We are living in tough times. There are challenges many of us have never faced, and yet we have not given up. This is not a time to blithely bash our fellow professionals, but to encourage each other. Sometimes correction is necessary, but in the words of a very wise man speaking to a parent about their children:
"Praise in public, admonish in private."
I have been subjected to public admonishment in a post I wrote that became pretty controversial, so much that I deleted some comments. That was hard to do because I believe in free speech, but the person was using my forum to bash me while promoting their services, so I made a hard call.
Why didn't that person choose to email me privately? Why didn't they respect me enough to do that? My thought is because they were more interested in their own gain.
Today I read this comment by Donne Knudsen in response to Janet Guilbault's post:
"I have nothing but praise for my Realtor friends/partners because they would never, ever, go online and publicly bash me, or any LO for that matter, because of some issue that came up in the transaction they/we were working on together. We simply don't treat each other that way because we like, trust and respect each other too much to sabotage the mutually rewarding relationship that we have worked hard to build. There would be nothing to gain and everything to lose by disrespecting each other in that way.""
Donna Knudsen
Good for Donna. Let's not burn our bridges behind us.
Wikipedia definition:
Respect is esteem for, or a sense of the worth or excellence of, a person, a personal quality, ability, or a manifestation of a personal quality or ability.
Please, fellow Rainers or members of the Public, think before you comment.
Is the comment constructive?
Will the comment teach the members or the public who visit here?
Does it solve the problem?
If it is derrogatory, is it appropriate?
I'm all about venting, but venting as a comment to someone else's post may not be appropriate. Write your own vent and let others comment.
Members Only - probably the best place when you're venting.
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About the Author: Sharon Alters works with her husband, Frank. They are in the top 5% real estate agents for production in the Jacksonville Florida area, specializing in Military and Corporate Relocation in the Fleming Island, Orange Park, St. Johns, St. Augustine and Beaches areas. Their local knowledge can help Relocating Buyers find the perfect lifestyle, whether it is a Castle on the Ocean, or a Cottage in the Country.
Call/text 904-673-2308 or sharon@teamalters.com
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62 Comments on R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Common decency would dictate this by not talking derogatory about the other person. Does it still exist? not as much as it should. People are quick to criticize.
Patricia Aulson/Portsmouth NH Real Estate
This makes me glad I have been too busy to do much here lately. I would rather avoid the controversies and just do business and have fun networking. Does it have to be ugly? I don't think so.
It is sad that someone would even think to stoop that the level of bashing on your post. People need to grow up.
Janet, will make the correction - chalk it up to late night posting and some things the ABC spell check doesn't catch :) Thanks for pointing it out.
Sheldon, exactly. One of my bosses told me, "Be nice to people going up the ladder because you never know who you will meet going down."
Erica, we are in agreement. Civility. I came to Active Rain from another forum which could be caustic. I didn't find that here at first and still not nearly as much as there.
Anna, people need to realize that their words are in print. Thanks, we had a great Sunday!
Lisa, maybe I will do that. I don't hang out at Zillow much.
Russell, there is an aspect of anonymity online that is very disturbing. At least here we have photos, profiles, and we are professionals who hopefully care about our online reputation.
Gene, respect and civility. If you have those two ingredients, then disagree away! The tone will still be professional.
Gary, Active Rain has become famous in the online world because of its Google juice. And that has attracted some less than desirable people who come to comment only to elevate their status at the expense of someone else and/or to promote their own services. Still, it's a great place to be and I love it!
Darin, thanks for your perspective. I didn't put the link to the post because it's not worth giving that person any attention. It was awhile ago. Donne's comment just inspired me to write about respect and it was particularly relevant to me because of personal experience.
I guess the Wikpedia definition could seem elementary, but I wanted to highlight what respect is - some people apparently don't know. Of course, the people who need to read this post won't. The ones who did understand.
Bob & Carolin, that's another great quote. Sometimes unpleasant information can be beneficial to others, though. It's just the way it's presented that is key to whether it's professional or not.
Hi Frank and Sharon -- There are individuals on this platform whereby self-expression trumps professionalism and I think it's a shame, as two people can agree to disagree, even strongly at times, and still remain professional. I too have been in your shoes. It really doesn't bother me, as I think anyone with an objective point of view can see right through it.
Frank & Sharon - First and foremost, I'm flattered that you found my comment worthy of mentioning in your post. Thank you for your kind words; I appreciate it very much. However, I must admit that my comment was in response to yet another post by an AR Realtor that I felt was bashing an LO and all the "atta girl" comments that followed in that post.
This LO had referred his client to this particular Realtor and instead of being gracious and respectful, she became rude, unprofessional and nasty because the escrow they were working on together was a few hours late; it closed in the afternoon instead of the morning.
The point that Janet's post was making, which is where I commented, is that this LO didn't deserve the public bashing that this Realtor lashed out on him and her post definitely shouldn't have been featured and most of the commenters who cheered her on provided no valuable input to improving the relationship between Realtors and LO's.
