When I found ARDELL DellaLoggia's post titled Jeff Turner Speaks - Project Blogger, I was caught a bit off guard, but after reading my comment again, not surprised. As I read my comment again, I could easily understand how they could feel the way they felt. It's so easy for our written words to be heard by the reader in a way that's different from how we're hearing them in our head. How a reader reads a sentence has as much, if not more to do with their state of mind as it does with the writers state of mind.
This is why it's so important to take care with our writing. In the case of my comment to Kevin, I was actually trying to accomplish exactly the opposite of what I ultimately accomplished. I wanted to put my reaction to Kevin's post behind us and move forward. I wasn't trying to offend, but congratulate. I was trying to pay a compliment. That didn't come across. I'm quite certain that if I could have delivered these exact same words in person, it would have been received in the spirit it was intended.
But, that's not their fault.It's my fault. (I say in the video below that it's "partly" my fault, but that's not accurate.) I'ts 100% my responsibility, as a communicator, to take care with my words and clearly communicate my state of mind. I should NEVER leave that up for interpretation. It is my responsibility to make certain the reader understands my intent. It's important for us all to be reminded of this!
In the end, something very positive has come from this. Ardell and Kevin's offer to donate to A Child's Right via Mothers Fighting For Others if they win is more than generous. So I wanted to take a different approach with this post. Sometimes only a video message will do.Jackie uses video very well on her blog. I'm not sure how others feel about video on blogs and I certainly feel video can be over used easily, but I think there are good reasons and times to use videos. One good time to use a video is when you want the real you to come through loud and clear.
In this case, that's exactly what I want. (Note: I probably should have shaved my head, gone to bed earlier and thrown on something other than a t-shirt... but hey, this is the real me.)
I found your Video right on point. There IS often a HUGH difference of message when comparing the written word , to the spoken word, to the spoken word with video.
We all need to remember our audience and re-read what we write to TRY and properly disperse our message, our thoughts.
Well done! I would have to practice long and hard to do what you just did. And, you are right. We are responsible to ensure that our audience hears what we want them to hear. If we find that we aren't being heard correctly, it is up to us to find a method of communication that works. Sometimes, we have to ask for help to find the best words or delivery method.
I think about this all of the time when commenting. I use facial expressions and hands so much I have to get used to typing it. It's tough sometimes but Thanks for reminding everyone that there is a human on the other side of the screen and everyone interprets differently. I had an issue where one of my comments was taken the wrong way once and now I'm paranoid.
I just wrote a whole thing and deleted or didn't submit and wiped it all out!
Okay, good thing...now I can condense it. haha. We are all human and think, act, react and write differently (obviously) so no matter how much you try to "think" you're being appropriate while writing....and those milliions of people out there are going to take it in a million different ways. So...on a couple of occasions I have gotten on the phone to speak with the person to see how their tone of voice was. I refuse to write with "how others may perceive it" because it wouldn't be me writing....
So, you apologized and wrote and made a video too...I hope the air is clear now.
Jeff, you can never read influction in typed words. Knowing the way you blog...I never read into your comment the way it was taken. You are always very reinforcing with your comments and encouraging. Never in a negative way especially toward a person!
Jeff I have gotten in trouble a zillion times with the written word - it is VERY easy to do.
The video is nice!
I'm a chicken about videos (or a perfectionist) and will have to work up some courage before I can do what you've done. (I had a professional video done but the key thing was that there was a professional involved to edit and fix up my boo bos.)
Rob... phew. :) I assumed you were kidding. Which illustrates the whole point of the post, doesn't it.
Roger... if I'm worked up over something, I often step away, or save to draft, and come back to it. I think the biggest place we can get into trouble is with comments. i think it's easier to be too quick with how we word our responses.
Hi Jeff, I really enjoyed "meeting" you on this video. Your genuineness is amazing. I am stunned, time and time again, by your caring, commitment, and truth. So many of us blather about it, but you (and Rocky) live it. You are one hell of an individual - I think you must have an "old soul." (Blessed are the peacemakers...)
Hi Jeff- I tend to typically re-read my posts, more so than I re-read my comments, and your post reminds me that I should probably do the opposite. One can be less likely to offend in their own posts, as opposed to a comment left in another person's post. Thank you for the reminder.
