spent most of today photographing a home for another agent's listing in preparation for use in a virtual tour.
Since I am just learning how to use the program, and since I have not photographed too many homes, it helps them and is a good opportunity for me to practice.
Today, however … (10 comments)
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humor: Kensington Advisors Travel Policy - LOL - 04/24/07 08:28 PM
KENSINGTON ADVISORS TRAVEL POLICY
NOTICE
Due to budget constraints, the following corporate policies are announced regarding employees traveling on official business. The policies are effective immediately.
LODGING
All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives or friends while on Company business. If weather permits, public areas such as parks and parking … (2 comments)
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humor: Bunches of Real Estate Humor! - 04/24/07 08:26 PM
The Butler And The Beautiful Wife
"There was a butler named James who worked for a couple, and the wife was a very beautiful woman, much younger than her husband," related Spencer. "One evening, they told James that they would be out for dinner and wouldn't return until 11 o'clock. But … (3 comments)
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humor: Real Estate Humor- Happy 50th! LOL! - 04/24/07 08:20 PM
Happy 50th!!
Harold and Irene went out for dinner to celebrate their 50th anniversary. After a couple of glasses of wine, Harold asks "Irene, have you ever cheated during our marriage?"
"No, of course not."
"If you had, it's okay" Harold said, "I just wanted to know."
"Well..."
"Well, what?"
"Well" … (4 comments)
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humor: This eclectic collection of clutter on my desk keeps me sane? - 04/24/07 05:14 AM
I used my desk top only as a place to keep my computer monitor—there was little room of anything else. A year or so ago I purchased a flat-screen LCD monitor. I removed the humongous old monitor, exposing a vast prairie of empty desk-top—even after installing the new monitor—acres of clear … (23 comments)
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humor: The Cowboy Boots - 04/23/07 03:06 PM
(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this)
Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots?
He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't … (2 comments)
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humor: 5 things I love about your outgoing voicemail message - 04/23/07 02:10 PM
I have heard lots of outgoing messages on voicemail and some of them make me think that the agent did not read or listen to the directions! Have you called someone and the name announcement turns out to be the whole message? You have to listen to this long drawn out message that … (10 comments)
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humor: 10 Ways NOT to Buy a Home - 04/23/07 01:01 AM
10. Have no idea what your budget is. By all means, don't talk to a lender before you start shopping. Asking a lender to give you a clear picture of your finances and what you could comfortably afford is only for sissies.
9. Lowball every offer. Who cares what the home is … (5 comments)
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humor: LETTERS TO THE LANDLORD - 04/22/07 09:42 PM
Letters to the landlord The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared. I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfires and burnt my knob off. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door. … (17 comments)
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humor: 25 things you learn when you have a son - 04/21/07 08:36 PM
Our son is only a few weeks old, but it seems that we have a lot to look forward to. Enjoy!
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over … (19 comments)
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humor: Friday Fun on Saturday - 04/21/07 06:45 AM
This is my Friday fun post on St. Paul Real Estate. When it comes to using humor on a business blog there are maybe five or six things a REALTOR can write about without offending someone. When I can't find a topic that won't get me in trouble I make fun … (21 comments)
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humor: They said it-In Court - 04/20/07 11:26 AM
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and arethings people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and nowpublished by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm whilethese exchanges were actually taking place.ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: What … (12 comments)
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humor: How to get into Heaven? - 04/18/07 01:04 PM
A teacher asked her children in her Sunday School class, "If I sold all my furs and jewels on E-Bay, and gave all the money to the church, would I get into heaven?"
The children all yelled, "No!"
She then asked, "What if I cleaned the whole church, mowed the lawn, and got … (2 comments)
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humor: When 24hrs is not enough!! - 04/17/07 03:18 PM
Each day starts out pretty much the same. Get kids ready for school. Drop off each at their respective school by 8:10. Back home to check email and make sure I am in order and off to the office or down to my home office by 9am. I touch base with … (1 comments)
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humor: Computer Help - 04/17/07 01:35 PM
Ths joke reminds me of some of the stupid things I have called a helpdesk about:
A new employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there's something wrong with her password. No, it's not the usual caps-lock problem. "The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars," … (1 comments)
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humor: Toilet Monsters - 04/17/07 01:43 AM
So... do you remember way back when you were so little the sofa looked HUGE and the toilet was a piece of machinery that boggled the imagination and maybe terrified you?
No? Well, trust me, you were like that. Just watch a toddler and get a renewed perspective. But that aside, I have … (3 comments)
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humor: The Smart Husband - 04/16/07 08:34 PM
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something … (0 comments)
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humor: A Monday morning laugh.... - 04/16/07 09:52 AM
Everyone needs a good laugh to start the week off right...so I thought I'd put a few things here that made me laugh...Enjoy...
Have a great week everyone!
… (2 comments)
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humor: Microsoft vs. GM-Top Ten - 04/15/07 07:51 AM
At a computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal." General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement, "Yes, … (1 comments)
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humor: Old Joke-IQ's - 04/15/07 07:33 AM
There was a certain bartender who was quite famous for being able to accurately guess people's IQs. One night a man walked in and talked to him briefly and the bartender said, "Wow! You must have an IQ of about 140! You should meet this guy over here." So they talked … (1 comments)
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humor: Fickle Fantasy Forever Forgotten - 04/12/07 05:21 PM
This morning, I woke up about 7am to the smell of fresh brewed coffee and the sizzle of thick slab bacon slowly cooking as TLW prepared me a gourmet breakfast to enjoy as I recline in my Tempurpedic Craftmatic Adjustable Vibrating Bed. As usual I log on to ActiveRain while simultaneously … (73 comments)
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humor: Google Maps want us to swim across the Atlantic Ocean!! - 04/12/07 09:51 AM
My wife just called me and said, "Are you in front of your computer?"
I said I was.
She said, "Go to Google Maps and click on Get Directions. In the first field type in New York, NY and in the second field type in Paris France and then click the Get Directions button. … (8 comments)
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humor: Should a Cyber Cafe have a Help Desk? - 04/09/07 07:14 PM
What good is a cyber café when you can't connect to their network? I have connected networks in all shapes and sizes all over the world- but this new little cyber café near my house is giving me a headache. It's the forth time I've come here and I can't connect … (3 comments)
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humor: Conversations in Front of our New Cyber Estate Office - 04/09/07 05:21 AM
On this fine, but still cool +25ºF Saint Paul morning, we have chosen to gather in front our brand new Cyber Estate Sales office—just down the (heavily reconstructed) block from our Cyber Café Conversations establishment, where the climate is a computer-controlled 72ºF & sunny. Med & I had just grabbed … (19 comments)
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humor: Real Estate Chuckle For Easter - 04/08/07 10:54 AM
… (5 comments)
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