You're right about the venting too. In retrospect, my comment was, to some extent, a vent and I probably should have just written my own post on the topic. I still may do that too because it is definitely a terribly misunderstood subject - the whole relationship between Realtors and LO's. Definitely lots of room for improvement.
Janet, at least we all now understand each other :) I'll have to try to find that original post.
Patricia, unfortunately there are many people who don't understand civility and professionalism.
Dawn, some things are better missed. Fortunately, 98% of the people here are great!
Roland, you're right. Thanks for your comment.
Chris, great point! Professionals know when to rein in their self expression.
Donne, you are very welcome. It is unfortunate that an agent would not appreciate the business referred and be gracious in the face of complications regarding the closing. Sometimes things happen that are out of the control of the LO or the agent. It's our job to smooth the way so the buyer has a very pleasant experience all the way through.
I'm not against venting, sometimes it's appropriate in the context of a particular post. I just think sometimes it belongs in Members Only posts. Thanks for stopping by!
Sharon
Sharon - I freely express my opinion or take on a topic. However, I am also mindful that many posts are written for the bloggers audience and not for me. As a result, if I don't have something positive to add (even if deemed constructive criticism), then I simply move on to a post. I must have missed your controversial post - or maybe I didn't read the comments and therefore missed the controversy.
Frank and Sharon,
If we do not show respect for ourselves and one another who will?
If a solution to an issue can not be resolved, there are proper channels that will assist and keep it professional.
Ryan, your respectful, professional approach will win you many friends here. It's just as well that you missed the post - don't want to give that guy any more exposure for his business.
Dan, there is always a choice to take the high road in any situation.
AR creates interesting issues of decorum and professional "best practices" to which there are few clear answers. That said, I agree with your post, and from what I understand, I agree with your decision to delete certain concepts. One can uphold the ideals of free speech while understanding that forums like AR are private and not subject to constitutional protections. If someone is lambasting you in order to slyly promote themselves, there is a clear case for removal and you shouldn't fret over whether to do so. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Ian, thanks for the affirmation and reminder that AR is indeed a private forum. You're welcome. It doesn't hurt to remind everyone that respect is important here also.
Frank and Sharon:
I have to admit being taken somewhat aback by some recent comments I have read. I, too have disagreed with some posts and while I made my disagreements clear, I have always tried to maintain a professional tone.
As a native New Yorker and Real Estate Appriaser, I have developed a thicker skin than most, so I usually am not offended by what I read on AR.
Thanks for reminding us that a little courtesy will go a long way.
Thank you so much for writing this post!
I was so down and I was looking for encouragement when I came across your post that was featured on Ar and rightfully so. As a lO I was the subject of admonishment for the past month on a particular deal that just wouldn't close that was way beyond my control.
I am thinking about bringing this post up with other professionals.
Thanks again!
I never understood why for some people, they feel the only way to resolve any issues is by means of "bashing". Perhaps during our years in high school it would be more tolerable and acceptable, due to cattiness and hormones, but as professional adults...? I don't get it! This is for you...R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Find out what it means to me, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Take care, TCB
Frank and Sharon! Thank you for your really heartfelt words and reminder. I was a victim of this last week. Like Lenn, I have no problem with disagreements and one who chooses to civily engage in a dialogue. However, I find it really distasteful when someone posts sarcastic and passive aggressive comments that serve no general good. I feel that one should make a point or not comment at all.
I am not a Realtor but I have worked in real estate for many years. I have taken the route that all Realtors have taken in that I have decided to work for myself and help those in the real estate industry. I do not promote myself on AR. But I do write articles that feed to my clients on other sites. I find it very ugly that someone would mock what I do simply because they don't see the word Realtor after my name.
For me, I chose to leave the comment left on my blog and not reply to it. I figured those with common sense would see this particular agent for what she is. There are many assumptions made out there about people and their trade based on stereotypes (yes, even Realtors). It is not acceptable out in the working world - don't let it become acceptable here on AR.
Great post!
What a great post, Frank and Sharon. I especially like "Praise in public, admonish in private." That speaks volumes in and of itself.
I'm so sorry you had to endure this sort of thing, Frank and Sharon. I have never been on the receiving end of one of these kinds of things (thank goodness) and have never done such a thing to anyone else (that I am aware of). I have seen some incredibly harsh comments left on other posts (like Missy talked about). In fact, I have respectfully disagreed with one of her posts not to long ago (I hope that didn't offend Missy, because I didn't mean it to). I believe there is always a way to express your opinion without attacking the other individual just because their opinion differs from yours. That's counter-productive in my eyes.
Thanks, Liz. It is particularly true when dealing with children.
Heather, me too :( but that's what happens when you put forth your opinions in writing. It's okay to disagree, but please be respectful! Thanks for stopping by.
Sharon
If I disagree with something someone has posted I usually don't comment! It goes back to the golden rule of If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything. Sometimes things are better left unsaid. If you disagree so strongly, don't acknowledge the post. We can't control what others say. We can control ourselves.
Judy