Special offer

Confessions of the Daughter of a Packrat

By
Industry Observer

Often when people are getting ready to put a house on the market for sale and move they realize they have LOTS of stuff that they need to sort through and get rid of - and for many people this is really, really hard!

Well, my sister and I have just spent the second of two days sorting through boxes in our dad's basement to try to help him get a handle on what he might want, what someone in the family might want - and what needed to just go!  Now all of these boxes have been in his basement since my mom died in 1995 - and many of them have been stored in boxes since they moved out here from Illinois in the early 80's.  So, by my husband's logic, if they have been in the boxes that long and nobody has needed them, they really all should just be disposed of without opening.  He is obviously not the son of a packrat - but I find this type of sorting to be really agonizing.

We got about 80% of the boxes sorted into piles for me, my sister, our brother, Goodwill or such, the garbage or recycle can - and then loaded the remaining boxes into our cars to take home and finish going through.  These remaining boxes were primarily family photos, books, some things of possible value to sell on eBay - or that we just were too exhausted to deal with at the time.

The books are probably the easiest as we each found a few we wanted to read or re-read, and agreed that once we each have looked thru and picked out good ones, then the rest were headed to our respective libraries to donate.  Within the book boxes though are some cookbooks - actually lots of cookbooks, and this presented the first challenge.  Now mind you I have more cookbooks than I actually use already, but some of the ones in the box are collections of recipes from my parents' church or local groups my mom belonged to, and so many of the recipes are from women I remember as friends of my mom.  Can I part with those?  Who knew I was so sentimental? (Besides my husband that is).

 

Collectibles from the basement

Then there are boxes of old 78 record albums that were mostly ones belonging to one of our grandmothers (the very modern one who moved from the midwest to Phoenix, Arizona all by herself when she was widowed in her 50's and spent much of the rest of her life traveling the world and surprising us with postcards from all over).  I don't think any of us kids really want the records (for one thing, none of us has a turntable to play them on!), but several are autographed to my grandma - can we part with those?

Hardest of all, to nobody's surprise probably, is the family photos.  Easiest to deal with are the ones that are all of one family or another of me, my sister, and brother.  But how to divide up the ones that have members of various of our families, or other relatives - and then there are lots of photos of mom and dad on all the trips they took.  And of course, some that are likely great or great-great grandparents (or at least appear to be relatives of that era) - only trouble is they are not marked and none of the family seem to know who they might be.  Do you keep random photos of strangers? What if they might be relatives?

At the moment, our strategy is to mark any photos we want copies of from the group that might appeal to two or all three of us and then see where we are at.  It has occurred to me to just arrange some together and take a photo of the photos, too - might be a plan.

We did also find all of the old letters us kids had written to grandparents as children, letters written by mom and dad when they were kids, old Christmas cards, newspaper clippings, etc.  I'm amazed at the things mom kept, and a little sad at the thought that hand written letters and even cards are becoming such things of the past that I guess the next several generations won't have boxes like this to find in the basement. 

So, yes, I am the daughter of a packrat - and I totally understand the urge to keep these mementos of family and loved ones.  I'm working on my strategies to let go of the "things" though, realizing that my memories are strong enough to carry me along.

Posted by

                                                                           

  ***********************************************************************************                              

                        Showing Olympia - Let me show it to you!!

For Info on the Communities of Olympia, Lacey & Tumwater  WA and the real estate to be found here, just call me, text me, email me!  And I'd love for you to subscribe to my blog.

Nancy Conner, City Realty Inc,    360-701-1086     nancy@cityrealtyinc.net      

Paula Swayne
Dunnigan, Realtors, Sacramento (916) 425-9715 - Sacramento, CA
Realtor-Land Park, East Sac & Curtis Park -Dunniga

Hi Nancy!
I have that Norman Rockwell book!  Anyway, I can't imagine the day when I have to go through my folks "stuff"...and I hope I NEVER have to go through my husbands stuff!  We went through some boxes of stuff in his office and found a $500 gift card that he hadn't used!  We don't dare just toss anything around here! ;o)

Apr 09, 2009 04:23 PM
Dean Moss
Dean's Team - Keller Williams Realty Partners Chicago IL - Chicago, IL
Dean's Team Chicago IL Real Estate Team

Nancy -

It's tough to part with the sentimental things - but most of the other stuff should just go!

Easier said than done, I know!

But you'll feel so much better afterward, won't you?

DEAN & DEAN'S TEAM CHICAGO

Apr 09, 2009 04:29 PM
Daren Krause
Keller Williams Realty - Austin, TX

Whoa, I must be tired because I'm not dyslesic.  Or at least I didn't think I was and I'm wide awake...

Anywas, I thought this was the "Confessions of the Daughter of the Rat Pack" and was expecting to read tales of Sinatra, Martin, et al

Regardless, thanks for posting this.  It's a tough thing to let go of certain material objects because even the smallest of things can create a river of memories. 