Sally... truth is, Ardell and I won't ever have a problem... we're both sensitive, but we're also thick skinned. You gotta be. But this was a good reminder for me! And I thought Ardell's post was well done.
Bob... I hear you, but the point here is that you shouldn't have to know the way I blog to understand what I write. I should write in a way that even someone who has never read a word of my writing can understand my intent. That's hard, but a worthy goal.
TLW [SVW]... you mean like the blogging and drinking videos? :)
Mary... I can understand why you might be chicken. I just happen to have what my wife fondly refers to as "verbal diarrhea," so I just let if fly. :)
Mana... you're so right. We all fall prey. How we deal with the aftermath is critical.
Peggy... thank you for the kind words. Ardell was the real peacemaker here, in my opinion. She has a unique willingness to lay it all out there. It's refreshing.
Allison... I know I'm way more careful in my posts than I am in my comments. Mainly because they are usually short and direct. But that's part of the problem.
This is the hardest thing I've had to learn during this experience. Hands down. Bar none. The hardest thing.
As a side note, I recently heard that the reason cell phone use during driving is sooo dangerous is because we must work much harder to understand what is being said without the usual visual clues we depend on: facial expressions and hand gestures. The concentration it takes to make sense of auditory conversations takes away from driving.
With writing we don't even have voice inflections to guide us.
Kinda weird though, Jeff, because I completely understood your comment to Kevin, but I also understood Galen's comment that you misunderstood about Julie's blog. Proves your point.
It's a very delicate thing, and keeping lines of communication open is so key to blogging.
Wow. Your post really made me think. It is so difficult to communicate online - in blogs, in emails. I am constantly rewriting and revising things I write. It is much easier for people to be negative towards you when they are writing their response in an email or a blog and it is much easier to read a message and interpret a tone that was not necessarily there. I am not familiar with your comment or the situation which sparked this blog, but I certainly feel it relates well to things I do. Thanks for the video message. It will help keep it in my mind - help remind me to write extra nice :)
It is very difficult to interpret words, especially comments, without hearing the tone in which it is intended. I have often read some comments on my own blog and on others that have left me scratching my head, wondering - what on earth are they trying to get across? I find that to be one of the most difficult aspects of blogging.
Jeff, lately I have found myself rushing through a post or a comment here on Active Rain, trying to do "just one more thing" before I have to run off and do something else. You can ask "Borker Bryant", things don't always come across well that way!
I even notice a difference between posting for myself or posting for RES. Representing someone else makes me really look at what I'm saying. I read my posts over and over and tweak many times. Still, later I'll see something I would have changed! Eh, I'm picky. I can live with it.
I think it's wonderful that ARDELL and Kevin want to contribute to your cause if they win! Yay!!
And I hope video blogging doesn't catch on. I can't get through a post without a interruption of some sort. A video post would be nearly impossible!
Great Post Jeff! You have hit on very profound truth. What we say and what we mean are more difficult to convey in the written word. And........ultimately, it IS our responsibility to make sure it happens. Often times it can be the disposition of the person reading it.
Thanks for the visual. That's going the extra mile to be understood.
Jeff! Great blog/tube! I missed your comment, but had I seen it, know from whom it came I NEVER would have read it in a sarcastic way. You don't do sarcasism. You have always struck me of a man of strong honor and integrity, honest and helpful. Your tube show was final proof if in fact there are any Doubtfuls out there!
Thanks for sharing and thanks for leading the way in doing the right thing, always, no matter what.
kk
p.s. I love the way the Apprentices and Coaches belly up to the bar and support each other. I wish more of us on the "outside" would pay attention. How can we help?
Excellent point Jeff. I may have the opposite problem, I'm not a sensitive guy at all and tend to just throw stuff out there. When I do read a comment, that can go either way, I just automatically choose to have it go the positive direction. Folks could be slamming me and I wouldn't even notice it, in most cases. Maybe I need to work on that. Maybe not.
Jeff, I have struggled long and hard with this. I think it takes a real talent to be able to express, in this type of forum, what we really want to convey. Oftentimes, I believe, the preceeding post and comments can even affect how the words are perceived. Good post.
