LOL FRIDAY: Stock Market Terms

 

CEO -Chief Embezzlement Officer.

 

CFO- Corporate Fraud Officer.

 

BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

 

BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

 

VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.

 

P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

 

BROKER - What my broker has made me.

 

STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.

 

STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

 

STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

 

FINANCIAL PLANNER - A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

 

MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.

 

CASH FLOW- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

 

YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

 

WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

 

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

 

PROFIT - An archaic word no longer in use.

 

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