Perhaps it's an attitude borne out of 26 seasons of Buccaneers football, or perhaps it's simply the wisdom that comes with age (so sayeth Tobey, not me). Or maybe it was simply the result of a transaction that should have closed that didn't. No matter what the cause, it's become more apparent that in most real estate transactions, everyone wins when nobody loses.

Many people, both buyers and sellers, clients and agents, enter negotiations as if they're walking into the Colosseum and pandering for the approval of the emperor. There only was one winner then - one gladiator over another, perhaps a lion enjoying an afternoon gladiatorial snack. But real estate negotiations aren't the same, at least they shouldn't. Yes, you want to negotiate as ardently as possible and position yourself strongly. But to do so at the expense of the ultimate objection is not just counterproductive, it's just plain silly.

I learned this lesson just over a year ago. We had requested some repairs that weren't quite finished. Without getting into details, there were numerous actions I could have taken to preserve the status quo - schedule the final walkthrough with the home inspector as a proxy for the buyers (given some of the repairs, there wasn't a way for the buyers to verify without the receipts the buyer didn't have), give the listing agent a heads' up that something hadn't been completed.

Instead I went for the "win" - A-HA! This gate isn't attached correctly! I was representing strength, to my mind. Really, I was representing stupidity. My buyers were so agitated about two minor - MINOR - repairs (and the fact the a/c was off during a July walkthrough) and decided to walk away from the deal, earnest money be damned. Nothing could bring them back once they crossed the line.

Perhaps they would have been unhappy no matter what the outcome, but completing the transaction probably would have made them money even if they decided to sell immediately rather than their losing money by walking away from their earnest deposit.

This memory came back to me today as another agent asked whether certain things had to be done by this point in time, whether a buyer could ask for x at y time, etc. And the answers always were, yes and no. This is what the contract says, but do your sellers really want to sell?

Negotiations work best when all involved negotiate. Maybe the sellers won't quite squeeze every last nickle they can out of their property. Maybe the buyers will pay an extra sheckle. Maybe I'll end up purchasing the home warranty to keep everything together. It's all in flux. But as long as everyone keeps their eye on the eventual goal - a successful transition in ownership from one party to another, all should go smoothly.

Real estate isn't a zero sum game and the bargaining table shouldn't be approached with a zero-sum mentality.