That said, something I am currently very focused on doing is making sure that that the amount of stuff I bring into my house (mail, food, new stuff) is less than the amount of stuff leaving my house (trash, recyclables, Goodwill donations). 

For example, we bought a new crockpot and so out goes the old one; additionally, I made sure I filled up the box with donations to Goodwill.  It's sort of like a clutter/stuff diet.  Just like caloric intake, you'll gain weight if you eat more than burn.  You'll lose weight if you burn more calories than you consume.  Same thing goes with your stuff.

Apr 09, 2009 04:40 PM
Roland Woodworth
Blue Cord Realty - Clarksville, TN
Blue Cord Realty

It is amazing that what one will find... Looks like a great collection

Apr 09, 2009 04:44 PM
Winston Westbrook
Westbrook National Real Estate Co - Victorville, CA

Cool post Nancy. I find myself wrestling with parting ways with my junk. You always think you are going to need it one day and then ten years have passed by without using it, lol. 

Apr 09, 2009 05:37 PM
Libby Offnick
RE/MAX Executive Realty - Mooresville, NC
ABR, e-PRO, SPS

My heart goes out to you and being the daughter of the Queen of Pack Rats I know what you face.  Keep the cookbooks.....I love seeing my grandmother's notes in my Moms cookbooks.  I still call my Mom when I have questions about a receipe or substitution and she always has the answers.

Apr 10, 2009 12:52 AM
Bettina Settles
Greenwood, IN
Your Indiana Connection

What a great post,

I catch my husband hanging on to stuff all the time and when I ask him where he has stored it he can not tell me. It drives me nuts....

Bettina

 

Apr 10, 2009 01:02 AM
Geri Sonkin
Douglas Elliman Real Estate 516-457-7103 - Merrick, NY
Long Island Real Estate & Staging Expert

This is something I struggle with every day of my life.  My mother was a pack rat, saving newspapers and magazines in huge piles till she would have the time to read them.  Problem was, she never had the time.  You would think with a background like that I would be totally different.  Nope!  I inherited the gene and am going through a difficult stage now of trying to purge over twenty years of "stuff." 

The biggest problem for me is the "what if" syndrome.  If I throw this out, what if I need it.  It's a constant struggle and one that embarrasses me.  My son is horrified by it.  He's almost the opposite (except for his office).  I'm at the end of the lease of my car and was emptying the trunk yesterday, only to find newspapers dating as far back as 2006.  Maybe if someone hypnotizes me . . .

Apr 10, 2009 01:05 AM
Anonymous
Lori Salzman -- Room To Improve/ Certified Senior Move Managemen

Cleaning out after a parent passes away can be very cathartic. It can also become a huge task and overwhelming burden. When the task is more than you want to handle yourself, or if you live out of state, there are people like me who would be happy to help you. I'm a senior move manager and, although I specialize in helping seniors to move, I'm often hired by their adult children to help with clean-outs. Not only can I help with the whole sorting process -- or take care of it for you -- I can also find an appropriate vendor to sell items of value, coordinate charitable donations, junk removal, secure document shredding, and as a certified home stager, can even prepare the home for sale if that is necessary.

Want help de-cluttering or purging your own home or a parent's, call a professional organizer. It's easy to find one in your area by going to the NAPO website.

Need help with moving a parent or cleaning out their home? Call a senior move manager. Not all senior move managers do clean-outs but the vast majority of us do. We're easy to find by going to the NASMM website. Or find a local clean-out service.

Have an older client who isn't up to the challenge of moving on their own? PLEASE refer them to us. We make your professional lives so much easier. To learn more about senior move management, please check out my blog. I've also started a blog series on Downsizing Decades of Memories. Part I and Part II have already been posted. Part III will be about what to do with all of the photos. I'll also be writing another blog about the senior move management industry soon. Although after reading this blog, perhaps I should write one on tips for de-cluttering. In the meantime, you can find some great tips for free from the flylady. Her website looks like the very chaos she's trying to eliminate but she's on to something.

Nancy, I'm very sorry for your loss.

Apr 10, 2009 01:06 AM
#40
Tom Boos
Sine & Monaghan Realtors, Real Living - Grosse Pointe Farms, MI
Providing the very best of service to Sellers and

My wife is a MAJOR packrat who picked-it-up from her Mother.  It's the one thing that really annoys me about her.  Every time we've purchased a larger home, she has wasted little time filling-it-up with more "treasures".  Luckily, the economic downturn has convinced her that's it's time to UNLOAD most of this stuff.  I knew there was a "silver lining" here somewhere.

Apr 10, 2009 01:48 AM
Kathy Baker, GRI Tennessee Realtor
Realty 1 - Jamestown, TN

Hi Nancy,

Oh boy, have you hit a chord with me!

