To Love, Honor and Cherish
From This Day Forward...
Within your hearts is a priceless love,
A treasure shared only by you;
May its sparkling worth glitter and grow
From the moment you both say, "I do."

A shining example of wealth untold,
How perfect true love can be!
May its riches radiate within your hearts
From this day forward, eternally.

Wishing you a Lifetime of precious Love
And the golden Fortune of heartfelt Happiness..

 

Cards You Will Never See In Hallmark

1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."

2. "How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?"

3. "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."

4. "I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell til I met you."

5. "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What was I thinking?"

6. "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."

7. "If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."

8. "As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."

9. "Thanks for being a part of my life!!!I never knew what evil was before this!"

10. "Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would like to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."

11. "Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."

12. "Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with boobs that are bigger than mine."

13. "Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...Almost Lifelike!

14. "When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

15."I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."

16. "We have been friends for a very long time, what say we call it quits."

17. "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."

18. "Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?"

19. "You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

20. "Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday ---so we're having you put to sleep."

21. "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in Arkansas)

The Top 10 Signs Your Broker Was Affected by the Stock Market Crash

1. "He can't come to the phone right now..he's on the ledge."

2. "He won't be in today...he was made an offer and he refused."

3. "He left the building and not via the elevator..if you catch my drift."

4. "I'm sorry, sir..she's not in...she's out digging up your can as we speak."

5. There's a sign on her desk that says "Next Broker Please."

6. "He's on another line with his Mommy..would you care to hold?"

7. "No sir, that wasn't him streaking through the Stock Exchange"

8. "He's meeting with the SEC as we speak."

9. "I'm sorry, ma'am but that was him being led from the Stock Exchange naked except for the sale tickets stuck to his body via maple syrup."

10. "Yes sir, that is him in the White Bronco leading the cops down the freeway."

A simple act of kindness can change a person's whole day.
What was once dark, dismal, and gray, you can make gay.
It doesn't take much effort to impart something magnificent.
I must tell you that a kind word has much force, far from insignificant.

A simple act of kindness can be the difference between roads traveled,
for instance, to a troubled person needing a lift out of sinking gravel.
If you could save a life or a soul by giving a heartfelt greeting, I know you would.
Or, stop to say: "Are you okay?" to a soul that was needing.

A simple act of kindness can put color back into a grimacing face;
Move someone from self-destruction and self-hate,
So they can find redemption in God's loving grace.
It need not be your life's work, but it can give worth to someone else's life:
Turn away from strife to a place where hope is rife.

A simple act of kindness can bridge the chasm between enemies;
Put aside pride and ambition so children can grow with fonder memories.
Our differences are so minute when likenesses are tallied,
That comforting a sick child is salient, no matter creed or malady.

A simple act of kindness can bring distance short;
When families are vexed and mouths speak of tort.
The irony of our Human frailties can be abated with kindness,
to put an end to senseless acts of depravity, and to visceral violence.

Remember and add to this: A simple Act of Kindness can...

I am like a flower
Not sure of when I will die.
Not sure of when I will grow back again
When I am crushed with pain and cry.

I am not sure if I can hold myself up
When I ache with unbearable pain.
What do I do when my petals fall off?
Do I go find them out in the rain?

What do I do when I'm not given enough water, to make it through the day?
What do I do when I look up in the sky?
And the sun doesn't show a ray?

I stand as tall as a flower would,
As long as I possible can.
I will stand and show my colors,
That is what I plan.

I may drupe and my petals may fall,
But that won't stop me from growing.
My love, honesty and beauty,
I will keep showing.

I am like a flower,
Strong and supreme.
I may be trampled on,

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.
The first one says: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow."

The second one says: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet."

The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says: "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a real estate agent. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45!"

A young broker had just started his own real estate office. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the broker picked up the phone and
started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

Doesn't It Annoy You When...

1. ...there's a car alarm nearby that goes on for hours and the owner is nowhere to be found?

2. ...you buy an answering machine so you won't miss any calls, and then everyone hangs up when they hear the machine answer?

3. ...there's a cop car in sight and everyone thinks they have to drive 10-15 mph slower than the speed limit?

4. ...you're reading a magazine and all those annoying little subscription cards keep falling out?

5. ...you tell someone that a door is locked and they try to open it anyway, like it'll magically open for them and not you.

6. ...someone says, "well, to make a long story short" and then they go on telling it for another 15 minutes.

7. ...a friend or family member says "Yuck! This is awful!!" and then tells you to try some.

8. ...you have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just looking around.

9. ...you rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.

10. ...a waiter or waitress is not around at any time other than right after you put food in your mouth.

11. ...your tire gauge lets half the air in your tire when all you want is a pressure reading.

12. ...there's a dog in your neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.

13. ...the power goes out, and you discover every flashlight you have has dead batteries.

14. ...someone gets in the express lane at the supermarket and writes a check or uses a credit card.

15. ...the elevator stops at every floor and nobody gets on.

16. ...you almost ALWAYS back up your computer files but the week you don't, your hard drive crashes and you lose everything.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: " You'll need it to replace three people who just left. "PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:" You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos. "REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:" You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect. "GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:" Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do. "I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:"I've used Microsoft Office. "I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:" I pilfer office supplies. "MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:" I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had. "I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:" I blame others for my mistakes. "I'M PERSONABLE:" I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers. "I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:" I carry a Day-Timer. "I AM ADAPTABLE:" I've changed jobs a lot. "I AM ON THE GO:" I'm never at my desk. "I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:" The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there. "I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON:" Like, I'm gonna hold my breath waiting for your form letter thanking me "for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career".