They say laughter is the best medicine, get ready to laugh!
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>               All hair removal methods have tricked women with their
promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and
now...the wax. Read on.........
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>               My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix
dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in
my mind for the next few hours:
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>               'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine
cabinet.' So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
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>               It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a
clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm
and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you
pull the hair right off.
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>               No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a
genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
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>               So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing
each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in
so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.
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>               ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip across
my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!
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>               OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too
bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of
all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
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>               With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the
kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting
championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same
procedure, I apply the wax  trip across the right side of my bikini line,
covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my
butt cheek (it *was* a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace
myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
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>               I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY!!!!!!!!!
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>               Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to
pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is
spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay
conscious.
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>               Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to
normal.
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>               I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that
has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel
in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip. There's
no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
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>               Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the
toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I
touch. I am touching wax.
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>               I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body,
which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG
mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do
something. So I put my foot down.
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>               Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
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>               I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what
to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My
head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?
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>               Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest
water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the
wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!*
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>               I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that
used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit..
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>               Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions
glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of
the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
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>               So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I
had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a
few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
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>               I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and
has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation
starter 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the
tub!'
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>               There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret
tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to
know exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or hole or
hoo-ha?'
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>               She's laughing out loud by now..I can hear her. I give
her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
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>               YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's
night.
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>               While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to
scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie
goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and
then dry-shaving
>               the sticky wax off!!
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>               By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major
hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress
counseling for this event.
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>               My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my
saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I
really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY!!!!!!!
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>               The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out
of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. 'IT
WORKS!! It works !!'
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>               I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs
up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief
and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!
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>               So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now..
Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
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>               Next week I'm going to try hair color...