As New Jersey prepares for the spring and summer tourist season, here are some tips for those of you who might drive here. 

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.  New Jersey has its own version of traffic rules.The two most important needs you’ll have while driving in NJ is a horn and a middle finger.  Everything else is extraneous, including knowing where you’re going. 

So for those who haven’t travelled New Jersey’s highways and byways…Here are some tips…
 
The morning rush hour is from 5 AM to NOON.  The evening rush hour is from NOON to 7 PM.  Friday’s rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

The minimum acceptable speed on the Turnpike (I-95) is 95 mph. On the Parkway it’s 85 to 95.  Anything less is considered “sissy.” (Just ask Governor Jon Corzine.)

Cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop, the trucks with the biggest tires go second.  However, in Monmouth and Ocean counties, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you could be rear ended, cussed out, and see that dreaded middle finger.

Road construction is permanent and continuous condition in all of the Garden State. Detour barrels are moved around in the middle of the night for your entertainment and to make the next day’s driving a little more exciting.

Also to make your travel more exciting all the Turnpike EZ Pass lanes are moved each night.

Watch carefully for road hazards such as barrels, cones, skunks, drunks, dogs, cats, shredded tires, drivers on cell phones, deer and other road kill, and the critters feeding on any of these items.

If you actually come across someone with a turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately and let them know their blinker was ‘accidentally activated'.

Do NOT depend on MapQuest here — none of the roads are where they say, nor do they go where they say they do.

Do NOT try to estimate travel time in New Jersey.  We operate on our own time.  My suggestion,  leave Monday afternoon if you need to be there by Tuesday, by noon Thursday if you need to be there Friday, and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.