You are quite correct that you and I will never have a problem we can't handle. Thanks for the video! I don't want to do videos, I want the "listen to this post" button to be me reading the post, in my voice, instead of a robot voice.
I would like people to have the option to listen to the posts, while they are working on other things, and hear the meaning, that maybe they don't "hear" in the written word. More like radio than TV. You can get away with doing one in your T-shirt better than I can get away with doing one in my bra :) Also, I know that many deaf people use the internet to "read up" on stuff and read conversations, so I don't want to turn blogging into videos. I just want the option for people to hear it said by me, especially for the reasons you indicate.
What is the technology by which we can talk the post for the benefit of the blind, without turning it into a video which is not good for deaf people, and still blog in our skivvies?
It's not easy being misunderstood, but you've handled this very well and to create a video to express it shows how important conveying the proper meaning can be and how important it is to you.
You are a leader in the blogging, networking and online community world and you show a lot of class in that position.
Great points Jeff! This is my main challenge when writing, it's not easy to put down in words what's floating around in your head.......especially if you don't realize that 3 people could read and have 3 different takes on the same thing!
Dang, Jeff, I'm out all day showing houses to a couple from Indiana. Come back and read this with sooo many comments. I learned a long time ago, email can not come across the way we want it to either.
Thanks Jeff...I thought my videos were getting "lost in the blogosphere"...it's nice to get some recognition for them...I am putting out some new ones very soon!
I can't imagine that anyone would have thought you meant that statement in anything but a positive light. I've been reading your blog for several months and I don't think you have a mean bone in your body.
Fran... When someone misreads or misinterprets our comments... the first thing I should do is ask myself, "what role did I play in that miscommunication? How could I have said that differently?" That helps me focus the conversation and response on the right elements for making the communication clear. Owning the responsibility for communicating is the key to really communicating.
Ardell... :) Again... I can't wait to finally party with you. Get out of this damn comment box and into a large tumbler of Jack Daniels. My wife is almost fluent in American Sign Language. Video is actually becoming a big deal in the Deaf community. One of our closest friends, who is deaf, just switched to a new Instant Messaging platform built specifically for the Deaf community. I was hoping Jott would already be past their 30 second limits so i could test out longer posting options over at The Jottblog Experiment. But, alas, they have not yet. I've not tested any of the latest voice transcription software... hmm. Maybe I will. :) Thank you again for communicating so well!
John, you're right. A previous post with a specific tone could definitely impact someone's perception of your comments. I do think that is one of the benefits of a long blog history, however. The more your voice is heard, the more people can read who you are, even in quick comments and limited context. In this case, Kevin and I don't "know" each other well. That's part of communication though, knowing who you are talking to. I can say things to my wife that I can't possibly say to a stranger and get away with.
Sarah... oh... you're going to do a video blog one of these days! Perhaps when i see you in WV we'll do one together on using my Powerbooks built in video camera. :)
Everyone... thank you for your comments. Communicating properly is hard in the best of circumstances. If we're rushed, tired, feeling lazy or otherwise not paying attention, it can lead to misinterpretation and miscommunication or worse. It just takes a few moments to take a deep breath and ask a few questions... who am I talking to? Do they really know me? Does this sound right? How would I respond if they said it to me? The answers to those questions will help us keep the communication focused.
And I'm willing to bet, even in light of that advice, I'll rush through a comment before the night is over! :)
Sure we have the responsibility to ensure the message transmitted is the same message received. But in the blogoshpere messages are often communicated in a one way transmission, or at best the reply is delayed and the time gap between transmission and response is ripe with communication pitfalls.
Good writing is an art form, and I would label you an expert communicator. This is a good case and point why we (amatuers) always need to mind our words carefully and be in tune with the listener. Non-verbal cues speak louder than words, unfortuntatley you don't have the luxury of this in blogging or email.
Wow. Loved the message. Loved the delivery. I've struggled with comments several times lately not really knowing what "tone" was meant to accompany the words I was reading. Your recommendation of taking a deep breath and asking a few questions before responding to a comment is a great one.
