Trying to see the sunshine

I should be totally happy.  I've got a wonderful husband, two great teenagers, and a decent career.  Several properties are under contract, and I know there will be food on the table and the bills paid.  I live in my dream home, and I've got a huge, exciting landscape project that should keep me busy for a long, long time.  Fortunately, I love to garden!

I've heard that writing can be therapeutic and right now I really hope it is.  Several years ago I had a fairly serious episode of depression and it was one of the most frightening events in my life.  It doesn't feel like that, but it doesn't feel like just the blues either.

This was a good week.  I turned 42 a little over a week ago.  I'm in good health, and I'm about 42 pounds lighter than I was at the previous birthday.

We've had decent weather which after a long, dark winter, we deserved!  Southeast Alaska had record snowfall this year, over 12 feet in all.  There's still a little in the ditches and in really shady spots, but it's almost gone.  Most of the last week was beautiful; the kind of days that make you remember why you live in Juneau.  I was extremely busy all week, and managed to get some really good deals under contract.

Today was the beginning of what should be a three day weekend, but if you are reading this, you know this business means you may or may not take any time off.  I had wanted to go camping with my boys and they thought it would be fun - or at least that's what I thought they meant.

Now it's raining.  Their camping plans, for once, didn't include Mom.  Working in the yard just doesn't sound like fun so I worked on the garage.  Everyone I've talked to says I sound like I'm in the dumps and here I sit, typing away trying to figure out why.

My oldest son just showed up to get a change of clothes.  He reminded me that this is the last weekend of his "high school career".  I'm excited for him, leaving for college this fall.  He wants to be a high school English teacher and a wrestling coach.  He will do very well at both.

This boy was born 11 weeks premature and weighed 2 pounds 15 ounces at birth.  He spent a frightening 45 days in intensive care and had health problems for a few years.  When I took him home he was still under 5 pounds.  They told me he would be physically weak and academically slow.  They were wrong.

Samson lives up to his name.  This young man has a build many work hard to acheive.  He's been doing football, wrestling and track while maintaining a pretty good GPA with advanced placement classes.  He had his pick of several really good colleges, and his future is bright.  He is hardworking, honest, and dependable.  He's also one of my best friends.

Here come the tears.  Everything is blurry now.  I'm not ready to let go.