Monday's Chuckles - 10/31/11 10:03 AM
A couple was invited to a swanky costume party.
Unfortunately, the wife came
down with a terrible headache and told her
 husband to go to the party alone.
He being a devoted husband protested,
but she argued and said she was going
to take some aspirin and go to bed,
and there was no need for his good time
being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
 The wife, after sleeping soundly for
about an hour, awakened without pain and,
 as it was still early enough, decided
to go to the party. … (2 comments)

Friday's Chuckle - 10/28/11 08:19 PM
At a wine merchant's, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new oneto employ.A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.The Managing Director of the factory wondered how to send him away.They gave him a glass to drink.He tried it and said,"It's a Muscat , three years old, grown on a north slope,matured in steel containers, not best quality but acceptable. "That's correct", said the boss. Another glass...."It's a Cabernet Sauvignon, eight years old, a south-western slope,oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees, requires three more years for finest results.." "Correct again." Said … (7 comments)

Thursday's Chuckles - 10/27/11 10:10 AM
 
 
… (7 comments)

Wednesday's Chuckles - 10/26/11 09:55 AM
 
The Life Cycle I think the life cycle is all backwardsYou should start out dead and get it out of the way.Then, you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension, then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School.You go to primary school, you become a kid , you play, you have no responsibilities, you … (2 comments)

Tuesday's Chuckle - 10/25/11 10:12 AM
An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. It is a horrible lie and one that a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family."No one moved.The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven, and in your heart, you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your … (6 comments)

Monday's Chuckle - 10/24/11 10:00 AM
A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"
… (2 comments)

Friday's Tickle - 10/21/11 10:06 AM
Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the Doctor has toldhim that he has only 24 hours to live.
Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex.
She agrees, so they make love.
About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says,
'Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live.
Could we please do it one more time?'
Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that henow has only 8 hours left.
He touches … (7 comments)

Thursday's Chuckle - 10/20/11 10:08 AM
On their wedding night, the young brideApproached her new husband and asked
For $20.00 for their first lovemakingEncounter. In his highly aroused state,Her husband readily agreed.This scenario was repeated each time they madeLove, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was aCute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals thatShe needed.Arriving home around noon one day, she wasSurprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.During the next few minutes, he explained thatHis employer was going through a process of corporateDownsizing, and he had been let go.It was unlikely that, at the age of … (7 comments)

Wednesday's Chuckle - 10/19/11 09:23 AM
Dumb Alabama Laws:It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. Dominoes may not be played on Sunday. Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com! You may not drive barefooted. It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men.Masks may not be worn in public.Putting salt on a railraod track may be punishable by death. Boogers may not be flicked into the wind. … (5 comments)

Tuesday Funnies - 10/18/11 09:37 AM
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for … (6 comments)

Monday's Funnies - 10/17/11 10:24 AM
Q: What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?A: A large pizza can feed a family of four...Q: What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher?A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work - the philosopher can do without the trash bin... Q: What do you get if you add two apples and three apples?A: A high school math problem!Q: What does the zero say to the the eight?A: Nice belt!Q: How does one insult a mathematician?A: You say: "Your brain is smaller than any >0!"Q: What does … (4 comments)

Fridat's Funnies - 10/14/11 09:31 AM
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he indignantly answered, going out the door to the office. At 10 am, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 pm, a foil wrapped, two-pound box of her favourite chocolates arrived.Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.'The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had … (1 comments)

Thursday's Funnies - 10/13/11 10:02 AM
A Preacher was explaining that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.There is a hush within the congregation.... no one wants him to leave.Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the City stands up and proclaims, ...."If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!" The congregation sighs in relief, and applauds.Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, ...."If the Preacher will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation … (9 comments)

Wednesday's Funnies - 10/12/11 10:14 AM
The local parish had a fairly new priest. He had wonderful, innovative ideas that were, for the most part accepted by the congregation.His mentor - a "higher ranking" priest came for a visit - to see how he was doing. After looking the parish over, the senior priest said, "Father John, your idea of a drive through confessional is wonderful. That makes it so convenient for your church members. And, Father John, it was a really good idea to have the confessional open 24 hours a day, for those who work "shift" work. However, Father John... that flashing neon sign that … (4 comments)

Tuesday's Funnies - 10/11/11 10:29 AM
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh! Killing any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males , 2 Females," he replied. "How can you tell them apart?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone
… (3 comments)

Monday Funnies - 10/10/11 09:54 AM
On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."
… (3 comments)

Friday's Funnt - 10/07/11 01:19 PM
A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he took off hisclothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an erection.
The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, 'did you call forme?'
The man replied, 'No, what do you mean?'
She said, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if youget an erection, it implies you called for me.' Smiling, she led him to theside of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel, eagerly pulled … (2 comments)

Thursady's Funny - 10/06/11 09:56 AM
 
Meaning of... 'potentially' and 'realistically' A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad … (3 comments)

tuesday's funny - 10/04/11 09:48 AM
A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face." The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She … (5 comments)

Monday's Funnys - 10/03/11 09:50 AM
The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset aboutthis and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?" Maria: “Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze." "The first is that I iron better than you." Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?" Maria: "Jor huzban he say so." Wife: "Oh yeah?" Maria: "The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you." Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?" Maria: "Jor hozband did Wife increasingly … (3 comments)