My husband and I divorced over religious differences.  He thought he was God and I didn't.

90% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house.
The rest kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife.

Procrastinate now!

I plan on being spontaneous tomorrow.

I have a Degree in Liberal Arts; do you want fries with that?

My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

Seen on the back of a biker's vest: "If you can read this, the bitch fell off"...

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Mirela Monte, Your Myrtle Beach Real Estate Connection                     Join The Optimist Group!