An obituary printed in the London Times:
Today we mourn the
passing of a beloved old friend, Common, Sense, who has been with us for many years.
No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm;
Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn)
and reliable strategies (adults,
not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly
when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations
were set in place: Reports of a 6-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment for kissing a
classmate; Teens suspended from school for
using mouthwash after lunch; A teacher fired
for reprimanding an unruly student, which only
worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked
teachers for doing the job that they themselves
had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required
to get parental consent to administer sunscreen
or an Aspirin to a student; but could not inform
parents when a student became pregnant and
wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches
became businesses; and criminals received better
treatment than their victims. Common Sense took
a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from
a burglar in your own home and the burglar could
sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after
a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of
coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and
was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents,
Truth and Trust; by his wife, Discretion; by his daughter,
Responsibility and by his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers: I Know My Rights
I Want It Now Someone Else Is To Blame I am a Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized
he was gone.
In breaking news, we have just learned of the sudden
passing of Common Sense's twin sister Common Courtesy
who died earlier today. We've also just learned that
"It's All about Me" has been charged with criminal negligence
in her death. Funeral arrangements have yet to be announced.