Seriously guys, stop stealing my pens. I know I have a lot of them and they're all really cool because I actually spend money on quality writing utensils, but that doesn't mean you can take them. I'm not running a pen library. Even if I was, there would be due dates for the pens that you borrow and penalties for not returning my pens on time. Considering that I'm not actually running a pen library, what you're doing is theft. Plain and simple. If I catch anyone stealing from me in the future, I will have you arrested and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Consider this a warning.

Also, if you are currently harboring any stolen pens, you may return them until the end of the month under my newly imposed Pen Theft Amnesty Program. No questions asked.