Monday Funny - 01/31/11 11:21 AM
A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stop.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a Kiss?"
So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.
After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best … (2 comments)

Friday Funny - 01/28/11 11:17 AM
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Thursday Funny - 01/27/11 11:17 AM
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte Cassino went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the mansaid, 'Father ... during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide herfrom the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.'The priest replied, 'That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that.' 'There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me withsexual favors. This happened several times a … (3 comments)

Wednesday Funny - 01/26/11 11:24 AM
Good Sunday Morning Material
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" "Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?""That's easy, Daddy...." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'" =======There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country."Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk."Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.=======Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up … (6 comments)

Tuesday Funny - 01/25/11 11:30 AM
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago. Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet and shortly after, a story in an LA newspaper read: "California archaeologists' discovery of 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers." One week later. … (1 comments)

Monday Funny - 01/24/11 11:30 AM
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Friday Funny - 01/21/11 11:18 AM
A Polite Way
A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?" The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00. … (4 comments)

Thursday Funny - 01/20/11 11:27 AM
Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss.Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they would leave right behind her.After all, she never called or came back to work so how would she know they went home early?The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.The blonde was happy to … (1 comments)

Wednesday Funny - 01/19/11 11:20 AM
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Tuesday Funny - 01/18/11 11:32 AM
Lesson 3:A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
 
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
 
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
 
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
 
Puff! She's gone.
 
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas … (8 comments)

Monday Funny - 01/17/11 11:48 AM
Management Course
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
 
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
 
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor
 
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
 
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves..
 
The woman wraps back up in the towel … (5 comments)

Friday Funny - 01/14/11 11:29 AM
The family LeDunn emigrated from the UK to the USA.Except their son Neil who wanted to stay, somewhere in London WC-II.After 30 years the mother felled her end was coming and said to her son John. In all those years we never heard anything from Neil. He even never wrote a letter.John, can you go to London, find Neil and ask him why we never heard anything from him. The least thing what he could have done was writing a letter.John went to London, landed on Heathrow and asked a guy of the air ground service the way to WC.The guy … (2 comments)

Thursday Funny - 01/13/11 11:15 AM
Advise
 The wife and I were at home  watching TV. I had the remote and was switching back and forth between a  fishing channel and the porn  channel. She became more and more annoyed  and finally said "For God's sake Moe! Leave it on  the porn channel! You already know how to fish!"
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Wednesday Funny - 01/12/11 11:23 AM
Having reached the age of 65, I went to apply for Social Security last week. After waiting in line for a very long time, I finally got to the counter.The woman there asked me fo r my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized, to my great dismay, that I had left my wallet on the nightstand in my bedroom. I told the lady that I was very sorry, but I seemed to have left my wallet at home. "I'll have to go get it and come back later," I said. At that point, she … (5 comments)

Tuesday Funny - 01/11/11 11:18 AM
The new inmate at the mental hospital announced in a loud voice that he was the famous British naval hero, Lord Nelson. This was particularly interesting, because the institution already had a 'Lord Nelson.' The head psychiatrist, after due consideration, decided to put the two men in the same room, feeling that the similarity of their delusions might prompt an adjustment in each that would help in curing them. It was a calculated risk, of course, for the two men might react violently to one another, but they were introduced and then left alone and no disturbance was heard from the … (5 comments)

Monday Funny - 01/10/11 11:21 AM
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Friday Funny - 01/07/11 11:20 AM
A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue ...Doctor: "What happened?"Woman: "Doctor,  I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comeshome drunk he beats me to a pulp."Doctor: "I have a real good remedy for that. When your husband comeshome drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing itaround in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing andswishing until he goes to bed in his drunken stupor."Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.Woman:  "Doctor,  that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husbandcame home drunk,  I … (9 comments)

Thursday Funny - 01/06/11 11:17 AM
The RIGHT (R) and WRONG (W) things to say to a man after sex: R: You're the one W: Next. R: You really know how to satisfy a woman. W: What the hell was that? Do you have to catch a plane? R: You're the best I've ever had. W: You're almost as good as my cousin Earl. R: What color are your eyes? W: Is my discharge still brown? R: You make me forget my problems. W: You make me forget I'm just 15. R: I think we should go away for the weekend. W: I think we should go … (2 comments)

Wednesday Funny - 01/05/11 11:12 AM
THE HISTORY OF PROFILING The day it all started was March 6, 1836.  On that fateful day, DavyCrockett woke up and rose from his bunk on the main floor of the Alamo.  
 
He then walked up to the observation post along the west wall of the fort.  William B. Travis and Jim Bowie were already there, looking out over the top of the wall.  
 
These three great men gazed at the hordes of Mexicans movingtoward them.  
 
With a puzzled look on his face, Crockett turned to Bowie andsaid: "Jim, are we having some landscaping done today?"
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Tuesday Funny - 01/04/11 11:32 AM

A Texas DPS Trooper was patrolling late at night off the main highway.He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He also immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.Puzzled by this surprising situation, he walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's side window. The young man lowers his window and mutters, "Uh, yes, Officer"? The trooper asks: 'What are you doing'? The young man … (4 comments)

Monday Funny - 01/03/11 11:35 AM
A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. 
The bartender  approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we … (6 comments)