If I were "actually" Superman I could:

 

     Fly anywhere over any part of the roof I wanted and wouldn’t have to lug assorted heavy ladders all over the place.

     It wouldn’t matter whether the roof was slick steel or a fragile tile----I could hover anywhere I needed to.

     Of course this would mean that I could drive a “smart car” to my inspections instead of my current “dumb car.”

     Forget the “smart car”----I will just fly to the inspection----you know what Seattle traffic can be like!

 

     I could probably eliminate most of the tools in my tool belt----and I could stop looking like I am armed for, “Beyond Thunder Dome.”

 

     I could use my cape as a drop cloth when I go in the attic.

     I could see Carpenter ants in walls.

     I could see Termites in beams.

     I could see Anobiid Beetles for the first time in my life.

     I could see what is growing behind the wallpaper.

 

     I could actually see if the roots of that giant tree that is 6” away from the foundation is a problem or not.

 

     I could report on the condition of the “insides” of pipes and ductwork in the home----just as well as the outside of the pipes----a tremendous ability when it comes to 100 year old perimeter drains!

 

     I would no longer have to fantasize about (or covet) infra-red cameras.

     I would be able to see where insulation is missing.

     I would be able to see whether there is moisture behind the tiles and be able to see what the heck kind of substrate the tile is on.

 

     I would know that the heat register under the couch is all smashed like a pumpkin, that the floor under the washing machine has bulldozer track marks-----and the wall behind it isn’t much better.

 

     I would be able to see that the furnace heat exchanger is cracked----and so is the foundation behind the newly remodeled basement walls.

 

     I would be able to see that there is asbestos siding under the vinyl siding.

 

     I would be able to count the actual number of rats hiding in the insulation in the attic or crawl space instead of just guessing that there “might” be an infestation.

 

     Oil tank present?  No problem for Superman.

     Where is the septic tank?  No problem for Superman.

 

     My terminal quest of the “perfect” flashlight would be over----and I wouldn’t have to worry about old Darth either.

 

     I could even see things that NO ONE should ever have to see.

    

     Of course there would be certain “disadvantages” to being Superman:

     I would have to be real careful not to rip decks off of houses. 

     I would probably end up owning a lot of handrails and towel bars and mini-blinds.

     And, I would probably destroy a lot of painted shut windows.

 

     But about TIME:  we all know how FAST  I would be able to do all of these things.   

    

    

     So----how come when I answered the phone the other day the client asked if Superman was there?

 

 

Charles Buell

 

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DeCroe, is my "etherial" home inspector assistant and occasionally flies into my blog and other people's blogs to offer assistance. To find out more about her beginnings just click on Raven.