Kelly... thank you. Sometimes it's good to slow down. I know I don't always do that, so this is as much me preaching to me as anyone else. That's for sure.
I am repeating what some others said here in that I would "never have misunderstood your comment" because I perceive you as writing from the heart and I do not think you would be sarcastic.
However, that is "my perception". I think we would all like to believe that everyone that reads our words "likes us, and are loyal to us and knows what type of person we are".
This is not the case. People are sensitive and if they are having a bad day or we do not put in the proper inflection, all hell can break loose.
I have had a similar experience as you, but I don't do videos. (Actually don't have the tools to do them) I wrote a blog about it at the time and I have learned to be much more specific in my comments since then
At least your apology was accepted, so I guess you can say you did a good job of apologizing! This was a good post and I don't think this information can be stressed enough out here in the blogosphere.
Karen... people are sensitive, all of us are. It's easy to forget that in a comment or a blog post. As much as we are connecting with others here, we're still very disconnected in a real way. It's so much easier to step over the line, and even if you're not, to be misunderstood.
Congratulations on a fantastic post. Most of us do not write well enough to communicate our message as well as we would face to face. It is a challenge and I know I need to work harder to be as precise and clear as possible. As you mentioned emotions and intentions are very difficult to convey in written form. I have received comments that caused me to wonder, where in the world did they come up with that interpretation? I know the answer is from me, the way I expressed myself in the blog. Wow, what a responsibility we take on when we post these blogs and when we comment on others'. But I do believe a reader's state of mind and moment does impact how they read what is written not matter how it is written. You know the saying "we hear what we want to hear", maybe we ready what we want to read. Ok, how did I come across?
This had happend to me..but I was on Kevins end. Reader commented and I commented back ..but for some reason .they thought they offended me which was not the case and they even called me on the hpone to apologize and I did not even know why they were apologizing as I did not take it wrong but they thought I did...so you are correct that it is difficult sometimes to understand words that are typed versus the real expressions from talking and listening. good way to communicate and good reference for people to understand before they leave long comments. I get calls from some of my sensitive buds asking me to go read a comment that was left for them to see how I would interpet it as they think it might be more of a wise response.
Great video. Blogging and conveying a thought vividly and in the right tone is very difficult; when done right, very rewarding. It is easy to spend an hour on a sentence when the thought is there and the words don't grasp it.
Well done! Was this points driven? I hope not, since I popped it a 5. (There is an intent of dry humor in this line.LOL)
Neal... my wife does what your buddies do. She will often call me out to the kitchen to read a comment and ask how I interpret it. Often, more than 50% of the time, I see it differently than she does. Still amazes me.
Mike... yes. 100% for the points. i have never written a single post that was not motivated by the points. :)
Happy to give a class. Do you have a web cam on your computer or would you prefer using a digital video camera, or the video on a smaller point and shoot camera?
I will need to get one, and I expect I would do them away from my computer at times. I haven't liked the "Localism" shots of local stuff, but might like it if I could go there and video it and talk about it at the same time.
So start the class from "girl who knows nothing and has no video camera" :)
Talking instead of writing isn't the answer - statistics show people retain only 20% of what they hear.
In reading blogs, as in listening to people in our business - we need to remember perspective. What they're saying related to them - it's not about us. Sometimes we're just a mirror for how they feel about themselves.
Somehow I missed this post. I have to say you are dead on. I had the same thing happen on here where i commented on post and the person who wrote it .... responded back in such a defensive manner I was taken back. I reread what I wrote and realized like you, I have to be a tad more careful how I word things because it was taken in a completely different direction than how i meant it.
It only took me one time.... won't happen again......... thanks for sharing
Jeff Turner helps people grow their business through the effective use of emerging technologies. I am the President of Zeek Interactive and Founder of RealEstateShows.com. Father of 6. Husband of 1.
Disclaimer: ActiveRain Corp. does not necessarily endorse the real estate agents, loan officers and brokers listed on this site. These real estate profiles, blogs and blog entries are provided here as a courtesy to our visitors to help them make an informed decision when buying or selling a house. ActiveRain Corp. takes no responsibility for the content in these profiles, that are written by the members of this community.
When I found 
;)
;)
;)
About time you communicated.