As adults, every Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday, my siblings and I would get together at Mom and Dad's. The first thing Mom would say the first evening together is: "Why don't you kids go through some of the pictures and take the ones you want." My brother, sister and I let out a collective groan, and drag ourselves yet again, to the boxes, dressers, trunks, overflowing with family history.

So, now I have boxes and boxes of photos and letters and books...But you know what? I wouldn't change a thing, because I could never replace these memories.

Kathy B

Apr 10, 2009 04:06 AM
Gary Woltal
Keller Williams Realty - Flower Mound, TX
Assoc. Broker Realtor SFR Dallas Ft. Worth

Nancy, as a packrat myself I never throw out old photos or letters. Guess I am too sentimental hanging on to time in that area.

Apr 10, 2009 04:20 AM
Alan May
Jameson Sotheby's International Realty - Evanston, IL
Home is where the hearth is.

a good method to share some of those old family photos, is to have them professionally "scanned" (most photo stores will do that these days), and have the entire collection put on a CD or DVD, and give a copy to each family member. 

they can even put it into a simple i-photo montage with music in the background, rather easily and inexpensively for you.

Apr 10, 2009 04:33 AM
Irene Kennedy Realtor® in Northwestern NJ
Weichert - Lopatcong, NJ

Nancy,

Alan suggested professional scanning. When my siblings and I were faced with the photo division issue, I scanned them myself.

Having launched a family tree project, I'd also recommend scanning those "strangers." Then it doesn't really matter if you keep the originals.

Good luck with your tough task!

Irene

Apr 10, 2009 05:47 AM
Elizabeth Cooper-Golden
Huntsville Alabama Real Estate, (@ Homes Realty Group) - Huntsville, AL
Huntsville AL MLS

Nancy, From one pack rat to another, I feel your pain.  I had to move my Grandmother about 18 years ago and I rented a Uhaul to bring items home that I couldn't part with.  I have to say the old letters I wrote her and family letters, along with pictures, were my favorite.  I have all of her old cookbooks as well.  I'll never part with many of her things.

I am now in the process of relocating my mother to be near me and we are going to have to REALLY get rid of her things.  Talk about a pack rat.  OMG.  I'm dreading it.

It's so depressing, isn't it?  It's kind of staring our mortality in the face, I feel.  I'll keep hauling my loved ones items from home to home.  I pity my kids when it's time for them to deal with me :(  I just can't part with anything sentimental.  Hang in there!

Apr 10, 2009 06:09 AM
Nancy Conner
Olympia, WA
Olympia/Thurston County WA

I sure appreciate everyone's comments, suggestions (scanning the photos into digital form - yes!!  why didn't we think of that!) & empathy with the whole pack rat dilemma.  I will attempt to individually respond to you all in the next several days - but just wanted to let you know you really put the community in this active rain community - thanks!!!

Apr 10, 2009 09:42 AM
Jessica Bigger
Bigger Communications - Reston, VA
Freelance Real Estate Business Writer

Nancy you are definitely not alone.  I'm not only a daughter of a packrat, but a grandaughter of one.  I'm not looking forward to having to go through my parents stuff when that time comes.  And I'm sure, just like you I'm going to find some wonderful momentos.  However in this moment in my life my husband makes sure that I don't turn into a packrat.  I think he makes me go through my stuff every 6 months - like spring and winter cleaning.  it's painful at times, but I'm glad he makes me do it.

Apr 10, 2009 10:23 AM
Trish Greene
VanDorm Realty - Tenino, WA
Team 242- Realtor, ABR

Hi Nancy! Joe's Mom just passed away last month...we have opted to scan all family photos and put them on disc with a copy of each disc for siblings and grandchildren, maybe that would work for you guys!

We found so many fabulous things, old Kennedy documents, chapstick in a metal container (the granchildren didn't know that it ever came that way), beautiful silver and my favorite a coleman ice chest that is at least 50 years old...love it!  There is always a silver lining huh?

Hugs to you & your peeps...Muah!!

Apr 10, 2009 11:30 AM
Trish Greene
VanDorm Realty - Tenino, WA
Team 242- Realtor, ABR

PS. I see that while I was away for the month you passed me in points...you dirty little....

Apr 10, 2009 11:31 AM
Nancy Conner
Olympia, WA
Olympia/Thurston County WA

Hi Trish - so good to hear from you girl!!  I had just been wondering if you had been out of town or what.  Please tell Joe I'm sorry and am thinking about him.  Sounds like you have been right in the midst of this same sorting and finding treasures thing - what kind of Kennedy documents did you find?  If you'll be in town this coming week, call me for coffee & catching up please!  Hugs to you too!!  Oh - are you scanning photos yourself or did you take them somewhere to be done?

Apr 12, 2009 03:41 AM