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The Attorney, His $4 million, Cigarette Boat, Corvette and Juan Knight, the Parrot

By Bill Cherry, Dallas Broker-Realtor

Serving Texans for 43 Years

972 380-7347

No one in the know has ever been able to tell me how it happened, but nevertheless this young and new to the business plaintiff's lawyer actually negotiated a huge settlement for his client.  The judge sealed the tri-party agreement, so it's hard to find out for sure, but it looks like the attorney's piece was about $ 4 million, maybe more.

Before he took on that case, his total business had consisted of doing two divorces, drawing one deed, and writing two wills, for a gross revenue of $680.  And now he was looking at a $4 million check payable to him from one of the largest insurance companies in the world.

As soon as he had made the deposit at the bank, he immediately traded in the frayed blue blazer and chinos he had worn since his sophomore year at UT for one of those new and fashionable suits with the two-button coat and extra-wide lapels that were in fashion at the time.  He bought it at Graham's in Galveston's old Holiday Mall.  And he bought a $6,000 solid gold Rolex watch from Irving Clark's Isenberg's Jewelry down on The Strand.

And then he booked his first appointment with men's hairstylist, Norris of Houston, and before long, dressed up in his new suit with the wide tie and the heavily sprayed Beatle hairstyle, he looked pretty much like Ring Starr, except Ringo Starr with bow legs and a briefcase.

He had married his wife in their junior year at UT, and she had later worked at the capitol to get him through law school. The only thing they ever splurged on through that entire time was a double yellow head parrot from the Amazon.  They had seen it at an Austin pet store and couldn't resist.  They named the parrot Juan Knight.

Beth Cox at Safari Pet Center in League City tells me that one can expect those birds to live sixty years.

Nothing would satisfy the lawyer until he, his wife and Juan Knight moved into a great big expensive house in a mover and shaker Houston neighborhood.  Even though it was just the three of them, the thing had five bedrooms and six baths, and if that wasn't enough, the master bath had a fireplace in it.  And the chandelier at the entry was so large and massive that it was motorized so that it could be lowered to eye-level for cleaning and changing out bulbs.

Things coasted along, but then wouldn't you know that the lawyer would reach his mid-life crisis about ten years early?  That one event caused him to feel he had to plunk down a hundred thousand for a cigarette boat and a Corvette.  Both were red with spangly stuff in the paint.  And he wore a cap to cover the bald head.   The part that wasn't covered by the hat still looked like the Ringo Starr cut, though now the stylist at Norris of Houston was coloring it to conceal the gray.

Cigarette boats, Corvettes, big houses, fancy suits and clunky gold Rolex watches worn by middle-age men with law degrees have a way of attracting beautiful young women, the kind that look like they'd be among the high lap dance earners at gentlemen's clubs.  And sure enough, one or two were attracted to this lawyer, and before long, he was in love all over again.

So one Saturday after he left the yacht club in Kemah, he drove home in his spangly Corvette, found his wife in the backyard preparing for dinner for two on the patio, and he told her that he had found someone else, and wanted a divorce.

I guess she had seen it coming, because she told him that was fine, to go ahead and draw up the papers.  Surprised at her nonchalant reaction, but still expecting the worse, he asked her what she thought a fair property settlement would be.  He had figured he'd surely lose the cigarette boat and the Corvette and would just have to buy new ones.

But instead, she said, "We'll split everything down the middle, and you can have the cigarette boat and the 'vette if you'll also agree to take Juan Knight, continue to raise him and provide for him until he passes away."  And even though he knew parrots live for sixty years or so, the lawyer, after all, loved Juan, and said he'd be delighted to raise him in a single parent home.

As things like this sometimes go, it took almost a year before the divorce was final and it was time to divide up the community property.  The lawyer, his cigarette boat and his young girlfriend by then had moved to Dallas. 

His soon to be ex-wife had stayed in the big house with the five bedrooms, six baths, the bathroom fireplace and the motorized chandelier.  Juan Knight was living in the big house, too.

So when the divorce was final, the ex-wife shipped Juan Knight by special courier to the lawyer.  Juan got to his new home in Dallas one afternoon, and the housekeeper set up his cage and perch in the den, and gave him some fresh birdseed and water.

The attorney and his girlfriend got home about six-thirty, parked the Corvette in the circular driveway, and went in the front door.  All was quiet.  Then they walked into the den and turned on the recessed lights in the ceiling.  With that Juan Knight threw back his head, and began to sing in his  recently acquired Gloria Gaynor voice,

                             First I was afraid, I was petrified

                             Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side

                             But I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong

                             I grew strong.....

                             I'll survive, I'll survive

And for days and days Juan sang the song.  There was no polly wanting a cracker or saying hello.  He just wanted to sing his song and scream "I'll survive!  I'll survive!"

The phone rang at the ex-wife's house early one Friday morning before Thanksgiving.  "I think Juan Knight misses you.  Can he come home?" the voice said. "He'll be welcome if he brings along a cashier's check for $2,000,000," she responded.

Juan Knight moved back to Houston with his dowry, the girlfriend with the small waist  moved on and the lawyer now spends most of his spare time watching movies that he rents from Blockbuster on his DVD player and listening to Galen Jeter's big jazz band at the Village Club House on Sunday nights.  He's no longer interested in cigarette boats and Corvettes.  There's no place to keep either outside of his Village apartment.

                                                          Copyright 2006 - William S. Cherry

                                                                     All Rights Reserved